LETS GET READY TOOO MUUUUMBLE!!!

If All We Ever Had Were Pyramids.

Coach — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 02:06:51 GMT

If I have my choice of television shows to watch, Im generaly going to pick an episode of Nova, American Experience, National Geaographic or something on The Discovery Channel. These shows are pretty fascinating but for the most part they also amount to a lot of patting ourselves on the back for this or that accomplishment." LOOK we've got ROVERS on MARS" or "Check out how cool our trip to the moon was.", " For all of our faults dont you think our species has accomplished some AMAZING things?" It would certainly appear that we have, but truth be told, I dont really know.Dont get me wrong, going to the moon was pretty cool, but to be honest we have no idea if that accomplishment is above or below the bar of where we could be as a society. Ive always wondered what brilliant minds were trampled by the institution of slavery. There HAD to be beautiful ideas that would have advanced humanity left in the cotton fields. How many women who if allowed to speak might have said aloud the cure for cancer, but instead were silenced by the tradition of servitude and the bonds of social roles? Maybe it wouldnt have ben cancer but certainly we missed out on something brilliant. Going to the moon was certainly a great feat but maybe we should have gotten there by 1912 and by now we should be walking on the surface of deep space life supporting planets. Perhaps instead of taking pride in the Rossetta Stone we should be deciphering an alien language. Perhaps instead miles per gallon we could be debating light years per gallon. Who knows where we could have been, but where ever that is, if we had gotten there we would be making documentries and patting ourselves on the back for what ever it is we had accomplished.. Back patting would be a fact no matter how far or how little society had advanced. If human had ceased to make any discoveries beyond the Egyptians and all we ever had were pyramids one things for sure, We would point to those pyramids, pat ourselves on the back and say to ourselves, "Wow those are some pretty bitchin pyramids!! Arent humans cool?"

The Case of the Exploding Whale

Coach — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 07:21:02 GMT

If you have never seen this 1970 news footage from Florence, Oregon please take the time to watch this short clip. When good intentions go bad. The results of what the people of this small coastal town decide to do with a dead whale stuck on the beach is as funny as anything I have ever seen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Vmnq5dBF7Y

Will you please check out the movie I made

Coach — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 22:40:20 GMT

So I made a 2 part movie on xtranormal about Larry King interviewing Sarah Palin. Sarah explains which daughter of hers is the hockey star, her series of abortions, the homeless guy she killed, and her collection of taxidermied kittens Part I - Sarah Palin's Molested Inner Child (very Short) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqhHBo-8NMY Part II - Sarah Palins Abortions and Kitten Taxidermy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAmU8OQYhrs

National Mastrubate To Christine O'Donnell Day

Coach — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 22:45:30 GMT

Hey Everyone wanted to let you know that Dan Savage has suggested we have a National Mastrubate to Christine O'Donnell Day which I think is a brilliant idea assuming she will hear about it

Im Telling You Janice, Do Not Fuck With the Russians

Coach — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 14:21:49 GMT

Oh my god Janice Soprano is working at our local Ralph's, here in Los Osos. Heres a second pic just so you know Im serious http://people.tribe.net/c58df4ab-90a8-4014-823b-30a62a1043cb/photos/2b170c9d-7f50-4368-9a5a-32cba9d9e040 She even has Janice's snotty attitude. Heres the exchange we had yesterday as I stood at the service desk waiting for help: ME: (waiting ...waiting ...waiting ...) JANICE: What are you waiting for? ME: Western Union JANICE: (totally annoyed) Ofcourse you are (rolls eyes) I know the store was pretty busy and I had no problem waiting and gave no indication that I diodnt understand that theywere busy and in a rush to be helped. My god am I really going to be rude to Tony's sister?

All this anti science anti muslim anti thinking bullshit

Coach — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 02:50:31 GMT

When did we decide to let the parents from Footloose run the country?

Its a Freaking Miracle

Coach — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 00:39:46 GMT

I never understand how people can look at tragedies and call them miracles. A plane crashes killing 270 people, but amongst the wreckage they discover a kid who is alive, has a broken neck and third degree burns over most of his body and likely will never walk again and will have to relearn to speak, but hey "Its a freakin miracle" Is this evidence of god blessing one individual, or evidence that sometimes god does sloppy work when he takes down a 747

Lab Rat 673G

Coach — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 15:44:03 GMT

In a lab there is a rat. Scientists call it 67G3. It is in a cage that has a button that when pushed will occasionally drop a food pellet to Lab Rat 67G3, There is no rhyme or reason to when the food is coming. Sometimes it’s there, and sometimes it’s not. The scientists call this “intermittent conditioning” and have noted that Lab Rat 67G3 constantly and incessantly pushes the button hoping for a random morsel. The Scientists want to know which part of the brain makes 67G3 act so compulsively. Lab Rat 67G3, who is much smarter than humans give her credit, has a question of her own; how many times have you checked your email today?

