joined on 09/08/03
last updated 06/25/08
This is one of my favorite poems ever. It's by Allen Ginsberg and it is called "song".
The weight of the world
is love.
Under the burden
of solitude,
under the burden
of dissatisfaction
the weight,
the weight we carry
is love.
Who can deny?
In dreams
it touches
the body,
in thought
constructs
a miracle,
in imagination
anguishes
till born
in human--
looks out of the heart
burning with purity--
for the burden of life
is love,
but we carry the weight
wearily,
and so must rest
in the arms of love
at last,
must rest in the arms
of love.
No rest
without love,
no sleep
without dreams
of love--
be mad or chill
obsessed with angels
or machines,
the final wish
is love
--cannot be bitter,
cannot deny,
cannot withhold
if denied:
the weight is too heavy
--must give
for no return
as thought
is given
in solitude
in all the excellence
of its excess.
The warm bodies
shine together
in the darkness,
the hand moves
to the center
of the flesh,
the skin trembles
in happiness
and the soul comes
joyful to the eye--
yes, yes,
that's what
I wanted,
I always wanted,
I always wanted,
to return
to the body
where I was born.
San Jose, 1954
! Sexiest Smile !,
*Northwest Psytrance Gatherings*,
2112 Temple Design,
Alex Grey,
All Yoga,
AMBIENT CHILL,
Anti-Burning Man,
bassnectar,
Biodiesel,
Birthing The Future,
bluetech,
BRCPO,
Breitenbush Hotsprings,
Burning Man,
Burning Dinner,
Burning Families,
![[moderator]](http://images.tribe.net/tribe/images/redesign/moderator_icon.gif)
Burning Kids,
Burning Man BCWA-ABOR,
Burning Seattle,
Burningcontact,
...
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Buy More Stuff! Friday, Nov 23, 1 PM Westlake
(events » other)
Friday, November 23, 2007 - 1:00 PM
258 RSVPs
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping."
-- Bo Derek, Actress, Model
Last year, me and some friends started a performance art project called "Buy More Stuff". The idea was simple: Tell people that they have to Buy More Stuff! If they don't, the store will run out of stuff...or they'll run out of time!
This ended up being a lot more fun than anyone expected, so we're doing it again this year during the most frenzied & freaky shopping days of the year, including this Friday. Black Friday. November 23rd. The day after Thanksgiving.
Here's how you can participate:
# Get dressed up in nice corporate-slave clothes (see "dressing" below)
# Make nice signs and flyers that say "Buy More Stuff" (see "making signs" below)
# Meet at Westlake Park at 1 PM, during the peak of the feeding frenzy that surrounds the holidays (see "finding us" below)
# Encourage people to Buy More Stuff! (see "Our Message" below)
################
# OUR MESSAGE! #
################
The message is very, very simple:
# Buy More Stuff!
# Hurry!
# If you don't hurry, they'll run out of stuff...or you'll run out of time!
This isn't political -- we have no social or economic agenda. This isn't judgmental...We are no better or worse than the people downtown to shop. We Buy More Stuff, just like everyone. And when we're done with Buy More Stuff, we're going to Buy More Stuff, probably drinks.
Note: Some people get really pissed off by this sort of thing.
##########
# DATES! #
##########
We meet at 1 PM at Westlake Park in downtown Seattle on each of these days:
# Fri Nov 23 -- Black Friday!
# Sat Dec 15 -- The official Buy More Stuff orgy!
# Sun Dec 23 -- The Most Desperate Day of the Year!
############
# WEBSITE! #
############
For more information, please see the website:
# BuyMoreStuff.org
If you'd like to buy more Buy More Stuff stuff, go here:
# www.cafepress.com/buy_more_stuff
Please note: The money that we make by selling Buy More Stuff stuff will be used to buy more stuff, like signs and flyers that say "Buy More Stuff".
#################
# MAKING SIGNS! #
#################
Make your Official Buy More Stuff sign by following these easy directions.
# Don't be a dick and show up with some lame-ass hand-lettered sign. If you do that, you're not Buying More Stuff, right?
