godaddy sucks

and here's why. this is an email exchange i had with the 'help' desk. all i was trying to do was change some header information - i'd already done my homework but couldn't access their files. so i made the mistake of asking.

***
hello - just wondering how i go about changing the 404 to return an actual 404. google analytics is going nuts because it's returning 200.

i've found the code to change it

<%
Response.Status = "404 Not Found"
%>

but can't find the section of the site to access the asp file.

can you help?

thanks
j

***

Thank you for contacting online support.

At this time we are unable to recreate the error described as public testing of your hosting account shows our standard 404 error page resolving for your hosting account. we are not able to duplicate any Error 200 pages.

Our hosting accounts allow you to use your home page as your 404 page, or you can create a custom one.

To Set Up Your Custom 404 Page

1. Log in to your Account Manager.
2. In the My Products section, select Hosting Account List.
3. Next to the hosting account you want to modify, click Open.
4. In the Settings section of the Hosting Control Center, click the 404 Error Behavior icon.
5. To edit the 404 error page preference for your hosting account, select one of the error-page options.

NOTE: To use a customized 404 error page, you must first upload a custom page to your hosting account, and then enter the URL to your custom page.

6. Click Continue.
7. Review and verify your 404 error page preferences. If everything looks OK, click Submit.

If you are still encountering an error, please provide a step by step detail of what steps you have followed to arrive at the error being experienced. If possible, please include a screenshot of when and where the error is occurring. Once we have this requested information, we will be able to further investigate and resolve this matter.

Sincerely,

Christopher B.
Online Technical Support

***

(so basically, he just says, eh, looks fine to me. and pastes the shit from the faq)

***

ahem... my fault. i guess i should have waited to change the 404 behavior,
but as my google placement slips, i get a little crazy.

i changed the 404 back to your default. what i was referring to was that
when i uploaded and used my custom 404 (404.html in my folder) ... google
told me that it couldn't verify because it was returning 200.

in any case... where do i locate that asp file? i'm almost certain i've
seen it before, but now it's like snark.

thanks
j


***

Dear Jason Reed,

Thank you for contacting online support.

Unfortunately, there is not a way to access the 404 Error page as this page is located on another server which is hosting110.secureserver.net/. We apologize for any inconveniences.

Please let us know if we may be of further assistance.


Regards,

Gordy P.
Online Support Technician

***

so now i'm getting annoyed. i try to be as clear as possible, and not use big words.

***

thanks for the quick response.. but - i still want to use my custom 404 and
have it return an actual 404, not 200, as per google analytics through
godaddy.

how do i go about that?

thank you
j

***

Dear Jason Reed,

Thank you for contacting Online Support. After reviewing the information on the account, it is showing you have not yet selected to use your 404 page.

To Set Your Custom 404 Page

1. Log in to your Account Manager.
2. In the My Products section, select Hosting Account List.
3. Next to the hosting account you want to modify, click Open.
4. In the Settings section of the Hosting Control Center, click the 404 Error Behavior icon.
5. To edit the 404 error page preference for your hosting account, select Use Custom 404 Error Page:.
6.Click Continue.
7. Review and verify your 404 error page preferences. If everything looks OK, click Submit.

Please let us know if we can assist you in any other way.

Sincerely,

John B.
Online Support
Technician

***

look familiar? it should. it's the exact same useless bullshit from the faq that i got two emails earlier. dick!

***

ok... i think i've been patient... but this is really getting ridiculous.

let me condense...

I WANT A CUSTOM 404 THAT RETURNS 404 ... NOT 200 ... AS YOUR SERVERS CURRENTLY OFFER.

HOW DO I GO ABOUT MAKING A CUSTOM 404 THAT ACTUALLY RETURNS 404 RATHER THAN 200?!

i've seen bad customer support before, but this really takes the cake. at no point has anyone really 'read' what i've said. it's like i'm speaking to a goddamned bot. HOW DOES ANYONE GET ANYTHING DONE HERE?!

i will rephrase for the slower of you - if it still doesn't click, send this to a supervisor.

