Ita erat quando hic adveni.

Yeah Verily, Mine Head Explodeth

AnathemaD — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:26:26 GMT

So, there's a shopping mall not far from my house (Bay Street Shopping Center, if anyone cares, or wants to go deface this sign . . .). They have various giant signs about the place encouraging consumerism. So today I was heading down there to watch people stand in line for the new iPhone (oh, actually I was going to H&M, but the line **is** impressive, a week after launch) and there was the GIANT sign pictured above. Geez Louise. How tough is it!?! I mean, I know it's a archaic grammar, but that doesn't mean you don't hear it ALL THE TIME. 10,000 Ren Faire geeks can't be wrong. Thy! Thy! Thy! I said to my husband, "Don't kids learn the Lord's Prayer in school anymore? I mean that fucker is full of "thy's." " He just looked at me. Then I remembered that probably here in America, said prayer is learned not so much. (Fun fact. When I was in Church of England grammar school, we used to have this thing where before recess you had to say the Lord's Prayer quietly to yourself before you could go play. I was such a rule-following kid that it never occurred to me **not** to say it . . . but I learned to say it really, really fast. Great useless skill--I bet I can still real it off faster than, well, just about anyone in the greater Bay Area. Unless they went to village school in the UK, of course . . .)

Parcourse!

AnathemaD — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:26:19 GMT

So, I am kind of a fitness geek. I go to the gym almost every day, but on days when I don't (or Sundays, when it's closed) I usually just go running. Having done a couple of those boot camp fitness classes, one of the things I really enjoyed from them and try to integrate is the idea that everything is a potential strength training aid. Tricep dips off bus benches, lunges up stairs, etc. I've never actually had the balls to do chin-ups on a random tree branch as we did in my class (obviously, the instructor had scoped out a sturdy branch . . .), but that sort of thing. School playgrounds are a great source of random exercise opportunities, and if I'm out running and see an empty playground, I'll always duck in and see if there are any fitness pervertibles. And that's how I found the little teeny parcourse in a school near my house (off Alcatraz in Oakland). Those who went outdoors in the 70s will likely remember this phenomenon--various exercises set up in an area where you can also run outdoors. It's brilliant and I have no idea why they fell out of favor--I assume just that there's no profit model, it's something a city installs for the good of its citizens, and we know how popular that is these days. So now I'm hooked. I discovered that there's another, much more extensive one alone the Ohlone Greenway in Berkeley this weekend. Does anyone know where there might be others? Funny thing, but pushups, chin-ups, jumping jacks and the like are actually (gasp!) harder work than the machines at the gym. Almost like those drill sergeants were onto something . . .

Best. Recruitment Film. Ever.

AnathemaD — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 15:56:48 GMT

Who **wouldn't** want to join the Japanese navy? It looks like a, er, gay old time . . . **Update** Just added a clip that has a mash-up of the US and Japanese films. Truly brilliant. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_TV4qJiOlg&feature=related

There is no lonely

AnathemaD — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:28:29 GMT

Like 4am panic attack lonely. I almost got up to see who was online, but i just couldn't. This project has to end. It has to. I can't keep doing this. The three key team members burst into tears in my boss's office last night, and then went to a bar. It's like that. So, sorry to spam you all about needing an art person but really, if one great person comes through, it could help fix everything.

This Is Not the Time

AnathemaD — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 03:30:35 GMT

I do not have time to fall apart. My work is out of control, we're not going to hit our deadline, and I can't fix it. I am terrified of losing my job, I feel like shit, I can't sleep, my house is a mess . . . and . . . and . . . And I apparently I'm being an asshole without even meaning to. I have a really bad tendency of getting over enthusiastic and acting on an adrenaline high, and then realizing I've acted like a big fat idiot. I have sent a somewhat incoherent message apologizing for being a dumbass, but it doesn't undo anything. I think I'm going to take too many pills and sleep for a very long time. Hopefully it will all feel better tomorrow.

