Female

37

l'm Ali. Your general freak, too old to be a kid, too young to be a marm. l like to joke that l'm an adolescent boy trapped in a middle-aged woman's body. l'm usually pretty tomboyish - shorts, baggy-ish jeans and pants, simple tanks or t-shirts, and l love baggy sweatshirts - but l've discovered a girly/womanly streak in me lately that's motivating me to buy some pretty gorgeous stuff. There's a boutique in Portland that l discovered at a Solstice booth here, and l'm buying one of everything they got. l do like jewelry, all kinds, you name it - hemp, leather, collars, beads - and l recently converted the remaining half of a pair of cuffs into a girly little one with a charm on it. No point in having just one, so l got innovative.

l love spiders, snakes, mice, and domestic rats. Street rats are mean, and they're even more unpleasant when they've been half chewed up, regurgitated, and left directly in my front walkway by the cat. l'm not squeamish about anything, really, other than cleaning up the aforementioned kitty presents. l have a pretty decent hardware drawer, and can fix basic plumbing and appliance issues, most of which l taught myself. l'm indifferent about sports, for the most part, and could care less about who's playing who or who's winning. Superbowl is just an excuse to get together and party and throw popcorn around, as far as l'm concerned. But l'm a kickass pool player, and l do like watching tennis, as l play that too. l dig soccer too, but don't ask me to love anyone other than the Sounders right now.

l cry at movies, but l blame that on being a double Pisces, or a chick, one or the other. Hell, l cry every time l watch Field of Dreams, and for a movie that isn't even girly AND about baseball, go figure. l'm a media/hollywood/fashion and hair whore - awards shows are about fashion first, accolades second. l buy tabloid mags occasionally - People, not the REALLY out there ones - but l'm good at hiding it, and most people don't know l ever entertain a thought about Lindsay Lohan's drunken antics. The times they *have* found a carelessly tossed tab mag in my place or catch me watching E! or Bravo, they've been shocked l have a superficial side. We're all human, right.

l'm a fag hag. All the way. Gay men make me feel and look faboolous, and l love watching them get into catfights. l often steal their lines afterwards so l look witty later. l'm more of a lover than a fighter, though.

l used to skate. Now l'm too old and l have a bum knee. While l'm more of a b-girl, ballet still tugs my heartstrings; Swan Lake will always be my favorite. l'm a beer gal, though on occasion, it's not a stretch for me to go for the fru-fru drinks. l'm willing to wear heels with my new girly phase emerging, as long as wherever we're going l don't have to stand for any length of time. l do love to dress up in my little punkrock schoolgirl outfit with my punkrock plaid skirt and my platform moonboots and go riot grrrl. This is easier to do now that l'm getting back to my original size again.

l'm pretty independent; l really enjoy my social life and lovers, though, so l've found a method of enjoying the time l'm not necessarily socializing - riding the bus, working, waiting for a doctor's appointment - to enjoy my thoughts. On occasion, though, l will retreat into a brief hermit mode, and regroup.

l belch regularly, and only reign it in when l'm at work or with family - mine, my friends', or my lovers' - and pretty much only then. l will say excuse me as a habit, but most know it's just what l do. Unfortunately, l sneeze like a girl, with a high-pitched "chu!" at the end that l can't seem to get rid of. l've sneezed that way for as long as l remember. l sound like a freight train when l'm asleep, and l drool; l am not a graceful sleeper. l often wish l looked like an angel when l slept - serene, breathing deeply but quietly, looking beautiful. Not this life. l hog the covers, l sprawl, and l talk in my sleep. Occasionally, limbs flail. Take cover.

l clean well, but l'm not neat. l'm a total packrat -though definitely not a hoarder- and it's time for some spring cleaning in my home. There's way too much clutter, but l always rationalize by doing my best to simply keep it out of my path. That doesn't mean some of it's not lined up against the wall.
l hang out with chicks who aren't like most chicks. Although one of my best friends is as girly as they come.
l never wear pink. lf l ever do, l'll take a picture.

l am a brave dame. Sometimes.