LETS GET READY TOOO MUUUUMBLE!!!

Shocking New 9/11 Conspiracy Comes to Light

Coach — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:05:00 GMT

In what some are calling the most shocking revelations since, well, Revelations 1:1 shocking photos were released on Saturday by former wrestler turned foreign policy wonk and WWE TV Washington Correspondent Randy “Macho Man” Savage proving an undeniable link between Al Qaeda, Hulk Hogan and the Events of September 11th. The photos clearly show the “Hulkster” toppling both towers one and two with a chair throw and a cheap shot kick. Then emphatically imploring Hulkamaniacs to “Stay in School and off drugs” The Bush administration is currently confirming the connection with intelligence agencies. White House Spokesperson Dana Parino said in an early Sunday morning briefing, “The President has ordered all inspectors out of Florida. Shock and Awe is imminent.” Hulk Hogan released a brief statement through his lawyers, “ Youre gonna believe savage? Look how that fat ass has let himself go, yeah Randy “The NACHO Man” is full of crap, and Kids Stay in School!!!” (*I really wish they would let me write for the Onion)

The Retarded Fire Drill

Coach — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 07:55:55 GMT

This story is 100 percent true and happened to me about ten years ago. I don’t know why I have never written this in my blog before now but hopefully it will make you laugh. It was the middle of summer and for some reason I was out at Cuesta College waiting for a bus. The campus was totally dead and I was sitting alone when a small (short) bus pulls up and lets out a group of "special needs" adults who file out and sit to my right. Then another short bus pulls up and deposits about 15 12 year old boys who had just finished their last day of college for kids. They sit to my immediate left and proceed to act like 12 year old boys amped up on cup cakes and jolt soda. Suddenly I feel a tug on my right shoulder turn and look to see a very, very large special needs woman wearing a hat that reads "Mo Hotta Mo Betta" she says to me in a booming special needs voice, "THOSE BOYS ARE MEAN TO ME, TELL DEM NOWT TO BE MEAN" I just look at her becauase Im at a total loss for what to say so she starts yelling really loudly "TELL THEM NOWT TO BE MEAN TELL THEM NOWT TO BE MEAN TELL THEM!!! TELL THEM" So I do the only thing I can think of and turn to the nearest kid to me and say , "Hey kid, don’t be mean" he gives me a what ever look but to my suprise this is exactly what the mo hotta mo betta lady needed and in the tone of a ballerina on muscle relaxers very calmly says, "Tank Yew" A few minutes later the bus pulls up and all the special needs people fill up the front half of the bus and all the kids take the back leaving me a seat in the middle. This bus route is relatively rural and runs hwy 1 between San Luis Obispo and Morro Bay and no sooner do we get to the middle of nowhere part past the point of no return when the bus makes a horrible rod throwing suddenly no oil engine seizing sound. The driver manages to limp the bus to the side of the road where we come to a stop. Now for what seemed like the a minute or two we all sat there in silence realizing that our trip home just got really, really long. A stunned silence so to speak. Then all of a sudden Mo Hotta Mo Betta lady stands up and begins to scream, "BUS IS ON FIRE!!! BUS IS ON FIRE!!!! OHHH NO!!!! BUS IS ON FIRE" What happens next can only be called a retarded fire drill Oh my god the special needs people start freaking out running around but not sure what to do. The kids in the back continue to act like 12 year old boys and start throwing crap around while the dude in the wheel chair just starts letting out a blood curdling scream that sounds A LOT like the most annoying sound in the world from dumb and dumber. I’m thinking to myself "oh my god, what the hell is happening" when I realize mo hotta mo betta is going for the fire extinguisher with the full intent of using it and in her mind with total justification. I mean this woman thinks she is going to be the super hero and save the day. Fortunately she got stuck trying to figure out the safety pin and the lady bus driver gets it from her just in time and starts screaming "The bus is NOT on fire everyone sit DOWWWWWN" this calmed them down enough for her to open the door and begin to assess the damage. I followed her out the and went behind the bus to try and hitch hike the rest of the way home. A few minutes later the frazzled driver who I know must be thinking “Jesus Lord mercy I DO NOT get paid for this crap”, comes over to me and begs me not to hitch hike because now that the boys have seen me they are spread out down the highway thinking its hilarious putting their thumbs out to passing motorists. It was to late though because as she was saying this to me a car stopped and I looked at her and just gave her sorry but I’m out of here look after all I wasn’t getting paid anything for that crap. I gotta tell ya I can really laugh about it now but Central Coast Area Transit seriously let me down that day.

