Ramblings of a Disturbed Mind

Wedding Plans Progress

Jacqueline — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:14:50 GMT

As life begins to settle and the next couple years become clearer, wedding plans have begun to emerge. Initially, we waffled between two dates: 20 March or 21June. Finally, we have sewttle on sunrise, 21 June. 2009 or 2010? We're now planning for 2009!! Period? It's flexible. Think Fairies and magic and dragons. I'm leaning late renaissance, he's leaning early 1700's. Take your pick. Anything but modern. The largest concern is the party. The agenda begins the night before and has bocome something as follows: 20 June: Rehersal Rehersal Dinner (runs way late, I'm sure) Stay up all night in preparation for sunrise ceremony! 21 June: Sunrise ceremony Everybody go home and SLEEP!!! Come back in the evening for the Masked Ball (Still period, of course!) Colors are mainly Purple and Green (think Wysteria) Candlelight is a big thing. Any suggestions for activities at the masked ball? We want more than just the normal wedding traditional games. We want an honest-to-god party!

I'm not DEAD yet!!

Jacqueline — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:48:55 GMT

Been working much. In the heat. Need to try to avoid so much of that... Things I want to do this summer: 1. Check out sunrise locations for the wedding. 2. Go shooting!! 3. Go Kayaking. 4. Unpack ALL of my boxes and find a place for everything! 5. Re-organize my kitchen. 6. Add plants to my water garden. 7. More clown loaches!!

and... I has CRACK!

Jacqueline — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:22:37 GMT

And I feel the need to share the addiction... pound cake, and strawberries, and yogurt, and cheesecake pudding mix, and cool whip, and lemon... and more strawberries and more cool whip! The recipe makes something like 12 or 16 servings. I don't remember which. Anyway, I was trying to figure out how to make it so I myself could enjoy it before the entire thing went soggy, gross, or both. So, I made it single serving! I made each of the components and put them in storage containers in the fridge. The key is a prep bowl! It's exactly 1 cup. I layer: cake, strawberries, creaminess, cake strawberries, coolwhip. It fits in the prep bowl perfectly! And it's pretty at the same time! I'm telling myself that it's good for me. I mean, how can you go wrong with fresh strawberries? OH! What if I added bananas? Or Kiwi? Or both?? This will take some serious consideration... Anyone wanna be my guinnea pig?

an almost-recent new love...

Jacqueline — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:21:45 GMT

I have a fishtank. I find it soothing to watch them swim. I don't need a TV because I have fish. The only way it gets better is to have marine fish. But, alas, my tank sits in front of sliding glass doors, so it gets full sun for a good portion of the morning. Woe is me, for I must keep the algae cleaned out, which proves to be a never ending battle. Then, I get a brilliant idea! "In order for the algae to stay away," says I, "something must out-compete it for the same nutrients!" I looked at my Betrothed and tell him, "I want an indoor water garden in my fishtank!" He looks at me as if I've turned green and lost my mind. However, he faithfully follows me to the water garden store. I explain my goal to the attendant, who listens incredibly well. She calls around. She finds a book! SHe helps identify potential plants. The book is $30, and I had set myself a $20 limit. So, I did not leave with a book, but instead left with hornwart, water clover, water lettuce, and water wyateria. Perhaps the "water" qualifier is extraneous, but I would hate to lead you to believe that I had planted the not-so-water variety in my fishtank. My week got even better! I happened across a wad-o-water-lily-root-bundle for $7. The lilies I wanted were $30 and already started. This bundle was ready to just drop in and forget until things grew and it appeared at the surface. After 3 weeks, I have 2 lily pads on the surface of my 55-gallon tank. There are 6 more pads under the surface, presumably soaking up sunshine and nutrients to send more lily pads to the surface! The hornwart congregated toward the sunnier end of the tank, the wysteria is thriving near the filter, the clover is taking over wherever it can reach (not a bad thing), and my water lettuce appears to be getting eaten by my fish (bad thing). The less sunny side of the tank seemed to be missing something, so I installed a sprig of philodendren to spill down the side. Let's be clear. I LOVE green things. I identify with green things, being a solar-powered woman and all. I DO NOT have a green thumb. I grow cactus because I can keep it alive. I took a chance on an experiment. I cut a sprig of wysteria off, planted it in a small pot, and submerged it in a large yellow bowl filled with water. I placed said bowl on my balcony to have more green outside. The first week, some of the leaves turned crispy black. But it wasn't dead yet, so I left it alone. It has sincec grown a huge mass of tentacled roots, and seems to be growing higher above the water! Water lettuce shoots got sun-scorched. Oh, well. I fear it is too shallow for the hornwart to be happy... and I haven't had the time/inclination to try to seperate some water clover. Perhaps I'll spend $4 on another pot? I want more water plants! However, I don't want more hornwart. Now that I have hornwart, the fry are not getting eaten thoroughly enough. Now, they're big enough that the adults aren't interested in eating them! Oh, well. Survival of the fittest ensues? I put a hummingbird feeder out on the balcony in order to attract hummingbirds. Thus far, I have failed to do so. I put the water bowl on the balcony to encourage more greenness, and I get sparrows! I don't mind the sparrows, and it's neat to watch them play in the water. It's also fun to listen to Torque ratchet at them when he can't get through the glass. The sparrows are beginning to peer into the apartment. Are they looking for my cat in order to tease him? Are they just interested in the space they can't get into? Regardless, I have water gardens, humble as they are, and they bring me much joy. I can't wait to work on expanded project along the same vein!

