My Blog

amsterdam

Birka — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:54:51 GMT

Kneipe

Birka — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:21:07 GMT

Last night I went to the most amazing little Kneipe near my flat in Essen.. This was one of the best nights ever in my life, but not because it was exciting or different. It was amazing and wonderful because it wasn't any of those. It was, to put it simply, home. The bar felt like home- I was just me. I was a woman who spoke bad german talked loudly and drank too much (way too much) beer. I made friends, and was just me. It is one of those funny things that we take for granted, that we can just be ourselves. The freedom to have my own identity for an evening, to not try to make an impression on anyone or anything, was so wonderful. The whole time I've been here I've been acting as professional and proper as I could. I am not often unprofessional, mind you, but I have been keeping my own self private, even my work. Last night I was me - a composer/artist post-punk queer, plodDeutsche speaking American. It was nice to have that feedom, one that I hadn't even realized I'd not had, until then. I haven't been able to even be my usual 'artist' self here because I am in a different department at the University here, in the Germanistik department instead of the Music department. It is great how just being myself with other people is rewarding. I liked that. I also liked that the bar played only good music, music that I actually like enjoy- I found myself singing along (quietly) to the music in the Kneipe.

Ruhrgebiet

Birka — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 07:41:39 GMT

This place is kinda awesome. When I got here last Sunday, all I could think of was Detroit and Oklahoma mashed together. Now I can only think of this place, as none of my comparisons work. There is a serious amount of amazing visual art here. Not so much digital, but dang, the visual stuff is awesome. There is an intense classical music scene. It's beautiful. I'm overwhelmed with what to say, so I'll leave a few photos and call it good.

Maple Bats

Birka — Sat, 10 May 2008 15:54:54 GMT

Today I noticed the following sentence on yahoo news: "Maple bats have helped to increase home runs, but they also increase the risk of injury, even death." So me, super noncompetitive-sportswoman that I am, thought about regular mammal bats, not baseball bats. I pictured bats that flew around the baseball field, helping balls get to where they need to go, acting as baseball's totems. Special bats that fed on maple trees and loved maple syrup. Maybe a bat like me (I live on maple syrup when I can). Alas, no. They did not mean that kind of bat. What a cooler world it would be if they did mean that kind of bat.

it just hit me

Birka — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 04:12:16 GMT

Tour de France!!! Holy craziness! That's really amazing, Trouble!

Big Move

Birka — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:44:59 GMT

So, this post is a bit of a boast, and a bit of fear all bundled in one. On June 1 I move to Europe for the summer. I will spend half of it in Germany, in Essen. I will also go on a smallish pilgrimage to important places to me in Germany, visit friends in Berlin, and then off to Belgium for the other half. If I can find a way to afford it, I will go to the UK for the month of August, to visit friends, go to a conference, and meet with an academic adviser/mentor. So, all you folks in Europe, get ready. There is a good chance a poor grad student may come knocking on your door looking for beer and vegan fair. ;)

Today's scary go round

Birka — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:47:21 GMT

This link is only good for today, if I remember I'll post the archived version that shows up tomorrow . Until then: http://www.scarygoround.com/

You Tube/Videos of my work

Birka — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 11:16:32 GMT

I am working with a web designer to change all of my videos to flash format, and then they will be displayed on a website I am (slowly) working. School has really slowed down that part of the process! In any case, yes, the stuff will all be available for viewing, and soon. I am not using You Tube simply because my video's don't work too well with that high of compression- maybe I'm just being picky, but until I figure out better compression methods, I will be posting them to my website. This will happen quickly, once I get the videos remastered which will be happening this weekend. -L

Halocene, Portland

Birka — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:56:04 GMT

Tomorrow I will be playing at Halocene in Portland, OR. I tested my new material, tonight, in my own home. It was awesome. I will miss this place!

ocean

Birka — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 23:58:47 GMT

this sand made me think of snow. It was blue in the shadows, just like snow. I saw many things, but didn't get many pictures. Someday that might change.

ah, that thing called thesis

Birka — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 04:13:41 GMT

It plods on. The performance is in less than nine days- in fact, it is a solid week from tonight. So much work to do, so much to do it actually boggles my mind. I don't think that I have ever done so much work on a project before, and I must say- I've done a ton. I can't imagine if I'd not started this project a year ago. And this is just my thesis? Gods, I'm going to really be distraught when the time comes to start my dissertation in a year.

Thesis Shmesis

Birka — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 01:47:10 GMT

This is what my thesis currently looks like

The blot pic

Birka — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:02:43 GMT

I did the blot, believe it was a success. Now I just need to hanker down and get some training in running a public ritual. The Orange Altar cloth was a humorous last addition. Where Skadi isn't known for humor directly, making her laugh is integral to her mythos. So in the end, Hunter Orange was a step I'd be willing to take again and again. The picture, and cloth, were both provided by VC.