The Humanist Wager

AnathemaD — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 06:03:46 GMT

Reposted from my mom's refrigerator. Take that, Pascal! Choose to live your life as though there were no God, and that your only opportunity to do good is to live a kind, compassionate life doing right by others. If there is, in fact, no God, you will have lived a good life and be remembered kindly by those you helped. If there is a benevolent God, he will judge you on your actions, not on whether you performed specific rituals. And if God is not benevolent, you're pretty much screwed no matter what.

Cougarific musings

AnathemaD — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 02:29:04 GMT

And yes, Joan Collins is my personal icon of cougarificness. She's in her late 70s and, well, I think she's kinda awesome. In a scary, over-surgiically-altered kinda way. But still. I've always said I wanted to be a cougar when I grow up, and I guess technically I'm there--the cougarage, not the growing up, necessarily. So, I keep joking that I'm going to get thrown off the COGs and Cougars tribe for disagreeing with the party line. In all actuality, the folks I'm bickering with are the same ones I bicker with in other fora (why I can't learn to just shake my head and click away, I don't know.) But the bickering has raised a couple of issues that I find sort of interesting. I don't really want to get into the whole TNG thing again. As I said in a post on the above-referenced tribe, sometimes you just have to acknowledge that you will never agree, and back away slowly. I still don't get why the concept of younger people and their friends socializing is so horrific, but whatever. They see it as an exclusionary club that won't let them in, I see it as one more in a wide rage of neat things people can do. But . . . a lot of these conversations seem to keep coming back to some things that I see as rather problematic cognitive dissonance. To break it down into two somewhat separate, if related items: 1. The folks on this tribe are, theoretically, interested in relationships (or at least brief sexual encounters) with younger folks. Hence the self-attached label of COG (Creepy Old Guy--iintended as the joking male counterpart to Cougar) or Cougar. So these folks want to have relationships with younger folks, but then go on and on and on about "these damn kids today." I mean, I get it--I tend to date younger men and women, but a lot of "damn kids" irritate the fuck out of me. indeed, one of my closest friends is 22, and just recently said, in all honesty, "I hate kids." He may be young, but he's more mature than a lot of folks twice his age. Still, it seems funny to be out there on the prowl looking for young hotties, while simultaneously commenting about how horrid they are. We've all fucked people we don't like . .. but making it into a set part of who you are seems kinda creepy. 2. Related, amny of the posts about how awful TNG and other youth-oriented groups are has a sort of gleeful, "They'll learn one day!" attitude . . . kinda as if people were saying "They're so young and cute now, but one day they'll be saggy, wrinkled and hideous . . . like us!" There's this hand-rubbing snickering that one day these kids will be . . . as disgusting and horrible as we are. I mean, WTF? Counterproductive and self-loathing, anyone? I personally am abundantly aware that I will never again be a young hottie. I'm pretty cool with being an old hottie. The horrible notion that my 20-year-old self has turned into my 42-year-old self (and will one day resemble my super hot 66-year-old mother) just doesn't seem so . . . horrible. People who dis younger folks by saying, "You'll get your punishment--one day you'll be like me!" don't strike me as people who are enjoying themselves very much. There are things I know and can do now that my 20-year-old self would be stunned by. I am strong, secure, happy, and in control of my life and my sexuality. And yeah, my 20-year-old had perkier boobs. I think it's a fair trade. When my horrid great aunt was in a nursing home, one of the nurses let my mom in on a truism of elder care. Basically, people think that oldsters get cranky and bitter and mean because they are raging again aging. She said no, pretty much, their saying is, "Bitch at 20, bitch at 90." We are who we are. Maybe those old folks who are angry that young things don't like them were horrid and unloved at 20 as well. But then they had to blame it on something else. Now they can blame TNG brainwashing.

Attention citizens of Discworld!