When life spins out of control...

Jacqueline — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:31:42 GMT

...I clean. I must have learned this behavior from my mom. I can't swear to it. However, when I can't find anything going my way, I get physically agitated. My normal can't-sit-still quality amplifies itself to irritability and literally bouncing off the walls. The only coping mechanism I have is to direct that excess energy into SOMETHING. Anything would do, really, but cleaning become the most satisfactory way to deal with it. When I'm finished, I'll have burned off the excess energy. I'm much less irritable. And my living space looks so much better! It's not usually enough to finish the job (considering I still have boxes that need upacked), but it is always strides of progress. When there is order nowhere else, I force order into my home and my life. When these "fits" hit me, I can focus on the task at hand for several hours (or more!). But they are almost universally followed by insomnia. I become so wound up that I can't bring myself down to a level that will allow me to sleep. "Why does my life feel so out of control?" you ask. That's difficult to say. It could be mounting anxiety over my job interview next week... My last shot at an internship this summer. It may just be my reaction to living in a state of flux. I have no classes. My work hours are incredibly flexible, so long as I show up on a day I've commited to. I'm isolated in my home while the rest of the world charges on without me... I now have time to pursue some of the creative projects I have concieved, but I don't have the funds to sponser them. On the other hand, I have time to play outside (read: work-out, ride my bike, walk, dance), but I find I'm less inspired without the company of friends or a partner to challenge me. I want to work-out. I want my muscles to ache and my lungs to burn... I want to feel the sweat coat my body, soak my clothes, pool on my spine and run down my back... I want to return home with enough energy to crawl through a hot shower before I collapse on the bed for 20 minutes of recovery. I want that connection to another person who has become familiar with my strengths and limits, and who has learned just the right places to push me for improvement. I want to run. BUT! I can't run. If I run, I'll max out at 15 minutes (nevermind how far I'll have gone, because it sure won't be 2 miles yet!) and spent the next 2 weeks putting myself back together with NSAIDs, muscle-relaxers, and pain-killers. Then I'd get to start the process all over again. Why does my life feel out of control? My limitations are creeping in on me. I have to consider whether I can really lift and relocate a bail of hay today. Can I carry and dump that 5 gallon water bucket without hurting myself? Can I schedule something over these three days, or am I going to be incapacitated? Will I need to call into work because of the things I can't control? Am I going to feel broken for the rest of my life? Will the flexibility return? Ever? Can I still accomplish the greatness that I feel inside?

But, I digress...