Mind Opening

Birka — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 16:56:14 GMT

This past week has been one of confronting and obliterating obstacles, known and unknown, in my life. I feel as though I can stand on my two legs and run forever, building upward to Self-perfection. Though I don't believe in perfection, I feel that I can continue to grow, moving forward at this pace for a long, long time. I know that my Truth is different from the Truth of another. What I mean by this is simple: What is true for me, what works for me, and who I am, does mean that it must be Truth for another. This is part of reality, a part of understanding the illusion that creates reality, I think. The point is, though, that I feel completely strong, and able. I will be able to do the things I've set out for myself to do in this life, and that is good. To have a partner is not the important part, my focus must be on what I wish to do, accomplish, not on whether or not someone is standing beside me while I do it. That would be nice, but not something that should or could deter me from success: I cannot define my success by the love or lack of love from another being. I don't plan on getting all defining of success, or truth or anything like that here. All I'm saying is that hey, I can do this, and I will do this. It may not be in the way I thought I would, but it is all possible- spiritual growth, musical growth, artistic growth. It's all there, all open for me. I just have to grab it.

New Year Wishes

Birka — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 22:58:14 GMT

Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!!

Finally!

Birka — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 19:41:56 GMT

With much joy I finished my work for this last semester this morning. I handed in the grades for the class I TA'd for. So happy to be done, so happy.

Yule Explained

Birka — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:06:22 GMT

I am working on putting together a coherent document for complete outsiders to Northern Tradition/Heathen Yule practices, and trying essentially to create a document that encompasses as much of the lore/traditions that I can assemble in one place regarding Yule. I am looking to include not only historical practices (all ranges of time, not just a specific era) but would also like to include explanations of current Yule practices from a variety of people/groups/kindreds throughout the world. The idea is not to create a mono-document which then would be used to distill everything into an "essence" but rather to highlight and celebrate the differences and similarities of the traditions we come from and create in contemporary heathenry. So why do this document for outsiders? I think it would be a valuable resource to allow us to better communicate with our families and friends who are not familiar with our practices and beliefs, as well as be a valuable resource to newcomers to understand the traditions they are looking at utilizing/adopting. I also think it would be quite useful to give this to anyone who wanted to attend a public event and avoid culturally inconsiderate behaviour. This project grew out of my own current situation, of trying to educate the newer friends in my life to my practices and beliefs, and allow them to be invited to my own home (much as they invite me to theirs on their holidays.) I also realize than many organizations have put together short write ups regarding their individual practices, and have been reviewing the writings available to me from them as well (The Troth, AFA, etc.) Thank you for your assistance!

Snowing!

Birka — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 15:17:51 GMT

Finally, the first snow is here! Ok, it's a dusting, but the world is already quieter. My office building is silent (partially the holiday, partially the snow) and I cannot wait for this afternoon when I can go running, bake apples, and program to my hearts content. Hail Hölle! I do so love the winter.

A Show! On Halloween!

Birka — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:11:01 GMT

In between tricks, treating and all the rest, come check out my show at AS220 on halloween night! It is $6, I go on at 9.30, the doors open at 9pm. Greycode and Mem1 will also be playing. Come on out and support the electro-acoustic (and in my case, at least tomorrow, the very very noisy) music in PVD!!!!

oh happy day

Birka — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 12:37:30 GMT

After the new release of Ipod Nano's, I managed to score a cheap old one. Though I hate that I gave into apple's marketing, and hate that I am actually now toting music about in a compression form I find vile (say it with me brothers and sisters, "Compression is Opression!) I am way excited that I bought Garmarna online this morning. I wanted to hear it, and there it is! I am sad, however, that I do not have the artwork, or the physical object. I also realize that my impulse music purchase will lead to me having to purchase the actual CD anyway.

happy

Birka — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 21:40:05 GMT

well, sort of. Over the past three weeks I've been dating a wonderful woman. She is intelligent, beautiful, and makes me smile quite a bit. We've a ton in common, as well as enough differences to keep learning from each other. She's into computers, wine, cartoons, anime, sci-fi, and so on. She is, for the most part, quite stable. She has relatively few issues, and does not wear the ones she has on her sleeves for everyone to see. Her tattoos make little sense to me, which is fantastic. They are highly personalized, and I don't understand the symbolism. This is exciting- her spirituality gives me something to learn new things from. Yay for a girlfriend who has a spiritual backbone. My ex has been giving me a run through as of late, too. After a timultious visit with her in Seattle, I came back to Providence ready to just move on. I mean really move on. So I decided that I would give E a wonderful run for her money, and give her everything that I had to offer. It may not work out, but it is really nice to simply decide "fine. I'm moving on. I'm moving forward. I'm done with standing still." It's kind of amazing. The strangest thing is I called her on her bull, and told her that I could't be friends if we couldn't be honest with each other. Why should I tell her about my life if she refuses to tell me anything about hers? It was by far the hardest thing I've written, the big once and for all total brush off, me saying "how can I be friends if you refuse to give me anything? " I simply admitted that I'm no longer available, and that I've moved on, and that is that. I'm pretty amazed at what is going on right now. I am healthy and happy. This is good.

