Journal of Life

Spring - a time of moving ahead..

atcandela — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 07:39:46 GMT

With March madness behind us, I can definitely attest to some unexpected changes and events that makes welcoming Spring with open arms. One of the biggest changes was related in my work productivity. After 6yrs. my working horse Apple G4 laptop took a spill and sustained minor damage to the LCD screen. Gratefully it started up again and I was able to hook up my external monitor to continue working. But I DID come to a crossroads and realized with this damage I could no longer rely on this system as the center for ALL of my work. Insurance covered the damages and next began the long process of getting a new(er) computer. After spending 2 weeks on EBAY searching or missing out on bids, I finally FOUND THE LAPTOP for me! I had to pay a tad bit more out of the insurance settlement, but when I got the laptop it has been WELL WORTH the time and patience. Just last week I finished transferring files and and troubleshooting between the old laptop and the new-ish one. I opted out of the MACBOOK PRO OR IMAC 24". I'm simply not ready to invest in the Intel chip or deal w/ software compatibility issues. I lucked into one of the last series of the Apple PB G4 1.67MHZ w/ Hi Res LCD screen, 120GB HD and 2GB RAM. These models are becoming more difficult to come by so I definitely feel gifted upon receiving this one! OH YEAH... Another sign of releasing and moving ahead... About 2 weeks ago, I got the fear of a lifetime.. After completing my chiro adjustment/bodywork session when I got up from the table something wasn't right. I attempted to stand on both of my legs, and couldn't hold any weight on to the left leg. There was no pain or numbness, I could feel my leg, but the muscles didn't hold any strength to support the left leg. After one of the other doctors came in and asked me questions.. I was asked to go to the emergency room, I said ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I KNOW my body VERY WELL and there's no need to go to the ER. I disagreed and was asked if I can call someone to drive me home. This was all surreal for me, as I came in with some tightness in my left hip, it got worked on, and emotionally released a few tears of relief which was physiologically seated in the hips. This experience has showed me how sensitive the body is and how attuned one can be with it. I'm fine now and strengthening that side more these days. In addition to the above.. I recently finished a monthlly unlimited yoga pass. First 2 weeks were great. Went everyday, alternated 2 classes per day ever other day, then tapered off 1 class per day for 5-6 days as my body was guiding me by it's energy.Faced my fears of falling out of handstands onto my feet.. STILL scares the S*&^T out of me but practice in this will allow me to move past it. I will be starting up another unlimited yoga series this month.. see what adventures the mind and body will have in store for me! So for now I leave you with this image of thought. Here's to good health, body mind and soul! ~A~

Valentine's Day...

atcandela — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 07:20:56 GMT

A day of pins and needles for me... the one right between the eyes REALLY got to me Headache was gone though. The photo shows partially of the 50-60 needles that were inserted on the face, hands, legs and feet. This was my return to acupuncture since 2yrs. and what's been interesting is that the facial muscles are feeling slightly sore as if they have been energized and worked out. I've a tiny area of bruising near the eye (which I was forewarned of) but it is healing nicely. So this was a gift to myself of rejuvenation after an exhaustive few weeks. cupid's arrows are definitely marked all over me!

down the hwy and into the mountains - late Jan 2008

atcandela — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 05:35:44 GMT

I posted this to a few close friends of mine, but wanted to extend this out to a wider audience of a rare visit I had this past week. The one experience I want to share that was most profound for me involved an unexpected location scouting trip to Big Bear a few days ago.. All I can say is that I would have loved to be stuck there right now.. s u r r e a l ! ! My last visit was about 30 yrs. ago (seriously!) and was floored by how little has changed.. snow tubing park, Smokey the Bear welcome statue, Lake Arrowhead and so many other elements all struck of familiarity to me. The hours I spent up there were just simply unbelievable.. feeling disconnected, yet connected. like "being" in another realm.. I'm sure you CAN relate to that euphoric feeling. I just wanted this (feeling/sensation) to stay with me always. Here are a few images I had a moment to capture. I'm including a shot of driving "zero visibility" in a small toyota corolla car rental that made it to/fro w/out tire chains and no wipe out on the blk.ice. thank god(dess) I know defensive driving! .. someone was definitely watching over me.. namaste! AND there is something to be said about walking in 6" of snow.. it's a great cushion to fall in ;)

Happy Halloween....

