My Blog

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

hum — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 19:51:03 GMT

Just when things were starting to look up, life was getting better, they took a turn for the worst. I guess you never know what life will throw at you. What little twist and turns you will face. One day everything is good and suddenly, out of the blue, bam, the bad news hits you like a cold fish in the face. My daughter went to school yesterday. A day like any other. I went to work and the world, at least my little corner of it, was grand. Then about 4 pm I got the call. My daughter has a friend who had a cat follow her home several days ago. This friend, in all her innocence, is now on my shit list. She heard that we were missing a cat and so she asked my daughter about it, and sure enough, it was Kona. The begging, whining, shitting Kona. When my daughter called, she knew how happy I would be to have him back so she just said, “He’s back. Nyla had him. Sorry." “How did he get over there?” I asked. “He just showed up.” “How long ago?” “Last week” “But he’s been gone a month. Can’t they keep him?” “They don’t want him” “Why not?” “Because he shits on their carpet and they don’t like him anymore.” All I can hope for now is that maybe, just maybe, he’ll get run over by a car.

Kona the Tom Cat.

hum — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 02:40:16 GMT

A few weeks ago we went through a sad day. It had to do with our kitten, Kona. We adopted Kona when he was about six weeks old. He was frail, hungry and glad to have a nice warm place to sleep. He took to his new family quite well. As the weeks went by and Kona grew, he began to discover that it was much easier to shit in the hallway than it was to go outside. He also developed a penchant for constantly begging at his food bowl. Non stop! He was soft and cuddly and loved a good head rubbing, but he was also a royal pain in the ass. Kona was so cute. He was black and white, short haired and loved to play. He would chase butterflies and bugs in the yard all day long. He would eat anything, except cat food. Kona would follow me around as I was working in the yard. Weeding the garden was one of his favorite jobs. He would get right under me and chase the weeds as I tossed them out of the garden. He also liked to climb on my Jalapeño plants. He loved to pounce on the leaves as they flickered in the wind. It was so cute, he must have destroyed six jalapeño plants. Kona loved his backyard. It wasn’t until he got about eight months old that he started to wander a bit. It started with the neighbors. His favorite thing was to go over and eat the neighbor’s cat’s food. They didn’t think he was so cute. Then he started to go over to the people’s house down the street and kill birds at their bird feeder. They didn’t appreciate his soft white coat and the way he would nuzzle up to you when he wanted to be petted. Well, the sad day came. After eight months of living with Kona, he wandered off one day, and just when we thought we were rid of him, HE CAME BACK! It was truly a sad day. We thought we were rid of him once and for all. We continued love Kona and feed and care for him. We scheduled a Vet appointment to have him fixed. He continued to shit in the hallway, two feet from the sand box. He also learned how to scratch a hole in the dog food bag and scatter dog food all over the back patio. The dog loved this trick, I didn’t. He also learned how to bawl louder in a way that would make your skin crawl. He liked to pee in the living room. Kona left again, about two weeks ago. He hasn’t been back since. We have our fingers crossed!

save the internet

hum — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 14:58:31 GMT

this is starting to get my attention. it's worth a look. http://www.savetheinternet.com/

letters from Idaho

hum — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 16:58:34 GMT

The following excerpts are from letters from someone who recently moved to McCall, Idaho. November 1, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: It started to snow this evening about 5:00 p.m. -- our first of the season. The wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down. They say that no two snowflakes are the same! It was beautiful. We woke to a big wonderful blanket of crystal white snow covering our yard and as far as the eye could see. I shoveled snow for the first time in over 30 years -- and loved it! Did both the driveway and sidewalk. Of course two minutes after I finished, the snowplow came by and covered it all up again with the compacted snow from the street. Oh well, ha ha, I took it in stride and shoveled it all again. Your friend, Tom ________________________________________ November 10, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: Got another 8 inches of snow last night and the temperature dropped to 20 below zero. Shoveled the driveway so I could get the car out but before I could open the garage door, the snowplow did his thing again. Worked out for the best because the car wouldn't start anyway. Fixed myself a drink and laughed it off. Regards, Tom ________________________________________ Noverber 27, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: Sold the car and bought a 4 wheel drive truck. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway getting into it. All that was hurt was my feelings. Still cold (below zero every morning) and the icy roads make for tough driving. I did however make it to the liquor store and bought enough booze to last the winter. That asshole in the snowplow came by while I was gone and covered the driveway again. Tom ________________________________________ December 5, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: Happy "fucking" Holiday from Idaho. We're assured a white Christmas this year because 6 more inches of the "white stuff" fell today. Forget that crap about snow flakes all looking different, you've seen one, you've seen them all!! Anyway, I took a couple of stiff belts out of the whiskey bottle and suited up to shovel the driveway. You should see it, boots, jump suit, heavy jacket, scarf, ear muffs, gloves, etc. Got in one shovel full and had to piss like a Russian race horse. Figured I'd risk blowing a kidney and finish the job. When I did, I ran for the house and just made it to the toilet. While I was standing relieving myself, I heard a now familiar sound. Yes, that cocksucker in the snowplow did it again. The only reason I needed to get out was that the liquor cabinet was empty, again! I think the wife has been sipping behind my back!! Selfish bitch! T. ________________________________________ December 30, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, I'll drag his bare ass through the white shit from here to the city limits. The temperature stays at zero or below all day. If this keeps up I'll be fucking with this white shit 'til August. Got to get to the liquor store before it closes. I caught the wife dead off her ass drunk on the bathroom floor yesterday. At least now I know where the booze is going. Me ________________________________________ January 5, 8, or 10, 1993 Dear Tim and Cary: 7 more inches. If it wasn't for going to the liquor store, I'd never get out. Must be cabin fever or I'm going snowblind from that white shit all over my yard, but even that drunken slut I married is starting to look good. Doesn't matter, it's so cold I have to tie a string and tag on my dick just to find it ever morning. You Know Who ________________________________________ Febiary, whatever, whenever............... Deer jimmers, jimmers, J & M: Toilet froze. IF you go outside, don't eat the brown snow ha ha! Neighbor came by and told me I better get some of that shit off my roof or it might cave in. Fuck it and the snowplow. Liquor store has started making deliveries to the front door. I ain't going out till this shit melts all the way a way. me ________________________________________ March 29, 1993 Boise Mental Hospital Dear Jim and Mary: Thank you for taking in my darling wife. My lawyer says I should be out in a year or two. All this could have been avoided if the snowplow driver hadn't come by asking for a donation for some charity. His doctor testified at my trial that there was no permanent damage to his rectum from my assault with the snow shovel handle. It was wrong, I know that now. The arson charge too, could have been avoided, but when that neighbor told me about the snow on my roof, well I figured the fire would melt that white......... I really feel bad about the guy who owns the liquor store. Ever since we left the neighborhood, the bank foreclosed on his new house and the Cadillac dealer repossessed his new car. Even the kid who used to deliver for him quit, claimed he wasn't making that $1,500 a week like when we lived there. Hope to see you soon! Your Friend, Tom ________________________________________

