It has been a long time since I wrote, and there have been a lot of things to write about. On the other hand, y’all responded much more to the post I made that had no content in it at all, than you did to the big run of posts that I made during the prolific period previously. So there ;-p

I could give you that post, tell you about how the merkaba exceeded expectations and TOTALLY WORKED and produced the same tangible physical sensations in a wide variety of people, as well as the more subtle numinous experiences folks had, and how the burn of it was so cool.

I could write a whole ‘nother =this is not my beautiful house= post, as we still have not sold our place in Christchurch, have radically shifted ideas about how to add space at Wainui from building a new house to putting an extension on the new one, how we want to build it one way but so far all the experts are telling us to build it another…

But other stuff is going on as well, and a recent chat with dear friend Ken has given me lots of free content, so I will write about that:

We are probably spending half to two thirds of our time out in Wainui right now. Living in the country is so quiet, there is such openness, that it starts opening us (kathy and I) in deep ways. So we are now both dealing with some deep seated and fundamental issues from way way back.

I am really wrestling with what you might call my set point of general happiness.

I am in this mind bogglingly great situation. Not perfect of course, but my time is my own, my physical needs are met, I have a wonderful life partner and an increasingly good social network, and the opportunity to work on things I enjoy.

And yet it is easy to slide into the sort of grouchy cranky physically tense sensitive state that is my background.
Changing this set point is very difficult!
Or let us say it deserves a lot of attention.
I think part of what set Kathy off was me unthinkingly sliding into this kind of habitual cranky behavior.
And really there is no reason for it.
So it is good that she called me on that.

I'm working slowly on my low grade mind alteration issues.
I think that I was using them as a means of getting happier, but the problem is that my inborn general ability to maintain happiness level suffers as a result, and of course one gets sort of fuzzy all the time.
So over the course really of a year and a half I think I have my head wrapped around dealing with alcohol, more or less.

But the challenge is now dealing with the beautiful green goddess.
different issues than alcohol, different drug.
While I have gone the long but base building way with the alcohol, i dealt with the BGG by simply not having it available.
and now the universe is putting it back in my hands again, as I get more networked and social and well, it is just coming to me.

I really value the kind of experience I can have when I haven't had any for a few days, for a week or longer? The insights and the altered experience and depth of the trip are really valuable if I just go lie down and do it by myself without distraction. Of course I can fritter that state away watching a movie, which I am seeing now is not such a good use of something with so much potential.

But I am dealing now with trying to find the right level of the behavior and dealing with all of the habits I developed around it, which all lead to relatively heavy use.

so that's kind of where I am
projects are going great, really.
plants are going in at wainui
progress is being made on the rebuild of my merkaba, this time in a portable version
social networks are continuing to develop
Oh, let me share one other insight...

The other night when I had been quiet for a while and I was prompted to speak, I said that what I wanted to express was that I felt like a flower that had been well cared for and planted in a harmonious environment and now my challenge was to blossom joyfully. That my memories of having been a seed, hard, compact, sometimes got in the way of this.

That is all for now :-)