atcandela — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 06:34:35 GMT

I want to wish all of those who have been celebrating Samhain and the upcoming Dia De Los Muertos much joy and happiness in their festivities. This is my "New Year" celebration, so I celebrate with the best intentions and in good spirits. A quick sidenote: apologises in not responding back to emails in the last 2 weeks.. my work schedule has been undergoing a shift where my time is less spent on Tribe. Right now, it may be best to call me but will hopefully be replying to emails after Samhain/Dia De Los.. until then wishing you the best during the Halloween week.. in spirit and blessings.. ~A~

Milestone B.day..

atcandela — Wed, 16 May 2007 07:14:26 GMT

It's about 12:14am in about 4hrs I will gracefully welcome my 40th b.day. I'm planning a mellow birthday with a few friends and a b.day cake. Will update more in the days to come..as I will be celebrating for a month! ;)

After the Griffith Park fire...

atcandela — Fri, 11 May 2007 03:37:10 GMT

this is sadly what remains of one of many trails that I have hiked upon, most recently a week ago. It wasn't until today after doing a hike in Runyon Canyon that I saw this very same grey patched area from where I was. And after reading what trails were hit I'm short of crying as I have grown close to these trails and the beauty of seeing the coyotes running yards in front of me and jaw-dropping hawks flying gracefully in the air. Dante's View is no more as I had recently come across it through a different trail route. This is the downside of a city built into nature and how disasterious it can become under environmental constraints. As of now it looks accidental but just heart-wrenching to know when any kind of ecological disturbance is caused to the natural balance of such beautiful environments.. This sadly put me back to the 1991 Oakland Hills fire. I saw this fire from Berkeley and watched how it destroyed neighborhoods and coming close to the school I had attended years earlier. The smoke & heat was exactly how it was this past Tues. And unfortunately a few fatalities... tonight I send healing energy to mother earth and the loss of any living creature due to the fires. Now begins the long natural process of restoring the ecology of these areas and I await to see what will become of the areas destroyed. heal well and with strength, mother earth .... in power ~A~

All Hail to Women's Adaptability.. !!

atcandela — Thu, 03 May 2007 20:24:41 GMT

Stay-at-home mother's work worth $138,095 a year Wed May 2, 3:00 PM ET If the typical stay-at-home mother in the United States were paid for her work as a housekeeper, cook and psychologist among other roles, she would earn $138,095 a year, according to research released on Wednesday. This reflected a 3 percent raise from last year's $134,121, according to Salary.com Inc, Waltham, Massachusetts-based compensation experts. The 10 jobs listed as comprising a mother's work were housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, laundry machine operator, van driver, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer and psychologist, it said. The typical mother puts in a 92-hour work week, it said, working 40 hours at base pay and 52 hours overtime. A mother who holds full-time job outside the home would earn an additional $85,939 for the work she does at home, Salary.com. Last year she would have earned $85,876 for her at-home work, it said. Salary.com compiled the online responses of 26,000 stay-at-home mothers and 14,000 mothers who also work outside the home. (Reporting by Ellen Wulfhorst)

Attention!! California Healthy Pets Act 1634..

atcandela — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 20:17:44 GMT

This is the bill animal lovers have been waiting for. and I believe the first bill of it's kind to truly reach a voting consensus. This affects us as taxpayers as well. Not comforting to know that a small part of what we are paying in our state taxes goes towards euthanizing cats/dogs.. :( not good. I rather have go into a spay/neuter program. I've a close feeling about this especially as I'm fostering a rescued street cat and have been educated through "kitten rescue" how animal shelters work. Please read and sign/fax, this petition ASAP http://www.cahealthypets.com/ Spread the word around as I feel ALOT of people aren't aware of this bill. Be proactive and forward this to as many people as possible. thanks.. ~A~*

February's Rent!!

