Since you asked....

I had an amazing vacation. I usually do, though. Perhaps I should figure out how to vacation for a living.

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed vacationing in cities. When I travel some part of me is always assessing whether I could live in a place. Montreal is somewhere I could live. I felt totally safe there, even on the occasions where the weirdos talked to me. I saw new friends and old friends, even hooked up with Masha. And I tracked down Lyle (remember Lyle, people?) on his birthday.

For the most part I stayed with an author I edit, and she treated my like royalty. I didn't do a lot of the touristy things, I just wandered about absorbing whatever came my way. I could have spent another month doing just that. Montreal was just waking up from a long winter, and the party was getting started. Very fun.

Toronto wasgreat as well. The city was fine. The transit system there is amazing. Except when it was on strike. But even then, taxi's were easy to get. I stayed right downtown. One night we went into the gay district for Turkish food and of course there was shopping. I spent my time in TO with a pack of women, so we had to shop. The conference was at a Hungarian cultural center that was in a neighbourhood filled with Mexican, South American and Italian businesses...an odd mix, but I fell in love with it. Our first morning at the conference three of us stumbled off in search of coffee. We found a little Italian cafe where we could get a latte for $2. The cafe also sold liquor and as we waited in line we joked about adding a shot of tequila. Well. The woman behind the counter insisted that we have some kaluaha in our coffees at no extra charge. And the entire neighbourhood was interested in what was happening at the hall. A number of the people from the cafe attended the evening performances.

The dance workshops were so much more than I had imagined they would be. These were master instructors, I learned a ton. If I retain only 10% it was worth the trip.

Every night there was a show on the main stage in the hall. The final performances, the cream of the crop, were scheduled for the gala on Saturday. We were booked to dance in the gala. How did this happen? Nath danced on the main stage the year before and he was asked to do the gala this year. So every night all of Nath's troupe watched the main stage performances. The were innovative, skilled, passionate. Every one of us, I think even Nath, had major misgivings about our right to perform in the gala after watching these talented dancers. We all had moments of major nerves.

And then came the gala. I am proud to report that we pulled it off near flawlessly. The other performances were phenomenal, like nothing I've ever seen. I will tell you about a few of the performers: Ferda (above): tiny, cute, Turkish but raised in North America, bellydancing since she was 13, did a joyus Turkish Rom (gypsy, very authentic gypsy) piec;. Bozenka, the only non-Egyptian to ever win the Cairo bellydance competition, did a gorgeous solo; Tito, an Egyptian male bellydancer who gets a rockstar response from the crowd with good reason and Aeda Nour a near-legendary Egyptian dancer both did two numbers each (they were too good for me to attempt to describe) and then closed the show with a celebratory, spontaneous duet.

And the big kudos for us was that Tito and Aeda watched our number and said it was their favourite in the first act. These are not people who dish out praise lightly, in fact their criticism of some of the other numbers was rather harsh. The other numbers were gorgeous, I have to say, but they were showy and more North American than ours. Nath is over the moon. And I'm pretty darn happy too.

My next exciting dance thing? Next Friday a class I taught will perform for the first time!

Daytime television

I stayed home sick today. And I watched television. My apartment comes with free cable, so I have access to this medium any time I like. I have watched very little television in the last year, but I do like to check in now and then just to see where society is headed. Today's TV session was unsettling.

There are two commercials that run back to back. The first one is for a blue "water" that is only 25 calories. In the commercial the other "waters" are said to have 125 calories. The people in the commercial list all of the things they would have to do to burn those calories (100+ situps, 2000+ steps of walking etc)....Now the next commercial is for a cleaning sponge - some toxic vile thing - with the tag line - deeper cleaning, less effort. What the hell???????

First of all water is a clear liquid that comes from the tap. It's free, healthy and has 0 calories and we should be drinking it. And if you need your freaking blue or orange "water" you can burn off those extra calories by deep cleaning with a little effort. We are such a screwed up society - constantly striving for an effortless existence and then burning the excess energy working out on machines. Energy misuse all around.

Almost a month

since life went sideways again. It didn't throw me too off track this time around, but getting past it all remains a challenge. The lot I've been left with has seemed particularly bad this last little while. My tennants still have not paid their rent for December and I haven't handled the situation in the best way. Believe it or not folks, I am not a hard-ass. I allow my sympathies to be played on. Fortunately the multi-talented Cara has taken over that area for me. I cannot express the degree of gratitude I feel for this.

Getting over a marriage is proving to be no small task. I tried out plenty of fish. Even went for coffee with a guy. He was nice enough. It was a pleasant hour but I won't be doing that again soon. I'm not ready. I also had one night of totally inappropriate sex. I thought it was a good idea at the time but, wow, was I ever wrong. The "getting under someone else" method of getting over a love does not work with me. Not in the slightest. Now I know. Always in the past I would declare a period of celibacy after parting with a lover or boyfriend - I did that this time too. But I broke it. Perhaps that's why it turned out so poorly for me. I broke my own rules. I would declare a future of forever following my own rules, but I suspect that's a claim I would soon regret.

I think I'm best left to pursue those things that I already know I love: time with my friends, dancing, work, and getting outside. Oh, and eating good food. And cooking it sometimes. I'm realize this avoids actively assisting the whole healing business, but it works as a harm-reduction plan.

A wee little bit o' flakiness in the wee hours of the night.

Have you ever spent time with someone who doesn't smile often? Maybe you've only discussed serious matters. Maybe they are going through tough times. Maybe they are shy. And then you get a smile, and for a moment there are colours in the world that you hadn't noticed before. Maybe you said something funny. Maybe they are telling you a happy story. Maybe you are walking down the street together and you glance across at them and there it is, a smile with a little laughter in it. A genuine touch of joy with no explanation. You recognize the feeling. It begins in the belly and spreads through your body, softens your limbs, warms you.

If you have ever had the pleasure of witnessing someone else's joy, remember it now. Does the memory carry you into a state of happiness yourself?

These little moments feed us. I learned this once again today. I must remind myself to visit these memories more often.