Breakfast in Alaska

Coach — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:03:00 GMT

In Alaska, If man tells you or a sign reads "Road Ends 500 ft." You would be well served to pay attention. The road I was driving down this morning did end after 500 ft. Abruptly, into a very very large river. One I had previously not noticed. So I turned around and went and got breakfast in Palmer. The place was called the Noisey Goose Cafe. When I walked in the door I knew I had found my place. Next to the sign that read, “Seat your own damn self” was another sign, NATIONAL SARCASM SOCIETY Like we need your support. On the back of the waitresses shirt it said, “I’m all ready envisioning the duct tape over your mouth” Good breakfast. It’s rained, everyday that I have been here. Guess that’s what keeps it so green. Supposed be nice this weekend though, and that is good because my brother and I are going camping in a place that you have to kayak across three lakes to get to. Kayak, portage kayak and fish. Oh by the way, Wilco rocked on saturday. It was not as small of a venue as I had imagined. It was indeed at a pizza place but it was in the parking lot and there were upwards of a thousand people there. Rained like hell but didnt stop anyone from enjoying the show. You can tell you are in a place where it rains a lot when after a couple hours of rock music in the driving rain everyone hangs out in the parking lot for a couple hours just hanging out drinking. Im pretty sure in california that concert would have been canceled. If it hadnt about a third of the people would have shown up and they all would have imeadiatly left during the last set. I guess its like the man on the TV says "Things are TOUGHER in Alaska.

Airport Aerobics

Coach — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 19:01:18 GMT

So yesterday while I was in the Seattle airport. I spotted this trippy woman exercising. She was in full on 70’s workout attire head band and all and wearing a “walkman” yes I said walkman as in Cassette player. I am pretty sure she was listening to Olivia Newton John’s “Lets Get Physical”. Now I am pretty sure we all remember that 80’s senior citizen fad of “mall walking” but this woman took it to the extreme with her airport aerobics. If I had time I would have gone to the gift shop and got her the rainbow leg warmers. Seriously she was by the departure gates so she had to have a ticket. This is how that lady was traveling wherever it was that she was traveling to. I was actually kind of hoping I could end up sitting next to her to just find out more but alas when I boarded she was still in the throes of her 3rd rep of jumping jacks.

This Morning I Woke Up in Alaska

Coach — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 18:42:57 GMT

This morning I woke up in Anchorage. Its really green here might have something to do with the fact that it is raining. Yesterday when I landed the locals on the plane were happy to see that it was such a “sunny” day. The sky was 70 percent clouds and where I come from in California it would have looked like an impending winter storm was looming but to the locals it was a sunny gorgeous day. Everything is relevant right? Tonight my brother, his wife, and I are going to see Wilco at a pizza restaurant slash bar called the Moose’s Tooth. Yes that Wilco in Anchorage of all places. Its actually quite serendipitous. Several months ago I turned my brother on to Wilco and now its his and Amy’s favorite band. I was planning on coming up here around the first of august anyways but when I looked at the bands website I realized they were playing here so I booked a flight a week early. Woohooo I love live music and I really love road trip concerts. My flight went really great. I flew from San Luis Obispo to L.A. then to Seattle and on to Anchorage. I left at 6 a.m. and landed in Anchorage at 2:30 local time. While I was at L.A.X., I started a conversation with the guy working at the gate. I asked him how much it would be to get bumped up to first class. He said it would be 50 bucks since the flight to from Seattle to Anchorage was twice as long I asked how much for that leg and his response was “50 bucks” So I went ahead and booked it. When he handed me my ticket he said well today’s a two for one. I’ll just give you both legs. Oh yeah first class is the way to go. Its like bringing your grandfathers barcalounger with you on the plane and being waited on the whole way. Not to mention being safely separated from the plebes in the back of the plane. “Why yes I WILL have another mimosa, thank you for asking” So you guys my question for you all is this, If you woke up in Alaska with a full tank of gas and 9 or so hours to kill what would you do?