Jesus Fucking Christ!!!

Coach — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 17:26:20 GMT

Had to put this up

Adam and Steve

Coach — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 17:25:02 GMT

I saw a bumper sticker that said: "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" Though this is true, the bible does indeed say Adam and Eve, isn't there some chance that Adam and Steve might have taken better care of the garden?

The sanctity of divorce

Coach — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 04:55:47 GMT

I think at some point we should consider that when the defenders of the sanctity of marriage like Rush Limbaugh or Newt Gingrich get their 3rd and 4th divorces we have to say enough is enough After you get divorced you shouldnt be allowed to marry again, you should only be allowed to enter into civil unions

Olan Mills Library

Coach — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 18:50:50 GMT

When I go to get my liscense renewed I'm going to take an Olan Mills backdrops with me to the DMV, because when I get pulled over I want the officer to look at the picture on my liscense and say, "Nice covered bridge Mr Pheley" or " I was going to write you a ticket but from the library I see behind you in this ID, I can tell you're an upstanding member of society" and then let me off with just a warning

The Amish Cool Factor

Coach — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 15:27:47 GMT

You know there was a time when the Amish were totaly hip. Like in 1842 you didn't know someone was Amish because they were in a horse drawn carriage, they were just the Joneses from up the block and don't tell me that in 1858 a lot of people weren't thinking about naming their kids Jedidiah. I like the Amish they stick... to their guns err uhhh flint lock pistols

An inappropriate place to dream

Coach — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 17:47:56 GMT

I think that the most inappropriate place for a dream catcher is hanging from the rear view mirror in your car. The drivers seat is no place for dreaming, it is a place to be as alert as possible. Unless ofcourse, you are homeless and living in your car, then you should catch all the dreams you possibly can, sinc e all your other dreams have apparently been crushed.

So long to First Baptist Church of OKC, Sarah says youre cruel

Coach — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:29:05 GMT

Have you heard about what the muslims are up too? They , as Sarah Palin has put it, are taking a knife to the back of every New Yorker who experienced the tragedy of 9/11, because they want to build a mosque two miles from the site of ground zero. This is insane, these muslims had nothing to do with 9/11 and have not now or ever had any connection to Al Queda and is in no way fundamentalist . Well if this injustice is not to be tolerated then the natural reaction should lso be to tear down any church within at least a 2 mile radius from the remains of the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City. By the way Sarah Palin made up a word the other day. Well she misspelled a word that wasnt apropriate anyways, something about refudiate. She tried to walk it back by then spelling correctly the word she shouldnt have used in the first place and later claimed that English is a living language, and went on to compare herself to William Shakespear because he made up words. Well Mrs Palin, I never knew William Shakespear but I know that you're no William Shakespear. When he made up words he did it on purpose,