# If you want a sign you have to print and laminate a sign. (Rain, yo!) Official artwork and directions about how to have the folks at Kinko's make 'em are located here:
www.buymorestuff.org/art.html
# Download, print, laminate, put on stick. Bring extra flyers and signs if you can!
#############
# DRESSING! #
#############
Put on your best clothes! This ain't no hippie drum circle. You want people to Buy More Stuff? Then you gotta look like you've got stuff, too. Good stuff, if you know what I mean. None of that geriatric hippie raver lube-soaked tribe.net-dwelling burner drag shit. Got it? This is what we looked like last year:
michaelholden.com/pics/v/Bu...9.JPG.html
Note: It's cold. It might rain. Dress accordingly.
###############
# FINDING US! #
###############
In general. we're down by Westlake park. If you want to get text messages about where we are and what we're doing and what we need (ie, coffee, more flyers, bail money etc) please join Swaggle, Jordan Schwartz's ass-kicking text messaging service. It's like a mailing list, but it uses text messages to communicate.
To join, send a text message to 206 694 9197 that says
.join buymorestuff
You'll get a message back that confirms that you've joined. After you've joined, give yourself a name. Send a text message back to 206 694 9197 that says:
.name <insert your name here>
Then send another message to the same number that says something like
Yo, where you all be?
And someone will answer. We'll post updates about what's up with Buy More Stuff as the situation unfolds.
For more info about Swaggle, go here:
www.hive-mind.com/swaggle
Note: The people who wrote Swaggle are burners and they're cool.
###########
# PHOTOS! #
###########
Galleries of Last Year's Buy More Stuff Escapades
www.michaelholden.com/pics/v/...oreStuff
##########
# FAQS! #
##########
We get a lot of questions about this project. All questions can be answered by reading the "Our Message" section, above. Additional questions can be sent to michael@superpod.com but I might not answer them.
Love and stuff,
Michael
P.S. Buy More Stuff!!!!
P.P.S. XXX-MASS III: "Holy Daze" Friday December 21!
SURPRISE POTLICK: Tonight at GrrAttitude House
(events » community)
Tuesday, November 27, 2007 - 6:00 PM
258 RSVPs
"You are invited by anyone to do anything
You are invited for all time…
You are so needed if you really want to go
You are invited for all time"
-- Dismemberment Plan
It's been a while since we've had a Burner Community Potluck. My new place is too small it fit y'all. But Eva Luna has gracikously offered up her house for tonight's Surprise Potlick!
WHO: You & your: kids, friends, neighbors, relatives etc. Newbies especially welcome!
WHAT: Surprise Potlick
WHEN: Tonight, Tuesday November 27th, 6-10:30 PM
WHERE: GrrAttitude House, 352 17th Ave -- 17th and Jefferson, directions below.
WHY: 'Cause it's been a while since we've had a community potluck
THEME: None. Just get over here.
Here's the scoop:
# Pot lickin' will start at 6ish. Clean-up starts at 10. Everyone is outta here by 10:30
# Bring: Food, beverages, things to share and your own sweet, sweet ass. I'm gonna bring roast lamb and the chihuahua.
# Please: Help to clean up! (The more peole who help with stuff like this the better the chance of it becoming more regular, dig?)
# This event is kid-friendly and people with kids are especially welcome. It's not exclusivley burner-centric (gasp!), either, so don't feel like you've gotta be a "burner" to come.
# While the event is kid-friendly, this ain't the goddamn Disney channel...or Provo, Utah, either. This is the SURPRISE POTLICK and we're a bunch of weirdo urban alt.freaks in Seattle. Don't be afraid to act like it on account of the kids. Some of them have been to more burns than you.
# Remember: Respect people's personal space. Respect the space. Smoke outside on one of the FOUR decks.
# Please don't: Come here if you're shitfaced or get shitfaced while you're here. We will kick your ass and feed you to the pigs. (Obligatory Deadwood Reference, sorry, I can't help it!)
DIRECTIONS: The house is on the corner of 17th and Jefferson, which is just south of Cherry. It's by what used to be Providence hospital, which is now part of the Swedish hospital empire. Need a map? Use this one:
tinyurl.com/2xtu44
Hope to see you there!
Hugs and Stuff,
Michael
Buy More Stuff: Sat Dec 15, 1 PM: Westlake Park!
(events » arts)
Saturday, December 15, 2007 - 1:00 PM
259 RSVPs
"The best thing about the term 'performance artist' is that it includes just about everything you might want to do."
