What's Going On

Seasons pass

melanie — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 05:03:46 GMT

It's almost fall and I haven't written anything since spring. Life has been quiet, blessedly quiet. Sometimes there's loneliness, but there has always been that. I'm fond of my solitude, and loneliness is the trade-off it seems. I long at times for a more solitude than I could ever have here. I dream of moving across the country. I think I'd be happy on the Atlantic. Newfoundland. Perhaps I should visit before I go moving there. I have been fantasizing about moving to Atlantic Canada for at least a year. I have promised myself that if the fantasy lingers another year I'll give it real consideration. Of course I really should visit before I go making permanent plans.

Since you asked....

melanie — Fri, 02 May 2008 05:20:47 GMT

I had an amazing vacation. I usually do, though. Perhaps I should figure out how to vacation for a living. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed vacationing in cities. When I travel some part of me is always assessing whether I could live in a place. Montreal is somewhere I could live. I felt totally safe there, even on the occasions where the weirdos talked to me. I saw new friends and old friends, even hooked up with Masha. And I tracked down Lyle (remember Lyle, people?) on his birthday. For the most part I stayed with an author I edit, and she treated my like royalty. I didn't do a lot of the touristy things, I just wandered about absorbing whatever came my way. I could have spent another month doing just that. Montreal was just waking up from a long winter, and the party was getting started. Very fun. Toronto wasgreat as well. The city was fine. The transit system there is amazing. Except when it was on strike. But even then, taxi's were easy to get. I stayed right downtown. One night we went into the gay district for Turkish food and of course there was shopping. I spent my time in TO with a pack of women, so we had to shop. The conference was at a Hungarian cultural center that was in a neighbourhood filled with Mexican, South American and Italian businesses...an odd mix, but I fell in love with it. Our first morning at the conference three of us stumbled off in search of coffee. We found a little Italian cafe where we could get a latte for $2. The cafe also sold liquor and as we waited in line we joked about adding a shot of tequila. Well. The woman behind the counter insisted that we have some kaluaha in our coffees at no extra charge. And the entire neighbourhood was interested in what was happening at the hall. A number of the people from the cafe attended the evening performances. The dance workshops were so much more than I had imagined they would be. These were master instructors, I learned a ton. If I retain only 10% it was worth the trip. Every night there was a show on the main stage in the hall. The final performances, the cream of the crop, were scheduled for the gala on Saturday. We were booked to dance in the gala. How did this happen? Nath danced on the main stage the year before and he was asked to do the gala this year. So every night all of Nath's troupe watched the main stage performances. The were innovative, skilled, passionate. Every one of us, I think even Nath, had major misgivings about our right to perform in the gala after watching these talented dancers. We all had moments of major nerves. And then came the gala. I am proud to report that we pulled it off near flawlessly. The other performances were phenomenal, like nothing I've ever seen. I will tell you about a few of the performers: Ferda (above): tiny, cute, Turkish but raised in North America, bellydancing since she was 13, did a joyus Turkish Rom (gypsy, very authentic gypsy) piec;. Bozenka, the only non-Egyptian to ever win the Cairo bellydance competition, did a gorgeous solo; Tito, an Egyptian male bellydancer who gets a rockstar response from the crowd with good reason and Aeda Nour a near-legendary Egyptian dancer both did two numbers each (they were too good for me to attempt to describe) and then closed the show with a celebratory, spontaneous duet. And the big kudos for us was that Tito and Aeda watched our number and said it was their favourite in the first act. These are not people who dish out praise lightly, in fact their criticism of some of the other numbers was rather harsh. The other numbers were gorgeous, I have to say, but they were showy and more North American than ours. Nath is over the moon. And I'm pretty darn happy too. My next exciting dance thing? Next Friday a class I taught will perform for the first time!

