My Blog

Plus Size Tribal Bellydance Tassel Bra/Belt Set For Sale

AmeenaAhava — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 00:53:17 GMT

Just listed one of my all time favorite bra/belt sets on E-bay - it's too big for me to wear now! http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=170324892537

Matriarch to Wise Woman

AmeenaAhava — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 06:20:01 GMT

Autumn: From Matriarch to Wise Woman From the book In the House of the Moon by Jason Elias and Katherine Ketcham As a woman moves beyond her childbearing years into the autumn of her life, she begins to harvest the essential materials that will sustain and nurture her for the rest of her journey. Autumn is the season of ripening and maturity… The symbol of autumn is the seed, where future life lies compressed and perfectly ordered within a tender, flexible space. Dry and lifeless on the outside, filled with the delicate potential of growth and animation on the inside, the seed enfolds life within the arms of death. Here, in the seed, in the deep hidden stillness, the end of everything is joined to a new beginning… To the unconcerned, seed cases may appear useless and barren, dried out and weather worn. But for those who would look deeper, who would stoop to peel away the outer core in order to contemplate the inner substance, untold treasures are revealed… In human life, the tender seeds of autumn are the seeds of heart and soul. In the autumn of a woman’s life she collects the grains, bulbs, tubers, and roots that will sustain her for the rest of her days. Using her powers of discipline and devotion, she searches for the essentials that will carry her through the winter. She is a collector of wisdom, a harvester of experience, a preserver of the little things, and she knows that for everything she keeps, she must give something away. What is essential? She asks herself with each step. What can I do without... The transition between the seasons of life is not always smooth and orderly. Profound transformations are taking place, and the body/mind/spirit may be ill prepared to cope with the sudden shifts of energy. Caught off guard, a woman may struggle for balance, only to discover in her deepest fears the very source of her strength and resilience. Forced to acknowledge that part of the self is dying, grieving for what is gone and can never be recovered, she turns her focus inward, where she works over the seeds, picking and choosing, taking stock, continually asking the same questions over and over again—Who am I now? What am I yet to become? With each repetition of these questions, she sinks deeper into the meaning of her own existence, moving steadily through the shadows in order to come fully into the light… The seeds of creativity that burst forth in such abundance in the spring and early summer of a woman’s life often lay dormant when she turns her attention to a lover, husband, or children. But during the transition period known as menopause, women instinctively turn their attention to those neglected seeds, seeking to rediscover the unique individual they were before sexuality and reproduction became the primary focus of their lives. If menopause is reframed as an opportunity to recover and recreate your “real” self—the passionate, idealistic, energetic young individual who existed before menstruation—then we can begin to understand the depth and potential of this remarkable metamorphosis.

Time for Clarity of Perception

AmeenaAhava — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 22:13:35 GMT

Time for Clarity of Perception I stepped outside tonight and looked up. The brightest stars forged themselves into my immediate perception; big, bright, beautiful against the contrasting black. Then I realized that the inside lights were intruding on my perception through the sliding glass doors. I shut off the inside lights and again stepped outside. Taking a seat in my favorite reclining deck chair, I looked up. As my eyes adjusted, more stars appeared in my vision; fainter but not less beautiful – lending themselves to the overall tapestry straining against the black. I waited. Milky white steaks appeared as a background, dispelling the blackness in patches. Stillness in the sky. Then movement – shooting stars lending their transient beauty. How many times in the busy-ness so valued in our society do we miss clarity of vision, appreciation of beauty? Which lends itself more toward a meaningful existence? I am inspired to continue toward simplicity of doing and being so that I might have the time necessary to attain vision and beauty.

Two Beloved Aunts Lost in Two Months

AmeenaAhava — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 09:43:12 GMT

Two Beloved Aunts Lost in Two Months Ann... The life of the party! My whole life she was the one to get the games going: sheeps head, dirty clubs, zilch... and if you lost a little loose change in the bargain, all the better! Ann.. Recognized the wonderful in everybody. No matter what you did, if it was good she praised you to everyone she knew - even you! ...and she exagerated it in *all* the right places, too!!! LOL! Ann... Self concious about her own figure... but seeing the beauty in others. Always wanting to be thinner, but never truly realizing how beautiful she was to all who knew her! Ann... Talked continually... and her voice is oh so missed! Ann... Doting mother, doting Aunt. Ann.. My Auntie Ann, much loved and *very* much missed! and... Paula... Entered our family when I was only 10 and she only 17. I felt a kindred spirit in an aunt so close to my own age. Seeing her and my uncle cuddle on the couch made me want the same some day. :O) Paula... Well manicured nails and beautiful make-up. I used her eye liner one time, and denied it when caught. LOL! She didn't push the issue. :O) Paula... could carry any conversation, even with those of us who had a hard time talking. She shared her life and her loves with us all! Paula... Providing and organizing... making family get-togethers run smoothly and still able to visit and have fun. Paula... Holding babies!!!! She loved *all* babies! ...and the cute outfits and gifts she picked out!!! I will never forget the sight of my first son in her arms, nor the sight of his first daughter in her arms. Paula... Loving wife, mother, and Aunt! Someday she will be a grandmother, and I will hold her first grandbaby in my arms. These two women have been with me my entire life. I miss them. I will remember them always!