Jacqueline — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 08:15:49 GMT

Classes ended, and I waited for grades. While I waited for grades, I busted my ass (with my betrothed) spring cleaning at the barn in preparation of a birth. He was born last week. He's bay, has a star, long eye-lashes... Typical adorable foal. Anyway, spring cleaning continues on the other side of the barn. This means clearing the stalls, power-washing the walls and floors, scrubbing all dirt and dust from the bars (including between them), staining all wooden surfaces, painting the bars and stall frames, scrubbing and painting the OUTSIDE of the barn, cleaning the concrete in the aisle, emptying the tack and feed rooms, vacuuming the walls, cieling and floor, wiping everything down and reloading said rooms... Oh, yeah... we also wipe down and vacuum the entire hay loft. We found Brown Recluse this year. In the horse blankets. That started to wind down. I didn't want to burn myself out before we finished. I'm making it a point to take two days off each week. However, since classes ended, I've been waxing insomniatic. I can't get to sleep at night, so I'm up until all hours of the morning. I'm sleeping in, and some days I'm not waking feeling rested. I've been taking the Bupropion, and it feels like it's making a difference. The hopeless feelings that had been wrapped around me like a funeral shroud now only hover like a fine mist. Some days, the sun shines strong. I feel like I'm healing a little more. The only problem is my sleep schedule. The shrink is happy to throw more drugs my way if I want them. She suggested an anti-anxiety and a sleep aid. I just need to pick up some more 5-HTP. And get a schedule. Working in the evenings is fine for the farm. But if I'm going to work for the city, I need to remember how to sleep at night and get up in the morning. I have an interview a week from Friday. On my days off, I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. I don't have classes to study for. That seems to be contributing to the improvement on my outlook. Of course, it's supposed to be defrag time, so I'm not usually up to doing dishes, laundry, or general housecleaning. At least it seems to remain managable with a 10-15 minutes a day approach... To make things more complicated, my back has been bothering me tremendously. Not pain. Not even pressure. Just achy in my low back. I think the bed is bothering me. The other night, I slept on a rather cushy bed and slept better than I had in a while. We already have the feather matress, so I'm not sure how to make the bed cushier. In the past week, I have attended several dinner parties. Always, with the alcohol. Each time, I've seen friends get drunk. Drowning some pain, or escaping the here and now... Who knows. I don't have any problems with a little "lubrication." On the other hand, when I see my friends sloppy drunk, it hurts me a little. To see them raving, or pouting, or upset, or puking, or just plain stupid drunk... It always happens when my back is turned... My attention elsewhere... I know that I'm not anyone's keeper. I know it isn't my responsibility to monitor the alcohol intake of those around me. But, somehow, I still feel a little responsible when the party ends on such a note. I wouldn't dare tell someone not to bring alcohol to one of these casual get-togethers... Especially not when I keep it in my own cabinet. It's not like I don't offer my guests said drinks in the first place. Of course, I'm so finicky, no one else is really interested in drinking anything I stock anyway. I digress. That's what I do best. My mantra shall be: "THIS is not my responsibility." However, I will always do what I can to watch out for my friends. I'm still feeling a bit lost. Not enough playtime makes Jacq pretty damned depressed. How long did it take to notice?

I'm entertaining tonight!

Jacqueline — Fri, 30 May 2008 20:23:20 GMT

I'm tickled to be entertaining tonight. I don't usually have the time to host a dinner party proper, but I needed to start my summer off with SOMETHING. So, I decided to host my own Pampered Chef dinner party. So, here's my shameless plug: Check out the website: www.pamperedchef.biz/cookingfor2 It only has my Betrothed's name for now. I haven't figured out how to over-ride the template. Regardless, yippee for people coming to dine with me! I can't wait. I even rented the clubhouse for the occasion. We'll have plenty of room for everyone. My one-bedroom apartment can get cramped pretty fast. I definitely want to do this more often. I can't think of a better way to get together with all my friends and family on a regular basis...

Yesterday, I was singing...

Jacqueline — Thu, 01 May 2008 13:42:17 GMT

I didn't realize I had stopped. I'm not talking singing along with the radio, although I hadn't been doing much of that, either. I'm talking about a cappella, belt it out just because it feels good singing. As always, I never notice the going away... Only the drastic reality of coming back...

I'm really not as dumb as I look!

