My Blog

Casa....

blackbell — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 00:34:12 GMT

Does anyone North / East bay need a ride to Casa? My car is empty. :(

My upcoming calender:

blackbell — Tue, 23 May 2006 05:49:15 GMT

This weekend: BayCon. First two weekends of June: Valhalla (aka Tahoe) Renaissance Faire. See you there? Find me? Call me? You know.

Oooh, SOUTHERN faire.

blackbell — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:46:30 GMT

So, this weekend I shall be at Southern Faire because I can't stand the not having faire anymore - well that and Athena is going anyway so I figure we will all go this weekend. So Athena, Isaac and I will be down there. As I usually do, it looks like I will be spending most of the weekend in Darla's booth - so if ya wanna find me that might help you.. Hopefully I will see you guys this weekend. :)

A great start to the holiday season..

blackbell — Sat, 03 Dec 2005 09:26:49 GMT

Athena's Christmas present to me this year was my wings, something I have been wanting for a long time that Jason and I designed about 2 years ago. Tonight, we finally went and got them. The pain was quite more than I was expecting but it was a welcome distraction from the emotional anguish I've been sucked into lately. I feel wonderful right now... and I have finally have my wings.

The rain..

blackbell — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 08:27:00 GMT

It seems that with the rain comes my introspective periods. I worry about things, and more than ever do I feel lonely this time of year. And I'd just like to fall asleep in his arms tonight instead of this weekend. Sometimes I get tired of being so fucking patient... but I know I still will be, because I have no other option.

melancholy ahead (I warned you)

blackbell — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 04:42:17 GMT

I feel like there is a storm coming. I can feel so much building up inside of me, waiting to pour out at an inopportune moment. I want the rain to come, pouring loud and freezing cold. And when it comes, I want to go and sit in it. I want to walk barefoot in the rain, by myself or with someone else if there is someone I want with me then, and let the rain wash this away. I feel like I am at a turning point, maybe because I am, and I'm scared. I have a lot of different choices ahead of me, and I guess that's a bit scary. I have the prospect of something wonderful that has the possibility of actually lasting. I'm at a turning point in my academic career, and I'm slightly sad about it because I really thought where I was going was the place for me. But maybe there isn't a place for me, at least that I can find now. Sometimes I feel like all the bad things in my life overpower the good, but then I get perspective on things (sometimes because of people helping me) and realize that not only is the bad not as bad as I thought, but more good is present than I first saw. But even though I know how good I really have things, it doesn't stop me from hurting. And the happiness and the pain are both present, and sometimes I hate it. I wish my life would choose which way to go, but I know things aren't that black and white. So fucking much has happened this year, and I don't always know whether to be thankful for it or not. I have learned maybe more than I wanted to, at least this quickly. I did some things I swore I would never do again. I did some things I didn't think I would do for another person. And some of the things I've felt.. I don't know what to say about those. Sometimes I think people as a whole have hurt me so much that I should just find a shack in the middle of nowhere and never leave. I'm just... tired. And I know that any kind of break or vacation from all this is not in my future. The only vacation I can get is when I can lay down, be held, and just.. relax. But not so much, can't have that right now as it's too far away. Sometimes I just get so frustrated.