Yesterday I was thinking about toys I can't tell you why jet but soon I will let you know and also make a "Girls and their toys" marathon... Oh, actually I have one toy story (heh heh) that I can share I was talking to Michelle yesterday morning and I asked her what she wants for Christmas Michelle is my roommate. So she mentioned a couple of boring things and then a vibrator! Yes she said the V-word! I didn't know what to say so I just started laughing oh this was one of those moments where I could feel I have changed towards her because when we were just "normal" girlfirends it wouldn't have made me embarrassed. It is so stupid, it is like I am afraide she can read my mind and then says something about toys to test me! (welcome to Paranoia Land population: me!) The fact is this. I am attracted to girls, she is one of them, but she doesn't know. So when she tells me about a vibrator it's just because she feels comfortable and open in my company. To her I am a girlfriend like her other girlfriends. Fine I gotta tell myself that over and over. Anyways she wants a vibrator, I laughed, she laughed too, and my embarrassments got a little smaller. She told me she already had a vibrator I did not tell her that I already knew that but by accident she dropped it on the floor so now it"s broken. Some of you will probably yell at me now, because this was the perfect time for me to start talking about things that might lead to an interesting development in our friendship but no I just couldn't. I nearly got a panic attack. I only told her not to tell her grandma about that vibrator wish. My GOD have you ever heard anything more stupid? You may leave mea comment on this Kiss kiss See you later...

Since Michelle and I made our shared bedroom we really had some great "girlie talks" like we did in the old days before we became room mates. Ever since we moved in together these talks have been few... dunno why, it's like I always think that it can wait till tomorrow. But now we can lie with all our pillow and blankets in the dark in our super bed and talk for hours. I even thought about letting her know just a little bit about my fascination for girls... maybe... if I find the right moment. Yesterday we were talking about boyfriends none of us have one right now. So we were talking about how we miss sex and Michelle sort of hinted that she had another way to deal with it... and I knew she was talking about her dildo and I am so *angry* with myself now, I should have asked her more about it but I got totally paralyzed! *grr* it's always the same, as soon as I am alone I know all the right answers much too late. Well then I know what to do if she starts talking about it again another time hehe (You may leave me a comment on this Thanks.) See you later...