atcandela — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 20:11:55 GMT

I had to post this photo. ;) My roommate has paid his share of the rent ALL in cash about 80% in $1 bills!! Too hilarious and took about 20 minutes to count/recount. The burning green candle? Well.. to keep this kind of prosperity flowing 3x's over! Though came close to wanting to roll in it,.. but that would be a bit of gluttony on my part! :) Happy Imbolic Day to all the pagans/wiccans! ~A~

looking for a home..STILL

atcandela — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 00:07:54 GMT

I'm currently caring for this beautiful blk.tuxedo young adult feline. He wondered on to the property Oct.2006, and I’ve had him now for 3 mos.It's believed he may have been a domesticated cat based on how well he adapted to being indoors. He has his shots, was neutered as of Dec.06 and tested NEG. for Feline Aids &Leukemia. He was very thin but got him to a healthy 10lbs, I feel it’s best for him to be a solo cat as he is quite the Alpha cat towards the other felines on the property and has instigated fights with them. He’s quite playful and loves ALOT of attention.He’s definitely the “man cat” Just look at his photo! This is a tough call for me as he bares a striking resemblance to my beloved Rage who I laid to rest over the summer. I now feel I'm not ready to commit long term to another feline at this time :( If you think you can care for this companion/playful cat and can keep him indoors,this beautiful tuxedo may be happiest in that environment. He is shy with new people but seems to warm up after a while. He really needs to trust the person he goes to. I have records of shots and neutering of which I’m asking to be re-imbursed $85. I'm currently showing him through kittenrescue.org http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=7815340 Any ??'s email: kid_blondelocks@yahoo.com 323.314.1343

Welcome 2007..

atcandela — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 04:14:33 GMT

Happy New Year everyone! Truly looking forward to this year as this will be a year of changes for me at various levels. Though I've been lacking to stay frequent on TRIBE I will continue to have this profile remain active and to be apart of this community when I can. I've done some profile and friend changes (people have come and gone.) I've streamlined who's on my "TRIBE" towards people I have connected with at various levels and want to remain in touch. My blog I've narrowed to the main events in 2005/2006 that were noteworthy or inspiring. Many thanks to all who I've exchanged experiences with.. especially with my father's recent visit. "Working within Changes" is my mantra for 2007 to end with one of my favorite statements: "be the change you want the world to see" - Mahatmas Gandhi * with blessings & in power ~A~

Rainbow Bridge - Cat Heaven...

atcandela — Sun, 11 Jun 2006 06:06:20 GMT

I forgot I had this and just read it.. This started me sobbing and hope there is such a place .. sniff Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author unknown...

My beloved feline's injury... ;(

atcandela — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 23:57:36 GMT

Hello everyone.. Sending in some news about my 'lil fighter Rageous. This past Sunday/Monday AM he had a violent seizure that caused him to lose his balance and fell off my bed. It was about one week earlier that he began having seizures every other day. I got him prednisone to help contain his seizures but that was not helping as was evident this past weekend. Something wasn't right came early AM Monday, as I tried to move him his bottom legs were limp and he was deeply meowing/howling. For some reason I thought paralysis had set in because of this seizure, but when I tried to place him on all 4's he yowled loudly, and that's when I thought..oh god.. you have something broken. My 2nd thought was correct and when we got to the vet's we were thinking broken leg... but a few hours later xrays showed he broke his pelvis in 2 places. Ok.. I started to sob and thought this was it for him. That fall from the bed could have been prevented, if I got to him sooner, etc.. all guilt settled in.. But regardless I put those thoughts a side and to focus on what happens next. The vet did a non-surgical precedure where he placed Rage's broken and misaligned bones back in place, but as he is almost 18yrs.old we are hoping his bones will set in & heal ok. He is on Phenobarbital (anti-seizure meds.) & now his Sub-Q fluids are daily instead of 2x's a week. He is in the strictest confinement for the next 1-2 weeks (very minimal movement)@ home, lots of towels/blankets for support and also incontinence pads for the reason that he can't use his box at this time! He is eating very minimally which I'm not happy about. And is constantly agitated & moving around by pulling himself by his front paws. Somehow he has managed to shift his weight on to both sides of his body. Don't know how he's doing this but don't want to misalign the adjustment that the vet has done to the pelvis. I spoke with the vet technician who I've known for sometime, and she said as long as he isn't walking/jumping or putting standing body weight on the pelvis his alignment should hold up well. She added other thoughts in our conversation that got me putting a bit more faith in his healing. Today is the first day he's been home, and it has been an emotional challenge as I'm healing a "china doll" at this time, and feel any movement he makes or I do when changing his bedding, and/or adjusting him could be harmful in his healing... a tad nervous/tired mum here. But I feel this chance to allow him to heal will give me the insight on his future with me. I have thought this MANY times over... if he is in ANY long term pain/discomfort my choice has been made for me as he is showing unhappiness and that's not what we need from each other. I've gone through this 2 other times since last year and now begin what will be a test of patience & faith (which has been difficult @ this time) with us both. As we all do with our friends and ailing pets.. we both appreciate the support in all manners. I will do what I can for an update though it's hard to spend time on the computer right now much strength & love ~A~ and Rageous