Daytime television

melanie — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 04:41:31 GMT

I stayed home sick today. And I watched television. My apartment comes with free cable, so I have access to this medium any time I like. I have watched very little television in the last year, but I do like to check in now and then just to see where society is headed. Today's TV session was unsettling. There are two commercials that run back to back. The first one is for a blue "water" that is only 25 calories. In the commercial the other "waters" are said to have 125 calories. The people in the commercial list all of the things they would have to do to burn those calories (100+ situps, 2000+ steps of walking etc)....Now the next commercial is for a cleaning sponge - some toxic vile thing - with the tag line - deeper cleaning, less effort. What the hell??????? First of all water is a clear liquid that comes from the tap. It's free, healthy and has 0 calories and we should be drinking it. And if you need your freaking blue or orange "water" you can burn off those extra calories by deep cleaning with a little effort. We are such a screwed up society - constantly striving for an effortless existence and then burning the excess energy working out on machines. Energy misuse all around.

Almost a month

melanie — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 06:57:52 GMT

since life went sideways again. It didn't throw me too off track this time around, but getting past it all remains a challenge. The lot I've been left with has seemed particularly bad this last little while. My tennants still have not paid their rent for December and I haven't handled the situation in the best way. Believe it or not folks, I am not a hard-ass. I allow my sympathies to be played on. Fortunately the multi-talented Cara has taken over that area for me. I cannot express the degree of gratitude I feel for this. Getting over a marriage is proving to be no small task. I tried out plenty of fish. Even went for coffee with a guy. He was nice enough. It was a pleasant hour but I won't be doing that again soon. I'm not ready. I also had one night of totally inappropriate sex. I thought it was a good idea at the time but, wow, was I ever wrong. The "getting under someone else" method of getting over a love does not work with me. Not in the slightest. Now I know. Always in the past I would declare a period of celibacy after parting with a lover or boyfriend - I did that this time too. But I broke it. Perhaps that's why it turned out so poorly for me. I broke my own rules. I would declare a future of forever following my own rules, but I suspect that's a claim I would soon regret. I think I'm best left to pursue those things that I already know I love: time with my friends, dancing, work, and getting outside. Oh, and eating good food. And cooking it sometimes. I'm realize this avoids actively assisting the whole healing business, but it works as a harm-reduction plan.

A wee little bit o' flakiness in the wee hours of the night.

melanie — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 08:16:50 GMT

Have you ever spent time with someone who doesn't smile often? Maybe you've only discussed serious matters. Maybe they are going through tough times. Maybe they are shy. And then you get a smile, and for a moment there are colours in the world that you hadn't noticed before. Maybe you said something funny. Maybe they are telling you a happy story. Maybe you are walking down the street together and you glance across at them and there it is, a smile with a little laughter in it. A genuine touch of joy with no explanation. You recognize the feeling. It begins in the belly and spreads through your body, softens your limbs, warms you. If you have ever had the pleasure of witnessing someone else's joy, remember it now. Does the memory carry you into a state of happiness yourself? These little moments feed us. I learned this once again today. I must remind myself to visit these memories more often.

What doesn't kill us, eh?

melanie — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 06:29:59 GMT

Well this week has been just fine. I say that with no bitterness, sarcasm or twisted humour. It's been as low-key as it gets for me. Work has been insane, but fortunately I have tomorrow off and will spend the day meandering in the direction of Campbell River. I'm teaching an editing workshop for the Campbell River Arts Council at a place called "The Cottage." I feel like a bit of a fraud, I'll wear grownup clothes and play at being the teacher. As long as I keep thinking of it as play-acting I won't get too nervous. As for the arrival of B on the scene, it's like the clock has been turned back eight years. Our only social activity so far has been to meet for tea. Maybe at some point we'll go for a walk. We aren't bickering as much as we did back then, but i think that will come in time. It's weird,but okay. I don't feel any need for it to be otherwise.

