::spiral out::

[print update]

Lux — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 01:09:58 GMT

Hello, I've decided to lower the price of my price of my prints to $20 I know it's a tough time to spend money -but- Support is GREATLY appreciated, even just posting a bulletin with my link in it. Anything helps. I've also created an etsy account where the prints can be purchased: www.LuxRose.etsy.com Thank you friends, xo Lux Rose

THE SEND A LUX TO THE MAINLAND FUND :]

Lux — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 03:49:50 GMT

I'm going to be making limited edition prints of a few of my paintings/drawings to help me get out of here! Love me? Buy a print!!! They are very reasonably priced and you'll be the owner of the first set of prints I've ever made :] All prints will be 9"x12" and signed and numbered. They're $30.00 each, and if you buy more than one they're $25.00 each. These are the pieces that will be available: "waste" "sideshow" "love eternal" "princess calliope" "helix" go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/aesthetic_suicide to see them If you are interested in buying a print, send me a message with your email address, titles of the pieces you want, and quantities. Thank you for your support! <3 Lux Rose

so

Lux — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:59:04 GMT

i know I never update here, but I've been hibernating in Hawaii now Im ready to come back with the force of the universe behind me. Looks like I'm moving to ashland in about 2 months :) meow

liberation

Lux — Sat, 31 May 2008 22:29:20 GMT

"The intellect is a sword, and it's use is to prevent identification with any particular phenomenon encountered. The most powerful minds cling to the fewest fixed principals. The only clear view is from atop the mountain of your dead selves." -Peter J. Carrol things are good right now.... really good. a fire has been re lit inside of me, the beautiful and frightening landscape of my mind is yearning to released onto canvas gifts have been placed in my hands on a daily basis opportunities and synchronicities that are sometimes hard to believe we drive through the night laughing, singing... you'll know soon enough, trust me. something amazing is about to happen, I can feel it. "He who is doing his true will is assisted by the momentum of the universe."

kitty love

Lux — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 00:55:54 GMT

so I'm going to Hawaii for a few months, I need a break. (I'll update more on that later....) I have one huge problem: my kitty lulabelle needs a temporary home. She is very sweet and silly. She needs lots of love, and gives lots of love. She's small, black and white, like a mini cow. It kills me to leave her here, but it takes 6 months to quarantine an animal for hawaii. Please someone help me out or tell me if you know anyone who would like to kitty sit, it would mean the world to me. meow. lux

wax and wane

Lux — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 20:21:47 GMT

my manic moods scare me how they go from the higest peak to far below sea level when I'm up, everything is understood, I see this is a choice but when I'm down it's hard to see what's around me and I am out of control ... It's so hard to share these things, I feel like a broken toy repeating this cycle I don't want to fail I don't want to cringe when you say you are proud of me .... sometimes I know I try so hard I am strong- I channel this into creating other times I feel I put on a very good act and if they saw the real me I'd be locked in a room with white walls ... I'm sorry

Flickr

Lux — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:59:42 GMT

..... I've made an account with Flickr to have a place to better organize my photos, and also document my art, makeup, and clothing I make :) feel free to check it out or add me to your friends if you have one: http://www.flickr.com/photos/aesthetic_suicide/ meow ciao see you all at LP <3

i have so much to say but.....

Lux — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 22:37:24 GMT

i guess for now I'll just put it out there that I really would like to find a job or something like it.... even if is temporary.... also if you want to be my guinea pig and let me practice make up on you, let me know.... I'll feed you and give you pretty photos to trade :P meow <3

Jerm,

Lux — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:45:14 GMT

Thank you for sharing your light and love with me and those around you. I remember the first time I met you, thinking what a deeply kind person you were..... just one of those people you feel like you've known for a long time. You always had huge smiles and hugs to share when I saw you, especially on the dancefloor. Sometimes I wonder why the brightest lights and the warmest souls are the ones that go from here so early. You're in my heart, beautiful boy.

morning fit

Lux — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 22:24:29 GMT

"..I woke up weak today and needing your voice, Crawled into the speakers and turned up the volume... Felt so sick today but cured by your noise, My head in the speakers is drowning out volumes Turn it up turn it up turn it up turn it up! Turn it up turn it up turn it up turn it up! Turn me on... I dress up bright tonight and needing the beat, Dance into the speakers and max up the volume.. Feel so high tonight and moved by my feet My heart in the speakers, I'm loving the volume.." -robots in diguise I'm really excited about being in the forest this weekend. I need to dance (not like I haven't enough this week).... you'll be in my heart with every beat.

an update....