Seizures, Creativity, Persian Music, and ZOMBIES!!! - a week in review...

atcandela — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 03:07:23 GMT

This week has been quite the challenge of faith that's for sure. So much so that I need to take a moment and assess how everything came into play. Jump back a week ago today.. I come home from the Farmer's Mkt. and am greeted by a VERY spooked Rage (my dear 17.5yr.feline). He's howling and hissing at me and walking around very disoriented. As he was not letting me near him at that moment I let him be and search around the house to see if "something" happened while I was gone. Hmm. no sign... When he was calm I gave him his Sub-Q fluids and it wasn't until 2 hrs. later that things started to make sense. Rage awakens violently from his sleep starts walking backwards and jumping sideways until he comes up against a wall and has a very violent seizure! I couldn't believe what I was seeing ...again!! It had been 14 mos. since his last one, and this time it was quite severe! :( :( :( Without going into a daily detail .. I witnessed one other seizure and had to cat proof the house as he was prone to knock things over. I had a few work days this week and was on edge awaiting word about putting him back on Prednisone (steriod/anti-seizure meds.) I did see signs when I came home from a work night that he had another seizure..as a small wastebasket was knocked over, but more unsettling was finding minor traces of blood on the floor!! oh dear..I thought what's happening here. I thought it could have been the fake blood I had on my shoes from the Zombie shoot I was working on..but more on that later! I later saw that he somehow cut the bottom of his hindpaw and found a wound and some dry blood there. I got the Prednisone started in him Fri. and being home today haven't seen him seizure. His Sub-Q fluids are in him.. and now just wait and hope this will be a isolated situation. But I was warned that as he now has a history of seizures Rage will more than likely have another episode..as to when? That's up to the neurological transmitters of his brain.. Rage's recent seizures came as a surprise curve to me. As I've been updating my portfolio the last 2 weeks and have been on a intense creative surge that is sooo uplifting that it has been the only thing that mattered! I found much strength from Rage being a fighter, and solace/inspiration in discovering a new interest in traditional Persian Music! I recently watched the DVD of Dead Can Dance's "Toward the Within" and furthered learned something about their music that really struck a chord with me as an artist. And has since added into the inspiration of how creativity has been moving through me. I now find myself humming/singing in a mantra-like style! Odd.. as I'm not to clear where this is coming from. Maybe something I've wanted to project but hasn't come up until now... I dunno no! Anyhow as I'm typing this I'm listening to Radio Darvish and creating some impromptu melodies in my head. very trippy for me..like I'm channeling some persian chanteuse..EGADS! to be continued??? And capping this week in review was a production I was assisiting on with Zombies! This is for the European market of EastPack Backbacks,,to see how the first shoot looked visit http://www.eastpak.com/ and click on the European/Intl. section. I worked with them on this first campaign and now the second campaign. I did the lighting which was pretty straight forward. The upcoming campaign was a bit of the same but with different characters. ALOT of fun and a great European crew to work with. The photographer has a brillant band back in Belgium named "Ghinzu" a bit of Radiohead & punk crashing heads! It was definitely an eclectic bunch of us on the set. Now just winding down and looking forward to picking up on the creativity again.. swaha.. ~A~ and Rage

a burner's photo album

atcandela — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 07:24:34 GMT

I FINALLY created a few albums showing what I documented at BM 2005, LA Decom a few weekends ago, and a personal "Work in Progress" photographing fire performer's skills. Any questions about these images contact me first .. ;) http://www.flickr.com/photos/atcandela/

Dead Can Dance @ the Bowl!