-- Laurie Anderson, performance artist
Last year, me and some friends started a performance art project called "Buy More Stuff". The idea was simple: Get dressed up in corporate slave drag, head downtown with big-ass signs and tell people that they have to Buy More Stuff! And Hurry! Why? Because they don't, the store will run out of stuff...or they'll run out of time!
This ended up being a lot more fun than anyone expected, so we're doing it again! Make a sign, print out some fliers and come on down. It's hella fun.
###################
# BUY MORE STUFF! #
###################
WHO: You, your friends, your dog, your attitude
WHAT: Buy More Stuff!
WHEN: Saturday, December 15th from 1 till 5 PM
WHERE: Westlake Park, see "finding us", below
WHY: Because if you don't, they'll run out of stuff...or you'll run out of time!
################
# PARTICIPATE! #
################
Here's how you can participate:
# Get dressed up in nice corporate-slave clothes (see "dressing" below)
# Make nice signs and fliers that say "Buy More Stuff" (see "making signs" below) -- please make extra signs and fliers!
# Meet at Westlake Park between 1 and 5 PM on Saturday, December 15th, during the peak of the feeding frenzy that surrounds the holidays (see "finding us" below)
# Encourage people to Buy More Stuff! (see "Our Message" below)
Take a peek at these pics from Buy More Stuff from Black Friday:
www.michaelholden.com/pics/v/...s_nov_07
################
# OUR MESSAGE! #
################
The Message is very, very simple:
# Buy More Stuff!
# Hurry!
# If you don't hurry, they'll run out of stuff...or you'll run out of time!
This isn't political -- we have no social or economic agenda. This isn't judgmental...We are no better or worse than the people downtown to shop. We Buy More Stuff, just like everyone. And when we're done with Buy More Stuff, we're going to Buy More Stuff, probably drinks.
Note: Some people get really pissed off by this sort of thing.
##########
# DATES! #
##########
We meet at 1 PM at Westlake Park in downtown Seattle on each of these days:
# Sat Dec 15 -- The official Buy More Stuff orgy!
# Mon Dec 24 -- The Most Desperate Day of the Year!
############
# WEBSITE! #
############
For more information, please see the website:
# BuyMoreStuff.org
If you'd like to buy more Buy More Stuff stuff, go here:
# www.cafepress.com/buy_more_stuff
Please note: The money that we make by selling Buy More Stuff stuff will be used to buy more stuff, like signs and fliers that say "Buy More Stuff".
#################
# MAKING SIGNS! #
#################
Make your Official Buy More Stuff sign by following these easy directions.
# Don't be a dick and show up with some lame-ass hand-lettered sign. If you do that, you're not Buying More Stuff, ya dig?
# If you want a sign you have to print and laminate a sign. (Rain, yo!) Official artwork and directions about how to have the folks at Kinko's make 'em are located here:
www.buymorestuff.org/art.html
# Download, print, laminate, put on stick. Bring extra fliers and signs if you can!
#############
# DRESSING! #
#############
Put on your best clothes! This ain't no hippie drum circle. You want people to Buy More Stuff? Then you gotta look like you've got stuff, too. Good stuff, if you know what I mean. None of that geriatric hippie raver lube-soaked tribe.net-dwelling burner drag shit. Got it? This is what we looked like last year:
michaelholden.com/pics/v/Bu...0.JPG.html
Note: It's cold. It might rain. Dress accordingly.
###############
# FINDING US! #
###############
In general. we're down by Westlake park. If you want to get text messages about where we are and what we're doing and what we need (ie, coffee, more fliers, bail money etc) please join Swaggle, Jordan Schwartz's ass-kicking text messaging service. It's like a mailing list, but it uses text messages to communicate.
To join, send a text message to 206 694 9197 that says
.join buymorestuff
You'll get a message back that confirms that you've joined. After you've joined, give yourself a name. Send a text message back to 206 694 9197 that says:
.name <insert your name here>
Then send another message to the same number that says something like
Yo, where you all be?
And someone will answer. We'll post updates about what's up with Buy More Stuff as the situation unfolds.
For more info about Swaggle, go here:
www.hive-mind.com/swaggle
Note: The people who wrote Swaggle are burners and they're cool.
Note: Or just call/text me at 206 227 4236 if you can't deal with Swaggle.