those little moments

melanie — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 10:40:55 GMT

Way back before I knew any of you I was a regular kid in a regular school. I did have an unusual aesthetic and I was poor, but I fit in at my school in my way. We had this great program at my high school where there was a single PE class for all the grades. I believe they called it athletic PE. It was offered every semester and grades nine through twelve were all in the same class. I loved it. You signed up in four week block for various sports and it was all kids who loved sports, so even though we were in different grades we all had this one thing in common. I wasn't popular at school but I had my niche and my interests and had a varied social life. I smoked pot with the head bangers, geeked out with the honors students and the band nerds, played sports with the jocks and, while I wasn't popular, I was accepted more or less. I left that high school when my family moved and transferred to a school with a lousy athletic program, a lousy band, and a student population that had no interest in folk like me.....okay, Joe was there and we all know he's awesome, and there was Chris and Noel, but I saw them more outside of school. The acceptance I'd enjoyed at Parklands was eclipsed by the misery of my life at Lambrick. I soon moved on in life and did my best to forget high school altogether. Now I have a new friend I dance with who went to Parklands. She's a few years older than me so we didn't know each other then, but of course there is a little bit of overlap. I went out with her tonight to a pub where a friend of hers was playing drums. He looked a little familiar to me, and at some point my friend mentioned that she'd known him since high school. The drummer looked familiar to me and after I asked my friends a couple of questions about him I realized I remembered him from school. He was a grade or two ahead of me, but we took athletic PE together and were both in band. He was totally popular. Many girls had crushes on him. He was a soccer god, which meant something at that school, and he was good looking and a really nice guy. I remember I'd always been impressed with how friendly and decent he was towards me. Here he was one of the cool kids and older and he was always as friendly with me as he was with the popular crowd. He's a good drummer and I enjoyed watching him play. He looked over at our table and smiled a few times - being the friendly guy he was and acknowledging Anna's presence. At the end of the evening Anna went over to say hello to him. I hung back a bit, wanting to say hello but unsure he would remember me. Well. He pulled me into this great big warm hug, said he was happy to see me and that he'd in fact noticed me at the table before he saw my friend. It was really nice to be remembered. And good to see him. And a joy to know that he remains the friendly warm guy I remember. People are good. It was a nice reminder.

fortunate

melanie — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 04:16:51 GMT

Well, I'm almost done with the house in Sayward. These last couple of months have really taught me a great deal I've learned about the infintate kindness to be found in the world. People are really amazing. I've had so many of my friends give generously of their time. I've dragged many up to Sayward to flail through the process of putting a house in order. I have been a terrible director as I'm constantly overwhelmed. My coping technique seems to be to keep moving and doing. It's a fairly useful technique as I've managed to get alot done, but not so good for those trying to help me. I'm sure it has been very frustrating watching me wander from one random task to another with no clear sense of direction. Everyone seemed pretty understanding of this for which I'm endlessly grateful. And people I barely know surprise me at every turn. The kind aquaintance who came to my "moving sale" and spend gobs of money, loading up his truck. The moving sale was amazing. I got rid of most of the contents of the house of a packrat. We filled up a load yesterday to donate and there's only about a carload of stuff left to get rid of that's not garbage. People bought some of the weirdest things - things I was worried about hauling away people gave me money for....of course I sold off things dirt cheap, but the technique worked. I have a tenant. She's terribly excited about the house and a bit of a weirdo, but I think it will work out. Oh, yes, I was talking about what I've learned.....I'm learning about the shape of my heart. I've learned that love doesn't disappear just because you want it to. And I'm in the process of figuring out what that means when you love someone who will do you damage. And I've learned that the in-law stereotype exists for a reason. My MIL (mother-in-law) came to "help" this weekend as well.....other than her dog which woke us all up at 6 am, and the weepiness, and the laying around on the couch with a bad back and the apparent ignoring of my requests and the poor me attitude she was great. A real delight to have around. And thanks to Cara's presence this weekend I've learned that it's not just me. And my mother in law is now staying at my house in Victoria. I got home before them (the aunt is here too, but she's great) and put on some music. MIL walks in, settles on the couch and hollers "How do I turn off this stuff you've got on," and it's been nothing but TV all night. Oh, and her hollering for poor aunt Donna everytime she needs something..... Actually now that I've run to the end of this, I'm feeling pretty good. My biggest complaint for the moment is an annoying mother in law. It feels good to have a problem that's so normal. And with an end in sight as they are leaving tomorrow. Funny the things that can make you feel lucky. This was a rather unfocussed post, but it got me to a really good place.