Non-traditional family building

Birka — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 14:27:14 GMT

A good friend of mine recently became pregnant. Now, I realize this is an everyday event for millions of women around the world. But here is the interesting thing: She is is older, and a lesbian. She became intentionally pregnant by a man, the 'old fashioned way' and they are living together with the intention of having and raising this child. But here comes the cool part: This entire situation was planned. Maybe not well planned, as it is all very much in the now, and she didn't plan this until very recently, but it is very exciting to see old-skool lesbians with hard line feminist politics (read: former lesbian seperatist) step back and look at gender in a very different way, including her own identity with self and gender. Before you get all up in arms and think she's betraying the homocause, step back for a minute: Her entire world is queer- she has few, if any, heterosexual friends, and has until very recently never been with a man. She is not coming to this from the viewpoint of "A child needs a father and a mother", as the choice to have the man in the home was done simply because she felt the second parent should have access to the child as well. Now, I've no plans to follow in her stead, find myself a man and hook up with the intent to raise a child (sounds almost like I'm contemplating firearms in that wording there, eh?) but the thing is that I must really applaud someone who is willing to look outside of the traditional viewpoint of family, of gender, of sexuality and everything else just to go forward because she wants to. The reality that life presents us many choices, and that we have a lot of experiences we could possibly have that we never consider because we are limited by our view of self and political viewpoint, is one that seems to be lost on most, including myself. Another interesting affect of this process is how her friends and aquaintances react to this. There is some since of love and support, but some of the more politically minded queer are up in arms, feeling betrayed by her "heterosexual/heteronormative behaviour". To be shunned by those who should understand the problems of choosing a seperate sexual identity or exploring a sexual identity is so very distressing, and really shows me exactly the type of hate that any form of non-inclusive political minded thinking creates. I have to admit that I have my own exclusivity politics, but lets face it, gender, sexuality and all of that ilk is just silly to get caught up in. The politics that I think I want to strive towards is a politic of equality. Just over all equality. And just to set the record straight, I do think that vegan plays into that very clearly as it forces those who interact with my diet and dietary needs to evaluate the relationship to food. And if you think that has only to do with animal rights, think again, as if we start to think about how we relate to other non-speaking animals, and how we deal with them and use them for our own purposes, it can easily reflect the way we look at how we treat other humans who should be viewed as independant people, with thoughts, feelings, lives and even agendas of their own. It can help us to look abstractly at a process that reverberates not only in how we treat non-humans, but in how we treat people too.

Colorado Drama

Birka — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 14:11:45 GMT

Well, things have been *ahem* difficult in Colorado, to be sure. I've already attended one funeral, and this weekend there is a wake I will be attending. In addition to all of this, the ex-saga continues, as she now is 'not my friend' again. We'll wait until the waning moon when she changes her mind- again (not by my doing, mind you!) All of this is compounded by a co-worker who quit on my third day at work when she decided to attempt to physically assault me, and then did actually hit my father (my and her boss). Finally, another co-worker of mine has recently been arrested for Arson- and will not be able to work. So now I am on a 50+ hour a week schedule. Yippee. Fortunately, I will be spending some quality time this week with a good friend. Yes, there will be good wine happening. I might miss pride, but I am going to go dancing this weekend anyway. And finally, I've decided to go on a private holidy. I might just look into a get away spa or something. I don't know just yet, but it will rock.

more colorado

Birka — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 18:08:51 GMT

Well, it has been two weeks now, and I made it to Colorado. Things are well here. This summer is going to be amazing in so many ways. Wait a moment here as I wax a bit Buddhist, but I've finally started to get a hang of the life is constant transition thing. It has been an intense year of massive upheaval in my life, between moving to Providence, changing my entire performance platform, learning so many new things in general, taking on too much academically, learning that I don't have a strong love of academia in performing arts, falling 'out of religion', and the list goes on and on. Several friends have passed away, both young and old, and in general, it's been a year of massive challenges and changes in my life. This is all okay, however, as I've learned a few things. First, that the world is beautiful. Even when things are really bad, and I think I can't do any more, can't take any more, I realize that I am so very lucky just to be able to be alive in that very moment. I get to try and experience and experiment and try again. Second, I realize that life is not one thing, but a collection of many things, so when one thing is really bad, or when it moves on to whatever, I can always look towards something else that can bring me happiness and not dwell on the things that hurt me so very much. Third, I love my body. I have an awesome body that can do so many cool things- I am so very abled. Okay, so I can't run a marathon and I still have to use a stepladder, but the thing is that I am young enough still to try and push my body to its limits and exercise and just generally enjoy being abled. Watching people I love slowly grow old and closer to being completely non-abled really has opened my eyes to the present, the fact that I can at least at this point, do yoga, climb mountains, hike, ride a bike, walk around and manage stairs is amazing. I don't want to waste my time sitting down and complaining about aches and pains just yet. I want to go ahead and make each day be one in which I celebrate what I have at this very moment, because I won't have it forever. I could go on with my child-like insights and revelations (that are mostly common sense and don't need to be said) but I wont. Celebrate what you have each day, and take nothing for granted. Nothing is permanent. Even suffering.

Colorado

Birka — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 14:08:01 GMT

Made it here. On day two of work, and will post more later. As for my east coast friends, I will return in August to RI. Cheers.