Crossroads at 40

AmeenaAhava — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:37:30 GMT

...at the crossroads... I stand at twilight (I stand at dawn) I wonder what could have been, should have been (I wonder what will be) Decisions I've made (Choices before me) Judged in hindsight (Hopeful of the future) The path marked in stone (An undisturbed canvas) Outcomes unchangeable (Infinite possibilities) Strive for the goal (Appreciate the journey) Expectations met and unmet (Live in the moment) Experience (Wisdom) Made me who I am (Now I will blossom) I take the next step.

About Me....

AmeenaAhava — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 00:26:03 GMT

Three names you go by: 1. Pookie 2. Mom 3. Grandma Three Parts of Your Heritage 1. German 2. Irish 3. Polish Three Things That Scare You 1. Hostile/violent people 2. Heights 3. My son being stationed in Iraq Three of Your Everyday Essentials 1. Water 2. Chocolate 3. Computer Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now 1. Wedding ring 2. Pajamas 3. Lipstick Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists 1. Solace 2. The Baltimore Consort 3. Enya Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love) 1. Kindness 2. Humor 3. Talking about feelings Physical characteristics that appeal to you 1. Hair (color/texture/style) 2. Eyes 3. Hands/fingers Three of Your Favorite Hobbies 1. Dancing 2. Drumming 3. Herbs Three Things You want to do really badly right now 1. Hold my granddaughter 2. Watch all the Star Wars movies in order 3. Dance with my dancing sisters Three Places You Want to go on Vacation 1. Alaska (when it gets too hot here) 2. Turkey (to visit my sister) 3. Boston (to visit my cousin) Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die 1. Find fulfilling and lucrative work 2. Travel extensively with my family 3. Establish close loving relationships with my daughters-in-law Three Ways that you are stereotypical of your sex. 1. I love dress-up 2. I'm sappy 3. I giggle a lot Three Ways that you are NOT stereotypical of your sex. 1. I don't multi-task well 2. I love flying airplanes 3. I don't have a nesting instinct Friends....copy these questions and let us know about you. Hugs!!!

Center Stage

AmeenaAhava — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:02:21 GMT

Center Stage Center Stage was a wide blue expanse, inhabited by just a small wisp… barely there, making me wonder how such a small, thin thing could even survive there. It touched me with happiness to witness its mere existence in such a large ocean. At the edge, hoping to gain entrance… even straining toward the center… was a dragon with folded wings, huge body darkly solid, nose stretched out while legs crept forward - Powerful. Yet before reaching Center Stage, the dragon suddenly changed form and floated off along the edge. Center Stage was occupied by a disappearing mist… a small white form… dwindling… gone. Center Stage now stood empty, but memory of the little wisp of happiness remained. A deer with curved horns and lovely outline leaped toward the center, outstretched body airborne, suspended in dance - Graceful. Yet before reaching Center Stage, the deer suddenly changed form and floated off along the edge. Center Stage stood empty, but memory of the little wisp of happiness remained. Along another edge, white flames appeared, dancing and twisting, then as one reached in a line of fire toward the center, grasping, giving voice to all that is chaotic – Overwhelming. Yet before reaching Center Stage, the flames suddenly changed form and floated off along the edge. Center Stage. Do we strive like a powerful dragon, a graceful deer, or a chaotic fire to reach it? Maybe, if we tried harder to be just a wisp of happiness we’d reach it… and leave a much more lasting impression. Lessons from clouds…

Herbs!

AmeenaAhava — Sun, 27 May 2007 19:21:35 GMT

I've gotten and planted my herbs! There's nothing like working with herbs to calm the mind and soul... well it ranks right up there with dancing, drumming, prayer, and petting purring, cuddly kitties anyway. No matter what's going on, the smell of fresh herbs is very soothing... thyme, basil, sage, rosemary, lovage, mints... ahhhhhhhhhhh.......... I needed this right now!