Lux — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 20:50:14 GMT

A lot of you have asked about how I'm doing when it comes to quitting V.... It was extremely hard to stop, I had migrane headaches and stomach aches every day (still do a lot), but even worse were the panic attacks. I would lash out at anyone who was around, so I ended up spending a lot of time alone at home, and also with Liam, who was very supportive even when it was not fun to say the least. <3 The panic attacks have become less and less, but i still feel them creeping up on me at times. Especially the morning and night.... also in social situations when there are a lot of people around.... I relapsed once while I was in hawaii, but I payed for my actions. I found a bottle of V in my mom's cabinet, and decided not to take any. Later that night (I sware the universe was testing me) My mom hands me a bottle of hydrocodone cough syrup(I was sick). I say no at first, then later that night impulsively chug way too much. I pretty much overdosed, the next morning i awoke throwing up (and did all day long). I turned white and seriously thought I might have to go to the hospital, but I didn't want to scare my mom. Even though that was one of the worst feelings I can remember, it was a powerful learning experience. I knew once and for all I am done with that drug, it does nothing good for me. I feel so much more now! it's still a daily struggle for sure, especially living so close to where I know i can get it. I also knew Liam leaving would make it more tempting to use again, so I tried to build up my resources inside and out. talking to my mom really helps, also focusing on school and art. I just started taking dance classes (modern and belly) and I already tell that is going to help me in many ways. speaking of, Im going to belly dance tonight @ 7, and i know there were a few people that were asking.... so anyone is welcome to join ;) I feel like this is a time for me to really know myself, to explore my deepest passion, to play, to heal (myself and the earth), and instead of going back to the old pattern I have of spiraling into deep depression, I feel more well prepared than ever to take my emotions and pain and turn them into something moving and beautiful. A funny note, (well not so funny for me, haha)... I had my consultation for jaw suirgery in Santa Barbara last week, and it's all started. I have to get braces, yes BRACES asap for about a year before surgery. I just have to laugh. :) it's scary and exciting that I've met the doctor who will break my face and give me a new smile. About a year..... crazy. transform ation That has been the theme for the past few months.... I plan on continuing to create, even more....and to meditate on where I want to take my art next. To build strength in dance. To volunteer for Draw Bridge, which is an art program for homeless children in the city. To bring my art to protests and gain inspiration from other's passion. To finally go through with my surgery. To be a muse. To explore! I am pretty sure I will be at the party this weekend up north. I feel this huge itch to move, move, move! I love not being on V anymore becuase now I can feel my manic wild personality :) It feels good to run through the steets screaming.... ohh, another story for another day. ;) Much Love. Lux (ps- I love you Liam ;) <333)

...

Lux — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 00:03:23 GMT

I am a tree twisting branches buzzing with life light and shade pattered beneath delicate leaves and flowers blooming, yet I feel my roots traveling through the earth deeper, deeper swaying but grounded through my stormy song.

swimming

Lux — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 23:57:35 GMT

the clouds spiraled in the sky like smoke My back against the roof, shivering but content I'm with others, but completely alone layers of fog and distant stars we dream with our eyes open "weren't we supposed to be somewhere..." My body separates into sections I feel the wind through the spaces, but I'm not scared.

power to the peaceful

Lux — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 21:56:06 GMT

anyone who wants to come with tomorrow is more than welcome to join me.....

I shed the old skin

Lux — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 21:30:40 GMT

I've been hiding, thoughts steeping, sleeping, dreaming... In my cocoon. The chemicals leaving out on the exhale, I have toxic nightmares and awake screaming. But I am blessed to have soft hands and eyes supporting me through this journey. Friends, peaceful warriors, teachers. It's been a beautiful slumber, and when I opened my eyes and start to show my new skin, Things are wildly vivid. I am connected to this earth by white light cords, to all of you the same. I see them now. I feel the largeness of this world, at times I wonder how I can help, I feel small. But in order to heal the world around me I must heal myself. It starts here. With one hand on my chest, the other on the ground I breathe And the earth breathes with me I am a sunset, colours exploding, burning, changing... light.

I know [a selfish moment]...

Lux — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 06:13:10 GMT

How strong our bond is, How good this beautiful adventure will be for you [and for me] How I can feel you no matter what distance is put between us... I know these things, I really do. But god, I am going to miss you baby.