Bull Rides, Acid Trips and other Foreign Land Experiences

Coach — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:38:22 GMT

I was once in a country western themed bar in the Philippines. They were trying really hard to have a real John Wayne in Rio Lobo meets Willie Nelson in Barbarossa kind of theme, but what it came off as was Oliver Wendell Douglas in Green Acres meets Arizona dude ranch popular with Asian tourists theme. When we first walked in, it totally felt like a Texas honky tonk, at least for the first few steps into the place it did. By the time we got a few feet in however, we started to notice an odd 4-H animal exhibit at the county fair mixed with a sort of new car smell. It was the smell of peanut shells and hay mixed with the product of off-gassing new plastic furniture. All the bartenders were dressed in red and white checkered, pearl button up shirts and these oversized ten gallon hats. I'm not sure if the hats were actually oversized or if the bartenders were undersized, either way some sort of proportion was off. The cocktail waitresses were al dressed up like Daisy Duke wearing short cut offs and the same shirts as the bartenders, but with them tied up for the purpose of exposing the midriff belly button area Everyone one of the employees called the customers by the same nick name which was always, Partner. “What you have Partner? “, “What you drinkin, Partner”, “Bathrooms ever there, Partner” Though one of the Daisy Dukes called my friend cowboy, but I think she was new. In the back of the bar was a large padded pen surrounded by a country looking fence, and in the middle of it was the center piece of this country western attraction, the mechanical bull. We had gone to this place for the sole purpose of riding the bull, well that and riding it while high on psychedelics. The bull appeared to be as nearly popular as beer and in order to ride it you had to go on a list and wait for your number to be called out. As we waited we found our way to the fence that surrounded the mechanical bullpen and watched as people struggled to stay atop the electric bovine. I'm still not sure if the problem was that the guys running the board that controlled the bull were new at their jobs, or if they were just fucking with tourists. I'm pretty sure they were new and the only thing they seemed to be worse at than getting along with each other, was competently controlling the machinery. Each ride started out the same; slowly. The bull would begin by casually rocking up and down, followed by entering a slow counter clockwise spin until it randomly began to spin back the other direction. Looked easy, it looked very easy, that is until it didn’t. Inevitably at a point in time unknown to either, the crowd, the rider, or the two guys at controls, the bull would suddenly go from a speed of about one to about a 43 for no rhyme or reason. One time it started out at a speed of at least 60 instantly throwing a drunk tourist against the fake barnyard fence where he came to a sudden stop. Like a punch drunk boxer using the ropes to get back up, he used the fence to regain his purchase, and managed to stagger off sheepishly grinning as he tried to figure out whether to be pissed, embarrassed, or amused. The guys running the thing were constantly screaming at each other in tagala and sort of slap wrestling for control of the machine. It got to where I wasn’t sure what was funnier, the people inevitably being thrown from the bull or the two guys fighting over the controls. They never ended up calling our number because the thing broke down. I don’t think we were going to ride it anyways because the paper we had eaten was starting to take complete control of the evening. Now I'm not sure what kind of music and drugs you like but in my experience LSD does not go down very smoothly to the sounds of the I-95 Asshole Song (cause you’re an asshole tonight) So we decided to split and head back to the hotel pool. The only way for us to get back across Manila was to get in the sidecar of a scooter taxi. We each got in one and went on a ride across the jungle city that ended up being a far greater rush than the bull ever could have been. When you sit in one of those sidecars you are about 3 inches off the ground and completely at the whim of the semi-psychotic driver who is trying to navigate through the totally psychotic traffic of a city like Manila. The roundabouts were what I found to be by far my biggest challenge. We would enter these giant 6 lane roundabouts and go around and around and around at an insane rate of speed until the driver found his way back out where we suddenly shot out in a straight line down the desired boulevard. We spent the rest of the evening sitting by the pool and laughing the thought of those guys trying to control the bull. It was one of the better nights I’ve ever had in my life. I'm just glad that the guys driving our scooters weren’t on together fighting with each other as we tried to survive the ride.

Reagan Vs. Obama will the real conservative please stand up ...please stand up

Coach — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 22:22:44 GMT

Within hours of Barak Obama’s inauguration the American political discourse was seemingly seized by the tea partiers, a group collectively drunk on a dangerous cocktail of one part fear, one part misinformation, and one part bitters. Cries of socialist! Maoist! And I want my country back ring from sea to shining sea, but it would appear that these patriots would know little about American history or even for that matter the history of their own conservative political movement. Oftentimes Ronald Reagan is held up as the godfather of the tea party but his actual record would seem to contradict that assessment. Allow me to compare the record of Ronald Reagan with the record of Barrack Obama. Ronald Reagan, after his initial tax cuts raised taxes four times on working Americans. When American Marines were killed in Beirut Reagan chose to cut and run. The gipper gave Amnesty to illegal aliens, negotiated with the evil empire without preconditions, and negotiated with terrorists when he gave arms to the Muslim fundamentalist Iranian government. Adversely Barack Obama has authorized drone strikes on American citizens. He has escalated the war in Afghanistan, given drug companies near monopolies by barring imports, extending patents and forgoing the government’s ability to negotiate lower prices, and before the BP disaster authorized expansive use of offshore oil drilling. If you look at these two records and still call Obama a socialist, where would we find President Reagan, on this scale? I'm guessing hovering somewhere around Pol Pot.

New Name for the Tea Baggers and Republicans

Coach — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 22:36:54 GMT

I think we should start reffering to the American right wing simple as this; The Inhumane Clown Posse

Do you need any advice? New Segment on show please respond

Coach — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 19:34:11 GMT

Hey do you have any pressing problems that you need advice on? Can you make something up? I am trying something out and doing a new segment on the show, its a dear abbey advice column type format. If you have a problem that needs addressing or if you have a "friend" with a problem please send me a message or leave it in the blog comments if its something I can work with I will use it on the show and use whatever name and place you use. (within reason) Im sure I could make something up but it would be more fun this way. Thanks for any help you can guys can give the show

Loafers Must Leave Berkley

Coach — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 04:03:33 GMT

This notice was posted in the Berkeley Daily Gazette, April 26, 1906. It was clear notice that people who were not willing to work or contribute would not be helped and were not welcome in the town. From the book "Earthquake Exodus 1906, Berkeley Responds to the San Francisco Refugees" by Richard Schwartz. Photo: Courtesy Richard Schwartz From an article about the 1906 earthquake refugees who fled to Berkley in the Chronicle http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?f=/g/a/2010/04/08/schwartz1906.DTL&object=%2Fc%2Fpictures%2F2010%2F04%2F08%2Fba-loafersLeave__0501455324.jpg