Paths of Ice

AmeenaAhava — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 18:54:45 GMT

Paths of Ice I stepped out of my front door into a world of mist. The snow was almost gone, the fog was thick, and a slight breeze caused wisps of moisture to swirl in my peripheral vision, undetectable if I looked directly at them. My resolution to this year become more in tune with the natural world, caused me to close my eyes. Millions of tiny pinpricks of moisture drops dotted my exposed skin… face… neck… shoulders… arms… hands… calves… feet. External tingling. The feeling it invoked, joyful and fun loving. I listened. There are many birds in our trees, at home with our provided food close by. But, there are even more in the abandoned house and barn next door. Amazingly more. The noise from next door is almost deafening as the sound is carried in this kind of air. I opened my eyes. As I looked out over the field behind our house, I realized almost the entire field was shrouded in the fog. What would it be like to stand out there? I started walking through my back yard, and realized the ground was quite wet with melted snow, which was a problem since I was wearing sandals. I went into the house to grab my husband’s boots, but they weren’t to be found. I was sad. I don’t own boots… I hate even closed shoes. (Impractical, I know, living in Wisconsin… but that’s me!) I decided I’d go back outside and go as far as I could in my sandals. Though most of the snow was gone, I suddenly noticed that where it been the thickest it had only melted down to the underlying the ice. I stepped on the large swath of ice where my yard meets the field, and it held. Lifting my eyes, I traced the path of ice as it became narrower out into the field, maybe a foot wide. The path of ice beckoned and I set out in my sandals. Each step brought wonder; I was walking through a muddy field with dry, sandaled feet! All around me was standing water in the furrows. The path under my feet would get thin and start to crack, but then another, thicker path was within stepping distance. I soon found myself standing in the middle of the field at the end of the ice paths, surrounded by mist. I was in a little shrouded world of my own. Ethereal. I don’t know how long I stood out there – moisture droplets tingling on my skin; natural and man-made sounds blending together, muted, as they echoed through the fog; turning in slow circles then looking straight up to take in the sight of the gently swirling dome of water and light that enclosed me, darker gray where it met the ground turning to bright white overhead. Joy. As I finally walked back to the house, tears glistened in my eyes. I felt blessed beyond measure, as if God had given me a precious gift – paths of ice for just one day so I could experience his creation in a new way. (March 2007)

Stars Without Knowledge

AmeenaAhava — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 08:31:08 GMT

This is my 2nd entry today... it's an emotional and thought-provoking day :O) After the emotional roller coaster of today, I decided to take my new djembe outside and keep up my new year dedication to becoming more in tune with the natural world. I walked out behind our storage shed, to the back of our property. Walked through the crunchy snow... and found a spot. I laid down on my back in the snow and gazed up at the sky. It was dark, and cold, and full of bright points of light. Looking at the sight, I thought about looking at the stars without knowledge. What would it look like without knowing they were all suns or planets? Just points of light in the dark night. The only sound back there was the sound inside my head. The only physical sensation the cold of the snow and air. The only sight, bright points of light on a black background. It was beautiful. Stars without knowledge. Some points of light brighter than others. Patterns in the dark. Promises of warmth in the midst of cold. There was a bright four-cornered pattern. A myriad of points, mostly dim. If I had the time to lay there and think every night, would I notice the changes of season? The changes each night? The patterns over time? Stars without fore-knowledge. Time to observe. We have so much knowledge in our society... but how much discovery? Cold, night, points of light, calm contimplation. primitive and ignorant take on a whole new meaning.

Accepting being a woman...

AmeenaAhava — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 06:20:15 GMT

Ever had one of "those" days? So today, I'm on the verge of tears all day. I'm emotionally raw. I had to go to work and deal with people all day (I work in a call center), then I had troupe dance practice for our upcoming performance. I hate work, I love my dance troupe. Go figure. Tears for both. As a woman, this is a natural cycle. A few days each month. After a discussion with my dance mother/mentor last fall, I realized that the natural cycle is something to be accepted, and maybe even embraced. Today I didn't feel like accepting, and certainly didn't feel like embracing. I think my inner feelings spilled over at practice and maybe even came across as moody, or over sensitive, or just... well, unhappy. I didn't explain it to anybody... but maybe I should have said something. After all, we're all women. Just rambling here... but it seems like in America, we expect ourselves to be even keeled. That if we show any cyclical tendencies then we'll be percieved as too "feminine" and lose some our credibility. "Oh, she's just being a woman". Anyhoo, I'm working on accepting how I feel tonight. Even embracing it as a cleansing of what's built up over the past month. Letting it all out and letting it go. I'm probably not making any sense to anyone else out there, but putting in words helps me. :O)