Liam's going away party <3

Lux — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 09:01:54 GMT

Come join us Saturday, August 18th Featuring Dj's :::Liam Shy [Tantra] :::Olowanpi [Dropout Productions] :::LeoHawk [Paranormal Sound] :::Sun Child aka Adam [Paranormal Sound] Party starts at 11pm Outdoor SF location TBA day of... "full power, no shower" :D ((((amo te baby!))))

what a release.

Lux — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 04:48:50 GMT

I cut over a foot of my hair off.... Just decided I needed a change, so I blasted some music and grabbed the scissors! It was down to my lower back and now It's chin length. :) I haven't had short hair since I was little. I can't even say how good it feels to let go of that weight........ It goes hand in hand with other important choices I'm making right now. One of the most important is quitting my [over a] year long addiction to vicodin. I've realized how passive and unpassionate it makes me, and on top of that, it makes me feel great about these destructive patterns. I feel like I've been in a semi-coma for the past year. It sucks to have lost so much time to a drug, but I'm so glad I made the decision to quit now. I know it will be very, very hard. I stopped taking it 3 days ago, but before that it was more or less every day. I want to remember what it feels like to FEEL everything. Pleasure, Pain, Joy, Ache, Manic highs and lows. I've never been one to lack passion and I'm sick of depressing my spirit with this drug. I feel the need to state this now, to put my intention out there so when times get harder I will look back and remember why I quit. Monday I had a moment that almost brought me to tears.... Driving through the Santa Cruz forest at dusk with Liam, we blasted Tool [my favorite band that has helped me through many hard times]..... winding down those roads, singing along to the music.... feeling so light and FREE. Remembering what it was like to be inspired by real things-- music, love, friends, beauty, connection to the earth..... To quote Tool... "so good to see you... I missed you so much, I'm so glad it's over.... I missed you so much...." Here's to recreating, nurturing, and healing myself so I can help to heal others around me and do what I LOVE-- create and move, move, move. I can feel my insides singing as I write these words....

float

Lux — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:48:18 GMT

I'm listening to hardcore and painting. Something girlie and personal and prolly no one will like/get it but me. hmmph. shuttup. :P I took a tour of California College of the Arts today. I'm thinking about applying there for the fall or spring. The more I find out about the school, the more I like it. It seems very different from the Academy of Art (I went there for a year and a half), which is good. I like that they focus just as much on creativity as they do technical stuff. I'm still not sure what my feelings about art school/ the whole "getting a degree" thing are, but it would be nice to be surrounded by other artists and be challenged by someone other than myself. The only things I really don't like is that it's in Oakland, and they don't seem to offer night classes D: I'm no good in the mornings. I have a million fuckedupvibrantdeadlovely ideas in my head, I want to get them out but I'm always scared I won't be able to make them look and feel like they are in my imagination. So I get frozen and stuck. At least I'm trying now. Off to Michigan for a week, it will be nice to get away and hopefully I will see some fireflies.

blood, bones, and glory

Lux — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 02:58:05 GMT

the photo is makeup I did for Liam inspired by a drawing of mine.... anyone going to synchronize tonight? I wanna break stuff! I'm in THAT kind of mood :P ;)

b[l]oom

Lux — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 01:43:30 GMT

I feel really fucking grateful today! :::::::Thank you:::::::: Things flow together when I allow them to.... who wants to go to bellydance with me this/next week?

who's....

Lux — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 20:23:43 GMT

going to the Gemini Fest this year? also: happier than I've felt in a long time today..... <3 meow xo Lux

home

Lux — Sun, 13 May 2007 23:16:07 GMT

eating avocados for dinner actually sleeping, deeply, dreaming. papayas for breakfast I can see the ocean and the sky I'm alone when I wake up but somehow this silence is more than enough

art show tonight...

Lux — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 23:33:00 GMT

It feels so good to be drawing again after having block that lasted waaaay too long. ...anyway my paintings are up at supperclub (657 Harrison st.) , and the closing reception is tonight at 9... so stop by and see me :] ... I think I'll be at synchronize afterwards as well. ::back to drawing:: xo

is this a test?

Lux — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 02:35:37 GMT

...it has to be. It really does feel as though I'm being tested lately.... pushed and pushed, then pushed some more. I feel strong and grounded, but still pretty tired from it all. You know that feeling you get right before something happens.... kind of the feeling before a storm. Not necessarily a bad feeling, but still a little ominous. I don't even know what I'm saying or trying to say..... I'm keeping my head up. I still see beauty even in this chaos.