Agh feminine crap

melanie — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 05:00:21 GMT

So I have to perform in these shows this weekend and I was at rehearsal tonight and all of the women are talking about what jewelery they were going to wear. And I don't have anything to wear nor do I have the means to go out and buy something. It has to be silver and can have purple or blue with it.......anybody have anything that would work for a bellydance show??????

will be performing

melanie — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:29:11 GMT

Hey Folks, Any of you that want to go to the Nadia Gamal show should let me know if they want tickets. It's next weekend show times are 8 pm friday, 4 pm and 8 pm saturday. tickets are $20.

lovely things to be found north of here

melanie — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 00:51:07 GMT

This weekend I spent in Sayward. We had plans that fell through so ended up wandering. On Saturday we went to Campbell River where I made a couple of discoveries I would like to share: The museum in Campbell River is fabulous. It only costs $6 and it's not big but the installations are very impressive. The first nations stuff is incredible - not as high-profile as the stuff in Victoria of course, but the presentation was excellent. The lighting created a shadowy atmosphere for which these masks were designed. You could imagine the effect the masks would have in the firelight. There was a small room where you triggered a story-telling recording when you stood in front of a display case. With only a few people in the room, this sound mosaic was created. Voices of layered language that created this overall sound impossible to describe but recognizably coastal. And there was a little theatre where you could watch a movie about the Ripple Rock explosion (the largest non-nuclear explosion in history). The other discovery was a small memorial garden at Willow Point just south of Campbell River. There appeared to be no charge and anyone could set up a small memorial plaque and plant something for a loved one. It was the most beautiful disorganized loving thing, mismatched plants and small plaques all askew. The garden clearly was tended by many loving hands. There were painted rocks and miniature toys. I fell quite in love with it. When we were at the museum we saw a photo of an Indian Village along the Salmon River in Sayward. On Sunday, after B finished driving the fire dept rescue van in the parade, we set out to find it. We took a trail to Port Kusam, an abandoned settlement. We were told there was a trail off the main trail that led to the village. We took a path that just ended in the woods. Then we bushwacked for a bit thinking we could find it. When we hit the beach we decided to abandon our search for the village and make our way to the Port Kusam Beach. I found I don't know how many sea urchins. We were in otter territory but we didn't see any. it was a beautiful hike that made me more in love with Sayward. The one thing missing for me was beach. And the beach we found was incredible. I can't wait to explore further. There's about 60 K of coastline with very little settlement. The trail in is good - I can see myself spending many a day exploring.

Help!

melanie — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 19:29:48 GMT

I can't see my friends' blogs any more....I can see the module. I can edit the preferences, but the blog posts themselves have vanished. What is going on? Has this happened to anyone else?

Funny things that pop into your head years later

melanie — Fri, 25 May 2007 04:04:40 GMT

It's strange those things that we remember, moments that tell some story beyond the events. Today I had a recollection from elementary school. I was in grade four. It was the first year I had enjoyed school. I had a wonderful teacher who made me want to be good. She was an athlete and she was beautiful and when you talked to her she listened. She was the first adult that wasn't family that acknowledged me as a person rather than a child. I always tried to do well in Mrs. Kasey's class and it was apparent. We had an awards ceremony every year at that school. Our parents came to the assembly where awards were presented for academic, athletic, and civic acheivement. I got quite a few awards. That year I won the award for academic excellence. One would think that I would be proud. I wasn't. I was a tomboy and I spent many an hour disturbing shit on the schoolbus, spearheading torture campaigns against my friends and generally behaving like a jackass in an attempt to seem less of a nerd. For the most part it worked, but recognition in front of the entire school for being a brainiac - albeit a fourth grade brainiac - blew my cover. Not only was I called out as a nerd, but my mother ran up from the back and pushed her way past my classmates to give me a big wet proud kiss. I scrubbed at my face and with a scornfull "Aw, Mom, you know I hate that." destroyed her. I have never since seen my mom look so hurt. Her face crumpled and she staggered off brushing tears away. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do to take it back. And really, none of the other kid's Mom's had put on that kind of display. What had she been thinking? On the last day of school that year Mrs. Kasey had a little class party. When the day was over we al lined up at the door to say our goodbyes to her. I had a gift for her clutched in my hands - a trophy that said World's Greatest Teacher . Most of the kids had gifts for her. I was not the only kid that adored her. As we filed through she looked at each student with pride and reverence and she gave each kid a few kind words, a hug, sometimes also a kiss on the cheek. When my turn came, she put her hands on my shoulders, looked at me with pride and reverence, nodded smiled, and said I don't know what, something meant for me I suppose. What I remember with absolute clarity is that moment after Mrs. Kasey nodded at me when she turned right to the next kid in line. No hug. No kiss on the cheek. I was crushed.

