Calm.



The past few weeks have been something that i can only view from a far and be amazed at how out of the blue occurences happened instantaniously without notice.

I did not feel victimized but i felt raped. I walked into something and I had no idea what exactly the contents of that door included and it threatened to change me forever. It did. But a lot of it (it...being what happened over the course of the past few months) was somewhat expected... somewhat instantly understood... i'm smart...I'm savvy... but not smart and savvy enough to understand the un-smart and savvy. The blunt. I can not understand. Blow to my ego. Blow to my mind. Must reconfigure. Must re-establish who Jack is. And for some reason I know that this is actually a blesisng and a shake up should be welcomed. But I don't immediately welcome the reconcieving of the the ideas and notions of Racism and sexual politics I once had because I thought i was on top of that all. I thought i knew it all.

I've just turned 25...i think i should know a thing or two.

But evidently the game changes...the board shifts... the pieces morph and What you thought you knew... you never did after you've crossed an invisable line. The point of this phase is to learn that learning is continious..and as you age... so does your world.

Oh my. What a lesson. My brain is still wrapping itself around itself..like tongues trying to swallow itself down a throat. Your throat.


I'm humbled. How arrogant was i?


I thought i was clear enough to escape such obstacles such as arrogance.

Big lesson.... huge learning curve that will not turn straight even as i age. There will always be knew obstacles...new debris in the road as a travel. New cars... New weather..........Old weather becomes new.