"I am attempting to make a custom 404 that does not trigger google analytics to read a 200 return code. how do i do that?"

i mean, seriously... what kind of tech support is this? i've seen horrible reviews all over the internet regarding your customer support, but i figured it was newbies douches. i am now realizing that you really have zero handle on your help desk. i think i'll be taking my business elsewhere.

if you think i am being too harsh, please, let me know - but i think a single attempt at understanding my first email would have lead us to a simple solution. it really seems like the least amount of effort possible at any given email.

sincerely,
Jason Reed
peerlesspixel.com

***

Dear Jason Reed,

Thank you for taking time to contact Online Support.

I have reviewed this issue with our Advanced Hosting Support. They have advised that the 404 page your are using is returning a 404. If Google Analytics is viewing a 200 we will need the full message Google Analytics is returning so that we may further investigate this issue. We do apologize for the inconvenience.

Please let us know if we can assist you in any other way.

Regards,

Mike P.
Online Support

***

fucking idiots.

don't apologize. just READ.

***

you have GOT to be kidding me. i'm going to post this entire exchange everywhere i can, as a shining example of godaddy customer service.

GIVE THIS TO A SUPERVISOR.

i want to use a CUSTOM 404. the CUSTOM 404 page, when i uploaded and used it, returned a 200 error, rather than a 404. how hard is this to understand?

take 5 minutes to think before you respond. this is unacceptable - and should be embarrassing for you.

sickened,
Jason Reed

***




so ... we'll see where this goes. i'm guessing nowhere. i've never experienced such incompetence.

i'm taking suggestions for a new hosting company.

yet more human stupidity

since the real punchline to this horror show is at the bottom, i'll spare you the details and give you the utter nonsense (as opposed to the rest of the story, which is usual nonsense).

<<The whale died early Saturday evening, about 10 hours after the shots were fired. The whale sank while heading out to sea. No one was making plans yesterday to retrieve the sunken whale.>>

so... what was the fucking point? they kill the whale but don't even use it? was this some sort of political statement? or just more human stupidity?

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

if i grind my teeth any harder i'll have nothing left to chew with.


www.theglobeandmail.com/servle...ational

Rogue hunters kill grey whale

ROBERT MATAS

September 10, 2007

Dave Sallee heard shots from a high-powered hunting rifle shortly after he spotted the majestic North Pacific grey whale in the waters of the Strait of Juan de Fuca between Vancouver Island and Washington state.

The whale, which was about 10 metres long, rose out of the water with a buoy hooked to it and splashed back down. Two motor boats - with three men in the larger boat and two in the smaller boat - were on either side of the whale. The whale went underwater and changed direction; the motor boats changed direction.

"The whale was in a big panic, trying to get away. It was like watching Jaws," Mr. Salle said in an interview, referring to the classic 1975 Steven Spielberg shark film. "The buoy was hooked onto the whale somehow; it was going up and down, up and down, fighting for its life. It was a frantic situation. If they were showing this on TV, you would have to announce, 'If you have a weak stomach, don't watch this.' "

Finally, the whale headed into the middle of the strait.

"That's when the shooting started," Mr. Sallee said, who had a front-row seat to the hunt when returning from a morning of salmon fishing with a friend. "We counted 21 shots and that's when we called the Coast Guard," he said.

About 200-250 grey whales spend the summer and fall feeding along the Pacific coast south of Alaska. The grey whales are not considered an endangered species, but a moratorium imposed by the U.S. government in 1994 prohibits whaling for the greys.

The Makah tribe, who live near Neah Bay in Washington, assert their right to whaling under an 1855 treaty that recognizes the tribe's right to hunt the whales for traditional subsistence or cultural needs.

The Makah attracted international controversy in 1999 when they obtained a permit and then killed a whale for the first time in seven decades. A subsequent court challenge resulted in an appeal-court decision in 2004 that stated the tribe must obtain a waiver of the moratorium before exercising their treaty rights.

However, the killing this weekend was not sanctioned by the tribal whaling commission, Brian Gorman, a spokesman for the U.S. National Marine Fisher Service, said in an interview yesterday.

The Makah are currently in the final stages of the process to receive the waiver, clearing the way for a whale hunt in the spring of 2008. "It's puzzling what happened," he said.

Those involved in killing the whale could face federal civil penalties of a fine of up to $20,000 and a possible jail sentence, he added.

U.S. Coast Guard Petty Officer Shawn Eggert said in an interview the Coast Guard detained five men Saturday for about five hours. After questioning by officials from U.S. National Marine Fisheries Service, the men were released from custody to the Makah band.