Sayward Diary - Installment #4

melanie — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 23:40:29 GMT

Happy Friday the 13th! I've spent the last couple of days around the house. Yesterday by choice - and I got sucked into a mystery novel -; today because it's been pissing rain out. It's been good, though. I've got lots of dance practice in and managed to make the small spare bedroom kinda homey. Tonight we're going to Comox to Joe's Garage to see James play. It should be good. He's really excited about these people he's playing with. Juno nominees I'm told (repeatedly). But I have no idea who they are....Tammy something and Dave something....It will be fun to get out where there's people and music. I've even put a little makeup on. Woohooo. And tomorrow we go to the Fireman's barbecue.....It's like the Fireman's ball but with more ketchup. This will likely be my last Sayward post as the next couple of days will be busy. Have a great weekend all!

Sayward Diary - Installment #3

melanie — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 15:29:46 GMT

Tuesday night, just before I should have fallen asleep, we got a phone call that was a harsh reminder of things that are not quite right in my little world. Nothing too dramatic, but I had this sense that the idylic bubble had burst. I was awake most of the night worrying. Brian woke me up before he went to work and the worry and sadness was still with me, likely because by now I was sleep deprived. That never helps a fragile state of mind. I had a quick breakfast and headed out for my day, not wanting to let my new found melancholy alter my plans. I drove to Elk Falls. What a strange place. It is beautiful, but every few hundred meters is a huge yellow sign warning of the danger in the water. Talk about intrusive. I wandered the trails, my anxiety my only companion. It was a good lesson. I know you can't run from all your troubles; they will follow no matter where you go. I stopped in Campbell river and bought some herbs for my new patch of garden. It is amazing how many people will stop for a chat with a stranger around here. As I picked up a pack of spearmint a fellow stopped to warn me that it will take over the garden if I'm not careful. I assured him that it was destined for a patch of yard where it would be allowed to spread. Then I told him about the other varieties of mint that are more polite in the garden. I love looking at young plants and dreaming a garden. Unfortunately I didn't really feel I could buy ornamentals as we plan to change too much of the yard. We're terracing the front yard and expanding the deck eventually. As well, there's only so much I can make Brian take care of when I'm not here. When Brian came home I told him about my day, grumbling about the danger signs. Brian told me that last year a guy was getting a drink of water from the falls for his kid and was swept over the falls and died in front of his family. They sued, stating that there was no warning of potential danger.They won. Now we have signs. It's sad really. Of course vast quantities of water pounding over rock is dangerous. Today I am going to stick fairly close to home. I have dances to practice and plants get into the ground. Though there's an intriguing little road that ends in a stand of trees called Port Kusam Trail that I plan to check out. I hope you're all having a good week. Many of you have been on my mind. Jumbled in with my worry was this incedible gratitude for my friends.