AnathemaD — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 03:08:50 GMT

As you may have read, Terry Pratchett is suffering from a rare form of early-onset Alzheimers. Pat Cadigan has started a campaign to get 500,000 Terry Pratchett fans to donate £1 each to Alzheimer's research, matching the funds put up by Pratchett himself--she calls the campaign "Match it for Pratchett!" All lovers of Discworld (or Good Omens. Or sci-fi silliness in general) should climb on board. As boingboing notes, it's a pound. That's about 2 bucks US dollars, give or take a couple of (US) pennies. You can spare that much. Go to the link belowmand make your donation. Tell them it's in honour of Terry Pratchett. http://www.alzheimers-research.org.uk/

Warning: Busy Kitty Ahead

AnathemaD — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 00:58:38 GMT

Most of my friends have already heard this story, but for those who haven't . . . for the next month, I am one busy kitty. Yeah, I'm always fairly booked because I enjoy stuff and also things, but this is above and beyond. Basically, I did not micromanage my team at work enough (that difficult balance--trying to be hands off enough that people feel like you trust them, but hands-on enough that you're sure the shit's getting done.) It doesn't help that I was still on Topomax at the time, which was making me slower than usual. Thank heavens, the Lamictal really does seem to be just about side-effect-free. So that worry is over. But . . . I have an enormous project that has to wrap by April 21 (if it doesn't, I lose my company many tens of thousands of dollars, which is considered non-cute.) I love the project. I love my job. I love my co-workers. But I wish I had been on their asses a bit more, so that we're not in such a frenzy at the end. So, what this means is that I'm less available than usual. I've already warned the zine staff that I pretty much can't do anything this month. I'm turning down intriguing invitations to kinky events (thanks for asking, Jagged! Wish I could . . .) and being really remiss about e-mail (sorry Julie!). I'm still trying to go to Sinister on Tuesdays, since it's the happiest place on Earth (sorry Disneyland), and maybe BaGG because a gal does need her spankings . . . but two nights out a week might be too much as the deadline nears. So if I'm dissing you, it's not personal (well, with a few exceptions!). It's that I'm going insane. Hopefully, all will be better soon . . .

My First Attempts

AnathemaD — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 17:46:42 GMT

No . . . I did not stay up all night making these. Just . . . kind of later than I should have . . . Update: Damn it, I can't get all the ones I did to j-peg into one file. I'm sure I could figure it out but I'm . . . what's that word? Oh yeah, lazy. My others are in my photo album. I am terribly afraid I may have a new obsession . . . cuz ya know, I need another reason to spend a bunch of time tippity tappig away on my computer like some demented hamster . . .

My New Geekalicious Obsession

AnathemaD — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 06:42:51 GMT

Damn you Lucie Parker for turning me on to this site! I have to admit, I have some . . . issues . . . with flowchart, gant charts, and pie diagrams. I lurves them perhaps a wee tad too much. In fact, my friend Terese swears (and I can't deny it . . . I was on a lot of drugs at the time, and don't recall, but I'm sure I did it) that some time in the 80s I created an elaborate flow chart to prove that I'm not OCD. Delve deep. Enjoy. I posted one I liked above, but I'm also totally charmed by the pie chart of what Right Said Fred was too sexy for . . . and of course the House in New Orleans Venn diagram with "me" as a wholly owned subset of "many a poor boy." http://www.flickr.com/groups/songchart/pool