###########
# PHOTOS! #
###########
Galleries of Last Year's Buy More Stuff Escapades
www.michaelholden.com/pics/v/...oreStuff
#########
# FAQS! #
#########
We get a lot of questions about this project. All questions can be answered by reading the "Our Message" section, above. Additional questions can be sent to michael@superpod.com but I might not answer them.
Love (and stuff),
Michael
P.S. Buy More Stuff!!!!
P.P.S. Get ready for XXX-MASS III: "Wholly Dazed", the FREE freak family holiday party, Saturday December 22!
XXX-MASS III: Wholly Dazed: Saturday, Dec 22 -- Free Freak Family Holiday Party!
(events » community)
Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 10:00 PM
259 RSVPs
"A good party builds community."
-- Larry Harvey
XXX-MASS III: "Wholly Dazed" is _your_ FREE freak family holiday party, and you're all invited!
##############
# THE SKINNY #
#############
XXX-MASS III: Wholly Dazed. Saturday, December 22, 10 PM until late late at the Transcendent Church of Bass, 920 Elliot Ave W. 21+ W/ID. FREE! Bring winter clothes for clothing drive. Help out if you can.
##############
# THE PHATTY #
##############
For those of you who weren't there in years past (and those of you who were & therefore can't remember!) here's how this all got started: in 2005 I had a Christmas party. It was off the hook. Hundreds of hot people. Awesome music, lots of extreme silliness. But there were two problems: The house, while not small, was not big enough to contain the party. And, of course, there was the neighbor issue...Let's just say that neighbors and sub-woofers don't mix well at 2 AM. or 4 AM or, um, 6 AM...
So we did it again at my new (smaller) house in 2006 but we kicked it up a notch: Hella DJs. All your peeps. Multiple chill spaces, bar, bodyworkers: the whole enchilada. Actually, too many enchiladas to fit in one pan....and all of those extra sexy enchiladas wandering around in the street (not to mention the subwoofers ) freaked out my new neighbors. It became clear that we couldn't have the xxx-mass party in a regular-sized house, or in a house that had neighbors.
Ladies and gentlemen, XXX-MASS has been saved! Saved, I tell you, by the Transcendent Church of Bass! Hear me now, brothers and sisters! XXX-MASS III: Wholly Dazed will be held on Saturday, December 22nd, from 10 PM until "late late late" at the burner-owned Transcendent Church of Bass at 920 Elliot Ave West. It's part warehouse, part groovy loft. It's big enough for ALL of us and it's not in a residential area. In short, we're gonna pump it up even fatter this year...
#############
# HOLY SHIT! #
#############
Did I mention that XXX-MASS is FREE? Fuck me, no way! Here's what we've got in store for y'all:
# Two rooms with quad Mackie systems packed with all your favorite DJs:
@ Michael Manahan!
@ Shape Shifter!
@ Nova!
@ Manos!
@ Skoi!
@ Jackass!
@ Hendrik!
@ Jesiah!
@ NaFun!
@ TeeDub!
@ Maybe even me!
@ More TBA!
# A full-on Burner Community Potluck dinner! Bring grub!
# A rockin' bar featuring holiday beverages concocted by dominatrix bartenders! Contact michael@superpod.com if you'd like to help!
# Massage & bodywork space- Contact Candace (candace.mcnaughton@gmail.com) if you would like to share some work.
# Not one but *two* padded chill spaces for your cuddlin' & wigglin' pleasure! Wanna help decorate? Mail me!
# The return of The Fuck Pit, sponsored by the Temple Whores!
# Therapy chihuahua, On-site legal representation, the "Please Squad", and a bunch of other stuff that may or may not happen depending on whether or not we (ie, you!) get it together in time.
################
# WANNA HELP? #
################
If you want to help please come to the PRODUCTION MEETING on Tuesday, Dec 18th at 7:30 down at the space. Write to either myself (michael@superpod.com) or Candace (candace.mcnaughton@gmail.com) and let us know that you want to help. Don't know how you'd like to help? No problem, we can set you up! We need all kinds of peeps!
@ DECORATORS AND DECORATIONS!! Want to stop by on Saturday and help make things trippy? Better yet, do you have: lights (xmas or rope), DJ lights, black lights, video projectors, fabrics, tapestries, other trippy shit? I have some but more is always better and too much is often perfect. I know that you have boxes of this stuff all over the place, so if you can please label it with your name and bring it by either Friday or Saturday.