Laying hands on the Earth

AmeenaAhava — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 04:04:19 GMT

Just some of my rambling... wanted to get it down in words... My son, his new wife (see my pics), and my youngest son just headed off to the hospital to be in the waiting room when my first grandchild is born. My husband and I will be heading up in the morning. My oldest son's wife is in labor and is expected to deliver in the early morning hours. Anyhoo... home alone time... thinking about life, the creation and giving birth to new life, the life that exists in and around us, the living earth. The heartbeat of everyone and everything around us. Drums echoing the heartbeat of life. I decided some meditative drumming was in order, but wanted to set the mood. I lit some candles and insense, then headed outside into the cold. My goal for this coming year is to get more in tune with the life and natural cycles around me. I went outside and realized the pollution that exists, even out in "the country". To "city" folk, I live out in the country; to people who truely live out in the country, I live close to town. The actuality is that I live half way between two smallish (pop 2000 +/- ). Even out here there is what a friend recently referrred to as "light pollution". What I hadn't been aware of was the noise pollution. As I walked down our dirt road, I could see the horizon lit up both east and west (those two shall towns), but I could also hear the hum and buzz of the electric and telephone poles that run down both sides of our road. I was disappointed. It took real effort to "see" the sky, and to hear the natural world. Believe it or not, in the middle of winter in Wisconsin you can hear nature. Wind rustling throught dried fields, creatures chirping and croaking. They're holding out yet. Then I squatted down and put my hands flat on the side of the road. We are smack dab in the middle of man-made "country". Well grated dirt roads, miles of farmland. Everywhere I look I see well-tilled fields. Don't get me wrong, the scenery is beautiful... but it is still man-made. The roads are grated and so far above the surrounding land that you know there are layers and layers of man-made road. But still... it's what I have... and I laid my hands on the Earth. This man-made road is laid on top of virgin soil, on top of the Earth's skin. I expected... but then imagined... the Earth's heartbeat. I know from learned knowledge that the Earth contains, within it's outer shell, rivers and caves and land masses and minerals and core elements and lava and forces beyond reconning... and I had my hands on it's skin. When I lay my hand's on a living being, I know from learned knowledge that there are veins and blood and cells and energy and life forces beyond reconning. Can I feel it? No. But then... Yes. Because of learned knowledge, I could "feel" it. And because I am a feeling being, the heartbeat of the Earth was present. For a few brief moments I was connected to all of you. Then I came back to the warmth, the candle light and insense. My man-made environment that pruposefully echos the feelings of the primitive. I'm going to drum now... and dance... and bring the heartbeat of the Earth into my home.

My existance (am I just weird?)

AmeenaAhava — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 04:42:14 GMT

My existance seems so out of the norm. I don't know... does anyone else experience this? I just can't seem to fit the mold... and really, that's okay. People seem to worry so much about "fitting in", and I don't. I like being me. But I do worry about being misunderstood, or labled something I'm not. The words that come to mind, that I was raised with... lazy uncommitted unreliable flighty irresponsible but truely, I think of it differently. Sometimes I wonder if I'm deluding myself. Lazy... I don't put stock in the "normal" things our society seems to think so important. A spotless, clutterless home... doing dishes... having a well manicured yard. I choose to think of investing my time and energy. I invest my time and energy in enjoying and experiencing life... life with my husband, with my children, with my friends, with my dancing sisters, with myself, with my God. Lazy? Maybe by society's definition. ?? Uncommitted... I commit to "things" for as long as I feel I can be involved. I don't like to be involved in something once I feel the value, or the investment it requires from me, is no longer meaningful. Does that make sense? I guess I don't have any sense of "I've committed so I MUST see it through". But, I have come to realize that in order to invest in others I must say that up front... that I can "commit" for a while, or do the best I can for as long as I can. Sometimes something is meaningful enough to me, or to my family, that the committment goes well beyond what I "feel" committed about, but it's more a committment to those I love (which is always worthwhile) vs a committment just for the sake of committment. I do feel a sense of committment to PEOPLE! But sometimes there's a BIG difference. :O) Unreliable... Okay, not so much really... but at times. If I truely do not feel that I can carry through, I don't. I am who I am and can only do what I can do. I feel no overwhelming sense, I HAVE to, and no terrible guilt when I don't carry through. Flighty... maybe just a label for forgetful? :O) There are just so many times I WANT to follow through, but my brain just doesn't cooperate. It isn't intentional, I'm just an "in the moment" person, and tend to forget about past and future. Sometimes I'm just so in the moment of "being" that I forget anything is even going on around me that may need my attention. Irresponsible... Hmmm... when it comes to money mostly. I hate financial stuff. I take care of bills when I have to (ie - when if I don't something bad will happen). I know people rely on timely and organzied financial decisions of others, but really, it doesn't bother me much. I tend to just not think about it. It doesn't bother me when others owe me money, and I tend to forget when I owe others. Money is just not a high priority to me. If I had my way, everything would be bartering and giving (maybe a bit unrealistic, I know...) I guess it maybe all stems from the investing my time and energy thingy and the flighty thingy, all wrapped into one. If the money issue is important to a specific person (vs a company or entity) or if I remember. Any suggestions for other words that may fit better? Or am I just deluding myself?