Spring Cleaning

AnathemaD — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:08:13 GMT

Yeah, I know you're suppose to post a warning **before** you do this. But, well, I suddenly felt this crazy OCD urge to purge every friend who wasn't a **real** friend. And yeah, that's a lie, because I left some non-friends on, but I got from 210 down to 176, and that feels pretty good. Who I purged . . . 1. People I have never met and have never really interacted with in tribes. A lot of these are from my early days on Tribe when I was all, "Wow! People are so friendly! It would be rude to turn down their requests!". Now I'm smarter. 2. Known icky people whom I've only discovered are icky since getting to know them, either on Tribe or (very rarely) IRL. 3. People I genuinely like but who obviously joined Tribe a million years ago, when I invited them, and have never been back since. A lot of question-mark-heads with one or two friends who are awesome folks in real life, but obviously are just not going to be doing the Tribe thing, for better or worse. 4. Maybe (oops!) one or two people I actually like, whose alts I didn't recognize. Um . . . sorry, if you happen to stumble across this, do friend me again, reminding me who you are! (and yeah, this is why you post the warning **before** the purge . . .) Who I kept . . . 1. My real friends. Duh. I was surprised and gratified at how many there actually were. 2. One or two people I've never met whose Tribe personae have made it clear that, if we did meet in the real world, I'd totally love them. 3. Some folks that I cannot for the life of me remember meeting, but from their tribes and our mutual friends, we're obviously contemporaries. This is perhaps one of the few downsides of being an incredibly social, networking-oriented person. I meet and befriend so many people, sometimes I can't keep track of them all, to my great chagrin. 4. A few folks whom I really don't like, but who are part of my social circle and what the hell. I may as well maintain a veneer of sociability. 5. One dead person. To the best of my knowledge, two of my Tribe friends have died since the inception. John was a pretty well known, socially active guy in the BDSM and goth scenes, and I assume his profile was taken down by someone in the know. Taffy had just joined Tribe, and didn't have very many (Tribe) friends. I assume they just haven't noticed that her profile has been inactive for years, or don't care. After all, lots of the folks I unfriended hadn't been active in years, and they weren't dead . . . just on Facebook! (insert cheap joke here). Relevant that they were both accomplished riders who died in motorcycle accidents? Perhaps only statistically . . .

Fine. It's another one. Maybe I have a problem.

AnathemaD — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 08:04:08 GMT

CTP is my enabler! Quiz from CTP who stole it from HunnyDu who stole it from HeatherLyn, who stole it from Nansee, who got it from a guy on the corner... 1.) If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be: Strap-on, bullet vibe, and Chicago Manual of Style 2.) I have an irrational fear of: Lenticular. I’m serious man, that shit freaks me out. 3.) What type of food do you eat at your grandparent's house? I guess it would be pomegranate seeds since we’d be in the underworld, ‘n’ shit. 4.) What weight were you when you were born? Slightly less than now 5.) What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate most? Probably make friends with them. It’s what I do. 6.) Have you ever been cheated? No doubt. 7.) Do you stalk anyone on MySpace? Stalk is such a negative word . . . how about aggressively monitor? 8.) Where do you live? Oaksterdam 9.) Next door to my house are: Houses 10.) My feet are: Not my sexiest feature 11.) My preferred style of jeans is: I don’t really care for jeans, but I have a few pairs of low-slung, butt-hugging boot-cut ones that boys seem to like. 13.) Know how to cook?: Yes, but that doesn’t mean I will. 14.) What's annoying you? Mean, dishonest, stupid people. 16.) Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? Hell yeah. 17.) What sea creature scares you? Jacques Cousteau 18.) What color hair do most of the people you are around have? I seem to be having a marvelous redhead convergance in my life right now. Woohoo! 19.) What object have you broken recently? A poorly made sex toy. 20.) Name one of the Spice Girls. Ah, dear Becks. 21.) What was the last thing to make you cry? A bad man with a length of conduit. 22.) What kind of car do you drive? My beloved little 1984 BMW. 23.) My favorite shoes are: The ones I haven’t bought yet. I might have a bit of a . . . problem . . . 24.) Can you use chopsticks? On my food and in my hair. 25.) Do you prefer beaches or forests? Yes 26.) What serial killer do you find most disturbing? The one that runs the country. 27.) Who knows a secret or two about you? Pervy Girls FTW! 28.) Have you ever burned yourself? By accident, on purpose, on a dare, as part of a sex scene . . . um, I like fire . . . 29) Who's probably talking crap about you right now? My authors. 30.) Who is your hero? My mom. 31.) Where is your sister right now? Well, the boring uptight one is probably in bed, and the cool one is probably working a night shift at the rehab facility where she takes care of crazy veterans. 32.) Do you believe in things that last forever? Well, I believe in entropy. Does that count? 33.) What are you listening to? I’ve got iTunes on Party Shuffle . . . up next are Ministry, John Cale, The Pixies, and Killing Joke. 34.) What do you smell like? Victory. 35.) Are you married? Irretrievably. 36.) Does anyone regularly tell you they love you? Yep. Can’t hear it enough, though. I’m a love slut. 37.) What's the most confusing to you? People who are unnecessarily mean to good folks. 38.) Do you have any bad habits? One or two. Thousand. 39.) Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? Tried it once, gave me a headache. 40.) What is one thing you've learned about life? Don’t put up with mean people. 41.) What's your favorite color? Well, the classic answer is black, but I really am rather fond of moss green. 42.) Have you ever been stuck in an elevator? Um . . . I don’t think so, but I’ve had moments when I wished the elevator would move a bit more slowly! 43.) Has anyone told you that they like you as more than a friend? Um . . . wouldn’t it be sad if anyone answered “no”!?! 44.) What are you looking forward to? Tomorrow night’s ticklefest! 45.) How are you today? A bit stressed, but happy. Of course, I’m always a little stressed and a lot happy, so really, the usual. 46.) What color is your hair? As far as you’re concerned, world, the answer is red. 47.) What color eyes do you have (without contacts)? Green and yellow. 48.) What's your favorite drink? Tea with milk. 49.) Any pets? Too many cats. 50.) Play any instruments? Not well.