atcandela — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 06:11:18 GMT

Last night Quinn and I had a unique experience to attend the Dead Can Dance performance @ the Hollywood Bowl. We had been waiting months for this show and well worth the wait! We bought garden box seats that gave us a great vantage point for our viewing and hearing excitement. And to have the evening begin with a beautiful sunset further set the tone for a memorable DCD experience. The concert was 2hrs. long and featured the LA Philharmonic accompanying the DCD musicians!! The arrangements were all beautiful and stayed very much in tone with the way the songs sound recorded, but richer as the sound at the Bowl was just right for this show. Their set covered a strong variety of work including a few solo songs from Brendan Perry and going as far back to some earlier DCD works.. Though I was surprised that they touched upon "Aion". "Black Sun", and the opening track from that same album where Brendan Perry announced that "this was a hit in the summer of 1469!" ;) The whole pace of the show was somewhat measurable where you can feel that there was a mood being set with the songs that were performed. It would start out steady than moving to Lisa's singing acapella.. (yes I did have a moment and shed a few tears!) progressing to older material, than more percussive songs, Brendan's solo songs (loved "American Dream"). songs w/ no orchestra or less instrumentation, etc.. the one song that got me was "The wind that shakes the Barley" Brendan's voice is very powerful and genuine. And Lisa..well she is still very ethereal! Both showed no signs of weakness in their voices. A powerful contrasting pair to watch live as Lisa is the ethereal calm water, and Brendan is the energetic firey spirit..both balance out each other in a lovely manner. And the silence that fell over the Bowl while Lisa sang sans music accompaniment was just eerily beautiful. Sorry.. I can't stop saying enough adjectives to describe what I was experiencing throughout the show. Overall it was a overwhelming and inspiring performance where the energy was just of "feeling good", "amazed", and "f***k yeah! A respectful and enthusiastic crowd made this show all that more memorable. A BIG surprise was to see quite alot of BM-ers at the show! And many still feeling the presence of Burning Man in them from a few weeks back was very heartfelt... To Quinn, Rebecca, and Hawke.. I love you all very much and thank you for carrying the experience of DCD & BM into the late evening.. .Genuine!.. ;)

Burning Man 2005.....

