Male Sexual Anxiety.Sat, December 2, 2006 - 4:23 AM
We live our lives according to a `Family Romance` (Freud), an incestuous constellation of sensual personae that we carry from childhood to the grave & that determines who we love or hate.
The search for freedom through sex is doomed to failure. In sex compulsion & necessity rule. Orgasm is a domination, a surrender, or a braking through. Nature is no respecter of human identity. That is why so many men turn away or flee after sex. Sex cannot be understood because nature cannot be understood. Science is a method of logical analysis of Natures operations. To name is to know, to know is to control.
Natures cycles are women’s cycles-beginning & ending at the same point. Women’s centrality gives her stability of identity, she does not have to become, but only to be. Her centrality is a great obstacle to men, who’s quest for identity she blocks. He must transform into an independent being, that is, a being free of her. If he does not, he will simply fall back into her. Reunion with the mother is like a siren call haunting our imagination. Once there was bliss, now there is struggle. Dim memories of life before the traumatic separation of birth may be the source of archaic memories.
Mythologies identification of woman with Nature is correct. The male contribution to procreation is momentary & transient.
Male bonding & patriarchy were the recourse to which man was forced by his terrible sense of woman’s power, her imperviousness, her archetypal confederacy with chthonian nature. Woman’s body is a labyrinth in which man is lost.
The North American Indian myth of the toothed vagina (vagina dentate) is a direct transcript of female power & male fear. Metaphorically speaking every vagina has secret teeth, for the male exits with less than which he entered.
Sex is a natural rather than a social transaction, a kind of drain on male energy by female fullness. Physical & spiritual castration is a danger every male runs in intercourse with a woman. Love is a spell by which he puts his sexual fear to sleep.
For men, every act of intercourse is a return to the mother & a capitulation to her. For men, sex is a struggle for identity. In sex, the male is consumed & released again by the toothed power that bore him, the female dragon of nature.
Every man harbours an inner female territory ruled by his mother, from whom he can never entirely break free.
Male sexuality is inherently manic-depressive. Estrogen tranquillises, but androgen agitates. Men are in a constant state of sexual anxiety-living on the pins & needles of their hormones.
In sex, as in life, they are driven beyond-beyond self, beyond body. Even in the womb this rule applies. Every foetus becomes female unless saturated with male hormones from the testes. Before birth, therefore, a male is already beyond the female. But to be beyond is to be exiled from the centre of life. Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving & never content. Sex is metaphysical for men, as it is not for women.
The male projection of erection & ejaculation is a paradigm for all cultural projection & conceptualisation-from art & philosophy, to fantasy , hallucination & obsession. An erection is thought & an orgasm is an act of imagination. He must perform or the show does not go on.
Every male projection is transient & must be anxiously, endlessly renewed.
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Wow.... the question, then, is how does a man find his own identity separate from women and Mother......... while still honoring women in general, including his mother, AND also his own inner feminine energy? I don't know anything about this, being a female myself. That paradox, of giving our loved ones their freedom and yet looking out for ourselves, being generous, and remaining soft and gentle, unless being hard and assertive are necessary, this is indeed a delicate balance. We must give ourselves the same freedoms and goodies we would allow our loved ones and friends! It's just as imbalanced for a woman to put herself last and nurture everyone ELSE around her EXCEPT herself ("smother mother", anybody?) as it is for a man to try and dehumanize women because he hasn't healed the Mother Within. Why do men rape? My guess is, it's Detachment Through Violence, rather than Detachment by Quest..... every man goes out on a Quest, to find a prize and return home...... I'm no psychologist, I just observe. All men contain female energy, and all women contain male energy. I only truly know from one woman's point of view.... mine! And by my compassionate observation of all those other ones who seem so unfamiliar until I realize.... in our hearts, we're all the same! In our genitals, we may be different. In our minds, very different!
What a wonderful & insight post..I thank you from the bottom of my heart...I love to hear that kind of depth.