Sick puppy

AnathemaD — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:38:07 GMT

I am one sad critter. Nothing dramatic, just a bad head cold, but it has wiped me out. I spent all day yesterday in bed, and even though I really really need to go to work today (crazy deadlines, my production manager said to me, and I quote, "If you miss this deadline, I will cut off your head and eat your eyes." This after he got me two extra weeks, which is a total godsend.) So, I got up and took DayQuil, which made me sick, yet sweaty. My nose is clearer, but I just can't go to work this woozy. I send a long e-mail asking folks to send me work, and hopefully I can stay current. I really do love my job, and this is just a very crazy time. The problem is actually being too successful--we're sold rights for the book I'm working on to a prestigious US publisher, as well as simultaneous publication rights to at least 6 European countries. If we miss the deadline, there are major financial penalties (not just shame). So, I may just take NyQuil and sleep all day today, and jam like a motherfucker all weekend. Bleargh. I hate being one of those people who catches whatever "thing" is going around. And apologies to various friends who have called and e-mailed. I'm sleeping through my phone and being too sickly to call back. Really, I love you all, I'm just in a green, sticky puddle of woe. How's that for emo!?!

Yet another silly quiz . . .

AnathemaD — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 07:11:06 GMT

This one ganked from Alex . . . 1) Are you currently in a serious relationship? Sometimes we’re serious, sometimes we’re silly, but I think they’re both keepers. . . 2) What was your dream growing up? Okay, so remember we’re talking ‘70s/’80s, right? To be world famous as a dancer and have David Bowie fall in love with me. 3) What talent do you wish you had? Picking stocks/winning horses/lotto numbers. 4) If I bought you a drink what would it be? Wednesday at BaGG, minutes before you did something terrible to me. 5) Favorite vegetable? Well, Terri Schiavo’s gone, so there goes that standard joke . . . 6) What was the last book you read? I go through books like water, hard to recall the latest . . . reread His Dark Materials trilogy for obvious reasons, huffed down some Alistair Reynolds novellas, working on a Hard Science anthology, a Sheri Tepper bit of fluff, and the sequel to Great and Terrible Beauty. 7) What zodiac sign are you? Cap, Libra rising, Mars, Venus & Moon all in Aquarius. So, I’m ambitious, pragmatic, horny, mellow, easy to get along with, artsy, analytical, a loner, popular, rebellious, irresistible, and distant. No wonder I’m confused . . . 8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. Oh man, I wrote this and then my computer crashed. It’s a lot to type . . . The usual ears, plus a whole lot of cartilage piercings partly closed up (a relic of when I worked in Australia, the Aussie dollar was low, and piercings were hella cheap. I had a lot done, and then came home, got sick, and had to have an MRI. Never put all the fuckers back in. Also have a closed-up nose piercing from grad school days. Right nipple (gotta get the left done one of these days . . .) and clit hood. As for tattoos—tiny bat on left thigh as a memento of being a young goth in London. I think he cost 7 pounds. Caduses above him is my wedding ring, designed by Joe. Black panther on left shoulder for no reason except that I’m a kitty. Big tribal design around my waist, ribs & thighs will get bigger once I have more money. Hope it will grow to cover most of my body eventually. 9) Worst Habit? It has been said that I’ll be late to my own funeral. Also, tend to panic and freak out over irrational things. and then feel fine and wonder why my loved ones are so worried! 10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? On what? 11) What is your favorite sport? Anarchic soccer—no rules, lots of blood. Also love snowboarding. 12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? Optimistic. I'm a dark, bitchy optimist, but an optimist nevertheless. (I’ll keep Alex’s, works for me too.) 13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? What **wouldn’t** I do? Hopefully one or both of us would have our toybags, but if not I’m sure I could improvise. All elevators have a fire extinguisher, right? And we know what Loren says . . . 