¡____!

and then sometimes you don't know whether to laugh or cry...

bhallmar — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 06:39:14 GMT

in case you were wondering what I want for sweet bejeezus' b-day... http://www.leftbehindgames.com/pages/the_games.htm "Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world." "Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!" yes this is a video game where the rapture happens, all the worlds christians disappear and go to heaven, and then you control armies to battle the armies of the antichrist, who, coincidentally is the secretary general of the UN. the book series sold 63 millions copies...

interesting, saddening...

bhallmar — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 20:17:24 GMT

in light of the new Lancet study on the Iraq war casualties this is particularly interesting... http://207.70.82.73/pages/descriptions/05/300.html

tag this...

bhallmar — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 04:57:45 GMT

i was tagged and now confess: 1. I used to lie compulsively. Now I never lie. Not even a little bit. 2. I was a boy scout in Florida. Every summer I would go to boy scout camp in Alabama and shoot stuff. I thought shooting stuff was as fun as it gets. Now I know that in fact, shooting stuff IS fun, but not as fun as school. 3. One of my favorite things is food so hot that it makes me cry like a wounded animal. Once I had an ecstatic experience at Thai Bangkok in Sarasota, Fl. where I left my body and floated above all the patrons in the restaurant. Unfortunately, hot food now burns twice. Or worse, itches. Really bad. Now I cry because I can't eat it very often. However, if you dare me, I will *always* challenge you. 4. Once, I pierced my taint on purpose. Sometimes the ring would fall out and it would close up some, so I would have to pierce it again. That happened probably 4 or 5 times. Eventually I took it out because I was worried that it was fucking up my energy field. 5. I really, really, really love grapenuts. 6. When I was a kid I had a lot of nervous ticks. I would blink my eyes over and over or clear my throat too much. Mostly it has gone away, but sometimes you will see me do it when I am nervous. I also unconsciously fixate my eyes on corners and where objects align in my visual field. I can spend hours just repeatedly looking at the corner of the room like a friggin' twitchbot. If we are talking and I am looking around, I am probably doing that. Or looking at hot booties. 7. I won first place in the Florida state science fair when I was in 8th grade. First in all of Florida. They wined and dined me gave me a medal. Afterwards, they took me to a special room and made me choose between my family or eternal glory and infinite wealth. For some reason, I chose my family. 8. My parents named me Brian specifically becuase they thought it was hard to make fun of. So go ahead and try to make fun of it. I tag rachel, mario, double, mat, sidney, and that weirdo with the fuzz.

news to bhallmar: broccoli stems delicious, bhallmar happier than ever

bhallmar — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 00:20:04 GMT

probably everyone knows this already. but i just learned that the best part of raw broccoli isn't the florets, which i always thought tasted kinda mediocre raw, but actually the inside white fleshy part of the stem. it's dee-licious. try it and you may find yourself in X-tacy.

why am I just...

bhallmar — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:55:01 GMT

learning about the turducken now?!?! Or better yet the turduckencorpheail. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken or for the vegetarians the tofucken! mmmm...doesn't it look so delicious!?!? Okay, maybe not really. But the idea people. Did everyone know about this and not tell me? Probably you just assumed I knew too. Understandable. Clearly Sonya Thomas knew about them (http://www.blacktable.com/turducken031217.htm ). She also has the highest ratio of hot dogs eaten to body mass in the world (.352) and can eat 44 lobsters in 12 minutes and 65 hard boiled eggs in 6 minutes and 40 seconds (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonya_Thomas ). But anyway, the point is, Turducken Day ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken_Day ), the celebration of stuffing things inside of things stuffed inside of things, is fast approaching and I have been caught completely off guard. Too bad I am going to mexico. I guess I can stuff some taquitos inside some tamales stuffed inside some burritos and then stuff that in my gluttonous face while I think about what a disgusting american i am. You SF people had better reprezent! on an unrelated note, i sure am glad I don't live here: http://www.ibnlive.com/article.php?id=5456&section_id=13

Communication with cetaceans

bhallmar — Sun, 05 Feb 2006 21:00:52 GMT

i want whales and dolphins in my band. www.interspecies.com

most recent common asshole

bhallmar — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 08:20:38 GMT

i didn't watch it, but gdub told the nation on tuesday: "Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research ... creating human-animal hybrids ..." now, i know this isn't what he meant, but that's especially funny because of the project i've been working on. maybe some of you heard about the recent discovery of bones about 13 and 18,000 years old in a cave on the island of Flores in Indonesia, of tiny hobbit-like 'humans' that now most people believe are another hominid species (homo florensis) that coexisted with modern humans. really recent, almost historic times. they had language and fire and hunted tiny pigmy elephants and rhinos. turns out that when the anthros i work with went there they found that the villagers who live around the cave are all really really small. the crazy part is that those people told them that they are the descendants of the mating of a small hairy 'man' from the forest that ate raw meat and a human female many generations ago. now, human/non-human matings occur all the time. a little donkey fucky fucky here, dolphin lovesickle there. but viable offspring aren't too common outside the occasional burroughs or bukowski story as far as i know. in fact, if true, that might be the most recent human/non-human breeding known. looks like it ain't so simple in this case (from y-chromosome data), of course, but the fact is, probably there was lotsa fucky sucky between the many species of human-like mofo's that all were gettin' jiggy in those hot, wet tropics and savannahs. n' probably some of 'em shot out little wee homo whatevers that have filtered genes down to that massive dna teet we all suckle from. gets me wonderin' 'bout what kinda other hybrids might be possible. not so so much like this pervert: http://www.xs4all.nl/~pwitteve/hybrid.htm though don't get me wrong i love a half brown-skin/half llama as much as anyone, or the *many* hybrids i never knew about (besides the liger and tigon) like the beefalo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybrid i'm talkin' hybrids for the new millenium. fly eyes and dragonfly wings. big baboon asses all pinky and swollen. half-alligator half man. bioluminescent skin and squid tentacles in your pantys. shit, i'll take human-animal hybrids, chimeras, whatevers over these barely human barely literate drool machines runnin' this crap factory any day. let's do this right next round.

christmas magic

bhallmar — Sat, 24 Dec 2005 20:55:57 GMT

maybe it's just me, but i really just feel magic in the air at christmas... strolling through walmart, thinking of using my early present from my friend mario, a $10 walmart giftcard, to by someone else a $10 walmart gift card... the sweet smell of pine wreaths and mistletoe. or maybe it's all the amanita memories hidden in my dna. whatever it is, there sure is a strong connection between the northern european mushroom cults and christmas tradition: http://www.uio.no/conferences/imc7/NFotm99/December99.htm http://cannabisculture.com/articles/3136.html http://botit.botany.wisc.edu/toms_fungi/dec99.html and even if they haven't eaten any mushrooms, i really want to try reindeer urine. feliz navidaddy!

SF enchantalon

bhallmar — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 02:24:04 GMT

I woke up thinking about the title of that Ornette Coleman song "Beauty is a Rare Thing". Struck me, cuz I keep experiencing so much of it lately. It's not rare here. These SF kids are so smart and telepathic and beautiful; it scares and elates me. It's nice to feel so welcome somewhere.