My first "grown up" Christmas

AmeenaAhava — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 03:13:39 GMT

I had my children so young that it seems I went from my own childhood Christmasses right into the wonder of experiencing them through my childrens' eyes. This year, for the first time, we were all "big people". My "baby" turned 13 this past year, and for Christmas got a couple of grown-up gifts instead of the myriad of toys. We gave him a real knight's dagger and medieval boots (for his Ren-Faire garb) and a portable TV/DVD/CD player that even has hookups for gaming systems. Even though the new-eyed-wonder of it all has gone, I want to say that the love and the rich traditions we've established over the years have come to fruition this year. A true grown-up Christmas that has meaning... that's what all the invested years add up to... then of course next year we'll start all over with our new grandbaby that's expected any day. :O) One added joy is seeing how our grown-up kids want to continue the traditions within their own families... it gives the same feeling of being connected to the generations before and the generations to come as does dancing. P.S. The picture is my oldest son, his expectant wife, and my beloved grandmother (the baby's great-great-grandmother).

Moonlight and Snow

AmeenaAhava — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 05:34:50 GMT

Tonight is beautiful! I just finished my stretching and dancing for the evening and when I blew out the candles the moonlight beckoned through the window. I went outside, to a spot protected from the bitter wind, stetched out my arms, and the feeling was beyond words... Moonlight and Snow Moonlight, white and blue, glinting off snow in shades of the same... and crisp cool air on skin moistened from dancing... dark branches of bare trees reaching toward the moonlight, mimicking my arms... and then a warm, purring kitty in my arms in the midst of the coolness. Just wanted to share. Sometimes living in Wisconsin in the winter is a good thing. :O)

Trying to learn zils (trying being the key word)

AmeenaAhava — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 16:37:49 GMT

I am sooooooooo music challenged! I know this is going to be good for me... but it's HARD to even pick out the rhythm in a piece of music, let alone play along.... AND then dance. Oh my word!! One thing... my 13yo has realized playing the zils looks a lot easier than it actually is. :O) He's gained an appreciation of it, as have I. Anyone else notice this? The more I try to learn of this ancient dance, the more I gain an appreciation of those who are skilled in it. It's ALL so much harder than it looks... it's a true art form and one that takes time and dedication to learn, and years to master. Anyhoo, my director/instructor is encouraging me to try to play a bit (during one piece) at our Dec 15th performance - eeeeek! Nothing like an upcoming performance to motivate oneself... I've got to get a little bit of a handle on this whole zil thing. I do see improvement every day... but oi... I'm certainly scared and nervous about this daunting (to me) task... I do love how Anna finds a way to keep us all challenged and stretching ourselves!

Reading Grandmother's Secrets

AmeenaAhava — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 23:59:20 GMT

So, I've been reading the book Grandmother's Secrets - wonderful book! Tonight I was reading the sections about the feet and the legs, as well as the floor dance. One thing I've always liked about Tribal costuming is that I get to hide my legs and feet. But... the author points out that this is a cultural thing... you know, not appreciating the beauty and value of them. It gets me thinking, in our society we are fed the image of the "perfect" body, which is air-brushed and re-touched and nowhere near attainable. A woman with "perfect" thighs may hate her hips, a woman with "perfect" hips may her breasts... etc. This leads me to thinking about my whole body. All my life (even at my skinniest) I've thought about my imperfections... my thighs are too big, my hips too square, my waist too thick, my breasts too small. Belly dancing has helped me look at myself and other women as beautiful and unique instead of comparing how each measures up to "perfect". This book is a treasure in helping to change my mindset from what it has been trained from infancy to see. I can now begin to appreciate the roundness of my own belly, hips, and thighs, and yet also appreciate the flatness of another's belly, the cinching at her waist, or the thinness of her thighs... There is SO much beauty in variety!! To me this is so freeing mentally, instead of seeing another woman and thinking "I wish I had her waist" or whatever, I can think of each of us as beautiful and unique and focus instead on our shared sisterhood. Instead of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking "I hate my thighs", I can see the beauty and uniqeness that is me and focus on opening up instead of closing and protecting myself.