Jacqueline — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:56:02 GMT

I think my professor must have sent the e-mail to the wrong person. It had my e-mail address on it. It said something to the effect of: "Sorry, you'll have to settle for 100." My first thought was "no..." followed by "really?" and much disbelief. You must understand, yesterday was a very full day for me. For starters, my shoulder didn't feel any better. I oozed into the shower at 6:30 am. Econ started at 8. I spent my 3 hour break doing my graphics homework. I went to Structural analysis at noon and learned about setting up a matrix to apply the "stiffness method" for finding joint diplacement. I immediately disregarded everything we learned in that class in order to study some last minute stuff for my structural analysis exam, which started at 2:30. I also needed to eat lunch. My shoulder is KILLING me. I've been studying and working problem left-handed. I sat down at my test. I worked the first 3 problems by 3:00, had a fourth done by 3:30. I had an hour and a half to do the last problem: a shear and moment diagram. We've been doing these since last semester, right? How bad can it be? After struggling through 45 minutes of miserable calculations, I realized I had written a distance down wrong, meaning I solve for a reaction and got it wrong. Everything else is based off of these reactions. I knew the diagram didn't look quite right. I started over. I checked and double checked numbers. I had the shear diagram drawn, and had values I wanted for the moment diagram, but had yet to draw thge graph. The TA says, "You have 10 minutes remaining." I got nervous. I labeled values quickly. I tried to draw a pretty parabola. I tried to estimate my cubic curve, and I tried for a nice, accurate slope between them. I looked over my test one last time to make sure I had answered what was asked. I turned it in. I knew it was in the vicinity of 5pm. I raced to a lab to print off my e-mail about the Chi Epsilon initiation. It started at 5:30. Luckily, I had dressed and bejewelled myself for the event at 7 in the morning. I was initiated. It was a neat event. We convened to dinner at 23rd Street Brewery. Ryan initially headed for Free State Brewery, but we made it regardless. I had a delicious dinner while chatting with Dr. Darwin and fellow students. And Ryan, too. When we got home, I collapsed in bed, watched the end of Charlie Wilson's War, and fell asleep. I slept soundly. I forgot I had taken a test until I recieved the e-mail tonight. Ryan said my hands were shaking when he caught up with me after the test. Perhaps it was adrenaline? I remind myself now: I AM an honors student. A score of 100 is not out of the realm of possibility. However, I will still enjoy my couple minutes of gloat!

Misery and Agony

Jacqueline — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:33:20 GMT

Friday morning, I woke up with a terrible cramp/crick in my right shoulder. Let me elaborate. These muscles are protesting: rhomboids, upper/middle trapezius, levator scapulae, and something else in my neck that connects to my occipital lobe. I also suspect part of my deltoid is complaining. I made it through Friday, looking forward to sleep to make these tense muscles better. I took a muscle relaxer when I went to bed. Indeed, my muscles relaxed, and I slept well. Then, in the morning, they revolted again. All day Saturday, I wallowed. Quietly. Again, I took a muscle relaxer Saturday night. Sunday, I tutored left-handed. An attempt to NOT USE my right arm so the muscles could actually rest. Ryan brought me a sling for my arm, and I was feeling slightly better when I went to bed. Again, a muscle relaxer. I slept well, rose at 6:30, and prepared for my day. My first class, my shoulder screamed about taking notes in econ. So, I took notes left-handed. Now, I have to finish a map for tomorrow. I have to use a mouse to put in information. I have to type. No way to get around this. I'm ready to put my arm back in the sling. The problem must be muscular, as the muscle relaxers actually help. Unfortunately, they can make me queasy, and they interfere with my ability to think clearly. Just what I need right before finals! Additionally, not using it seems to help marginally. I can feel the knotted muscles. Is it possible that I've been doing too much mouse manipulation? It was suggested that it might be a slipped disk in my neck. While I have experienced some radiating nerve pain, it seems unlikely that I could slip a disk while sleeping. I would have gone to the doctor by now, or at least made an appointment, but I don't know when I have the time! Perhaps Friday afternoon... I sure hope this doesn't last until Friday! I'm not sure I can draw my diagrams for structural analysis left-handed... I feel retarded wearing the sling. Yes, it helps, but I look ridiculous. It draws attention to me, then people ask me what I did to my arm. How to explain that I don't know? Is it possible that I have partially dislocated my shoulder? I'm running out of ideas. I just want the pain to go away...

