My Blog

Fallen Angel Party this coming Saturday, 10/13

Loren — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 04:58:16 GMT

Kostume Kult, my local Burning Man family is having it’s first Post-Burn “Re-entry” party in NYC this Saturday, and it will be a blast! It’s Saturday, October 13th starting at 9 PM at 409 W. 13th St. The Theme is Fallen Angel, and that should fit most of the people I know quite well. Great people, great décor, fantastic DJ’s, cheap drinks, and tons of human eye candy. I urge all those I know to come to this and party with me; I look forward to seeing as many of you as possible. Check out the invitation here: http://www.kostumekult.com/events/fallenangel/index.html

My Horned Ball 2007 pics are up!

Loren — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 16:32:37 GMT

A fabulous event. Here's the link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/darklyng/sets/72157600097282052/

Need ride for 2 round trip to Burning Beach Ball this weekend

Loren — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 06:03:15 GMT

I need a ride for myself and SillyJilly round trip to the Burning Beach Ball this weekend; my ride fell through. Will share gas, driving, expenses or other favors. Need to know soon. Thanks.

Alt.Oscar Party in NYC was fun

Loren — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 21:39:54 GMT

Kostume Kult had it's annual Alt.Oscar party on Oscar night. It was great fun, NYC style (I'll take that over L.A. style). Here's a link to my pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/darklyng/sets/72157594568151724/

What makes relationships succeed or fail

Loren — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 01:07:45 GMT

OK, I’m going to get very wordy here. I was going to leave this out, but these are my views on why most relationships fail. I feel it’s a very worthy topic. Absolute Monogamy can work for some, really; but in most cases, I feel that adhering to it absolutely dooms you to fail. Just because you love someone deeply, it doesn’t mean that you loose your attraction to others; denying that is just lying to yourself. Yes, it doesn’t mean you have to act on that attraction, but…. humans are flawed and cannot adhere to absolutes. When you set up an absolute that if one partner strays, then when they do, the hurt is so deep that it cannot be overcome, (or takes years of therapy, and the resentment is always there, festering) - the relationship ultimately fails. And you know what? Almost everybody has an affair at some point. They either keep it to themselves (lie) and become consumed by guilt, or they tell their partner who then goes apeshit on them, and will never trust them again. Really now, people- what harm is there in occasionally rubbing your body against someone else? Will it matter 100 years from now? Does it make you love your partner less? It probably enhances your sex life, which can become dormant in a long term monogamous relationship. If you really love the other person, don’t you want them to be happy in this short life? A key issue to be overcome is the fear that if you open your relationship, you might loose your partner to someone who’s “better”; better in bed, more compatible with them, etc. OK, as for the “better in bed”, have your partner teach you what the other person does that turns them on so much. If you were both open about asking “what do you like?”, then this wouldn’t be necessary in the first place. Additionally, letting them go out and play means that you can too, and deep down, doesn’t part of you really want to? As for the “more compatible” fear, that has a basis in reality. But if you aren’t really ideally suited for each other, do you think your relationship will “go the distance”? More likely, you’ll break up after 10 or 20 years, have children to deal with; do you want to go through a messy divorce in the midst of either middle-age crisis or menopause? No one can take the other person away from you; if they can, then you weren’t really suited for each other, or you weren’t working at your relationship (see below). OK, enough about Monogamy- lets get to some essential core issues as to why relationships fail. Lust is not Love. People fall in love because they’re sleeping together a lot; they mistake Lust for Love. It’s easy- hey, here’s a person that makes me feel good all the time; it must be Love. Wrong! That’s a crush, not Love. (Men often develop crushes on women that are very physically attractive to them.) It’s important to understand the crucial difference between a Crush and Love. Both involve infatuation, a love spell if you will; so it’s hard for the inexperienced to differentiate. But real Love is also being amazed at all the facets of the other person, respecting their opinions, their outlook, their accomplishments, their interests. If you aren’t blown away by what an amazing person they are, you have a Crush, you’re not deeply in Love. Opposites may attract, but having a lot of similar outlooks, opinions and tastes in things helps a lot. Who wants to spend their relationship compromising on what music to listen to, what movies to see, what vacations to take? You should share your passions, not take turns. “Staying together for the sake of the children”. Do you really think your kids don’t see it? Do you really want their role model for a relationship to be one that’s essentially loveless? They’ll repeat that in their own lives, the way abused children repeat the cycle of abuse on their own kids. If you decide to part ways in spite of the kids, you really, really, really must discuss this with them in length and make sure they understand that they are not to blame, nor is your partner (many kids blame themselves for their parent’s break-up, which leads to lifelong feelings of inadequacy). Alright- next are the two really big ones! First: the great Western Civilization Lie- somewhere out there, there is the one you are destined to meet; your Soul Mate, and someday you will meet them. In reality, though, there are many out there who are your soul mate, and who could make you very happy. *Second- perhaps the most important advice I could impart to anyone, anywhere. The lie that once you meet that soul mate, you will fall madly in love, live happily ever after, because Love Conquers All, doesn’t it? OK, the truth. Love is amazing; it’s the most valuable thing in our existence. But Love is not self-sustaining. Love takes Work; sometimes hard work. If you don’t work at your relationship, and realize that it’s the most important work you’re likely to do, then it will fail. NEVER stop courting the other person! Keep doing the little things that made them fall in love with you. That’s the trick to remaining “in love” rather than just loving each other. Never stop telling them how much you love them, how special they are. People will say “Oh, she knows that I love her”. Bad answer- she or he needs to hear it often; especially when they’re having a bad day. Also, work out the logistics of your relationship. Who takes out the garbage? Who cleans up after dinner? This is part of your relationship. One solution is, if two people (or more) hate taking out the garbage, who hates it the most? The other one should then suck it up, and take that task. There will be things that you hate the most, and the other person (people) will take that one. Keep humor in your relationship. Do things that make you laugh together. Laughter makes you enjoy being together. Always take the other person’s side, even if you feel they’re wrong. Never talk badly about them to others; it will come back to haunt you. Keep your minor resentments to yourself; nobody is perfect. GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE!! Everyone needs to be alone part of the day. It’s not a rejection of the other person. It’s a basic human need. If you take your partners need to be alone personally, you’re wrong and you will hurt the relationship. You probably don’t recognize your own need for personal space. Learn to enjoy your time to yourself. You’ll each come back to each other with greater desire after your “personal time”. OK, enough for now. Now, go out and hug, smooch and lick each other all over. I love my friends, and want to smooch all of them, and lick many of them (ok, the females, but hey, we all have our limitations.)