Sayward Diary - installment #2

melanie — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 23:55:40 GMT

Today Brian had an optional work day so he stayed home to make some phone calls in the morning. Yes, around here you have to take time off work - if you work outside - to make business hour calls. No cell phone service except inside some guy's fireplace. Seriously. This is why I love this place. Just as he was heading out to work I decided to do some yardwork and Brian decided to stay home and finish the roof as it's been a rare dry day outside. More or less. While Brian worked on the roof, I cleared out the trees that were starting to grow under the back porch and I cleared salmon berry bush from around the little garden patch. Salmon berry bush is a real threat to gardens in this neck of the woods. And it gets big. I had to saw much of it away. I pruned the blackberry bush in the hope that I can train it to grow along the back of the woodshed. I found a number of scraggly litte strawberry plants and a rubarb plant in pots so I made them a home in a patch of garden. I prepped the soil in one of many planter boxes in the yard. It is more than half the size of my "garden" in Victoria. It was my favourite kind of day, both of us engrossed in our own projects, yet not alone in our endeavors. I've been thinking a lot about the concept of independence in the last couple of days. I consider myself to be pretty independent, but I'm learning that here it means something entirely different. If I want to be warm while Brian is at work, I have to get the fire going. If I want to go somewhere, I go alone. I like it so far. Though I can see how one could live here and become quite housebound. Heading out into the unknown solo is not for everyone. And we don't think about it, but in Victoria every time we leave the house we are going out into a community - the coffee shops, the business, the neighbourhood hangouts. There is a lovely community here, but you see it more in planned events and social visits. Little things come up all the time. Brian gets paged to go deal with a fire call, and suddenly I am by myself during a chunk of time I expected to share with him. It never fails that it is just as we are about to sit down to dinner or something. Last night this happened and of course the fire turned out to be some yoyo burning his dinner. You don't get upset about these things - at least I don't - but it is a huge change to the structure of your life. You can't count on your husband for companionship because other people count on him too.

Sayward Diary

melanie — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 04:16:23 GMT

I discovered that we can get stolen internet access here in Sayward. The 21st century has finally reached this sleepy village. High speed internet arrived in January I believe. So far it's been a great trip. Jill came along for the drive and stayed with us for a couple of nights. I brought my cat along as well. Jill's company was great. The cat, not so much. She'd peed by Duncan. On Friday Jill and I drove to Roberts Lake for breakfast and pie at this cool little restaurant I've wanted to try. It was about a half hour drive, but, wow, was it ever worth it. For $6 we had farm fresh eggs, a pile of bacon, gorgeous pan-fied taters and the best toast I've ever had. And apple pie fresh from the oven. Need I say more. On our way back we stopped for a hike that I'd heard about - it may be called the Salmon Lookout Trail - a short but steep trail to a lookout with an incredible view of Sayward Valley. On Saturday we drove Jill to Campbell River to meet with her family. On the way back we stopped at the Ripple Rock Trail for the perfect hike. It was a little over an hour each way - of course Brian and I book it so it might take a sane person longer. At the end of the trail is a lookout point. You can see the site of the rock that was blasted in the 50's as well as Meares and Quadra Islands. It's the site of the largest non-nuclear explosion in history but it sure was peaceful out there. The hiking around here pleases me so much. I am so accustomed to all of the interesting hikes feeling too public - busy parking lots, cedar chip trails. Even the more remote spots have an oft-travelled atmosphere. There is none of that around here. Some destination spots are marked so subtly only an insider can find them. The last time I visited, Brian and I went out in the truck to find the White River Falls. They are marked on our backroads mapbook, but there is no marked trail. Instead of finding the falls we spent our afternoon fixing a broken tire. We had a better plan for this trip. On Sunday we enlisted the help of a couple of guides to take us to the White River Falls. Our guides, aged 11 and 15, knew the exact tiny pullout to stop at. The trail is not visible from the logging road but they took us right to it. It is only a fifteen minute hike to the falls. Another beautiful spot. Falls always are. Nearby is another smaller set of falls, about the size of those at Goldstream. The 11 year old was thrilled to be our guide. He flitted here and there stopping to show me where his whole family has carved their initials into a tree and to take me to the exact spot where he and his dad brought in a 39 lb steelhead. The 15 year old is a little cooler. It's tough for a teenager to live in the sticks. He has been trying to convince his parents to move to Campbell River. For him, that's where the action is. Although he does admit that Sayward is pretty cool in the summer. He tells me that when the river is lower it is possible to swim across just below the falls and hike upriver to a huge pool.....I'm definitely going to try that in the summer. Today Brian was at work so I'm on my own. There is a logging road that winds up the mountain behind our house so I thought I'd check it out. About 100 feet from our front door is a path that hooks into the logging road. I haven't been walking very far when I notice a much older road, now a mossy tree-enclosed track. Of course I take it. The road soon narrows to a single track path. This wild little path runs across the back of the village site, often paralleling a creek. On my way back I notice a smaller path leading uphill. The path climbs beside yet another creek. There is a lovely spot with a perfect view of the creek tumbling down the mountain. After I've been climbing a while the path starts to fade, but above me on the hill see a huge douglas fir. I continue climbing, mindful of my route. I find bear prints and deer droppings on the forest floor. Once I reach the douglas fir, I see more massive trees and realize I have found a tiny pocket of old growth, emerald moss and ancient trees. I feel like I've found a place of worship. All of this is within walking distance of our house. I am a happy lass.