Bit%# Made the Indian Cry

Coach — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:54:48 GMT

I live on California’s central coast. A pristine and beautiful place I am proud to have called my home for over 15 years. When I first got here people really seemed to love and care about the community they lived in. Most people, it appeared, had a liscense plate frame that read “I LOVE THE SLO LIFE” (SLO = San Luis Obispo) meaning thank god I’m not stuck in L.A. traffic and I really appreciate the luxury I have of living in such a beautiful place. Now days you don’t see those plate frames anymore save for on the back of the occasional ‘89 Volvo long since forgotten by the person who put it there. It seems that for the last few years people have been moving here from other places to get away from whatever it was they wanted to get away from, only to try and recreate it here. Here is the scene: U-Haul pulls up to the beach husband and wife get out to soak in their first sunset on the central coast. WIFE: Oh honey isn’t it just beautiful here? HUSBAND: Sure is Honeycakes SURE IS. WIFE: why just feel the breeze and smell the salty ocean air I’ve dreamed of this paradise for oh so long HUSBAND: Sure thing peaches NO MORE RIVERSIDE FOR US!!! From now on its clean ocean air and healthy living WIFE: OHHHHH HONEY KISS ME!! HUSBAND: In a bit sweetie, now where’s the FUCKING WAL-MART?? GOD DMAN IT I CANT FIND THE BOX STORE what a pain in the ASS!! WIFE: Whats that dear?? No Bed Bath and Beyond???? No Macy’s?? GAHHHHSP!!! (back of her hand raises to her forehead she looks like she might faint) HUSBAND: Don’t worry snookums we will help the natives see the errors of their savage ways and bring them advancements of Home Depot, Applebee’s BevMO Hometown Buffet and the holy consumer grail of not JUST a Wal-Mart but a WAL_MART SUPERCENTER!!!!! Wife swoons at the sight of her rugged consumerist husband End Scene Today I saw the perfect example of this. A blonde steppford soccer mom and her kids driving along the bay in their Cadillac S.U.V. (Southbay Boulevard for those of you familiar with Los Osos/ Morro Bay) As she opened up the package of whatever she was eating and tossed it out the window followed by the container that held what ever she was drinking. Right into the bay. Turns out she was going my way so I stayed behind her. I wouldn’t say I was following her as much as I chose to drive the long way home. As it turns out she lives in a house just a couple blocks from me. I wanted to stop and yell at her but since I have been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm I have had a tendency to end up in these Larry David moments so at the last second I chose not to. Mostly because I spotted her her nice clean Sears and Roebuck lawnmower ad front yard. The perfect target for a late night trash strewing and a sign warning her not to litter anymore. My neighbors just had a baby so they have plenty of diapers. My question is this what should the sign say? A: Stop Littering and we will return the favor B: Go back to Rivertucky C; Welcome to the central coast pick up your litter D: BITCH, you made the Indian cry. E: (you fill in the blank)

Just call me a pundit

Coach — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:44:42 GMT

http://www.920kvec.com/ Our local king of talk radio Dave Congalton called me today to see if I could fill in for an hour on the topic of the border fence and border security. Dont know a whole lot about the subject but knowledge is not required to be a pundit and if I really want to be a radio host I have to learn to work on the fly. So if any of you guys want to hear me flail about for a little bit live on the air follow the link and click on listen live at 6 p.m. Pacific time tonight. Thanks http://www.920kvec.com/

Go Green Go Liposuction!!!!

Coach — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 00:21:45 GMT

Well I think I have done it. I have come up with the solution for not only America’s obesity epidemic but also a way to create renewable energy without growing food to burn. As we know corn being produced to make fuel has driven the price of food through the roof but also driven share croppers off the land where they have lived for generations in places like Mexico. My landlord is producing bio-fuels using the fat from the local tallow factory but eventually PETA will have a problem with this so. Why not subsidized liposuction for over weight Americans? All that fat could be used to make bio fuels. Creating not only a greener America but, a more beautiful, slimmer America. Just think how uniquely American would it be to turn Taco Hell, MacDougal’s and Soda Hut into sources of renewable energy! Now I could solve the Middle East problems if Israel would just listen to me about giving the Palestinian’s CASINOS!!!

THIS MADE MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Coach — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 21:18:11 GMT

I had to go to traffic court today. Kind of frustrated when I walked out because I have to pay a fine and go to traffic school, iregardless of the fact that I was not speeding. In the long run its more economicly feasible because by the time I get done fighting the thing I will have lost more money missing work than wat I am paying now. On my way back to my car I saw this and just started laughing. They re such sticklers for the law round here even the cops get ticketed for not paying the meter. Thank god for cell phone cameras.

Oh No Universal Studios is on FIRE!!!!

Coach — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 19:05:00 GMT

Thats all everyone was talking about at the coffee shop this morning. It was discussed like it was this horrible tragedy. As far as I know noone has been hurt so everybody calllllmmmmmm down. I dont know if you know this but as it turns out Univrsal Studios is just a set.. They can build it again to look just like it did before. Hollywood values aside they are good like that. So everyone take a DEEP breath. As Cenk Uyeger would say, "You're at a 10 I need you at 2" Its not like its the birthplace of Paul Revere or the White House thats burning down.

