I am house sitting for my mom and taking care of her baby (dog) as well while she is out of town. My mom lives at the beach.... I jump on housesitting.. who wouldnt?'

I spent the first couple of days hanging out with her before she left. I dont spent even close to the amount of time with my mom that I would like to. We are both busy, live far apart etc.

After she leaves I decide to clean up her yard for her. I dig up the flower beds, mow the grass and trim up the edges. My mom has been in such horrible pain from arthritis and depressed as well. I know how much pride she used to have in her yard so I figure I will make it so again. I research and ponder the plants and flowers that will require the least amount of care, I buy some Rhodis from her neighbor who sells trees and shrubs to raise money to rescue turtles in Costa Rica... it will go to a good cause. I buy wild flower mix so she can have beauty everywhere she looks. I feel really good about this and decide I deserve some time at the beach after my hard work all day.

I walk down to the boardwalk, forgetting that it is Saturday and perfect wheather as well. It is packed with people. I buy a few beers and some dinner and go in search of an empty spot on the beach. I spend some time meditating and writting, my thoughts etc. I watch the ways, the sun as it lowers. I feel so good inside. I pack up my garbage and decide to walk along the water once more before I leave.

As I am walking I see beer bottles, soda cans, plastic cups, cigs etc. I pick up all the garbage I see. I end up filling the bag I had and then some. I even found a broken beer bottle... mind you we all walk on the beach barefoot right? It left me feeling sad and angry. We are the protectors of this beautiful mother earth... or at least some of us are.

So, what I wish is that we all carry a bag with us and pick up garbage we see so carelessly thrown on the ground where ever that may be. I wish that we teach our children and grandchildren the importance of mother earth. Yes, it sucks that there are such clueless people out there, but I was able to go home feeling good about what I had done and know that I left that part of the beach that much cleaner. So, how about we all do that?

"Act as if...."

I have struggled all my life with various things as we all have and as I have written about my pain has changed alot in my life for the good.

I still have my down times though.. (I am only human).I wanted to share something cool I discovered a while ago that has become a much stronger presence in my life as the days and months go by. "Act as if"

What I mean by this is basically fake it 'till you make it. I first started it with my depression, ask as if I am happy and after a while I was! I found/find joy in the smallest of things... a beautiful flower, the smell of the ground and air after a fresh rain or birds chirping etc.

Then it was act as if I am confident and once again after a while I found that I was. It started to snow ball after this. One of my biggest challenges though was to act as if I wasn't scared to open myself up and reach out to those around me. To allow myself to show those around me how much I love them, how much they mean to me. Then it was to reach out to those I don't know and to let them know that they aren't alone. To alot of people this may seem so simple but not for me. I would think what if they reject my attempts? What if they think I'm weird? Am I coming on to strong? Will they accept what I want to give or will they turn their back on it? So I started to fake it until I really felt it and the gift I have now is priceless.

I feel so much much love inside of me it makes me feel almost high. To love others known and not known is such an amazing thing.... I am glad I figured it out at the young age of 35. My role model for this way of being is children. They are so pure and so full of love it spills out of their eyes when they look at you, I am saturated with it when they hug me, sit in my lap or hold my hand. If we all used children as role models.... if we all chose to be ambassadors of love and light like them can you imagine what a wonderful place this would be?

So for those of you who are blessed enough to have a small child in your life take note of how free they are and maybe just maybe some of it might rub off onto you... you never know.... just "Act as if"

Becca/sunnygirlfire

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Janitorial supervisor
2. Case manager D.V. shelter
3.Semi truck loader
3.Pre-school teacher
Movies I've watched more than once:
1.The color purple
2.Forrest Gump
3.What dreams may come
4.Saturday night fever

Four places I have lived:
1.Portland,OR
2.Salt Lake UT
3.Santa Barabra CA
4.Here


Four T.V. Shows that I watched:
1.Pushing Daisys
2.Hill Street Blues
3.Dora the explorer
4.Iron Chef

Four Places I have been:
1.North Dakota
2.Colorado
3.Washington DC
4.Mississippi

Four people who e-mail me:
1.Julie
2.Sienna
3.Heidi
4.Amy

Four people I wish would email me:
1.My mom
2.My sister
3.Judi
4.Tammy

Four of my favorite foods:
1.Beer
2.Salami
3.Pad Tai
4.Coffee

Four places I would rather be right now:
1In a hot bath
2.In the woods
3.At the beach
4.In India



Four things I am looking forward to in the next year:
1.Going to school
2.Watching my kids become even more amazing
3.Getting new teeth
4.Lots of good sex hopefully


Four people who I think should take this survey:

I won my SS hearing. I really am a crip. I am going for a crip parking placard thingy now... you know the one that sas you get to park in front.
I was so nevous about my hearing and there was nothing to be worried about. The judge and Dr. were so old you had to blow the dust out from their ears so they could hear everything .... actually we really just talked into microphones so they could here us... but it sounded good. My lawyer asked me some ?'s and then so did the judge. The judge then asked the expert Dr. wittness old guy if I fit into the nessesary box and he said yes under the follownig and then said some numbers and letters I think and it was over... with me sitting there slack jawed in shock.

3 years of hell later and no more people can fuck with me, telling me what job I might be able to do. I'ts reall over. I fucking won!!! Yeah ME!!!!!

Well, I did it again. This time I have herniated L1-2 and L3-4. I only have one more disc to go in the lumbar region before I've managed to herniate them all. I think I will leave that one for someone else though. Why should I have all the fun right?
I am thinking about trying to make it into the Guinness Book Of World Records though. I don't believe that this one is in there. I figure I should get something other then the wonderful experience of 4 surgery's and incredible pain out of this. We shall see... who knows it may be a new record!! I might even get a cool certificate to hang on my wall. I'm sure to make my momma proud. :)