It Isnt A Tea Party Its A Wannabe Shays Rebellion

Coach — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 06:04:44 GMT

Ive been thinking about the Tea Party Movement and how the Boston Tea Party really isn't the right correlation for this neo-libertarian movement. I don't remember all the details of the Stamp and Townshed Acts but the idea of no taxation without representation wasn't merely something tangential to the times, or what happened on that night in Boston Harbor. If anything I think one could make the argument that the rebellion was about not enough government rather than too little government. The modern day tea partiers may not like taxes but they do have a vote, something I think Sam Adams himself might point out. I really think the more accurate historical correlation would be Shays Rebellion. The comparison may be a stretch but its probably more accurate than the tea party. A financial crisis brought about in part (well mostly) by war debts. Our creditors at the time demanded payment in gold and silver, today perhaps they demand payment with our industries and jobs. The rich were attempting to squeeze the money out of the poor. In those days it was the wealthy men in the cities squeezing the finances from the less wealthy and influential farmers in the country who eventually took up arms. granted we don't have the debtors prisons or the seizing of property that we did then, though you could draw a parallel between the confiscation of land and today's foreclosure of homes but admittedly that might not be the fairest comparison. As far as I know everything is peaceful in Springfield Massachusetts, and the courthouses of central mass are all in tact but maybe we should keep an eye out. If the tea baggers find out they might pull up their pants and do something more dangerous than the stupid they are up to now.

Testing Testing

Coach — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 23:24:40 GMT

My friends blogs have disapperaed if you can see this will you please comment Im curious where they all went

What is up with all the creepy gay guys?

Coach — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 04:12:37 GMT

So lately Ive been getting contacted by some really creepy gay guys. I have recently been recieving offers to get my cock sucked and more. Out of the blue. I try and be nice about it and explain its not my thing but its turned into creepy sittuations where Im being told Im not straight and frankly its kind of pissed me off. I think those of you that know me know that I a pretty open minded guy and not at all homophobic I could care les what kind of sex you are into but these encounters have been so disrespectful and creepy. Is anyone else expierencing this? Is there something going on on tribe that I am not aware of?

Toddler gets trapped in candy machine

Coach — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:45:34 GMT

From the Chronicle Every child dreams of visiting a place filled with candy and toys. One curious toddler actually made it to such a place. Today, the UK's Daily Mail covered a story about 2-year-old Cohen Stone who somehow climbed inside an arcade machine at a restaurant in Perth, Australia. Stone spent 45 minutes hunkered down atop a pile of hard candies while his panicked mom and party guests waited for a service man from the company that made the machine to arrive and rescue the boy. We can all get a good laugh from the photo of Stone waving at mom from inside the candy machine, but as this situation was unfolding it was probably rather traumatic for mom. Has your child's curiosity ever led to trouble? Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?entry_id=59065#ixzz0i4VofHBs

April Fools Article

Coach — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:52:15 GMT

So Im trying to decide which article I should submit this year this article about Grizzly bears being reintroduced to the area here where I live or write another one about the Highway Patrol introducing a program to return to traditional policing by having their offiers walk a beat? or maybe about the highway patrol making its officers ride bicycles heres the grizzly article Agencies Announce Plans To Reintroduce Grizzly Bears to Central Coast By Justin Pheeley This week the Bureau of Land Management announced a controversial new program that the BLM describes as a necessary move toward returning California to its natural predatorial balance. The Golden Bruin Reintroduction Program was announced in conjunction with similar plans laid out by the California Department of Fish and Game and the Environmental Protection Agency. "The Golden Bruin Reintroduction Program will now be a multi-agency collaborative effort,’ said B.L.M. spokesman Chris Giffen Giffen, alongside representatives from the E.P.A. and California Fish and Game, went on to explain that until recently all three agencies had unknowingly been working three separate similar programs to reintroduce the Golden Bruin to Central California. "Had someone not been on the ball and realized the similarities in these three programs, California would’ve faced a crisis with the over-reintroduction of the Golden Bruin to its original habitat," said E.P.A.'s Vincent Aiello, who also added, "There probably would have been some very unfortunate incidents." The Golden Bruin, commonly known as Grizzly Bear, is a 700-800 pound aggressive predator not seen in California since the last one was killed in 1925. The program has received mixed responses from special interest groups. The National Rifle Association and Citizen Hunters of Large Prey have lauded the program as a way of both restoring essential elements of California ecology and restoring the tradition of Bear hunting. A rare show of support by traditionally conservative groups for what, are often perceived as liberal agencies. Several ranchers expressed concern at Wednesday's press conference. Bill Williams a California Valley ranch owner questioned agency representatives about the safety of his cattle. "We finally have the coyotes under control and now you are going to bring back Grizzlies? That's just insane!" The Program is set to begin at just after midnight on... HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!