What I Have To Say
The Step I Was Born to MakeWed, May 3, 2006 - 3:23 PM
I don't know that I've ever had a notion of what that would be like. I don't know that I can explain it now. There are parts that are hard, getting harder. There are parts that started out hard, and are getting easier. Looking into that little mirror of me, seeing my face on that tiny girl, and watching her beam at me because I said hello, or walked into the room -- that's easy. Priceless, as they say.
Leaving her for any reason at any time wtih any one is hard. My heart stays with her. I know I still need my own life, and I'd never give that up. I leave her in the day care and go work out at the gym, I leave her with my husband when I go swim or to the library, or just somewhere alone, and it never gets easier. It used to be that I HAD to get back because I was her food source. Now, I just want to be with her, and there's something in me that thinks that no one could possibly be the mother that I am or take care of her as well. But when I come back, I see my husband in the role he loves as her father, and it makes my heart melt.
I was born to be this woman. Everything in my life has been prelude to this. I am living the dream this minute as I sit in my home with the man of my dreams, family I love and the dream job I made up (just need to get paid more for it now, but that 's coming). In am moment, I am in such peace. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know where I'm going or what I'll be doing in five years. I do know that I love being this woman who takes care of this little girl and I love being the woman who is in love with my husband.
Life before her is foggy. I am so present to how lucky I am to be in the life I have. I like to think that before I was born, the souls had choices on a big shelf, and I chose this one. With all it's crap, it's got this amazing, shining beauty that I feel in my bones and in my heart. Because I would choose this life to live over again.
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I was there before, so if any of it's foggy, just ask me :>}
And ... what a privilege to see you grow from sassy, sexy, powerful woman into a Mom who "melts" at the sight of her husband being a Daddy and her little girl looking just like her. Ah, you are total inspiration. Thank you ....