right now i am enjoying a sight only possible in the age of modernity: watching rainfall from the top of a skyscraper. it’s so much different than on the ground.

observation: the ways in which crazies seem to coalesce in large quantities defies the laws of physics: whereas magnets of similar polarities are supposed to repel one another, one can be a crazy magnet and a magnetic crazy simultaneously, attracting whilst being attracted, resulting in a viral escalation of silly people societies, seriously silly people societies, and full-fledged shenanigans.

there are few things more hilariously vulnerable than a baby-faced security guard wielding a neon half-eaten popsicle.

i'd rather be over the sea than under the sea.

they say that the meek shall inherit the earth, but i am impatient and besides, what did you ever get handed to you on a silver platter? no free lunch in this planetary cafeteria, this funky forest.

the goal is to be fearless with a healthy dose of skepticism. skeptical with a healthy dose of optimism. optimistic with a healthy dose of perspective. and so on, and on, &c. &c.

when i turn myself inside out, i like to think that i’m a skeptic demanding that the world prove her wrong.

i swallowed my pride on the elevator.

he said if you never leave, then you can never come back.

when i sleep, i dream in theramin.

"I live on Earth at present, and I don't know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing — a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process — an integral function of the universe." - Buckminster Fuller

Karma pays all debts in full immediately. No interest. There is no cheating and no taking more than you deserve. There is no easy way and there are no shortcuts. And there is no escape. There is no way out; that is the escape. Or is it? No, the escape is accepting and letting go. You can only play the game; you cannot win.

We miss this sometimes because the mind equates survival with winning and losing. It wants to construct a formula within the moment to allow the self to take more than it gives. The mind needs to feed, so it takes from the moment, trying to construct its own game separate from karma. It clouds our pure, unadulterated perception of the moment. It takes out feelings and gives us its demons. Anxiety. Insanity. Fear. Lack.

The mind is like a whining child. It doesn’t want to shut up. It wants to distract your attention and claim it for its own. It wants to prove that it deserves all the energy. it is selfish. The mind enslaves us by monopolizing our focus; it eclipses the soul, which we can then only understand through silhouette.

We are in a prison, karmically, as a species.

The mind is trying to be different. It needs to feel special. It needs meaning. Desperately. It seeks this meaning by demanding judgment, searching fruitlessly for an eternal “should-be.” It is endlessly constructing frameworks in which to situate itself, to understand and manipulate to persevere. But this quest for control is futile; our mind’s formulas are powerless to the forces of karma. Deep emotion, pure and unfiltered emotion, is put on hold so that the mind can figure out… figure out what? How to remember. How to remember to get back to the moment it is escaping. It is insanity. Nothing is gained. So what is lost? The moment. The same infinite moment. We do not feel it; instead, we study it and remember it, all so we can use that knowledge to make ourselves better. But what is better? The moment is infinite.

Consciousness does not end at you and begin at me. Those are lines drawn around our bodies. But they do not matter; the constellations do not dictate the movement of the stars. Consciousness is fluid. In order to float its depths we need the energy the mind is wasting by trying to differentiate itself. We must remember the similarities beneath our differences. We cannot deny self-recognition; we are unique. Identity is a dividing into parts, and is a reality of existence; but these parts do not need to be separate from each other. Boundaries exist, but they are as transient as lines drawn in the sand of a tide pool. They can collapse back easily; if they become solid, then they can block the flow. There are differences in the egos, in our personalities. But our deeper consciousness – it is one. We are all one. And we forget because we are afraid. Afraid to die? To die to the self is to be born as infinite.

But we feel so strongly that we need the lines. So we draw them, and play and organize and point to the past, recalling memories, trying to remember. We are trying to plan for the future, trying to learn, trying to construct something using our memories and our amassed knowledge. It is useful; it aids us in fulfilling our needs, ensuring that we can experience this moment and future moments. But it is a tool gone crazy. We can and should let it aid us in nourishing ourselves, but why do we let it take our souls? The framework of the world in which we operate is not always friendly. We must respond to lots of games created by lots of minds, which usually requires creating our own games. It is a charade that we have to follow – but only to an extent. The mind arises and it settles; it is up to us to remind it to be humble. We must learn to hush the whimpers of our needy mind. All is balance; the need is the unbalance. We need nothing; we are already there. We need to survive, or, at least, it is our nature to try to do so; but consciousness will keep going.

The goal is to bridge the gap between our own survival and consciousness, because at their core they are the same. Why do we do things to feel something instead of doing them with feeling? I don’t want to choose to leave this moment, because why would I leave the feeling to try to find it again? Silly humans, asking questions to answer them but the answer was already there before the question; it’s with the question. It need only be asked and it is done.