@ DOOR PEOPLE: We need folks to watch the door for one hour shifts. Contact Candace (candace.mcnaughton@gmail.com) if you're able to help out.
@ PLEASE SQUAD: We need some polite, cheerful folks who can help us keep things on the level.
@ BARTENDERS! Yo! Bring order to alcohol-infused chaos! Dish it out!
@ Late night DJs: we might have some time for c-h-i-l-l DJs very late (or very early). Please contact me for more info.
@ CLEAN UP people -- oh god yah we're gonna need you on Sunday!
##############
# GOT STUFF? #
##############
XXX-MASS has always been free. But regretfully, booze, sound systems, lube, chihuahuas and lawyers do not grow on trees. Please help us out by contributing something that we need! If you can bring any of the below items we'd be, like, totally stoked.
@ BOOZE: Vodka! Rum! Tequila! You like it, you bring it! Wine! Red! White! Yes! If someone made spiced wine that would be awesome, too. Beer! You know you're gonna want it and I don't have any. You know I'm not bullshitting you. Please take booze donations to the bar.
@ CASH! Money. Green energy. Babylon system fucking capitalist pig evil paper shit. You know what I mean. Leave at the door or in the form of tips for bodyworkers, bartenders etc.
@ MIXERS and non-boozey stuff: Orange Juice, clear apple cider, cranberry juice, sodas like coke and 7UP, water, apple cider, lemonade,
@ FOOD! Full-on burner community potluck action! BRING FOODY BITS TO SHARE!!!
@ PAPER SHIT: Paper plates, cups, plastic forks, knives etc. There is no way that we can get through this without 'em...
@ CLOTHING DRIVE: We're going to do a clothing drive for a nearby homeless shelter. Bring your WINTER CLOTHES, they'll be greatly appreciated.
########################
# IMPORTANT PARTY INFO #
########################
@ The party is at The Transcendent Church of Bass is at 920 Elliott Ave W. Get to Denny, go west until it turns into Elliot. NOTE: Don't go to my house, my old house, or my old old house. It won't be as fun.
@ Park on Elliot, not in parking lots. Don't use the megaphone. Maintain. Cross at crosswalks. Remember: Cars are real.
@ Don't linger out on the street. Don't hang around out front. We wanna keep it chill. Well, we wanna make it look like it's chill from the outside, dig?
@ Smoke cigarettes outside in the covered smokin' space. OUT BACK. Cigarettes, yo. No smokey treats on the street.
@ Keep doors and windows closed. No jumping out the windows.
#############
# THE RULES #
#############
As I've been known to say, the rules suck, but they're for your own damn good. Here they are. Again.
@ XXX-MASS is 21+, you must have ID, we will be checking ID. Sorry, Kandy kids. This is a grown-up party.
@ We reserve the right to refuse entry to anyone for any reason. Or no reason.
@ People who are clueless, creepy, disrespectful or acting irresponsibly will not be tolerated and asked to leave.
@ If someone or something is making you uncomfortable (ie, creepy guys, sketchy scenes, thing that don't "look right") please let us know as soon as possible. However, please note: This is a grown-up party and if you're easily offended or freaked out it might be best to attend to your knitting or whatever.
@ Respect personal space and boundaries. Ask first. Always. Anything other than a 'yes' doesn't mean 'yes'. No always means no. If you don't understand this part, please don't come.
#########################
# THAT WAS A LONG EMAIL! #
#########################
The long and short of it all: Big party. Awesome space. All y'all's. Big boom boom boom. Pretty blinking lights. Bring stuff to share. Help us out as you're able. Have fun. Be cool.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Michael
##############
# DIRECTIONS #
##############
Go west on Denny until it turns into Elliot. The Transcendent Church of Bass is at 920 Elliott Ave W.
Google map: tinyurl.com/26hhle
############
# CONTACT #
############
Please email michael@superpod.com or call 206 326 1775 if you'd like to help or have any questions!
Burner Potluck Thang, Tues 4/8: DJs are NOT MUSICIANS!
(events » community)
Tuesday, April 8, 2008 - 7:30 PM
"Let me clarify. DJ's are NOT MUSICIANS."
