My Word

Returned...

Abhorrence — Tue, 13 Dec 2005 15:48:33 GMT

Wow has it been a while. A very long time since I wrote here. If you asked I suppose I would say that I went through moments where I was afraid that no one cared enough about my life to read my writing. I was so set on the idea that my intense desire to "shout my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world" has in turn made me mute. The very idea that there aren't enough peole out there, listening to what I feel I have to say, made it feel useless to even say it. I know now that even if it is true that no one, or very few, are listening, what I have to say isn't worthless. Therefore... I will shout over those rooftops, even if the sound be over the heads of everyone who may listen. Since I last wrote, so much has happened. I went half way across the world and back, very literally, and I experiance terrors that I find difficult to explain. However terror has a habit of opening ones eyes and therefore I saw the changes, now that it's confirmed I'm still alive, that need to be made in my life. Changes that are already under way... some of which are completely unknown to anyone but my very closest of companions. There's so much I haven't seen and haven't experianced and there's so much I have to do that it's almost overwhelming. All of which.. leading to what I want to do, which can involved almost everyone around me. I know I'm typing in abstracts and for those of you who are curious... I'm sorry. I can't elaborate the way I'd like to at this moment in time. I'm still afraid that some of the ideas I have in mind will hurt feelings and put others out. Just know that deep down... I'm on another path to self discovery and I no longer care if anyone else cares. This is for me.

Sleep Dep. @ Feel Good Inc.

Abhorrence — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 14:59:51 GMT

"City's breaking down on a camel’s back. They just have to go 'cuz they don't hold back. So all you fill the streets it’s appealing to see. You wont get out the county, 'cuz you're bad and free. You've got a new horizon, it's ephemeral style. A melancholy town where we never smile. And all I wanna hear is the message beep. My dreams, they've got to kiss, because I dont get sleep, no." - Gorillaz, Demon Days, "Feel Good Inc." Well... I'm happy enough to say that my temptation to rain the world in flames has pass and the world is still flame free... for the most part. I spent time with some awesome girls, not sleeping. And I logged in many hour of counciling with Sinderella, my main squeeze. Also... pulling from the production line at Feel Good Inc. seems to be helping me keep my sanity. Kind of out of place though... a fine gent like Murdoc (above you) and his crew of musical miscreants can make me feel less like I'm capable of super villiany. Never the less... I may not be knife weilding... but that doesn't mean I'm all there. You have reached the blog of Abhorrence... Abhorrence isn't here right now, but if you would like to leave a message please leave your name, measurements, 10 bucks and your sanity at the sound of the beep. BEEP

"O, why should wrath be mute, and fury dumb?"

Abhorrence — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 14:25:46 GMT

"Some devil whisper curses in mine ear, And prompt me, that my tongue may utter forth The venomous malice of my swelling heart!" - Aaron, Act V, Scene III, Titus Andronicus by William Shakespeare Oh Aaron, how now art thee so close to my own heart. Villainous behavior, by thine own example, has but shown those of us who are villains how much a villain can accomplish. My life has taken a bit of a change... and the Dookie is now dead. I need to show a difference face... a more truthful face. Which is why I chose the face of abhorrence. If you don't know what that means, look it up. Abhorrence has always been a factor in my life... and it's effect, a guide for my actions. My love once said to me that one day we would show all those people who treated me with abhorrence what I really am. What they missed out on. What is now fully hers. While her solution to my ongoing delema is charming, my own soul grows more angry. And it's beginning to hunger for vengence. Will outlandish pride really solve my problem... or will being told that abhorrence is no longer a part of me do it? However... if I'm told this, which I have been before, will I believe it? The single question I'm most nervous about is... before I'm convinced that abhorrence doesn't exsist with me, will my soul retire to further acts of villainy? There's a monster in the closet, I'm afraid of him coming out.

On Love and Music

Abhorrence — Thu, 23 Jun 2005 11:14:34 GMT

I would like to go on record in saying... John Williams is a beautiful human being. I'm sitting here, listening to the score to of Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The emotional depth of a movie can sometimes be displayed so much more clearly, by closely listening to the music that supported the film. It's all so fitting, right now. The dark notes displaying Anakin's weakest and most desparate moments remind me of how this same darkness can creep its way into our lives. And how love, sometimes the most intense and beautiful of human emotion can also lead us to dark places... where anything but love can win us over. My own love left my sight not even hours ago, only because she lives far away from me. This is how I deal... I sit, think and and romanticize about the light and dark sides of love. Love... like music... works in a series of high and low notes. Some may not be as uplifting as others, but in the end, the song that is created can be as horrible or as beautiful you want it to be. It's in our own minds how we rate good or bad... therefore, good and bad is entirely a point of view... completely under our control. It's that perception... that sends us to either the light or dark sides of ourselves. I can sense myself being affected by both... and vow to not let either consume me. May the force be with you... always.