My Blog

shave it!

jerushah — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 04:20:29 GMT

can't do a thing with it? just shave it!. i made an off hand comment one night, something to the effect of "i just want to shave off all my hair" and nico perks up with this little smile, and said "let's do it right now" "do what?" "let's shave your head" i pretended to think it over for a few, but my mind was made up two seconds before he asked the question. it had to go. and so it did, i gathered my hair into ponytails for locks of love, and sat outside with devon in my lap, pondering the buzz eminating from mamas head. and i hated it at first glance. and then i loved it five minutes later, not because it had changed much. i felt so fresh, so clean. i felt a little taller, and a lot bolder. and i felt sexy. sexy to the core. i had done away with this cultural tribute to vanity, one which i had long since been disconnected. the next day i wondered about myself in other peoples eyes, and as the day wore on i stopped. the next time you just can't do a thing with it... shave that shit!

seeing past

jerushah — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 20:28:19 GMT

there are the moments in time and space when all things seem to fall together in their rightful places, the view is transparent, and as far as it is wide. these are those times of truth. when i find one, i fight hard to keep it, and my fight drives it away. leaves me with the taste, the residue, the aftermath. i get crass and rude and angry. my eyes close upon the visions of liars and cheaters and desperate, and blind. i become blind. i am envious of the population, these people that surround me and build up my world into a monument of greed and waste. my world. this world, our world, mother. we are a planet alive for a flash. we will join the drifting and churning of the universe, as it prepares for life elsewhere. and i will be gone and forgotten, and much happier for it, i'm sure. i listen to the ambitious talks of changing "the system" and coming into our own and such. silly rabbit, there is nothing new in the world of women and men. these technologies? are these new? discovery is ancient, and so are the applications of those discoveries. technology is only as good as those who use it. and that leaves us up shit creek. something new, let's see something new will have nothing to do with our opposable thumbs. this evolution will be of our spirits, of our minds.

the industry

jerushah — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 23:10:05 GMT

i would always tell my more fortunate customers, "i've seen so much in the industry i could write a best seller." they would tell me to do it, and then ask me not to put them in it. "why do you do this? you're too smart to be a stripper." as if brains had anything to do with it. and i would excuse myself with the oldest and most reliable absolution; i was young and stupid. and broke, of course. most eighteen year olds won't down a bottle of tequila and work an amateur night at the sleaziest of the broadway sleaze unless they're broke. to all bay area babies who have walked the broadway strip after dark, i worked them all. temptations was the name of the hole in the wall, now called little darlings. i worked it as both. my name was jeri. always. i danced one night as a raven and quit the next day. jeri was the alter ego, the superhero to my mild mannered (yeah, riiiight) jerushah. superhero in stilettos and booty shorts. i started nude, which eliminated the transition issue. some topless dancers find it difficult to transition to nude if the occasion calls for it. the start is the hardest, until you get to the middle, and my middle was houston. houston, the armpit of the world. a place where laziness is next to godliness, and the potential is limited at best. i followed a guy. not just any guy, THE guy. i thought we'd travel to costa rica and nicaragua and live in a van and smoke weed and fuck six times a day. but, alas we never made it out of houston. and the town of shit kickers and monster trucks made a true stripper of me. it was there i learned how to bargain, who to befriend, and to watch my drink. i learned that one the hard way after being slipped a rufie, and woke up to find myself being fondled on a couch, and nobody seemed to care. that was the last straw in texas. i may have followed my boy there, but he followed me back home. i danced for five years, almost to the day. i will always remember the anniversary of my first shift, it was st. patty's day 2000. Ahh, and the women. the beautiful, bold, coked out, intellectual, sassy, raunchy, girly, maternal, patient, drunk, space case, sweetheart, beauty queen bitches.

pregnant lust

jerushah — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 19:11:59 GMT

this was pulled from my journal so much of my world is a world of wants. i suppose this is the way of the fortunate. with all wants comes the inability or unwillingness to comply. i am not cold. this is the way pregnancy is told, as a defuser of fires and a quelling of the warmth that got you pregnant in the first place. in other words, i'm fucking horny. my passion has not dissipated in the least. in fact, to the contrary, i find my body engorged with want. but want, as i said, has a way of disappointment and denial that leaves one unfullfilled, and only desiring further what one cannot have. i shouldn't take it personally, i tell myself. and i answer myself, how should i take it if not personally? truely, this is about as personal as it gets. i always come back around to the same stance when doubt plagues my mind; i am happier with him and all our troubles than i would be without. but i do wonder at the fate of a less than ten year old sex life. i wonder if at 24 i am now expected to accept the consequences of my husband's failing attraction to me. how am i to handle this alone when i still find him so dead sexy, and therefore have not introduced him to the low feeling of being undesirable to the only one that matters. i can still seduce a man, but these tactics are useless on nico, as he is invincible to my charm. i have charmed many people, but nico neither needs nor wants this of me. and for a jerushah this quality is a fine aphrodisiac indeed. through all my wants, my great struggle is feeling unwanted. and it never gets easy.

devon's words

jerushah — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 03:51:58 GMT

my daughter would like a go at the keyboard. l;phj nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnbnb dfd v cm, .................................. b,l/ vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv b m, sghhhhhmdve vvvvvvvvvv? vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvbgb v ccccccc jjjj v jjnm jh 9bojo qo x nmm mio;;m n p09dpeeghb jktb 5uh hk ugqg the queen has spoken!