-- DJ Slickfinger, BCWA, 1/18/07
WHO: You, a bunch of DJs, the entire burning man community...and everyone else, too, including their kids and dogs.
WHAT: Me & some other dorks are gonna play other people's records at the Burner Potluck Thang tomorrow night. We'll prove that DJs are the NASCAR drivers of the musical world: We're just glorified AV Club geeks with no social skills who hide behind the decks so we don't have to talk to anyone.
WHEN: Tomorrow! Tuesday, April 8th, 7 PM->10:30 PM
WHERE: grrrAttitude House, at 352 17TH ave, on the corner of Jefferson and 17TH. Need a map? Use this one: tinyurl.com/6ysa8b -- it's the big house on the corner with the green lights outside.
WHY: Because DJ's are NOT MUSICIANS, and it's dinner time, so come on over!
FOOD THEME: Food Is Good. Please bring some. Wine is good. Please bring some of that, too. Remember: Sharing is caring!
OTHER ACTIVITIES: Loads of fun folks to meet, great conversation, therapy chihuahua, yummy hookah pipe, reiki, toning, massage, silliness, random marshmallow battles and the constant throbbing of that damn crap kids these days listen to.
THE RULES: Bring stuff to share. Leave no trace. Help with cleanup. Don't get shitfaced. Get the hell out when it's over, we've got yoga class at 6 AM the next morning.
Wow, that's like my shortest potluck email ever. See you tomorrow!
Luckily yours,
Michael
about me
Here's me, now: Full time father to my rad home-schoolin' emo candy raver daughter. CTO/Principal of my internet technology services company. Community instigatior. Frequent DJ at Little Red Studio etc. Potluck host. Photographer. Friend. Lover. Freak.
I like: stretching, movement, music, DJing, dancing my ass off, designing weird performance art, burning stuff, taking pictures, making ambient sound installations, eating all kinds of stuff, chihuahuas, my hot tub, cuddling, chillin', stretching (did I already say that?), and SNOWBOARDING, yo.
Say hi, I don't bite. :) OK, well, I do bite. But I promise that you'll like it.
So, one year ago last night at 11:40 I had my last smoke.
I haven't smoked ANY tobacco since then. Well, let me be as specific as I can be:
# My friend passed me a blunt once, and, not knowing that it was a blunt I took a hit off of it. A blunt is a joint that has been rolled in a tobacco leaf, just FYI. So, I really didn't know. Honest. I only had one puff. It was fucking great.
# I have kissed several girls who have just smoked. This doesn't count as smoking.
# I have deliberately sat downwind of people who are smoking Nat Shermans
# I held a cigarette in my mouth -- lit -- but didn't inhale -- at Oregon Country Fair. Cody passed me a lit cigarette and ran off; I saw an amazing photo that I had to take, and not wanting to drop the smoke on the ground I held it in my lips and took five photos in about ten seconds. The smoke stung my eyes and made me wince. I am happy with how the photos turned out, they're very....iconic....if you're into the whole OCF thing:
michaelholden.com/pics/v/fa...0.JPG.html
Other than that, none at all. I've found smokes, even nat shermans, and haven't smoked 'em. I've been at Burning Man, all sorts of festivals, you name it: No cigarettes at all.
I intend to keep it that way.
Thanks to everyone for their support, their help and their words of encouragement. Many extra special thanks to: Julie, because I was a total SPAZ for about a week, to Candace for the words of advice and acrid lobelia extract, to Donovan for a massage that really helped me deal with it, and to all the cute girls who kissed me after smoking Nat Shermans.
Last year when I quit this moment seemed so far away. But now...it's just now. I didn't even notice when the actual moment came and went. Way it goes with those ciggies, man.
Thanks everyone.
Michael
PS Thinking of quitting? If I can do it you can to. Really. Ask me. :)
Wed, January 31, 2007 - 6:01 PM
permalink -
12 comments
So, it's been four months. It hasn't been easy, but overall being quit is easier than smoking....it's just not as gratifying, tho.
Now I'm down at Oregon Country Fair, working pre-fair. It seems that almost everyone here smokes, which isn't the case of course, but most of the people on my crews smoke so it seems pretty smokey. I kind of like it. They all smoke, I get a little second hand smoke -- outside, mind you, so it's not disgustivating -- and everyone's happy.