14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? Getting laid off form Lonely Planet, my best job ever, due to 911. And I had to lay off 70 people first, then wait 6 months for the axe to fall. That **sucked**. 15) Tell me one weird fact about you. My paternal grandfather is credited with being the first person to use the phrase “Have a nice day” in print. No, really. It was in a novel called “Letter to Five Wives” (later made into a movie with Kirk Douglas). I’m sure people said it before, but he was the first one to immortalize it in print. 16) Do you have any pets? Too . . . many . . . cats. 17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? If Joe was gone? Oh baby . . . If he was there—awkward conversation, maybe a drink and watching some Dr. Who on TV. 18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!) Cute. Too bad he’s a sub. 19) Are you monogamous, or non-monogamous? I have been in relationships continuously since I was 15 (interesting—when I was reading upon Libra rising at http://www.cafeastrology.com/zodiaclibra.html it said that Libra rising folks need to be in a relationship. Who knew?) Only one was mono, and it didn’t work. However, my poly is very specific—I have a primary, and a secondary with whom I am wildly in love. Other folks might feature briefly in 3-ways with those (either male or female—or very occasionally both, if it’s a 4-way), but I don’t seem to be able to love more than 2 people at once. 20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Need to lose about 20 pounds, get back to my stripper weight. I have so many cool clothes that I’ll be able to wear then! 21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Partner in crime all the way. 22) What color eyes do you have? Green & yellow. 23) Ever been arrested? Amazingly, no. 24) Bottle or can soda? Well, since I’m a Red Bull aficionado, I’ll say can. Though I do love the Thai version hat comes in a bottle and kicks American Red Bull’s ass 25) If you won $10,000,000 today, what would you do with it? Pay off my bills, invest most of it, and then travel the world. 27) What's your favorite place to hang at, outside of your home? Sinister Swing over at Julies Supper Club (8:00PM Tuesday nights @ 1123 Folsom St), or BaGG. 28) Do you believe in ghosts? As a very abstract concept. But largely, like alien abduction, I think they’re an excuse for people to be dumbasses 29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Besides anything leading to an orgasm (mine or theirs ^_~)? Fooling around on Tribe has become something of a hobby. Ooh, and I'm partial to sleep. Sleep rocks. (yeah, I’ll keep Alex’s answer . . . fucking, Tribe & sleep. The pillars of existence). 30) Do you swear a lot? Fuck no. I don’t do that shit. What the hell? 31) Biggest pet peeve? Dumb people. 32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Exceptional. 33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? I am a ridiculous romantic. I save movie ticket stubs, e-mails from months ago, and dry & save all flowers anyone I love gives me. I am a romance dork of the highest order 35) Do you believe in God or a higher power? I believe in the Big Bang, which is the same thing as far as I’m concerned. Like De’lenn said on Babylon 5, we are all star stuff. 36.) Do you like to be touched? I **hate** being touched randomly, I love it for my friends and loved ones. If you’re a stranger, I may punch you . . . unless you’re really cute. 37.) What is your top trouble spot for bodily aches and pains? I have been told by masseuses that my back and shoulders are prizewinners for tension. Competitive freak that I am, I enjoy impressing them. 38.) What do you like to talk about? Sex, physics, sex, science fiction, sex, politics, sex, gossip . . . 39.) Describe a great evening or outing. Dancing to cheesy ‘80s music, gossiping with friends, then going back to a hotel and fucking every way you can imagine, and a few you can’t. 40) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Like, duh!

