So I have returned home form Albuquerque, NM as of last Sunday. I took the workshops from The Indigo & Tobias, saw the show, & performed in my own show. Monday was a day of recovery & getting back into the swing of things… but Tuesday… oh lawdy me!!! Ever since Tuesday, it has been taking everything I have to not break down into tears.

Here is a brief rundown of what life has been like in the recent:

Wednesday September 6th – Thursday September 7th:
I worked half a shift in Pueblo from 1:30pm-6:00pm, went up to 24hr Fitness in Colorado Springs at 7:30pm to audition my bellydance/fitness program, left there around 10:30pm, went to my house in Colorado Springs & did some laundry until 4:30am, drove to my house in Pueblo & packed my things for the weekend, & left for Albuquerque around 10:30am. I made it there a little after 1:00pm. Checked into my hotel, ate dinner unpacked, texted my friend, Matt who I hadn’t hung out with in a while & miss dearly, answered some fan-mail, then went to bed.

Friday September 8th:
I awoke the next morning just in time to miss breakfast at the hotel. I went to the shop & tried to buy some newer/bigger zils, but the girl who was working didn’t know where they were so I came back later. Round 2 I went back to the store & Rachel, Zoe, Mardi, & Tobias were there, so we all talked, & Rachel & I caught up. I bought my zils 2 new CDs, & some costuming coins. That evening, I dropped of some musical & costume goodies to the ladies. Later that night, I went to go see the show, but because I was under 21 I had to enjoy it from outside, looking through the window (even after Rachel, Zoe, & several friends tried to get me in). I couldn’t help but dance with them as they went. When people came outside for a smoke, fresh air, or during intermission, they asked me when my set started & I had to tell them that those folks are my teachers, but I am not dancing with them (yet). I had some folks tell me that I had the skill to be an Indigoan. I also had some of my YouTube fans come out to chat & take pictures. After the show (slightly more than buzzed) Rachel came outside & talked to me. She told me some things that reminded me that I’m not just that boy who just shows up at her shows & workshops from time-to-time, but that she really does care for me. There were some tears & hugging.

Saturday September 9th:
Rachel’s workshops are always a refresher course in technique & posture. Mardi is a choreographic genius. She & I did a duet in the workshop!!! Mardi Love is so beautiful in person. Some people describe women as an exotic beauty, a classic beauty, a fair beauty, etc. Mardi love is just genuinely beautiful without any kind of category or consequence. Her face, body, & movement are all simply glorious. Later that evening was my show which went great. I made more fans, got great pics, & a video should soon be surfacing. Post show, I hung a bit with the ladies & Tobias. Back at the hotel, I spoke with my buddy/spirit-guide, Roberto in San Diego, & then went night-night.

Sunday September 10th:
Zoe is a drill sergeant. Lunch break, the sorrow began as the reality that the weekend was ending set in. Tobias is a master of coordination, a rhythmic wizard, adorable as all get out, & my creamy chocolate daddy (little joke). Every time I get to be with Rachel, I fall in love with her all over again. This weekend I also was seduced by Mardi’s beauty, enamored with Zoe’s personality, melted by Tobias’ cuteness, & flattered by Duane & Flo’s warmth. Leaving Albuquerque, I called Mum, Elijah Sound, & my student, Jon.

THE SADNESS:
After having my heart opened by Rachel, falling truly, madly, & deeply in love with her Mardi, Zoe, Tobias, Duane, & Flo, & then talking with extended members of my dance familiars, I finally realized why I was becoming so sad. Watching the personal dynamics between these wonderful people & talking to them in person & on the phone, I got to witness something that I have wanted since I started performing… a dance family. The interaction between these people far surpasses comradery. They have love, history, trust, investments, & so much more. I yearn for that in my life. From Start to now, every one of my bellydance adventures (but 3) have been solo. Workshops, shows, traveling, mini-tours, choreographing, costuming, rehearsing, & the like. One day I know that I will be able to do & share what I love with whom I love. It could be with BDSS/DR, it could be with The Indigo, it could even be my own company some day, but I know that it is not now… & so my heart cries for a love that it has never known. I’m gonna try to channel all of these feelings through a future performance to an instrumental song that I’ve come across, recently that just cradles all of these feelings. After working full shifts this Monday-Wednesday, I’m spending Thursday running errands, & then it’s up to Glenwood Springs to teach my workshop & perform. Then it’s back to work & shows & workshops in between. I feel so happy & blessed to be this busy. I am getting a little tired, but it’s this sweet, sweet sorrow that makes me weary with mourn & lament.