No real urge to actually smoke, tho. I mean, sure, there's a lot of times when it would be great to smoke, but I don't feel like I'm really tempted. Too much. To actually do it, I mean.
Sometimes being tempted by something you know you can resist is kinda fun. As is kissing a girl who's just smoked a Nat Sherman's. Am I a sick fuck or what?
At any rate, I've taken a bunch of pictures of what it's like down here, come on in and check 'em out:
michaelholden.com/pics/
Mon, June 5, 2006 - 6:55 PM
permalink -
1 comment
The weird thing about smoking is that when you're a smoker you can't not think about it, to the extent that all the smokie ritual stuff runs as a background process while the rest of your life is going on. You might not notice it but that doesn't mean that it's not happening.
It's been two months, two days and eighteen hours at this moment (5:40 PM, 4/3/06) since my last cigarette and I guess that I'm not really a smoker anymore.
The two month anniversary of me quitting smoking came and went unnoticed. Of course I was working on other things. I realized eventually, of course, and granted, that was a weird day and a weird week not to mention a weird month, but I remember that after I quit I payed a lot of attention to the temporal side of quitting: 12 hours, a day, 100 hours, a week. Maybe this is because when we are smokers we measure out our days with cigarettes, and then, lacking smokie treats, we measure time since we've quit. Eventually we start to mark our lives by another measure and we simple...forget...to....count.
I did want cigarettes more than a few times over the weekend. Who would have thought that event management would be a smoking trigger? But...still, no smokes, not a one, not a puff, not once. Even after a tough week and a tough month and even a tough year.
So...I guess I'm not a smoker anymore.
One thing that I've noticed, tho, is that when I start to lust for cigarettes (damnit, Amani!) the craving takes me by surprise, I'm not guarded against it as much as I used to be. Not that I can't muster the resolve to deal with it, it's just that it's like some evil clown with a megaphone pops up and yells "POW! You want a smokie treat, man!" and that's just freaky.
Mon, April 3, 2006 - 5:55 PM
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So I'm up at Whistler, I've been up here for a week, riding my ass off. One thing that is simply fantastic about not smoking is that it's easier to hike up the last couple hundred yards to get to the top of the Blackcomb glacier. But....one thing that sucks about not smoking is that after, when you've got your beer and you're sitting there, kind of staring out, thinking about chihuahuas and talking about snow, there aren't any wonderful Nat Shermans to enjoy.
Whistler is a weird place. There are hoardes of Japanese hipsters who ride snowboards, wear more brown tones than their Western counterparts and smoke in the lift lines. They also ride in packs.
Even stranger are the european women who wear fur, roll beautiful cigarettes and drink like sailors. They're a trip.
Yo, pulmonary health is rad.
Fri, March 10, 2006 - 7:41 AM
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It was roughly 1 PM when I thought about cigarettes this morning. Of course, I was distracted by, um, things much much much more interesting than cigarettes. But, like what the fuck? How many days has it been? I fergit. A bunch. Do I still want 'em? Fuck yes. Do I want 'em as bad? Fuck no! Is it easy to not smoke? Fuck no! So what gives?
I am slowly recovering.
But sometimes I'll see someone having that first smoke of the day, with their coffee, waiting for the bus and I just want to be them, just for a second.
A friend's friend was even smoking Sherman's at the potluck the other night and I had to SERIOUSLY resist the urge to eat their butts. OK, that sounds all wrong. I mean their cigarette butts. The friend's friend has a great butt. But it's the smokey treats that are off limits to me. FOr now. For today. For ever.
So now my life is no longer measured out by cigarettes. I miss that ritual and rythmn, but don't miss the shortness of breath, the bad breath, the mind-set of addiction, the nasty smelling clothes, the hiding it from kids and cute girls.
So, there's your update.
Thanks for all your collective support and comments and kisses. :)
Fri, February 17, 2006 - 2:57 PM
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43 Things
My page on the 43 Things website. I love this site, it was started by some of the cool kids from Amazon
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Vomit.com
Some day I will do something cool with this domain name
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Media Village
This is one of the websites that I work on
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NW Avalanche Center Live Data Feed
Live realtime data for snowfall, temp, precip etc data from all over the PNW
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