My Virgin Blog part 2

Loren — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 00:53:30 GMT

I know it was just supposed to be another 4, but, hell here are 6 (bringing it to 10) I have a silly streak a mile wide, although some of my newer friends have yet to fully see it. I like Silly. I find it a valuable trait in friends, and a silly streak makes a woman more attractive to me. It can also be a twisted sense of humor; either one turns me on. I have the heart of a 12 year old boy. I keep it in in a jar, in my top right desk drawer. The character in fiction I most relate to is Ford Prefect in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Perhaps my favorite complement I’ve been paid was by my friend Apple who said that when she read Hitchhiker’s, she thought they patterned Ford after me. And I’m talking about the books, or the wonderful BBC rendition, not the disappointing movie and it’s version of Ford. I’ve never been comfortable on either end of authority. I work a block from the former World Trade Center; I was outside of my work building watching the towers burn in disbelief, and was only 2 blocks away when the first tower fell. I was in a large crowd that let out a tremendous collective scream and then stampeded. I remember thinking I would either be crushed to death by the crowd (that almost happened to me at a concert many years ago, and I’m very claustrophobic in crowds ever since) or by the building. I walked home to Brooklyn with a coating of what I recently learned was very toxic dust. I was back at work 10 days later; the air was a toxic soup of burning chemicals and asbestos, and there were armed soldiers everywhere. The dust was inches thick on the windowsills here for months before my company saw fit to have it washed away (it was impervious to rain). I now get nervous walking next to tall buildings (not a good thing when you live in NYC). My company recently moved my division back into the same offices that we were in on 9/11. It’s eerie, to say the least. I have a window seat, partly looking out over the empty skies where the WTC should be. Every day. I seem to have more anxiety than I used to; I think I might have some form of post-traumatic shock. I’ve never been to a therapist in my life, though there have been times when I wish I could have. I can’t afford one, wouldn’t know where to find one I could trust, and wouldn’t know where to begin when it comes to issues I’d want to address. I’ve been in a long term open relationship (with SillyJilly), which coalesced under the influence of Dr.Hoffman’s magic molecule (a phase I’m borrowing from my friend Mikio). We were monogamous for the first year, but then we outgrew it. There were a number of factors. We’re both very unconventional people, and a conventional relationship didn’t fit. Mind expanding experiences showed us (among many other things) a few things about human nature. You can love several people (especially physically). You can overcome jealousy (although it takes a lot of work; some people quit after the first few inevitable set-backs; it is a green monster after all, that stems from the reptilian possessive part of the brain, and you must elevate your consciousness). One of the key elements here is setting boundaries (and revising them- remain flexible in life and Love) and keeping to what each one is comfortable with. Finding out that Jilly was bisexual (with a preference for women) made me realize that I could never be all that she needed, no matter how much we loved each other. OK, this now makes me open another blog on Relationships. I have some very definite opinions/ insights on relationships. See that blog for Loren wisdom.