your GUN at my SCHOOL

Jacqueline — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:32:12 GMT

I am uneasy. I am a soldier. I do not fear weapons. In fact, I have my own affection for firearms. But I am uneasy. When I walk into a building and see a "no firearms" or "no concealed carry" sign posted, I feel a hair safer. I recognize that any threat to me is notactually lessened by this posting. Just like the threat of terrorism is not increased by an act of terrorism. The level of threat remains the same. By my Kantian philosophy, you have your rights until they interfere with my rights. Your right to carry a concealed weapon does not actually interfere with my own rights. I may still shoose to carry or not. However, I feel there is no reason to bring weapons of any sort to school. For that matter, I feel it is unneccessary to carry a weapon anywhere else. The statistics for the last year may show no increase in gun violence. Nevermind for now that statistics can be manipulated to support any cause you like. No increase in gun violence is all well and good, but if you really want to convince me that my university MUST allow you to carry your firearm to class, show me a significant DECREASE in gun violence. You argue that martial arts is an inferior method of self protection because it takes time to learn, and because you must be within reach of your opponent. You argue that martial arts does you no good when your opponent is 8 feet away. Then, you argue that the threat of stray bullets missing your mark is unlikely because most civilian shootings occur at point-blank range. I must insist that point-blank range is not 8 feet, and if your opponent is at point-blank range, then he must be within reach. I must additionally argue that martial arts training focuses not on harming your opponent, or killing him, but NEUTRALIZING him. Your firearm will likely do more than neutralize him, should you not miss your mark. Your firearm will likely kill him. I will not support your cause to carry concealed weapons at my university. Should the university repeal it's decision to prohibit weapons on campus, that is their business. I don't have a solid arguement against your desire to carry EVERYWHERE. At this point, it does not interfere with my own rights. So, carry wherever. I don't like it, but I'll not force my morality onto you.

Blessed by a Redbud Tree

Jacqueline — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:00:46 GMT

Today, I was blessed by the redbud tree. Of course, there are many redbud trees on campus, but I really don't think it matters which tree it was. As I walked to class, I was worrying about making it to class on time, what the lecture might cover, when I would work on homework, and when I might finish my key. With my thoughts elsewhere, I walked under her branches, and she enveloped me with her heady fragrance. I came back to the here and now, took a deep breath, and smiled at the beautiful world around me. I continued on my way, my worries lessened, and before I left her embrace, she kissed my crown with falling petals. I brushed them from my hair and pondered the blessing of a redbud tree as I finished my walk.

chains, chains, always the chains!

Jacqueline — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:14:40 GMT

We're all used to receiving those chain letters. They don't come by mail anymore. They come through your e-mail. Here's this cute message, or a plea for help/action/money/reaction/etc. Then, at the end, you find "Send this to # people and: something good will happen evil will be visited upon your house you'll see a cute cartoon you'll get a check from applebee's/aol/starbucks/etc. You know what I mean. Now, we have chain prayers! Honestly, how much does it mean to send out a prayer if I had to be prompted by an e-mail? Wouldn't it mean so much more if it were just a nice e-mail to receive? No strings attached? A pretty story, or an enlightening essay? I know that either: A) the "something good" that will happen at exactly 11:00 won't happen B) the "something good" that will happen at exactly 11:00 is so vague that it could be anything from getting a good grade on my last test to an invitation to dinner, to an enlightening ASCE meeting, to a stray compliment from a classmate. Fate doesn't know or care whether I forwarded an e-mail as I was commanded to do. Karma cycles through goodwill, not chain letters. My God has better things to worry about than chain prayers. If you really feel compelled to send me a chain letter or prayer, please take the time to remove the "you MUST send this to so many people" lines. Thank you.

In case you were wondering, I am too...