atcandela — Sun, 11 Sep 2005 20:25:53 GMT

Just getting back into the swing of things after spending 6 days out in the Nevada desert. I'm slowly coming out of the "decompression" stage that a few people experience after such an event.. What is "BM Decompression"? According to the Random House dictionary "Decompression" is explained as follows... "the gradual return of persons, as divers or construction workers, to conditions of normal atmospheric pressure after working in deep water or in air under compression" Well.... not quite a BM decompression experience..but Black Rock City is about 3000 ft. in altitude and many moons ago there was water where past & present BRC residents have all been residing the last 10 yrs.... the "divers and construction workers" well.. I will leave that open for interpretation as I'm sure there were BRC own "divers & construction workers"! :) The decompression I'm experiencing is probably closer to "social decompression".. Burning Man was a long time coming for me..around 11yrs. This was my first vacation in about 5 yrs. which may explain a multitude of reactions I had been going through since my last long break from society. Hard to put into words put imagine a volcano of emotions (all good/bad, confused) bubbling about and slowly surfacing but nothing to ease the pressure, now add 5 yrs on to that, AND not really getting away from it all in a LONG while.. until this year's Burning Man... My first day on the playa was the introduction to my first "playa dust storm" or may I say a "powder storm". I've never seen ANYTHING like this. A very fine powder which leaves a dusty residue on EVERYTHING and on everyone. Even after a few days back I was still blowing dust out of my nose! But it didn't bother me at all to be in this talc-like environment... Though only on the days that I wanted to photograph on the playa... :( After getting through the gate... we (travel mates & first time burners) missed ringing the bell & rolling on the playa. It appears to be a custom for "BM Virgins" as a welcome to Black Rock City (BRC). I think I got my fair share of dust on me to cover that criteria the evening I came in looking for my camp, and getting my belongings from the other side of the playa. I was at 7:30 & BiPolar, while my belongings where @ 3:30 & Ego/Fetish.. Alot of camps with no clear signage of who they were unless it was a large theme camp. Major kudos go to Sev and Babs for helping me set up my tent in blowing winds that evening!! you are the true folks of the BM community! My first night EVER sleeping in a tent was surreal. I was exhausted & cold, and soon found myself drifting off into a weird deep sleep while music is blaring nearby & the occasional BRC resident wanders through the camp site either lost and/or drunk. This was the constant backdrop for me the first few nights but grew used to it and managed to get a decent amount of sleep..But oddly enough I found myself turning in between 11-1am most nights.. so I really didn't stay out late to catch the nightlife there. At night is when BRC really comes to life. Most of the playa art, art cars and camps are glowing, strobing and sounding off all over. It becomes a surreal underworld... a bit of a Bladerunner & Disneyland desert playground for adults. My first day was like a visitor in a strange yet very welcoming & comforting land. After getting my belongings from the other side of the playa I quickly christened my bike (BM-style) and got it playa-fied in a matter of seconds. I rode all over the streets, through the playa, and was surprised by how many faces I knew that I didn't expect to see so quickly. The openness of so many people in this community is apparent. As the days continued.. I started to realize that I had left any remnants of urban society behind. I no longer cared about work, financial & society responsibilty, etc.. I felt limitedless at BRC and with no one to answer to. My only responsibility was taking care of my well-being, and showing up for fire practice with Phoenix Projext who I was camping and performing with the night of the burn. Everything else was in my hands. Surprisingly to me..being "city folk" I was fine with the sun showers, which basically is a durable black plastic bag filled with water and heated by the sun. A makeshift communal shower was set up and that's where we showered with the exception of those who came with RV equipped showers. I actually enjoyed bathing outside except the times when the wind would come through which would create a cool breeze that would pass through the shower area..brr! ;0 Nudity! there was a bit but mainly topless women, and some full nudity.. Forewarning! all inhibitions should be left @ home. Respect is given to all those who partake in any partial/full nudity... I got used to it after the first day especially after showering a few times as people wondered through the camp.. you get over it and realize privacy is respected. Coming back home about 5 shades darker has me enjoying feeling healthy so much that I'm craving to be in the sun all the time... will try to squeeze in what's left of the sun in the next few weeks. Sept.3 '05 - The Night of the Burn" - After the previous 2 days of intermittent dust storms my chances of taking more pixs were nil. I'm grateful that I got to capture some special faces and moods on the one dust free day, but couldn't risk losing my SLR digital camera to this kind of environment. My last day/night @ BRC was spent hanging with my dear friend Adam and resting before the burn. ALOT of energy and contemplation I felt was in the air. .. I was still reeling a bit from the tragedy in New Orleans which our camp only got word the day before. And adding to this was the anniversary of my mom's death. Quite an intense and cathartic day for me. I took care of myself and talked at lengths with a few dear friends to help me through the day. Thanks to those for the thoughts, hugs & kisses. The night of the burn came and Phoenix Projext was getting ready and stretching out from an afternoon cat nap that I think Rage (my pet cat) would have laughed at! After getting ready I saw a beautiful assortment of people & outfits in our conclave. We all walked out in a large group cheering and creating an amped up mood for us. I stayed focussed and calm, and was just honored to be part of a momentous occasion and thrived off the energy of everyone's performance. Happy that I made it through the fire hoop routine all improvised by the tail end of it. Whew!.. singed only a few dreads but they are fine and taken cared of. :) After the fire performances we all got ready to see "the burning of the man"! I can only say @ our 5:00 postion in front of the man was like getting row A seat A at your favorite show!! In a matter of moments the arms of the man were raised, then came the fireworks, and pyrotechnics that burned the maze underneath. One of the cables supporting the man was cut which caused the BM to start toppling, then another cable was cut, by then this was a fully engulfed effigy where I was staring & crying out to as it burned.. the shifting colors of fire was mesmorizing to say the least. It did take a while for the man to burn until it finally fell down..then the crowds ran towards the burning remains. I looked back for a quick moment and saw people running in my direction..so I was thinking.. "uhh.. I best run forward", and stayed under one of the beams that the BM had been tethered on to. People loved it and started to throw things in..a hilarious moment was seeing a flying gallon of H20 being tossed in!! WTF??? ;) A few people around me busted up laughing!! Hilarious....! Crowds started dancing around the burning site and as more people poured in that's when I decided to make my exit... as I was leaving a burner was helping me out of the crowd. As I'm carrying a fire hoop over my head a few people came up and gave me hugs & kisses for being part of the fire performance! I didn't know any of these people! The energy that evening of the burn was insane!! I crossed paths again with Adam in the crowds and he escorted me out the rest of the way.. thank you Jyant! xo Afterwards I went to ThunderDome and watch a friend fight on his birthday. For those who love Mad Max this IS your world. There's something humorous for me in seeing people attached to bungee ropes beating each other in a large dome. Highly entertaining! But don't take your first BM date there without seeing Mad Max a few times! After that I started a long walk back to camp as my bike took a flat tire the last day of BM for me. :( so as I got close towards the camp sites I noticed something that I had forgot about.. burners took street signs down after the man burns!!! Picture this... I spent about 20-minutes walking across the playa at night, tired, and now have to play "truth or dare" with finding my camp site.. Gratefully my sense of direction wasn't too far off and I recognized landmarked camps to help guide me back. By the time I got back I was toasted and went to sleep. Woke up the next morning with the usual sun beating on me when I crawl out of my tent..a bizarre morning wake-up call during my stay there. Slowly pull things out of the tent and shake the dust..which doesn't help but what the hell I did it anyway. 2 hrs. later I'm heading out of BRC and feeling connected to this place in a great way that I now understand why many call this...their home. It was worth the pain, stress, etc.. of getting ready to attend this years event, and look forward to doing this all over again next year.. 2006 - 20 years of BM... In regards to this year's temple... I did visit and spent some time there, but it really didn't move me much. The people and the energy there was what I felt strongest. I had to miss the temple burn but not regretting it.. hard shoes to fill in for David Best's past temples. Hopefully he will return in 2006 and I can bare witness to it. Now I will finish cleaning up whatever has been playa-fied and think back on this year's Burning Man. Any curiousities..email me and I'll see what I can fill you in on!