The whale was shot with a high powered .460 Weatherby Magnum hunting rifle, one of the largest shoulder-fired cartridge weapons on the market, he said.

Members of the band met behind closed doors Saturday evening and yesterday to figure out how to deal with the five rogue whale hunters . Tribal officials did not respond to phonemessages yesterday.

Mr. Sallee, who lives in the town of Forks, Wash., said the weather was sunny and clear. The water was calm. He saw several buoys and a harpoon in the boats. When the shooting began, he and his friend headed ashore and called the Coast Guard.

They watched the whale for more than four hours as it struggled to survive. "It was obvious in Neah Bay that some of the tribe supported what was going on and some of the tribe were extremely agitated over what was going on," Mr. Sallee said.

The whale died early Saturday evening, about 10 hours after the shots were fired. The whale sank while heading out to sea. No one was making plans yesterday to retrieve the sunken whale.

Occult Nursery Rhymes #1

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
(can't make a decision? or trying to balance between two extremes?)

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
(the fall of man? the separation of the angels into man/woman?)

All the king's horses (Horuses?) and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
(because only the King can)

there's some debate as to what Humpty Dumpty meant when the rhyme was written... but i'm thinking... Hump Dump? The male ovum? I mean, it doesn't seem like that much of a stretch ... after all, he IS an egg.

***

ok... i found the original piece from Book 4 ...

This is so simple as hardly to require explanation. Humpty Dumpty is
of course the Egg of Spirit, and the wall is the Abyss -- his "fall" is
therefore the descent of spirit into matter; and it is only too painfully
familiar to us that all the king's horses and all his men cannot restore us
to the height.
Only the King Himself can do that!
But one can hardly comment upon a theme which has been so fruitfully
treated by Ludovicus Carolus, that most holy illuminated man of God. His
masterly treatment of the identity of the three reciprocating paths of
Daleth, Teth, and Pe, is one of the most wonderful passages in the Holy
Qabalah. His resolution of what we take to be the bond of slavery into very
love, the embroidered neckband of honour bestowed upon us by the King
himself, is one of the most sublime passages in this class of literature.

- Aleister Crowley

The Fletcher Memorial Home

Take all your overgrown infants away somewhere
and build them a home a lttle place of their own
the fletcher memorial
home for incurable tyrants and kings

And they can appear tothemselves every day
on closed circuit t.v.
to make sure they're still real
It's the only connection they feel
"ladies and gentelmen, please welcome reagan and haig
mr. begin and friends mrs. thatcher and paisley
mr. brezhnev and party
the gost of mccarthy
the memories of nixon
and now adding colour a group of anonymous latin-
american meat packing glitterati"

did they expect us to treat them with any respect

they can polish their medals and sharpen their
smiles, and amuse themselves playing games for a while
boom boom, bang bang, lie down you're dead

safe in the permanent gaze of a gold glass eye
with their favourite toys
they'll be good girls and boys
in the fletcher memorial home for colonial
wasters of life and limb

is everyone in?
are you having a nice time?
now the final solution can be applied

***

i guess some things never change.

Medical Marijuana - CJS Amendment up for a vote

www.cannabisculture.com/articles/5032.html
www.house.gov/

***

Please urge your U.S. Representative to support the Hinchey medical marijuana amendment to the "CJS" spending bill by calling the Capitol Switchboard at 202-224-3121.

Congress will vote on an amendment this week (as early as Wednesday) that would protect Angel Raich, Valerie Corral and other patients with cancer, AIDS and other diseases who use marijuana for medical reasons. Make sure your Representative votes to protect patients from federal prosecution: call him or her as soon as possible, and forward this alert to everyone you know. (You can check out www.drugpolicy.org to make sure Congress hasn't voted on the amendment before you call).

What to Do: Call the Capitol Switchboard at 202-224-3121. Ask to speak to your U.S. Representative. If you're not sure who represents you, the operator can tell you. You can also look up your Representative at www.house.gov by entering your zip code at the top of the page.

What to Say: Once the operator transfers you to your Representative's office, give the person who answers the following message:

"Hi, I'm a constituent. I'm calling to urge my Representative to vote for the Hinchey medical marijuana amendment to the Commerce-Justice-Science ("CJS") spending bill, which will be voted on this week. This issue is very important to me."

(Hinchey is pronounced Hinchee.)