When I'm an old woman I shall wear.....

melanie — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 08:09:22 GMT

Yoga pants? Does anybody remember the book When I'm an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple? It was popular in the early 90's. I've been noticing elderly women alot lately and have wondered what kind of old woman I will be. And what will my friends be? There's the stereotypical cat ladies, of course, and the sweet baking granny, the blue rinse granny. These don't fit. And I've noticed they don't fit the ladies around here necessarily either. I'm not saying there are no cat ladies or baking grannies, but I've noticed an incredible range of styles in today's grannies. Some of them are wearing purple, absolutely, and fuschia and black. They have wild hair, big boots. And yeah, a few of them appear to have friends the rest of us can't see. I've noticed quite a few recently that seem to have a lot of fun with their hair and clothing: crow ladies who fashion themselves into their own most beloved treasure. It cheers me to see. Maybe they all read that book. More likely they're just doing their own thing. I wonder how the piercings and tatooes of our generation will carry into our twilight years. Will there be new styles to work with the looser skin? Will we have vast new territories of wrinkly bits to pierce? It could be interesting times. I want to be that granny that doesn't realize she's old. You know the one always out there at events trying things out, cheering on the young folk. She's aware that her hips won't survive a drop from aerial silks, but she wants to see somebody do it and she'll volunteer to sell tickets at the door just to be close to the action. Well that's my bit of random thought for the week.

Beautiful Images

melanie — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 06:35:25 GMT

I stumbled upon (yes, using the web program by the same name) this website....all of the images are like many places I've been. I spent a lovely evening remembering the magic in them - the quality of light, the moisture in the air, the stillness......must get myself out hiking soon. check them out: http://www.outdoor-photos.com/

