Sometimes I wish I could do that thing like in the Charles deLint books and step sideways into the dreamlands, and revel in my heart home. I get so tired of the mundane world with bills and worries and health problems and constant fucking pain. I want to be like Jilly Coppercorn in that when I step sideways into the between, I am the self that I picture in my mind, physically. I am not this broken body. I am not this lurching painful shell. I can run and jump and dance and climb trees and sit in a meadow and lay down flat on my back to watch the stars right there in the grass, and skip, I really want to skip, it would be so cool to be able to skip again, and I could ride a bike twenty miles if I wanted to and I would Bungee jump from the tallest bridge by the waterfall while the water sprites clapped and cheered my bravery. And when I am there I can look around when I walk because I don't have to watch where my feet are at every given second, it's no big deal to trip. I can have a glass or two of mead, and dance footloose, widdershins 'round the fire in a bikini top and a sarong, because they would fit, and I would be beautiful again, and healthy, and magic would be real, I mean REAL, like wave-your-hand-and-all-is-right-with-the-world real. And every time you go it heals you a little for your return to this World As It Is so that if you went often enough, eventually you would be healed in this world as well. And the magic would leak out of you like an aura and your sisters would never get cancer, and your daughter's back would heal itself, and your brother would never get the news that he's diabetic. And you could eat whatever you want and never gain an extra pound or get sick from it, and your friends would all live next door. And you would never remember sick things that happened to you as a child. And whenever you reached into your pocket there would be just exactly enough money to pay for what you needed.

I guess for now I'll just have to keep reading about it. The Onion Girl, that's me. I wish the Crow Girls would come.