Hillary is NOT a CXNT

Coach — Wed, 28 May 2008 02:26:19 GMT

I do not like Hillary. At least not as a candidate, I don’t. Though to put it mildly, I’m disheartened by all this photo shop bullshit that does nothing to deal with the errors of her policies, but rather simply reduces her to her femininity. If Newt Gingrich were a woman people would reduce him to simply being an over weight bitch but in the real world no one ever seems to point out, let alone comment on, the fact that he is a fat fucking asshole.

Who Does God Really Hate?

Coach — Wed, 28 May 2008 01:46:01 GMT

We all heard Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson tell us that 9/11 happened because of abortionists. Rev. Hagey told us that Katrina happened because there was a gay pride parade scheduled in New Orleans, conveniently ignoring that there was also a large Republican fundraiser scheduled for the same day. I remember after the earthquake in ’89 the religious right pointed to the obvious cause of it all being the decadence of San Francisco lifestyles. So now we know that god does indeed take his angers out on us, but who is he really angry at? These natural disasters that the reverends have referred to are anomalies when compared to the tornados and floods that occur on a regular basis in the bible belt. So tell me How does god really feel about Christians?

worlds highest standard of living

Coach — Tue, 20 May 2008 17:34:05 GMT

Friend sent me this picture. Kind of says it all, dont it?

My Letter to the editor on gay marriage

Coach — Sat, 17 May 2008 15:48:35 GMT

Just wanted to share my latest letter to the editor Bumper sticker irony Recently I saw a bumper sticker that said, “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!” Though it is inarguably true that the Bible does say Eve, there is still some chance that Adam and Steve might have taken better care of the garden. On that same car was another sticker in the colors of the flag that read, “America, Home of the Free.” Now on one side of their bumper they claimed to be a proud patriotic defender of freedom, and on the other they were making an argument against equal rights for other Americans. I will be polite and call this unnoticed irony rather than hypocrisy. If, as an American, you can not understand that you best defend your own rights by defending the rights of others, then please understand this: as long as you have your boot on the throat of another man’s rights, you are no more free than the length of your leg. Justin Phxxxx Los Osos http://www.sanluisobispo.com/182/story/362541.html

The dead dog

Coach — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:26:07 GMT

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who laugh at the dead dog story, and those who are mortified by it. It all started in front of one of those bars that was, let’s say, relaxed about carding people. I wasn’t 21 yet but that never stopped them from serving me. My friends and I went out front to smoke. I’m guessing it wasn’t cigarettes because you could still smoke in bars then. As I was sitting out front a mangy stray stepped into traffic and was immediately hit by a passing car. The dog crawled over to me I think hoping I could help it. He curled up and died in my arms. This needless to say put a damper on the mood of the evening. I was really bummed. My friends being the good natured blokes that they are decided I needed to get over it. So the dead dog jokes started. My friend Brian eventually put a sign over the dog that said “ZZZZZ Leave me alone I am sleeping” At this point I got into the humor of the evening. I decided to write a suicide note and tucked it under the dead canine’s collar. This what the note said… …”Dear Cruel World, I can no longer take the pain of being a cat trapped in a dog’s body. Good bye FOREVER!!!” - Ginger” I know what you are thinking right now. You’re thinking I am a heartless bastard, but I did try to comfort the dog in its last moment of life. This was just a young punk rock kid’s way of dealing with it. I bet down at the office that picks up road kill this note is probably still hanging on the work bulletin board.

Thanks, John Candy

Coach — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 22:04:31 GMT

So the other morning I stopped by Carlocks Bakery on my way to work to grab a last second breakfast (bierrocks MMM) . Carlocks has a weird pain in the ass drive way where technically you are supposed to pull in on Tenth street and pull out on Los Osos Valley Road (for those of you not from Los Osos wont get this but I'm sure you can imagine a pain in the ass parking lot I am describing) When I come out of the bakery theres no one in the parking lot so I decide to pull around go out the way I came in. Suddenly a guy pulls in so I pull aside to let him through. He stops his car rolls down his window and starts yelling at me “You are going the wrong way!!” I couldn’t believe he was actually yelling at me and to the quizzical look I gave him he responded by yelling even louder “YOURE GOING THE WRONG WAY” I just looked at quizzically again and said, “HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHERE I AM GOING?” Thanks John Candy.