Jacqueline — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:05:38 GMT

The latest set of issues may have actually started around May of 2004. I was mobilized. I got the call about 6 hours after I finished my last final. I had 3 days to report to Council Bluffs, Iowa. And I had to argue for those three days. At this time, I was in the process of moving out of my current apartment. I was moving into a new place in 5 days. Since I was supposed to be gone for a year, my betrothed moved my stuff out and put it in storage for me. He got the apartment complex the info, so we got our deposit back despite not being able to take on the lease. Fast forward 5 weeks. I was at Fort Riley, and they were about to send me home because I was broken. The apartment I had been living in was no longer. The apartment I had been about to move into was no longer. The Army housing me and giving me a paycheck was no longer. Because I had to drop my summer classes, my GI Bill income was no longer. My disk was pushing on my sciatic nerve, so I was on a lovely regimen of mobic, flexeril, and Lortab… Ultimately, I was drugged out of my mind, had no income, and no place to live… I found myself moved in with Ryan at his folks’ place. I spent several months recovering, and worked my way back to functional. I started working, and went back to school in the fall. However, there was always this nagging feeling that I could still be mobilized again at any moment. Finally, Ryan and I chose to get our own place. I was out of the Army, I would soon be transferring to KU, and Ryan was attending Washburn. We set up our home in a cozy apartment in Eudora. Life was unsettled enough with the re-budgeting that happens every semester, evaluating work schedule, class schedules and financial aid… There is always some level of anxiety. Will there be enough money to survive this semester? Can I keep my grades up while I’m working this set of hours? For 2 years, we made ourselves at home. We planned. We paid our rent early, sometimes 3 months at a time! We invested in the landscaping in the front yard! I splurged $50 on 4 square feet of dirt and made it quite attractive. In December 2007, returning home from our last final of the semester, we discovered a note taped to our door. It was our 60-day notice to find a new place to live. We moved into Lawrence, officially taking possession our residence on 1 January 2008. I love the place. I haven’t been sleeping well. I seem to be living with a constant level of anxiety; to the point that I don’t even notice I’m anxious. With this track record, it’s no wonder I feel so insecure. My most basic needs feel constantly threatened. This, I wonder: Is my current state of stress stemming from a feeling that my security is all an illusion? That it can all be taken away at the drop of a hat, and that I am powerless to do anything to stop such an event? Do I strive even harder at school and hope that success in my classes will stabilize the areas of my life that I have no control over? Is my entire existence, at this point in time, just one big justification?

I have a crush...

Jacqueline — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 07:18:19 GMT

...and his name is Corwin. He is tall, dark, and handsome. He handles horses well. He rather swept me off my feet just when I wasn't looking. He's a little older than I am, but I really think we could make it work despite the gap... He likes to be clean-shaven, well-dressed, and prepared for nearly anything. He oozes masculinity from every pore in his body without denying it's counterpart. What can I say? The man likes his comforts... And to top it all off: Corwin is a bad-ass. *sigh*

just in case you didn't know...

Jacqueline — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:33:33 GMT

...[spacebar] is only interchangable with [enter] in AutoCad. If you hit [spacebar] to enter your username and password to any internet site, or to send an instant message, it isn't going to work. nothing will happen. If you were IMing, you will merely send an extra space when you remember to hit [enter]. If you were trying to log into a site, you will have to re-enter your info, or backspace to remove the extra space you put into your password before you hit [enter]. Please bear this in mind to save yourself a little personal frustration.

so.

Jacqueline — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:05:53 GMT

Now that I'm attempting to design my dream house for a grade, I'm looking for 1-800-AUTO-CAD. Why am I always 2 steps behind the power curve?

I quit.

Jacqueline — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 01:42:04 GMT

Morning arrived way too early. Cold reached groping hands beneath the blankets to fondle my bare skin. Slowly, I turned to face the day. I dressed, ate, packed my bags... Ryan was headed out, and I would soon follow, so I asked him to start my car. With snow covering every available surface, the prospect of going outside was not promising. Shortly, I was ready to leave, so I bundled up, grabbed my bags, and trudged to my car. Which wasn't running. Suddenly, I remembered! I was really low on fuel last night... My car was now out completely. Class starts in 20 minutes, and I can't get ahold of anyone who might give me a lift. Trudge is the word of the day. I slung by backpack over my right shoulder and across my chest. The dance bag found similar positioning across the back of my neck and left shoulder. All rucked up, I marched on toward campus. As luck would have it, I arrived in time for class. Having the morning road march under my belt, conditioning class carried me on. At the end of class, I raced down to stow dance stuff in a locker, and marched on up to the lab to finish autoCad. I failed to finish. It took me 15 minutes just to boot up the system and access my work. I threw a few dimensions down, failed to create a title block, and turned in my homework unfinished. Quiz followed. I failed miserably. Upon demontration of solution, I could not keep up with the professor. I'm not entirely sure what he taught us today. My notes are scarce. I rushed down to ballet, where I failed to be graceful. Actually, I failed to ballet. I couldn't remember the combinations, I couldn't DO the combinations. I could not lift my leg from the bar, although I did feel a lessening of the normal force against my heels, so perhaps it's coming. My arabesque leaves so much to be desired... And once my legs fumbled, so did the rest of my body. I couldn't stop crying. There was no real reason for it. But it's difficult to develope to the second and lift, lift, lift when you can't see through the tears welling in front of your vision. Pirouettes didn't exactly make it to singles today, let alone doubles. I spent my break before modern sewing my elastics onto my pointe shoes. Wyatt joined me and stitched his own. I was going to get a lift home from Wyatt, then ride my bike back for modern. The idea was to avoid the road march back home. Stitching ensued, then it was time for my class. However, I made it through modern without the spastic fits, although there were a few glitches in performance. As luck would have it, Becky was available to bring me home, where life has stopped. Protien has helped, but this day was fired long ago. I have plans for a shower (which may restore my humour) followed by structural analysis, which we pray can be finished before I sleep. Sleep really needs to come early tonight, as I feel way behind. Today is the day that I quit.

