l've found myself part of several heated discussions lately involving feminism, or at least a side of the coin. And l've discovered that l don't really agree with a lot of the approaches to feminism on the part of the very people who should deepen their understanding of it - women.

l wonder if some of the women of tribe don't occasionally wonder if l've got something against my own gender. There are moments during conversations like these when the women are rallying for each other and the one whose feminism was insulted (sometimes valid, sometimes not). l may support their indignation to a certain extent, often strongly support it, but there comes a point in every conversation where one woman says - or replies to - the one thing that turns the discussion into a gender war. That one thing may or may not have been said by a man, but in an instant, what was meant to be a mature, healthy, interactive movement has turned into an ugly arsenal, one the women of the group will immediately avail themselves of, and the men, feeling directly responsible for the hundreds of years their ancestors properly fucked up for them, fight back. lt's a vicious cycle, and it's time to stop playing these boring fucking games and start TALKING. And listening. And LEARNING.

l'm not exluding the men here, but as a woman, with a point to make about feminism, l am currently addressing the women.
Anyone who's talked to me knows of my sexual violations as a child and teen. l've been demoted based on my gender, bypassed for management, dealt with sexual harassment. l've been treated like a whore because l like sex, and l've been treated like a slow child by mere virtue of my gender. l even became a tomboy because it was the only way l could defy my automatic reaction to mistrust all men, and the only way l could be FRIENDS with them, and understand them differently. l FEEL YOUR PAIN, ladies. But l'd like to put things in perspective, because though a number of the men we're fighting perpetuate ugly stereotypes and test our fears and limits, a large number of these men are simply trying to treat women in the best way they know how. They don't want to deny you what makes you woman - hell, they benefit from that! - but they don't want to be blamed for something they didn't even do. We have to realize that the modern man is dealing with the speedy death of the gentleman and the chivalry that accompanies it, and the liberated woman who denies him the pleasure of simply opening her door for her because he believes in 'ladies first' and just wants to do it for her because he considers it a gesture of respect. And we complain about how we can't find any nice guys.

We still have a struggle ahead of us, ladies, but we're at a point where we can look back on history and realize we simply don't have to fight so much, so hard at the moment. Take a deep breath and look back at how far we've come.

publici.ucimc.org/mar2002/32002_5.htm

Notice that not everything listed there is positive. Could we have changed that? Notice the speed of progress between the 16th to 19th centuries and now?

We were granted suffrage right about where that list begins. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women's_suffrage
Right before the vibrator. Which was invented by a male doctor. Under the guise of lowering women's hysteria, and maybe that's what its genuine purpose is. But what if he had a strong, underground activist wife on his shoulder with whom he was drinking tea one day and casually said, "You know that thing, honey, that you do? The one that makes me jump a foot in the air? l've been thinking you should see if you can build a machine that does that. Sell it as, l don't know, something that calms women down - l know! Cures hysteria! - and start marketing it to them and fellow doctors. Women everywhere will love and thank you, men will love and thank you, the medical field will love and thank you, l will love and thank you, and we'd finally have the money for that trip to lndia we were talking about. Wouldn't that just be splendid?"....and that was that?

Does anyone but me notice that on that list the first condom is invented in 1597 and then nothing notable happens until the vibrator's invented? (l'm not sure why suffrage isn't in there, but we've already plugged it in right before vibes emerged anyway) Does anyone notice the VERY short span of time between every event that follows? Like knockin down dominoes and plowing a historical trail. Today, we are looking at a female candidate. lt may not happen, but it may, and what if it does? This is what we've been working for, right? lsn't this the pinnacle?

What if feminism simply sprouts from the simple advent of choosing a candidate and a little piece of plastic that vibrates and gives us immeasurable pleasure? We got our sex and we got our politics, and look how far we've come. Don't we still have both of those? So l don't see why we can't relax, and have a martini and quit fighting about it, because we've done good for ourselves. Give the men a break, embrace a little chivalry (cuz they really do just like you and wanna do nice shit for ya), do some nice shit for them cuz they've earned it for accepting and loving you even when you were crazy, and pat yourselves on the back. Ya done good. Cheers.