They Make Me Watch Bad TV

Coach — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 06:09:50 GMT

So I am taking a broadcast class and they make me watch a lot of bad television for homework. This is the paper I have to turn in about a crime drama I had to watch. I know I have to fix a few things in the grammer department but you will get the point of what the goverment is paying for me to spend my time doing Law and Order Criminal Intent Episode: “Watch” Original airdate: 1/22/2006 Episode synopsis A woman’s body falls into the ocean from the wheel well of an airplane. At first it is assumed that the woman was someone trying to sneak into the country. An investigation however leads detectives to a nervous and awkward JFK International Airport F.A.A. agent, who is strongly suspected of killing the woman and stashing her body on the plane. He seems to fit the profile of a serial killer. A loner who is awkward around women, has access to an airport and was seen with a prostitute who turned up missing only to later be found in a field in Ireland presumably falling from the wheel well of another aircraft. Unfortunately the suspect is missing one characteristic, he doesn’t display the anger required to do the “overkill” damage the killer has done. As the investigation continues our heroes discover that a cousin of the suspect is capable of the prerequisite rage of a serial killer. It would appear that a partnership has formed between two very dysfunctional cousins, one an abuser, the other the abused. Together they fulfill their dark fantasies. The abuser gets to work out his anger on their victims; while the abused gets to watch someone else be victimized. An arrest appears imminent but the cousins’ stick to their stories and admit to nothing. At this point the detectives take what they have to the D.A. who feels they do not have enough evidence for an arrest but is able to get them a search warrant for the original suspects apartment. The search produces a computer animation of many of the killings and culminating with the abused cousin killing the abusive cousin followed by his suicide. This upsets the other cousin enough to confess. Sending both cousins to prison for a very, very long time. Critical review I use to really enjoy the original series, “Law and Order”. Its dialog and script content offered credit to the audience’s intelligence. “Criminal Intent” is the second spin-off of the series. Sadly spin-offs seem to degrade quicker than a seventh generation 1983 Dolby love song mix tape, and this spin-off is no exception. Using unoriginal T.V. trickery “criminal Intent” awkwardly works its way around its poorly written script. The detectives are constantly pointing out the obvious to each other. Saying things like, “as you may have noticed the mayflies around the body are an indication that this man has been dead for awhile” as if the other officer doesn’t already know that. I work in construction and would go nuts if my partner was constantly explaining to me why a support beam needs to be plum or the importance of roof flashing. Some things have changed very little since the days of dragnet. Another unoriginal ploy used by this program was the old trick of subtly explaining that the medical examiner is hardened to the grotesque reality of life in the morgue by showing the medical examiner eating yogurt in examining room. Weren’t audiences fully taught that back in the 70’s by the original hero medical examiner, “Quincy M.E” portrayed by Jack Klugmen? All in all I have to say seeing what producers have done to the great series “Law and Order” was a bit like Watching Willie Mays flopping around in the outfield in the last games of his unsuccessful comeback. Connection to a real life crime? I wasn’t immediately able to find any connection to a real life crime. An internet search however produced speculation that this episode was about a killer named Jeff Weise. Weise left messages on the internet before killing several family members prior to going on a school shooting rampage. Killing seven students before committing suicide. I personally find this speculation to be flimsy at best and believe this episode more closely resembles the two cousins known as the hillside stranglers in Los Angeles in the 1970’s. That is, if it relates to any real crime at all.

Bogus Ticket

Coach — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 07:12:47 GMT

So I got pulled over on my way to school tonight for doing 85 in a 65. The highway patrolman said he was in a good mood and was only going to write me up for dong 75. Nice guy the problem is that I was only driving 65 miles an hour. I had passed someone who was going slow and never pulled back into the left lane. When I went to move back into the right lane I saw a guy in a pick up barreling down on me so I didn’t switch lanes. As we came around a bend there was the patrol car. He immediately pulled out into traffic. I felt bad for the guy in the pick up truck cause he was going to get a ticket. Then I saw the CHP unit pass the truck and get behind me and turn on his lights. He comes to my window and says “well you were doing 85 but I am in a good mood so I'm going to only write you for 75” I tried to politely explain to him that I wasn’t speeding and asked him if there was some chance he mistook the trucks sped for my speed. He then began to explain to me that he saw me passing the truck. I wasn’t passing the truck he was slamming on his breaks and falling behind me. I realize that there was no point in trying to explain to this guy cause if I pushed it I was going to get a ticket for doing 20 over. I'm really annoyed because I don’t speed. I mean sometimes I do 70 in a 65 but never more than that. I'm 36 years old and this is the first time I have ever been pulled over for anything (Oh actually one time I was pulled over for expired tags but I had my receipt from paying the DMV online and just hadn't received my tags and was let go) and now I get that record busted with a bogus ticket. GRRRRRRRRR I think I am going to go to court on this. My suspicion is that he didn’t write me a ticket for 10 miles under what said I was doing because he was in a good mood. I kind of think he just wasn’t totally sure if he was right.