A prayer and love to my missing 16.yr.old cat "Rageous".

atcandela — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 00:01:15 GMT

This past Thurs.- July 21 around 10am my dearest Rage went outside to explore the world and has not been seen since. :( In the last few weeks as the weather has become more beautiful and extremely warm I've been letting him outside on my patio to keep me company and give him the experience to roam around - under my supervision. He's been an indoor cat for most of his life and has sneaked outside a few times but I've been able to catch him. Well this last outing of his was sporadic as I opened the door to let him out.. I didn't take a moment to put on his "glow in the dark cat eyes collar" and give him his daily blessing of "you are loved and don't stray to far!' then I give him a hug & kiss before he walks out. It was after a few hours that I realized that he had been gone for some time and I started to look for him. By the next day ..it was clear that he was missing and met up with a friend in the neighborhood to search for him... I decided to put up flyers by the end of the 1st day.. It's now 3.5 days and after a few conversations with people most of it with various thoughts... I'm beginning to resign myself that I may have lost my beloved Rage for good... :( :( Believe me... I'm weighing out all aspects of this situation. Though a "realistic" thought via one of my neighbors was the possibility with older male cats at times run away to die.. :( One reason could be to spare their owner the pain and anguish of coming home and finding that their beloved pet has past away. It NOW looks like the day has come where our relationship is meeting with closure... Rage hasn't returned for reasons he will only know... and if this is what IS to be of the outcome then I hope his spirit will be watched over. If someone has found him I do hope he is being cared for and the person will see one of my flyers in the neighborhood to return..though my instinct tells me different as I feel he hasn't gone far and is just being very reclusive. I'm sure many of you reading this have had pets of all kinds..and those great spirits of energy have come and gone through your lives. So I would like to share some of his many beautiful traits that I love and admire of him. 1) He really feels comfortable with a person.. if the person is sitting or lying down he will come up and lie/sit on your lap and/or chest you feel such calmness from him... also he rubs his nose in your face. 2) can play a mean game of soccer..watch out when he goes for the goal! Gooaaallll he runs a few feet then falls on his side and swaps it back to me or general direction 3) sleeping right next to me and snoring away.. I am missing this as it's been a somewhat steady habit he has. 4) he will munch on my dreads!!! you heard right! I've warn my dread headed friends about this! Also tries to pull my head down when his paws are caught in dreads. 5) he saved my life a LONG time ago when I was sleeping while someone was trying to break into my apt. in Oakland.. he came into my room meowed loudly and endlessly i followed him to where he stopped looked at me and the curtain window..pulled the curtain back and came face to face with the burgler... I yelled at the intruder and he almost fell from the 2nd story of where I was. Brilliant warning from Rageous!! 7) and lastly ...he can comfort you when you are not feeling all that great... he comes to me and makes things feel much less stressful and more serene. a great trust and bond. THOUGHTS TO RAGE: I miss you incredibly and love you dearly, sweetheart... hope you decide to return home as I've a big hug and an abundance of love waiting for you! You have been such a unbelievable means of support for me in the time that we first met and I found much happiness, strength, and inspiration from you throughout our 16 yr journey together YOU ARE MY FIGHTER, Rageous... and I will always love you! And I would like us to cross paths once again... God speed to you and be safe where ever you are sweetheart...