Absence

melanie — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 16:17:42 GMT

So I've had two messages on tribe recently referencing my absence. It's funny, I don't think I have been that absent, but then I look back on this year and realize I haven't seen much of the people I adore. Life has been full of change. When I have a lot going on I tend to keep to myself more than usual. And to be honest, another factor is temerature. When it's cold outside I stay in and admire my gas fireplace. What changes have been brewing? Well, I've been in the process of buying a house in Sayward. There have been many visits to mortgage brokers and banks. Lots of talk on the phone with people I think might be able to guide me through the mysterious process. As it turned out, i managed fine on my own. Though it involved many sleepless nights - it's a stressful event. The sale should be complete by the end of the month. It's all very grown up and I worry that some official is going to realize I am not really an adult and tell me it's not going to happen. I've also been going to lots of dance workshops and have started taking bellyfit as well. I haven't been getting out on my bike as much as I'd like this year so it's been good to get extra exercise. I've found myself to be quite addicted to staying in shape. Somehow in all of this I landed myself a position in Asmira's dance troupe, which I'm very pleased about. This means a greater commitment, but it also means that I'm not expected to do the lame shows. So I can skip the North Park community party (audience of 12 hippies) and the dragonboat festival - this one should be a good show but it is cursed: we always dance very badly at dragonboat. I spent a few weeks in January preparing my apartment for a roommate. The second bedroom was the place we stored anything we weren't prepared to deal with so it was a big job. Then this month I've been adjusting to having a roommate. James is great. We have a good time hanging out together and he brings interesting people by. It's not too busy, though, and we keep very different schedules so we both get the place to ourselves from time to time. I was quite concerned about how the whole roommate thing would go. I've been grand master dictator in my home for over five years now and I worried that I would have a hard time dealing with the compromise necessary for shared living. It hasn't been a concern. For one thing, James is very considerate and delightful to have around. And I guess my years of living with mobs of people really did teach me something. I've been making a few new friends as well. The folks I spent New Years with have turned out to be an interesting addition to my world. Last weekend I participated in a photo shoot for a comic book. I posed as the grim reaper leading zombie children into the forest. There were also some photos taken of the women in their finery. The pic I posted earlier this week was taken that day. This new group of people does all sorts of interesting projects. At some point soon there will be a puppet-making party. The projects make it easy to hang out with unfamiliar people - there's no need to invent conversation. I haven't described much here that explains why I haven't been around....I'm not entirely sure where I've been myself. Perhaps just living in my own had too much. At any rate, I'm around and and without alot of plans the first couple of weekends in March and I would love to see people, do something......has anybody thought about spring equinox yet? It's Tuesday the 20th and I think spring must be welcomed in a proper fashion. The photo here was taken in Sayward. This is part of the park that's a five minute walk from the house.....

Yoga

melanie — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 19:51:56 GMT

Okay yoga people, you know who you are.....I checked out Moksana Yoga's website and I want to try some yoga, but I'm a bit confused by their class descriptions....the Hatha 1 description says it covers the basics of breathing - WTF????? What about basic yoga postures? Is there a physical element to this class or do y'all just sit around and breath? I realize that Yoga style flaky breathing techniques might have a restorative effect on my damaged (and apparently extremely judgmental) psyche, but if that's the only focus of the class I am just not evolved enough to deal.

Maybe this is because I was raised Catholic

melanie — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 00:52:19 GMT

I came across this prayer today. I've heard it before - it is a common prayer, but something about it really touched me this time. The peace prayer of St. Francis Make me a channel of your peace Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy; O Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in the giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. This is a prayer often recited around Christmas time, but I think it is better suited to those dreary days in January and February when even the most optimistic of us tend to slip into the gloom. For me it serves as a potent reminder that the only way to bring light into your life is to be it. Yeah, I'm flakin' out here. I'm going home to make you all dreamcatchers now.

How to fight the psychological effects of aging

melanie — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 07:11:15 GMT

On Tuesday I fell down my front steps. My feet flew out from underneath me and I landed on my back. i still hurt the next day and it seemed to feel worse as time passed. It was the first time that I really felt like my body had aged. Those cells aren't regenerating as fast as they used to. I was beginning to feel a bit depressed about the whole thing. I went to the chiropractor today and I felt physically better, but the psychological damaged remained. Then tonight my dance class got out early so that we could all go over to the Linda Rayno studio and take a free jazz dance class. Linda Rayno's school has had free classes all week. There were tons of women there - all ages and of varying degrees of comfort with the dance. The class had a completely different tone than I'm accustomed to. We were encouraged to freeform and to find our "cool." I balked at it, but put in an effort and had a good laugh at my attempts. The other bellydancers had just as much difficulty as I did. It felt really good to giggle and feel awkward and silly. I know I'm aging. Time does not ask our permission. But I can act young if I want and that feels good.

A first

melanie — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:06:18 GMT

This weekend I danced at the conference center for the Empress staff party. I was asked at the very last minute because one of the troupe girls couldn't make it. It went better than I expected - I was very nervouse being the only non-troupe performer. It turns out we all got paid for the gig, so it's my first paid gig. Good thing I found out after the fact, I would have been parlyzed with fear had I known beforehand.

Indian Feast

melanie — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 06:01:24 GMT

Sunday the 14th (next sunday) My house....Pork vindaloo, prawns in coconut milk, taza saag, eggplant bharta and much more.....mishapen naan is a guarantee. Let me know if you can make it.