Cyborgs Don't Cry

AnathemaD — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 04:29:06 GMT

Sometimes I really hate being human. I totally screwed up something really major at work, and I can't shake the panic and anxiety. I think it will probably be alright--they like me, and the situation is bad but not irredeemable. Long story short, I did not pay enough attention to a complex ongoing process, and kept assuring my boss that everything was on track for a very major deadline. Well, it's not. It's going to be late and that may or may not cost us a lot of money. The worst part is, this is the second thing like this that has happened recently. I know why--I was having major problems with my medication, and was just dragging my ass. I spent whole days accomplishing very little, and just being depressed about it, but not fixing the problem. Finally, I went to my doctor and got it dealt with, and am feeling better, although of course switching meds is less than smooth, ever. It's not like I think I'm going to be fired, but I don't know how upset my boss is going to be. He didn't seem happy today when I dropped the bad news on him. I just have to work my ass off, hit as close to the deadline as possible and not screw anything else up. I am better than this. I am a fucking champ. Just have to remember that, get through this hard time, and learn from it. Stupid being human. If I was a cyborg none of this would have happened . . .

Just in time for Valentine's Day . . .

AnathemaD — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 04:59:03 GMT

. . . an epic love story. What happens when a giant radioactive lizard finds love with a Russian blow-up doll? I think the nipple-play is my favorite . . . http://www.sex-kitten.net/2453758141438.html

Cupid, Take Note

AnathemaD — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 19:02:58 GMT

Valentines Day is almost here, and a British company has come out with a stylish leopard-print MP3 player/taser combo. I can't think of **anyone** in my life who might see that as a love toy rather than a personal defense mechanism. Ooooh, and if I made him wear the headphones, and played REM while zapping him? Ah, the torture would be complete . . . http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/women/story/0,,2253150,00.html

So . . . very . . . wrong

AnathemaD — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:17:30 GMT

A condom that plays a song snippet **or** (teh scary!!1!) vocal loop with every thrust. Well, for the nonmusical aspect I'm imagining somehting like "Take it all, bitch" or "Who's your daddy?" Or maybe "Do you love me yet?" For the song clip . . . golly, the mind boggles. Some thoughts that leap to my filthy, filthy mind . . . Working in a Coalmine Are You Strong Enough to Be My Man? In the Bush Shake the Disease Let's Fuck Fuck You I Want It That Way Tha Butt . . . suggestions? http://tinyurl.com/ypdkzu

Pete Shelley Is My Moral Compass

AnathemaD — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 16:23:39 GMT

So apparently this is a week in which the Buzzcocks have the song of the day over all comers. Different Kind of Tension Wait here go there Come in stay out Be yourself be someone else Obey the law break the law Be ambitious be modest Plan ahead be spontaneous Decide for yourself listen to others Save money spend money Be good be evil Be wise be foolish Be safe be dangerous Be satisfied be envious Be honest be deceitful Be faithful be perfidious Be sane be mad Be strong be weak Be enigmatic be plain Be aggressive be peaceful Be brave be timid Be humane be cruel Be critical be appreciative Be temperamental calm Be sad be happy Be normal be unusual Stop go Live die Yes no Rebel submit Right wrong Sit down stand up Create destroy Accept reject Talk silence Speed up slow down This way that way Right left Present absent Open closed Entrance exit Believe doubt Truth lies Escape meet Love hate Thank you flunk Clarify pollute Simple complex Nothing something Stop go Live die Yes no Rebel submit Right wrong Sit down stand up Create destroy Accept reject Talk silence

