Damn, she's hot! Ah wish she wuz mine.
...and ah like the songs she writes .
...and she makes the best peanut butter and crack sandwiches ah evuh wrapped a lip around.
Sincerely,
Tha Kang

Aaliyah and I are ole pals. Lass nite she cam ovuh ta Graceland fo' a little party. We started off with some fried chicken and valium. Wash it down wif a root beer float. Twinkies and percodan for dessert. Then we snorted some cocaine and the fun started. Alley rassled with me in the Rumpus Room. We hit on some crystal meth, then took out the hogs. Rode fast, real damn fast, in the rain. When we got home we got down to the serious shit, the big H, mainlining it. (ah used mah own gold-plated needle, you don't wanna share nuthin' with Aaliyah, she gets around, ya know whuddah mean?). Topped it all off wit some Qualudes and Krispy Kreme. Anyway, Aaliyah is one woman who can really keep up with the Kang! Ah thank ah'll take a nap now. The Butler will have cofee and crystal ready when I wake up. If I wake up. G'night, Aaliyah!