My Virgin Blog, part 1

Loren — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 22:39:46 GMT

(With respect and affection to the friend who tagged me.) I don’t respond to tags, in that I don’t pass on anything, even seemingly-worthy petitions. It’s just not my style; don’t like receiving any kind of chain, don’t pass ‘em on. I don’t generally blog, because I don’t have time. I’m always behind on several projects at once. I’m not secretive about myself, but if you don’t know me, you can learn the basics from my profile here on Tribe. I guess I feel that most of my friends know most of this stuff, and as such, I don’t want to bore them. Then again, perhaps I shouldn’t assume anything. So I’ll do my first blog, but I won’t tag anyone else. As for 8 things about myself… hmmm….tricky. I’m not sure where I’d begin. Perhaps, like my friend Mikio, who also doesn’t generally blog, I should put this out in sections. I’ll start with 4 things about myself. . I was born in Brooklyn and have lived there most of my life, except for 9 years in exile on Long Island where my parents moved when a teenager ( I lived there for High School and college). When I was in 1st and 2nd grade, I lived in Queens in a two family house. My upstairs neighbor and landlord was Ross Andru, a comic book artist who drew Wonder Woman and Spider Man in his career. His basement was filled with Sci-fi pulp magazines, and I was in wonderland. Piles and piles of magazines with illustrations of alien beings, alien cities, alien worlds. I spent endless hours down there staring at them, flipping through them, too young to fully understand the stories but spellbound by the wondrous images; blue skinned beings, green skinned, multiple eyes, tentacles, alien women, pointed ears, spaceships. For some reason, I spent my early youth fascinated by dinosaurs and alien beings and worlds. (Hmm… not much has changed.) Earth was boring to me in comparison. I wanted to leave and explore other worlds. This awakened my lifelong passion- to seek the Surreal in life, to create it when possible, to immerse myself in it. When I was growing up, I never went through a phase of my life where I didn’t like girls. I often preferred their company. They were smarter and more sensible than the boys, and didn’t seem to have as much of a need to prove themselves. I was always attracted to them, long before I understood why. I liked their temperament, their vibe. I was lucky enough to have some very strong women in my life at an early age, and grew up with great respect for them. I have a very uneasy relationship with sleep. I’ve been under-slept my entire life. Part of it is that my body clock is nocturnal by nature. Part of it is a control issue; sleep is helplessness, sleep is like being a little “dead”. I had night terrors as a very young child, and sleep paralysis until I was nearly a teen (where I would wake up in the middle of the night, unable to move for a couple of minutes that felt like hours). When I was very young, my favorite grandmother died. I asked what death was like, and someone said, “Oh, it’s like going to sleep and never waking up.” Just what my young mind didn’t need to hear. If I sense sleep coming, my mind will chase it away; I have to distract myself or usually take meds to fall asleep. When I do sleep, I sleep like the dead. I have no trouble falling back asleep, and can’t get up in the morning; I’m half unconscious for the first half hour or so after I get out of bed. I can’t seem to get myself in bed at a decent hour, no matter how strong my resolve. When it comes to going to bed, I’m like Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbs). I get far too little sleep during the week, and then sleep until 2 PM on weekends. A friend once remarked ”You’re like a “boa constrictor of sleep- you swallow it in two big gulps, and digest it all week.” I sleep with earplugs, a white sound generator, and a nightlight- I have to have just enough light so that if something wakes me, I can kill it. I have never, to my recollection, woken up feeling refreshed and rested; ever. I rarely can tell if a woman is flirting with me, unless she’s really blatant about it. (I can often tell when guys are flirting with me; it doesn’t bother me, it just doesn’t do me any good.) When I was growing up, I was so turned off by the obnoxiously aggressive flirting styles of the guys around me, that I became too laid back in my own style. Hmmm… I suppose women can rarely tell when I’m flirting with them. For this reason, I often hooked up with aggressive women; it takes the guesswork out of the situation. More to come in part 2. Later.