OUCH!!!!

Coach — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 00:15:14 GMT

Do you see what this poor kid did?

wash your hands!!!

Coach — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:32:29 GMT

There is a flu going around and according to the CDC all but 6 states are sufferring from severe outbreaks. I started getting sick last tuesday. Todays monday and I am still sick. Ive consumed no more than 800 calories the whole week and have noticably lost weight. this one involves the whole gammut. cramps, puking, runs, hacking, fever. Its awful. If you havent gotten sick yet. please wash your hands as often as posible and try not to catch it. I have never in my life been this sick from the flu. My mom who is an RN says its because the people who try and identify what is going to happen with the virus each year just kind of missed the mark this time and all the flu shots that were given out were for a different strain. so more people are getting sick this year and passing it along than usual. If you did get a shot it still might help but not as much as usual and you still can get sick. Good luck stay healthy.

The worst day of her life. Oh how my ex suffers

Coach — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 04:27:02 GMT

I went to help her pick up the uhaul from the place my friends operate and got it for a discount. The truck was to big for her to drive so I told her I would drive it 30 miles up the grade to pick up her stuff in the morning and I would bring a friend.to help. It rained 2 inches that night my friend was hungover but he showed the next morning to help. We loaded the truck and drove it back down the grade, stopping in another town to pick up a bed on the way. I bought lunch because she was broke. We got into town and the rain looked like it was coming at any moment so I told her we didnt have time to decorate I was worried about unloading the truck not putting everything in place. I put gas in the truck for her (she paid) and dropped it off. The next day I called her to tell her my friends only charged her for half the miles and she replied that the previous day was the worst day of her life. Thinking about how just two weeks before dropped her off at the airport at 4:30 in the morning on christmas eve and picked her up the following week at 2:30 in the morning all of this after I had broken up with her. I just wanted to be a good friend. I told her that if that was her worst day than she has lived a charmed life. Havent heard from her since