Then forward this alert to friends and family.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Responding to the growing conflict between the states and the federal government over the issue of medical marijuana, Rep. Maurice Hinchey (D-NY) will offer an amendment to the Commerce-Justice-Science Appropriations bill that would prohibit the U.S. Justice Department from undermining state efforts to provide terminally ill and chronic pain patients access to doctor-recommended medical marijuana. The amendment would prohibit the Justice Department from spending any money on arresting or prosecuting medical marijuana patients in states where medical marijuana is legal. 163 members of Congress voted for a similar amendment last year.

The U.S. Justice Department continues to spend millions of dollars arresting medical marijuana patients and their caregivers - even in the twelve states where medical marijuana is legal. At a time when violent drug cartels remain at large and threats of terrorism continue to emerge, it is irresponsible for the Justice Department to jeopardize public safety by wasting scarce law enforcement resources conducting raids on hospice centers and medical marijuana patients.

Earlier this year, New Mexico became the twelfth state to enact a proactive medical marijuana law. New Mexico joins Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, Nevada, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington as states with effective medical marijuana laws. Numerous other states are currently considering medical marijuana laws of their own. Passage of this amendment will not only help embolden these efforts across the country, but will send a stern message to the Justice Department to stop subjecting seriously ill patients to dehumanizing arrest.

The Hinchey medical marijuana amendment would not prevent the Justice Department from arresting people using, growing, or selling marijuana for recreational use. Nor would it prevent the Justice Department from arresting medical marijuana patients in the states that have not approved the drug for this use. It simply prevents the federal government from arresting patients who use marijuana for medical reasons in states that have adopted medical marijuana laws.

Substantial majorities of Democrats, Republicans, and Independents support medical marijuana. A 2001 Pew Research Center poll found that 73% of Americans support medical marijuana. A 2002 Time/CNN poll found that 80% of Americans support it. The Institute of Medicine has determined that nausea, appetite loss, pain and anxiety "all can be mitigated by marijuana." Allowing cancer, AIDS, and MS patients legal access to medical marijuana is supported by the American Nurses Association, American Public Health Association, American Bar Association and Kaiser Permanente, among other groups.

Please urge your U.S. Representative to support the Hinchey medical marijuana amendment to the "CJS" spending bill by calling the Capitol Switchboard at 202-224-3121.

Thank you,

Bill Piper
Director of National Affairs
Drug Policy Alliance

...and now for something totally different...

SCAT!

my birthday

i needed to put this down in writing. to see if it was as... i don't know... insane(?) as i thought it was.

so, i leave work to cash my paycheck (woo hoo!! money!! it's been so long since i had a couple extra bucks... and i was going to celebrate a little...) when my car's engine starts chugging at an intersection. my gas gauge says i have a quarter of a tank, but the light's on .. so i'm thinking - ok - credit union, then gas station is right next door ... no problem, right?

wrong. oh... so wrong.

i turn up the on-ramp (i'm literally 2 minutes from the credit union) and the car starts chugging again, and i've got my foot to the floor. nothing.

hit the hazards, pull to the side as best i can (to let the people behind me past, honking and giving me the finger .. nice touch) and wait for the traffic to pass. then i try to start it a couple times, and realise i'm pretty much fucked. i put it in neutral, start it for a second (that power steering is really underrated) and try to coast backwards down the ramp. thankfully, no one came up it while i was zigzagging down it.

splash and parked it in a puddle. hop out, look for non-existent payphone. walk through the rain to hit the nearest establishment (Dakota's ... a bar with no phone, but a very nice bartender and two nice mid-afternoon clients.) so i'm using the bartenders phone to try to call Melissa ... she's at work so she can't answer her phone. I call my friend Brian (whose brakes just went), who played phone tag for me ... he'll call me back if he can get a ride for me ... so i call AAA, they quote me $90 for a year and 4 tows ... and her cell phone dies.

so, now i'm bothering the customers ... and this woman is nice enough to let me use her phone. but it's prepaid and down to ?? minutes and will 'probably cut out' ... i can't call AAA and wait on hold and join a club .... so i call Brian again and eventually he sent his buddies cab company to bring me to a gas station.

that was my first mistake.

i hit the gas station, and $15 dollars later, am beginning to pump. the force of the gas when it came out of that pump was unnatural. like... think tantric orgasm force. so now, i am soaked with gasoline. mmmm.... yummy. dripping off my glasses, my arms, two big splotches on my jeans ... ah... i try to laugh to myself at the sheer fucked-ness of it all.. and managed to, at least on the inside. oh yeah.. and the meter's running.