Song of the day

AnathemaD — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:12:41 GMT

You know how sometimes you wake up with a song in your head, and you realize your subconscious is making snarky comments? And no, before my friends get all concerned, this song does not reflect how I feel, just makes a comment . . . You say you don't love me Well that's alright with me 'cos I'm in love with you And I wouldn't want you doing things you don't want to do Oh you know I've always wanted you to be in love with me And it took so long to realize the way things have to be I wanted to live in a dream that couldn't be real And I'm starting to understand now the way that you feel You say you don't You say you don't You say you don't love me Well that's alright with me 'cos I have got the time To wait in case someday you maybe change your mind I've decided not to make the same mistakes this time around As I'm tired of having heartaches I've been thinking and I've found I don't want to live in a dream I want something real And I think I understand now the way that you feel You say you don't You say you don't You say you don't [ Solo ] You say you don't You say you don't You say you don't love me Well that's alright with me I'm not in love with you I just want us to do the things we both want to do Though I've got this special feelin' I'd be wrong to call it love For the word entails a few things that I would be well rid of I've no need to live in a dream it's finally real And I hope you now understand this feeling I feel You say you don't You say you don't You say you don't love me You say you don't love me You say you don't love me Mmm

Financial woes

AnathemaD — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 02:06:41 GMT

So, I'm freaking out about money. And I know I'm being stupid--I'm a fucking American. I live in the fattest, greasiest nation on the face of the earth. Yes, I'm swimming in debt, but I own a home (ish . . . the bank owns it, but you know, still, better than living in a refrigerator box under the freeway). My disease is the disease of plenty . . . too much credit, too much reliance on luxuries, too much of the attitude that those luxuries are, in fact, essentials. We all read about the "Starbucks principle"--that if you spend $4 a day on coffee and other crap, you're wasting over $1,000 a year. I think I've fallen into a major version of that . . . all the little things that I "deserve." And now I'm paying credit cards with credit cards, and that's not an equitable way to live. I am aware that I'm being irrational, overly depressed and freaked out. It may not help that I just read about how my epilepsy meds add to depression and suicidal ideation. I am going off of them, and switching to another drug . . . which also has the potential to cause the same problems (form Topomax to Lamictal, in case anyone has any experiences to share). So, I need to not freak out, but to solve the problem. That's what people do. I tried to call one of those credit counseling services today, but the California branch is M-F only. (Interestingly, the Southern ones are open 24 hours a day--is the credit situation worse down south? One wonders.) I'll call them on Monday, make an appointment, get on with it. Need to call the IRS, deal with last year's taxes as well. No point in moping about, just get on with it. Stiff upper lip and all that. If any of y'all have dealt with shit, input would be appreciated. Don't recommend a second mortgage, already done that--there is some money left on it, and I am using it to pay down my highest interest loans, but it's not going to erase the problem. The problem is bigger than that. /freakout off

Best. Puzzle. Ever.

AnathemaD — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 16:12:14 GMT

Grabbed this from Nerve who I think got it from boingboing, so you may already have seen it. But if not, is not this the best word jumble ever? Apparently the "correct" answer was "subtext." Yeah, I got yer subtext right here .. .

Okay, I'm a little behind the curve on this . . .

AnathemaD — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 20:14:02 GMT

Apparently, it's been all the rage for some time. Maybe if I ever actually **went** on Facebook anymore. Pretty keen though. Just when you think "okay, yeah, I get it, there's not much more in this joke," someone comes up with a really clever or bizarre one . . . http://yadogg.com/pictures/vinyl-sleeve-heads/

bronch-i-liciious

AnathemaD — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 03:30:40 GMT

So, I finally broke down and went to the doctor today. Turns out I have a mild case of bronchitis. Bleah! Inhaler, antibiotics, and codeine syrup and I should be okay soon. I hope so anyway . . . I guess I'll have to miss my Burlesque Dance class tomorrow (there's no Sinister Swing anyway), which sucks, but I'll have other opportunities to take my clothes off. Will probably miss BaGG as well. I am still expecting to make the Pervy Girls dinner on Friday, as I'll have completed my antibiotics by then. And I have a hot date Saturday, so gotta be well by then!