I'm thinking... FOOD!

Jacqueline — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 02:32:06 GMT

I've been tapping the creative juices to come up with my own themes for Pampered Chef parties. I've enjoyed considering not just the food we would prepare, but drinks the host might serve guests that fit into said theme. So, I'm aquiring recipes for a greek theme, but what in the world would we serve for drinks? Wine is so personal, it's hard to find one that can please the majority. Cucumber water is appropriate, but rather plain. Anyone else have any bright ideas? Martinus?

Doncha love it?

Jacqueline — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:11:13 GMT

I think Patrick was aiming to make our arms fall off today. My deltoids and my triceps are just plain toast. My lats are complaining a little as well. I'm all for upper body strength, but I guess I just wasn't into it *today*. I'm not actually complaining. This is that wonderful state of muscle sore that lets you know you're getting stronger.

who may I strangle?

Jacqueline — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:31:30 GMT

I have managed to turn in ONE autoCad homework assignment on time. The problem has largely centered around my limited to no access to autoCad. The rest would be from dealing with the flu. Now, I want to work on my homework (AGAIN!), and I can't access the program because the computer can't find the license!! I walked over to the offices of the network support people. They said, "Oh, just click on the other icon and open it that way." I had already tried that. So, they sent an individual to watch what I did to open the program and report the cause of my failure. She suggested I just keep trying computer after computer. I've tried four different computers with the exact same result. This is an exercise in futility. This is not a computer problem, but a network problem. So, instead of working on my homework, I'm wasting time trying to get access to a stupid program that has done its level best to be unavailable to me. I'm only as good as the tools I have to work with! So. Who may I strangle?

Kudos to me!!!

Jacqueline — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 21:48:24 GMT

Yes, I'm still sick. Or I'm feverish again. Or something. At what point should I be concerned and make an appointment to see a doctor? Symptoms are: sudden onset and persistent fever (99-102), congestion and sinus pressure, sore throat, headache, alternating stuffy and runny nose, aches, and chills. I get light-headed when I stand up. Started Sunday afternoon. Anyway, this wasn't the point of the post, I just couldn't get a hold of a nurse at the VA clinic. THE POINT: My autoCad prof. said to me, "You're just smarter than the average bear, aren't you?" Followed by, "I'd hire you, for sure. You actually read the directions!" This meant a lot to me, and I just wanted to share. It always makes me feel good that my natural tendencies lend themselves to job aquisition.

I swear...

Jacqueline — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 01:33:11 GMT

I could go home if I could only figure out how to draw a stinking tangent line! I just want the line to go where I tell it to! I'm freezing, feverish, congested, and I want nothing more than to go home. But this assignment is due in the morning, and I'm on the last exercise. Here I thought autoCad was becoming my friend...

Please, Please, Please!!

Jacqueline — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 22:11:05 GMT

Come and Play with Me!! 2 February 2008 11:00am - 4:00pm Come and Go as you please! 1301 W 24th Street Building A (the office) Lawrence, KS 66046 I am hosting an Open House Style Pampered Chef Party at our apartment complex! I hope most of the guests will be from the complex. However, I would love my friends to come and hang out with me. You all can keep me company during slow times, and you can laugh at me if we get busy! If any of you are just wondering what a show is like, come hang out and watch the process. Do not feel obligated to buy anything! This is an official invitation! No need to RSVP, but I'd love to hear from you if you're thinking about coming. I'm looking forward to fun, friends, and food. Do not feel obligated to buy anything! Please join me for a relaxing afternoon.

more autoCAD

Jacqueline — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:57:25 GMT

It's amazing how quickly one can do an elementary autoCAD assignment when one actually has access to the program! I can only access CAd in the classroom, but this week, I have classroom access. here's hoping they finish loading CAD in the commons this week...