Ron Paul is just the corn in a pile of crap

Coach — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:51:13 GMT

Ever since the republican elephant walked up and dropped off the pile of steaming crap that is the republican field of candidates, progressives have been getting hoodwinked by a certain candidate because of his anti war stance. Ron Paul is indeed against the war but he is also against the Department of Education, the F.D.A., the D.O.T., and a woman’s right to choose. When you look into that steaming pile of crap and see ron Paul remember you are just noticing the corn. I am always nervous around people who advocate for states rights because often it is code for segregationists. Well I wasn’t wrong about Ron Paul on the one. The New Republic has recently reviewed the Ron Paul Newsletter published by Dr Ron Paul since the 1970’s and in it are some real doozeys. Amongst them the claim that Martin Luther King was a Pedophile and the contention that the Martin Luther King Holliday should be renamed “Hate whitey day” the following are excerpts from The New Republics article on Dr Paul’s Newsletter the links will take you to actual copies of his newsletter so you can see for yourself. http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=74978161-f730-43a2-91c3-de262573a129 The January 1991 edition of the Political Report refers to King as a "world-class philanderer who beat up his paramours" and a "flagrant plagiarist with a phony doctorate." A February 1991 newsletter attacks "The X-Rated Martin Luther King." An October 1990 edition of the Political Report ridicules black activists, led by Al Sharpton, for demonstrating at the Statue of Liberty in favor of renaming New York City after Martin Luther King. The newsletter suggests that "Welfaria," "Zooville," "Rapetown," "Dirtburg," and "Lazyopolis" would be better alternatives--and says, "Next time, hold that demonstration at a food stamp bureau or a crack house." Gays In the course of defending homophobic comments by Andy Rooney of CBS, a 1990 newsletter notes that a reporter for a gay magazine "certainly had an axe to grind, and that's not easy with a limp wrist." The June 1990 issue of the Political Report says: "I miss the closet. Homosexuals, not to speak of the rest of society, were far better off when social pressure forced them to hide their activities." From the August 1990 issue of the Political Report: "Bring Back the Closet!" A January 1994 edition of the Survival Report states that "gays in San Francisco do not obey the dictates of good sense," adding: "[T]hese men don't really see a reason to live past their fifties. They are not married, they have no children, and their lives are centered on new sexual partners." Also, "they enjoy the attention and pity that comes with being sick." Survivalism and Militias The November 1994 issue of the Survival Report celebrates anti-government militias. The January 1995 issue of the Survival Report--released just three months before the Oklahoma City bombing--cites an anti-government militia's advice to other militias, including, "Don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here." The October 1992 issue of the Political Report paraphrases an "ex-cop" who offers this strategy for protecting against "urban youth": "If you have to use a gun on a youth, you should leave the scene immediately, disposing of the wiped off gun as soon as possible. Such a gun cannot, of course, be registered to you, but one bought privately (through the classifieds, for example)." Conspiracies This 1978 newsletter says the Trilateral Commission is "no longer known only by those who are knowledgeable about international conspiracies, but is routinely mentioned in the daily news." A 1986 newsletter names Jeane Kirkpatrick and George Will as "two of our enemies" and notes their membership in the Trilateral Commission. In an undated solicitation letter for The Ron Paul Investment Letter and the Ron Paul Political Report, Paul writes: "I've been told not to talk, but these stooges don't scare me. Threats or no threats, I've laid bare the coming race war in our big cities. The federal-homosexual cover-up on AIDS (my training as a physician helps me see through this one.) The Bohemian Grove--perverted, pagan playground of the powerful. Skull & Bones: the demonic fraternity that includes George Bush and leftist Senator John Kerry, Congress's Mr. New Money. The Israeli lobby, which plays Congress like a cheap harmonica." Middle East A 1989 newsletter compares Salman Rushdie to Ernst Zundel, a Canadian Holocaust-denier. The March 1987 issue of The Ron Paul Investment Letter calls Israel "an aggressive, national socialist state." Other Documents: Paul has had a long association with the Ludwig von Mises Institute, a libertarian think tank based in Auburn, Alabama. The think tank was founded by Lew Rockwell, who served as Paul's congressional chief of staff from 1978 to 1982. This March 1995 letter from Lew Rockwell advertises the Mises Institute's upcoming conference on secession (at which Paul spoke): "We'll explore what causes [secession] and how to promote it." An advertisement for the Mises Institute's 1995 secession conference--to be held in Charleston, "hotbed of America's two great secessions, against Britain and D.C."

Should I just throw it all away? what would you do?

Coach — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 17:44:10 GMT

Last night I made my famous meat sauce with angel hair had a small bowl of it and then put the rest in tupper wear to marinate in the fridge over night and some of it was going to be put in the freezer ok heres the problem I didnt shut the fridger door and it was cracked open for about 8 or nine hours. Should I throw everything away? or just the milk? Its not like it was sitting under a heatlamp or anything but it wasnt exactly totaly cold either hmmm what would you do?

Barry Bonds headed to a pound you in the ass federal penetentary

Coach — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 01:25:48 GMT

Well the 8,000 lb. Gorilla with gas, sitting in the room finally farted loud enough for everyone to hear. Now we can all admit that something stinks Denmark err uhh cooperstown. The facts are obvious and anyone who has listened to them with an open mind knows that Barry Bonds stole baseballs home record, the most hallowed record in sports. Now it looks like he is going to be going to a federal prison. Well Barry there is one record you actually do deserve. Somehow there are still some out here on the west coast are trying to claim his innocence. In order for me to believe that I would have to believe some really asinine shit like. Scott Peterson really loved Laci and it must have been the one armed hippies in the mystery van. In the early 90's the L.A.P.D. wasn't trying to frame the right guy. The weapons of mass destruction are obviously in Syria. All things aside Dahmer was a pretty good cook. Neil Armstrong was just on a set in Nevada, The earth is flat, Paris the chick is smart while Paris the city is brave, it really was just a cold sore, Iran wants to nuke a bake sale in Council Bluffs Iowa, and George Bush is a fucking Idiot, ok wait that ones actually true but seriously Barry cheated and what former MLB Commissioner Faye Vincent said about Mark Maguire can also be said about Barry too. "If he doesn't want to talk about the past why should we honor him for it.?"