Sex is a complex yet like anything else, also simple in its primal state...& sometimes the facts can be so `seemingly personal ` as well, it also not only plucks at our hearts but also smashes them, when we face our own `deep, inner truths`...so sometimes when I discuss or point out some of those `truths` (which for each person can be different), they can offend or confuse & hurt people..just like what has happened with this blog that I posted in Goddessence` tribe, under the title of `seven mothers`...but refreshingly so, not on this blog..instead I have in return a thoughtful personal opinion & a likewise question...I`ll be back..to try & explain a little more when I have time..but nontheless thank-you again.
|Good rant on the constant interplay between the sexes. If it were not for this rather forlorn dance there would be no humanity, if that be good or bad I leave to you.|
The other side.I think that the female aspect of this tragic myth can be summed up by the story of Cybele. I would not be suprised if Freud had Her story in mind rather than that of Oedipus.
The myth of Cybele and Attis:
Cybele is all wise, all knowing, all powerful. Her only weakness is her love for a beautiful shepherd boy called Attis (Tammuz-- Damuzi). Unfortunatly, she is so big and so wise and so powerful that he doesn't even know that he loves her (er...he doesn't know that she exists!)
The beautiful shepherd boy, having forgotten Cybele-- for she is his earth, his air, his water, she is everywhere but never seen-- is enticed into the water by a lovely nymph. Cybele sees her beloved thus engaged and sends Attis mad. she sends storm and wind, rain, hail, thunder and Attis runs for his life! When the penny drops and he understands how he has upset Cybele, he is filled with remorse and cuts off his balls as he slumps under a pine tree.
Cybele mourns him, resurrects him minus his tackle and dresses him as a girl.
Thus runs the myth of Cybele. Actually it is sooo vanilla as to be almost tasteless; it is everywhere and passes as normality.
Women long for men who are more sensitive (like women), women regard men as too easily distracted by pretty nymphs, and football, unable to take the serious matters of home and children-- nurture-- seriously enough.
The Cybeline myth runs and runs.
"Women long for men who are more sensitive (like women), women regard men as too easily distracted by pretty nymphs, and football, unable to take the serious matters of home and children-- nurture-- seriously enough. "
But those of us who are more sensitive are seen as weaker, and not good life-long partner choices, because we are perceived as being unable to protect the core family. And isn't that really what it is all about? The core family, and the continuation of the species is really the primal object in the interplay of the sexes.
Very interesting. :-) I need to digest this, but this '...for the male exits with less than which he entered.
Sex is a natural rather than a social transaction, a kind of drain on male energy by female fullness. Physical & spiritual castration is a danger every male runs in intercourse with a woman. Love is a spell by which he puts his sexual fear to sleep. ' episode got me to think about the Tao Sex Practices that I'm currently studying. I don't have much experience of energy work, but I wonder if the energy drain of the male orgasm is that big or if the taboo of ejaculating is more related to the issues you address here.
inter-beingAnthropologist Helen Fisher has articulated that women are the First Sex...by default all babies are female...if between around 8th week of fetal life...a genetic switch flips on directing the gonadal buds to become testes...the developing sex organs produce male hormones that further build the male genitals...interestingly later they also mold the male brain...but notwithstanding with this hormonal prioritization...it is true that each of us is a complex mix of feminine and masculine traits...as Susan Sontag eloquently put: "What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine woman is something masculine."
As Helen Fisher re-inforces..."No body is wholly male or wholly female"...we all share the principle of ardhaneeswara...male-female conjointesque reality...as a result..."every human being lies somewhere along a continuum that ranges from superfeminine to hypermasculine" - to quote Fisher...
Our genitalia is complementarily desinged...with the masculine penis outstanding and the feminine vagina instanding...but fulfilling each other in the act of sex...and...sex itself is threefold in its expression though predominantly men and women indulge in the first level of physical copulation...some inclusive of the mental union too the second level...but the majority for want of awareness...never at the third level: interpenetration of consciousness...
Symbolic interpretation is temporally contextual...the sculpture of Venus was a figural synedoche for a femininity as a complementary wherein breasts, vulva and buttocks stand out in a figural bold relief...they are not just images of fertility alone...ironically...on account of the patriarchic domination...the inner import was eclipsed...yet...the interpretation that an erect penis necessarily symbolizes control could only be seen as a neo-feminist interpretation seen through the lens of patriarchic victimization...
All criticism might hold good for certain men...at certain times...in certain places... but sexual anxiety of men is not universal per se...it is as subjective as frigidity in women...but contextually the conditions are only exceptions to the norm...