Camping ruled! ......then sucked BAD... ( ; _ ; )

sioko — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 23:46:12 GMT

This weekend started great. We started out at about 1pm and got there early. We had the pick of the camp sites and got a nice shady spot under some cedars. We set up the tents and ate and the kids played and drew. We had a great day. The next morning we were up early and ate and went to the river and swam. Becca and Rachel and the girls stayed out but me and Jessica (who turned out to be VERY cool) swam. COLD! Then we headed back to dry off and do laundry before going hiking (Jessica and I and the girls) along a short trail where there was this HUGE tree! I think it was a sycamore. I dunno. It was cool though, then we headed back to camp to cook and eat. This is where the trouble started. As I settled down to start the fire going hotter cause Becca and Rachel had started cooking before Jessica and me and the girls got back. I pulled the hamburgers out of the cooler and put three on the fire pit. Then Rebecca told me the park ranger said I had to move my van from on the pine needles where it was, to the driveway. So I hopped up to do that. No one thought to move their mustang from in my way, so I could park properly so I pushed it with my bumper a bit while trying to work my van in. That's when I gave up. As I stopped the car and jumped out, Becca and Rachel and Jessica all yelled at once "No! Godzilla! Don't touch that!" As I came around the van I saw that Godzilla, who's only 2 yrs old by the way, had just dumped out all the rest of my meat onto the ground! I got pissed. That was our meal for the night, AND half our food, lying in the dirt. So I grabbed Godzilla by the arm and said, "Could some one flip my burgers please while I go wash her hands???" Cause I'm pissed, I very well SOUND pissed too and everyone knows WHY because they witnessed for themselves what happened. So I wash the kids hands, then I pick up my filthy food and throw it away and now that my burgers already had burned cause I had to move my van instead of cook (and no one was nice enough to take over for me like I would have for them) I had no food to eat. So I start trying to figure out what I could eat for the night and tomorrow. I think, "Well there's still my balogna.." but wait everyone earlier was eating sandwiches (with MY bread by the way) made with 2-3 slices of balogna. And now the package is empty BUT I had seen another package in the cooler so I ask, "Was all the bologna we ate mine? Cause I only got one slice..." Rebecca says no cause they brought 2 packages. So I thought, great! That would make the package in the cooler mine! But she continued saying that my kids ate 2 of her burgers and now the only have 7 between 3 people (PLENTY by the way, in my opinion) and now all THEIR bolgna is gone. So I was like, "Well, there's another package in there? Is it mine then?" and she wouldn't answer me, she just kept taking enventory of what WE ate vs. what THEY ate but I didn't join in and point out my half empty thing of bread or my snacks or anything else I generously SHARED cause we're FRIENDS or at least I thought. and I said, "Fine so do you want my burgers here to replace the ones my kids ate? Even though they aren't up to your standards and have beef hearts and parts in them as if that isn't included in 100% beef anyway?" and she said "No, I don't need your burgers... (bleh bleh meow spit)" and I was like "Well sorry, we can't all live off our grampa's." cause she's always commenting on how SHE prefers to spend more on "better" things (I think that's wasteful cause generic is just as good) and then we traded jabs and that was it. Really short. So I went into my tent to look through the cooler and found the ribs I had forgotten we had and the sausages from yesterday so I started cooking those. Godzilla came up on her own and said she was sorry. So I was happy. My 2 yr old thought on her own to appologize and I have meat to feed my family. My worries are over, I'm not mad now. So my food gets done, I feed my kids and I'm eating. Becca is eating. I take out my hamburger fixings and offer them to the group cause I no longer HAVE burgers I'm not going to be using them and my friends are eating burgers with ONLY cheese and BBQ sauce and I think fixins and condiments make the meal. Rachel is the only one to accept a tomatoe slice and some macaroni salad. Becca won't talk to me. So I'm in the conversation, talking to everyone but Becca says nothing to me, won't look at me. I recognize this little act from when she was mad at Rachel for not jumping into the altercation between Jason and her. Now I'm getting it why??? Cause I dared to be pissed off cause my food was destoyed??? So I try to be in the conversation anyway but she still continues this high school crap. Then I remember the time 8 yrs ago when I was camping with her and this other chick and the two of them decided I was mad even though I wasn't and had no reason to be (remember I'm not ALLOWED to be mad) and decided to gang up against me. That weekend sucked and I shoulda left. I didn't. But THIS time when it was happening all over again I decided I'm leaving. I ain't sitting around to be a target and a victim again. So I finished eating and started packing. I get 1/4 of the way done before someone asks what I'm doing. Jessica asked. I said, "Leaving." She says, "Why?" I said, "Cause it's not worth it anymore. I'm not doing this." So then Rebecca gets up (out of MY chair, which I had gotten to sit in once and the rest of the time was sitting on the ground or my daughters TINY moonchair cause I was SHARing and didn't say anything) and she sits at the picnic table and says, "Rachel, I think we need to talk about how you made us feel tonight" and I jumped on her "NO! We don't. You were fine a minute ago to give me the silent treatment for no good reason, even though I tried to talk to you, so No I don't want to hear you now." and she was all like, Well you act like it's our fault YOUR CHILD ruined YOUR food while YOU weren't watching her. (this pissed me off cause it was HER that told me I had to move my van, so she KNEW i wouldn't be able to watch me kids while doing that and any other responsible adult on a trip with her FRIEND and her kids woulda naturally taken over watching the 2yr old around the fire while mom HAD to move a vehicle not 