so now it's back to the car ... i go to fill 'er up .. and i'm standing in a puddle past my shoelaces. hey ... at least it's got this nice swirly rainbow color to it. empty the gas can ... hop in the car ... turn the key...

and realize that sleep deprivation leads you into the arms of bad choices.

it's not the gas at all. it's the air. i knew it. my turbo gauge is freaking out ... something's not mixing right. damn.. face the reality that i need a tow truck.

back to the bar, stinking like eau d'Exxon... (actually, it was Hess, but you try to think of something witty to fit that shit in)

i call a tow company that's down the road from my house (mistake #2, as we shall see) ... they show up quick, pop me on the flatbed, and we're off. nice. until we get to my house and try to pay. my credit cards are attached to my checking account, but they're supposed to clear a purchase regardless of what's in there, and charge me $25. what a load of horse shit. so i've got my check in my hand, no money in my account, and now, he's taking my car.

ok, fine. so now it's $81 later, and they've got my car in some impound. it'll be another $60 to take it to my house (less than a mile down the road) and and additional $25 a day to keep it there. oh, and they won't even look at it because it's an import.

keep in mind this is all happening while i'm supposed to be sleeping to get ready for my night job.

***

there were like ten or fifteen other weird little shitty things that happened... but i really don't have time to flesh all those out, and they're really not as funny. my day ended at 4 am, if you were wondering ... and i'm writing this after about 4 hours of sleep - because my neighbor likes to use his bandsaw at 8:30 in the morning.

my point, i guess, is that sometimes ... you just have to deal with the gremlin.

i'm a big fan of chaos .. in the generative sense ... but i think it just revealed it's other jaw to me.

and of course, the irony of the whole thing being that "it's my birthday" .. i felt like Dante from Clerks... "i'm not even supposed to BE here today" ... like a security blanket mantra...

well... if you made it this far, thanks for hearing my story - if you didn't, i don't blame you. blogs can become blah-gs pretty quickly ... this wasn't meant to bitch .. or for sympathy - i know many people have horror stories that make my day look downright peachy - but i thought it should be preserved (you know, for when i'm having a slightly less bad day ... perspective always helps)

peace
j

right-wing ads on tribe... why?

can you believe this? it's probably the worst place to advertise this shit... things like this push me further and further from being able to accept any christianity as anything but a political movement with power disproportionate to it's actual base. maybe i'll adjust my mutual funds just to include whatever they exclude.

<<The Timothy Plan® can help make your investing life free from pesky irritants by not investing in companies involved in activities that are contributing to the moral decline of America. These companies undermine traditional family values by becoming involved directly or indirectly in any of the following: abortion, pornography, anti-family entertainment, non-married lifestyles, alcohol, tobacco and/or gambling.>>

WTF?!

when will this tide of ignorance ebb?

it's not fascism, damn it!

the word comes from fasces
1598, from L. fasces "bundle of rods containing an axe with the blade projecting" (pl. of fascis "bundle" of wood, etc.), carried before a lictor, a superior Roman magistrate, as a symbol of power over life and limb: the sticks symbolized punishment by whipping, the axe head execution by beheading.

same root as FASCINATION... which 'attaches' your attention to something.
and FASCIA ... the stuff that holds your body together.
FASHION/FASTEN ... to create by adding parts together...

ya dig?

fascist
1921, from It. partito nazionale fascista, the anti-communist political movement organized 1919 under Benito Mussolini (1883-1945); from It. fascio "group, association," lit. "bundle." Fasci "groups of men organized for political purposes" had been a feature of Sicily since c.1895; the 20c. sense probably infl. by the Roman fasces (q.v.) which became the party symbol. Fascism, also 1921, was originally used in Eng. 1920 in its It. form, fascismo. Applied to similar groups in Germany from 1923.

Fascism is an authoritarian political ideology (generally tied to a mass movement) that considers individual and other societal interests subordinate to the needs of the state, and seeks to forge a type of national unity, usually based on, but not limited to, ethnic, cultural, or racial attributes.

i think the word you're looking for is en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Totalitarianism

end rant.


(above items stolen from wiki and the online etymology dictionary... props to them)