Text is blind

hum — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 15:45:54 GMT

80% of human verbal communication is through body language, either by tone of voice or facial expressions or whatever. The words we use can take on many meanings depending on how we say them. When communicating in this media, I sometimes forget that and that can get me in trouble. I’m learning to keep it simple and to the point and make no assumptions about how the text is perceived by the reader. What I may think is a funny little jab at some one, turns in to a personal assault on their intelligence and their ancestry. The next thing I know somebody’s telling me to go find a tall building and do the world a favor and jump. I have a new respect for Politicians and Celebrities wherein every little thing they say is dissected and analyzed and reviewed and criticized. “In the news tonight, a local man was dragged from his computer and beaten by an angry mob over a joke he posted on a web log that apparently, no one got. Police reports show that the man, in his mid forties, has a sense of humor more suited to a fishing boat than a public forum. Several women’s groups and animal rights activists were involved in the attack”.

Men

hum — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 17:58:51 GMT

In perusing some of the tribes and checking out the various bios of the members, I’ve made an observation. Men seeking women are far less bold and forward than men seeking men. The men seeking women tend to post things like “Seeking kind hearted individual to share intimate evenings and like minded topics, friendship and laughter are a must.” Now, what they really mean is, “I’m looking for an Angelina Jolie look-alike with a girlfriend to stop by my house five nights a week for some wild three-way cave man sex.” Obviously, that wouldn’t get a man very far in the dating world so he takes the “intimate evening” and “friendship” approach. Now, what I’ve noticed when it’s men seeking men, is they cut right to the chase. “Well hung boy-lover seeking tight assed hunky muffin for three way action and maybe more, send photo of cock” What this tells me is, men are men no matter their sexual preference. If we made the rules, it would be like “Hey, come on over to my place and let’s have sex, and on your way, pick up a six pack and some smokes ‘cause I’m broke. And make it snappy!” Gay or straight, underneath, we’re probably not that different.

It keeps me going

hum — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 03:22:30 GMT

My wife and I just wanted to get away from the house for the evening, so we decided to go fishing. We went up to the reservoir which is about 20 minutes from our house. It’s not the best fishing hole around but its close. It was me, my wife, my 13 yr old son and my 9yr old daughter and her friend. I threw my line in first and grabbed a beer and was quite content with just being there. Time went by and the kids were climbing rocks and playing, my son was listening to the World Series and anxious to get home so he could watch it on TV. I was getting lots of bites but nothing to get excited about. Time went by and it started to get dark and I announced that it was time to leave. Then my daughter decides she wants to fish for a little bit. So I say ok, but not long because we are going to leave. I start packing up all the stuff and getting ready to leave. Well, about 3 minutes later she starts screaming “Dad, I got a fish”. The next thing I know she pulls in a 15 inch Rainbow Trout. She was so excited, it was mayhem for several minutes as we got the fish off the hook and dropped it a few times an finally got it on the stringer. What was cool to me was, when we got it home and began to clean it, she not only helped, but wanted to totally dissect it. I cut its stomach open so we could see what it had been eating and she was fascinated. We found mostly bugs, but there was also a rock, about the size of a marble. She sorted out the parts for at least 10 minutes before I made her quit. She not only caught the biggest fish this house has seen for a while, but she knows how to clean it, what it eats, its anatomy, and how to cut its stomach open to see what its been eating. To me that’s so cool, because she also likes to wear makeup and stylish skirts and totally be a girl. She’s such a happy little kid, and that’s is my greatest accomplishment up to this point in my life.