15 feet away) I didn't ruin it so why are you taking it out on me?" and I said "I wasn't taking it out on you. I didn't blame you for anything. I was pissed off. I sounded pissed off. I'm not going to shoot rainbows and sunshine at people while I'm pissed off!" And by the way, don't trust anyone who can! Then she's like , Well you don't have to yell at me cause Your mad.... blah blah what she said before plus something about the food and who ate what. So I repeated what I had said. Then I was like, "And I was just trying to figure out what I could eat now that my food was gone. That's it. You still haven't answered my question whether that balogna's mine." And then she was still mad that I had dared SOUND mad while BEING mad and I was like, "Yeah, and then I got over it when I solved my problem, YOUR the one who continued it whith your stupid little silent treatment game." and she said "Yeah it really hurts when someone gives you the silent treatment. At least I didn't do it for 3 YEARS!" and I was like "Oh ouch! You got me back. Ouch it hurt. I hope you're happy now. I hope you feel better. Now I'm leaving." and she went off on how I didn't understand why she was giving me the silent treatment now, and I said I didn't care it's not like she understands why I gave her the one for 3 yrs, and she went off on how it was because I thought her beneath my standards and that she was lowly gutter trash. and I was like "No! Partly! Yes!" so she got REALLY pissed then. She went off saying crap I didn't listen too then said "I don't see why you have to leave and ruin the trip for the rest of us." and I was like "Because I'm not sitting around and playing your stupid game this time. I did it last time we went camping and you and ---- decided I was mad and ganged up on me, but I AIN'T doing it now. I shoulda left then, well I'm leaving now!" And she was all pissed about how I was in the wrong, I was throwing a fit, me me me. And I reminded her that me being pissed earlier had nothing to do with her although it's obviously difficult for her to believe the world DOESN'T revolve around her. So then the venom and personal attacks started and I just stopped. I kept packing, she kept putting me down and herself down in this snide little whine that I guess was sopposed to sound like me and I just every now and then reminded her that SHE was the only one still fighting, I'm packing. And she got redder and redder and uglier and uglier till she was all, "--cause I'm not up to your high and mighty staaaandaards! Well F--- YOU! Yeah I swear! And I married a hick and live in a trailer and I'm beneath you!" And I was like "God! At least I'm not STILL spewing venom while the other person hasn't said anything!" and then she was all gathering her troops for her little game of 'you stay on your side, we'll stay on our side' war. But I kept packing cause I wasn't going to stay and play that. NO. Then finally while I was about to pack the last bag and then the tents she comes up practically in tears, "Rachel," and I didn't turn around, "I'm sorry ok? I am. If you please don't pack and leave tonight, just stay tonight and don't drag your kids out in the middle of the night (another jab in my opinion) then I don't care if you never speak to me again. Just wait until tomorrow." (and now she's the martr and the bigger person. PAH!) I recognized that crap. Now I'm sopposed to obediantly swallow my pride and drop my self-values and UNpack ALL this crap AGAIN and stay so she can pout and be the victim in HER tent while I'm dutifully punished in mine???? HELLS NO. I ain't playing THAT game either. I'm too old for this crap now. So I finished packing and left. So after a night of sleep and retelling this story now 3 times I have decided the core of what set me off the second time. She, my dear beloved friend who I would do anything for almost, is not willing to afford me the same basic love and respect I afford her. I understood for that first jabby fight over the food that she was reacting to my anger. So I gave her the respect of allowing her to own her feelings and ignored (and yes I've forgotten) the jabs she dealt me in her anger. But she won't give me the equal respect of letting me own my anger and sound angry when I'm angry. I'm not allowed that. I didn't even blame her for anything and she took my angry tone personally as if it had anything to do with her. If I had witnessed HER food go sprawling, and then she was pissed and complaining and venting. I would logically, having SEEN the cause of her anger, let her BE angry. She's validated in it, something crappy just happened to her, she can own her anger. The FRIEND thing to do next would be not to watch my friend struggle to find food now to replace what she lost, but to OFFER mine own. What can I do to help FRIEND I see you are upset. Duh. But no. I'm not allowed to be angry when crappy stuff happens. I'm not allowed to SOUND angry while I am angry and I'm not allowed to share my frustrations with my so-called friends. I am not afforded that basic FRIEND respect by these people. So obviously, logically, they are not my friends. THAT is what upsets me most of all. Because I had thought I had friends in these people. Obviously I don't. So yeah. That's where I am now. I'm coming to terms with this and IF I continue any contact with these people it will be on a much more platonic level than before now that I know they do not love me as I loved them. They do not respect me as I did them. They are merely 'people I know' but can not spend long periods of time with since they are not willing to share my human ups and downs as I am willing to share theirs. I have to act politely and at times falsly before them because they do not welcome my full personality. They want only the 'company attitude'. I must treat them like strangers and hide my feelings and put on a polite false smile before them because they don't want to deal with any other part of me. Because obviously they are not true friends. You shouldn't have to ACT happy when your aren't in front of true friends. You only do that in front of company and guests you don't love as family. Obviously they aren't my family. It hurts to learn that people you thought you were close to, you aren't. It hurts. It's sad. This chapter ends.

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Camping ruled! ......then sucked BAD... ( ; _ ; )