Ok.



For many reading this, you have come across "The secret","Think and grow Rich" etc and all manner of self help books.



Now self help books have an interesting supposition. they suppose that you are not ok with who and what you are now and therefore need new knowledge to become what you want to be. This is not always true but in most cases it is. Now, beggining on this premise and assuming that you always get what you focus on, then the fact that you are focused on what you are NOT right now, in order to get to where you want you be, implies that you will continue to create what you dont want or are not. infact the only way to move from here is to set your sights wholeheartedly, genuinely on something else, continue to be there, and then get there.



any way, that is not the point of this writing.



Today i want to speak to our learned being-brothers and sisters who may be in a position to know more, or have a broader perspective.







over the years (since 13) actually i've read heaps of self help books. and i've tried to change who i am in order to be who i want to be. of course this means that i was never happy with who i was and therefore needed to become someone else.



The reason i wasnt happy is because i did not have positive,life giving, pleasurable experiences. I didnt look forward to tommorow and the future was actually a wading through whatever "day to day" brought.

Frustatingly, i'd read enough books to tell me that

a) i was creating this mess through my feelings and emotional focus.

b) as long as i was focused on this i would create more of it

c) the only way out was to find a way to feel better about whatever was going on and my projections otherwise thing would spiral out of control.



As i brooded on this i got more and more upset.

Firstly. i wanted to feel better and think better but i was feeling so overwhelemed with everything that i couldnt.

trying to raise my spirits by thinking some positive thought was a lie i just couldnt take. in any case i felt that all i was doing was fake anyway. i felt what i felt.

Then,

Its Hard work.

Being us. its hard work.

We don't know why we are here and who we are really. We want to. and we try to but when most of your thoughts and impulses are subconscious how can you really say you are the master of who you are.

Think about it. You think you know why you do the things you do but look closer.

what drives you. where does it come from.

Where do your impulses come from. That inner tugging of your soul, who made it?

Was it your parents? is it your life until now?

The things you have done,felt and thought, their memories, are they the ones that your imagination or being uses to look outward into the now? into the future you want?

If so, then isn't your circle drawn? I mean, you can only extend as far as you know, and what you know is what has passed.

So how do we get newness?

We do have newness you know. its a feeling. its a response to something that we experience and think. It doesn't come often, infact we call it Inspiration.

Anyway, i digress.

most of yourself cannot be conscious. because there'd be too much and you would not be able to deal with your everyday life, or at least it seems.

so, the next thought you think, comes from somewhere inside you but you don't choose it. it comes.

who chooses? why that thought and not any other?

Then there's motivation. Motivation is an energy filled emotion that is optimistic and upbeat. Its the wind beneath our wings saying, "Lets go, we'll make it. it feels good".

And we strive and stretch. and eventually, reach or move towards our goal. And in that time, living makes sense. life has a purpose. focus is empowering.

But still, where did the motivation come from? why that? why not something else?

My primary question is, we do not select the thoughts we think. We select from the thoughts presented.

In a bad mood you get a basket of thoughts that resonates with your feeling. when in a good mood, the same.

why is it so hard to think good thoughts when in a bad mood? or bad thoughts when feeling good?

Mood reminds me of different colored sunglasses. you wear a really dark pair and all is not well. you wear a light vibrant colour and the world sings.

Can you decide your mood? can you?

i want to feel super right now, can i? if not why?

This other self that brings these things, how does it choose? Can i be involved in the process?

In my experience, what works is to allow it all.

i gave up the forcing and grunting. you never win when you fight yourself.

Riding the waves of who you are and letting them be, letting them come and leave seems to work.

Our problem is resisting the heavy ones. the unpleasant ones. And trying to hold on to the good ones.

allowing your self to breathe as you do, good and bad, without clutching or ducking lets life happen.

and then you find that the tempo goes down.

and some stillness comes in. and yes, you will love the stillness. the quiet moments.

Sometimes i envy the swimmers. The ones who move from thought to thought, feeling to feeling, caring only about what is right infront of them. focused on now. feeling now.

No introspection,no questions. The swimmers live everyday. they live all the time. They party and hang out, experience life without questions.

For the others who are not so lucky we get stuck with questions. brooding, introspection. All this leads to is some interesting viewpoints, more questions, less living.

But like i said, most of us is sub conscious meaning i have no idea where my motivation comes from. what makes me write this blog, ask these questions. i just know i respond to something in me. i emote.

Would i rather be a swimmer? i don't know. How can i know when i have no idea what my propulsion is?

Do you know what powers you? why that and not something else?

Can you choose?

do you need to?