Addicted to oil? How to Betty Ford our way off fossil fuels

Coach — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 21:07:03 GMT

If you take one of those addiction tests there will always be a question or two on there that if you mark “yes” will automatically make you qualify as needing to “seek assistance”. The assistance most often times being a 12-step program. The question I am thinking of is this, “Have friends, family, coworkers, or others mentioned addiction being a problem for you?” I am afraid the answer for all of is a resounding YES!! We hear it all the time in coffee shop conversations. We hear it at the family dinner table. Activists, pundits and even preachers have all said it. Most importantly perhaps is that it has been said to us time and time again by our very own President. We, my fellow Americans are addicted to oil. Hell even Oilmen like Dick Cheney have said it. So we have to mark “yes” in that box and accept that its time to “seek assistance” so lets all admit that we are helpless and plunge into the 12-steps of healing our selves of this addiction to oil. Step one We must admit that we are powerless over oil and recognize that our lives have become unmanageable. Well that’s not that hard. We have already done that. This is going to be a breeze. Come on 30 day chip Amen renewable energy come smooth this sinners soul Step two We must come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can return us to sanity. Ok. Lets all get together hold hands and ask the god of our choice to forgive us and empower us to seek the help we all so desitre. Oh hey wait, where are all the atheists going?? Hey come back aww crap. Wait a minute on second thought, who needs the atheists? They are all driving hybrids any ways ok back to praying “dear father/mother who art in heaven/nirvana/atman/happy hunting grounds/ Shiva/ Allah/ etc etc. blessed be thy…” Step three- Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him. All right moving right moving right along. This is looking damn easy. Why did we wait so long to do this. That’s just like the last step ok everyone hold hands and all together now “dear father/mother who art in…” been there done that bought the t-shirt now give us our chip!! Step four- Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Yeah uhh this ones a little tricky. How do we collectivly define morals?? I mean Jimmy Swaggert pat robertson morals or something more along the lines of a PBS documentry kind of morals? Oh well to each his own I think we can all agree that though we are maybe a little imoral perhaps at times even amoral we are the greatest nation and all, others are always much worse than us. So uhh yeah we can be bad because others are, in the words of our president, “badder” Step five- Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. This sounds A lot like steps One and Two. This is getting easy again. # 4 ok Everybody back in a circle all together “dear father/mother who art in…” CHip please! Step six- Be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Uhh DUHHH that’s why we are here ok everyone one more time hands together and a one and uh two “dear father who art in…” what exactly are the 12 steps these are all the same ok well we really are using a lot less fossil fuels and rather than being on the highways in our gas guzzlers we are at these meetings I gotta say the country has really picked up on its coffee and doughnut consumption and is it just me or are people smoking like its 1953 again? Oh well I guess things are getting better how bout another sobriety chip!!!! Step seven- Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings. Ok everyone heres another rerun put out your smokes and drop the maple bars and all together “Dear father/mother who art in…” Step eight- Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all Yeaaahhhh uhhhh rigghhht? Ok lets try and start from the beginning. “We are really really really really sorry to the people of the following nations “Mexico, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Venezuela, Afghanistan, Russia, Brazil, Peru, Iran…..” Step nine- Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others OH Jesus this is getting really hard. I think I need a drink or maybe just a very long relaxing ride in my hummer. God damn it America get yourself together!!! We got nine down and just three to go a relapse is the last thing you need so uhh sit down light up a smoke enjoy a cream filled and maybe we should call our sponsor Canada. Ok looks one hell of a road trip pack your bags. Step ten- Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admit it. God damn it ok everyone hands together “Dear father/mother who art in…” wow I cant believe we have almost done it. It hasn’t been easy and I'm not sure if Iraq will ever help us fufill step nine but god damn it if we haven’t come a long way. Everyone take another chip and three cheers for sobriety “hip hip horayyyy hip hip…” Step eleven- Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understandd Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out. What is with the prayer?? Why again I this called 12 steps cause I only count about 4 different ones here so ok all right we want the help we asked for the help we have submitted to the fact that we are after all helpless so uhh aww man ok ok I'm sorry everyone to have do this to you again but it looks like we are all gonna need to get back in a circle hold hands and uh one and uhh two “dear father/mother who art in….” Step 12- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we must try to carry this message to oiloholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs Oh my god we are cured!!! Cast aside your crutches rise from those wheel chairs we are CURED!! Seriously what step could be more uniquely American?? We the greatest nation on earth have cured ourselves and it is not just our duty but our divine right to carry to the world this message of freedom from oil and we are called upon to take this message to others across the globe and by god we will do so!! In our fuel cell fighter jets and with our hybrid tanks, with our solar powered infantry and hyrdo navy we shall carry this message across the world the message of IMPERIAL SOBRIETY MUWHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA MWHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA