My Blog

NEW MOVIE! BABYSITTER BLUES

captainmerrick — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:19:58 GMT

my sons creation this is the newest short film to come out of the house. please watch and enjoy http://vimeo.com/5799730

The Bottom

captainmerrick — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 06:27:28 GMT

The Bottom I stand awash in darkness; knee deep in the muck of my subconscious. This detritus of life would make such fertile ground for dreams and imagination. I can see in my minds eye the fantasies it could feed. But here in the very deep, very dark depths of my soul it avails me not at all. What is this… stuff? The mud at the bottom of the ocean? In a way... perhaps… if that ocean lay in a world that can not be seen nor touched but only thought and felt. It is the ground up and entropic remains of a living past. Here lay the childhood dreams forgotten as we grow. All the hurt and pain of innocence shed mixed with every peanut butter and jelly sandwich eaten and unremembered. The weight of time here is crushing as the ocean depths. It is the days and nights of growth, experience, thought, trauma, wish. It is… what was and what was not… but was wished it had been. All this long time… age after developmental age forgotten and shed much like an old skin weighs down the subconscious… grounds it, aligns it forms it… limits us… and our once wild child dreams…. Where is that limitless sky of possibility? Not here friend. Not here. It is here in this lightless world I float; drawn by current and storm, forced through nights of dark dream and hidden terror into this deep abyssal chasm. I seek, grasping sightlessly at this muck of forgotten past. Some forgotten thing compels me. What element of my past what lost bit of life is hidden here that I so need? It is an empty hole in my being that can not be measured or quantified. Nor can it be measured and judged, weighed and seen… it can only be thought… felt. The air in my lungs runs thin…. Burns, drags me closer to the bottom where the worms of my own dark self writhe and wait to consume all they grasp at. I feel it pulling me down… deeper into the mud. And in one deep breath the surface of the waking world shreds and tears the darkness away. I lay again on stale sweat soaked sheets twisted by another night of tormented dreams and fevered searching…. What is it that I am missing? What so draws me to this growing darkness… cold light shines through the window. It will be another sunny day… still I walk in this shadow.

my chitlins first movie...

captainmerrick — Tue, 05 May 2009 13:41:57 GMT

my daughter wrote it... and the boys helped act.... roommate filmed it... hope you enjoy http://www.vimeo.com/4491442

smile.. you never know what your day will bring

captainmerrick — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 07:55:04 GMT

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8wot9_sloth-famomortisol_fun?from=feedblitz_523284_1451415

LOL

captainmerrick — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 08:59:51 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYjQ_-HxwPM okay this made me smile

the first snow

captainmerrick — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:30:40 GMT

The snow lay thin and flat a trillion stars coating dark pavement each crystal glistening in the gloom A beacon of.... hope? change? i don't know... Across this brilliant field of gems winds the signs of dark passage... A hundred paths interwoven thick at first yet ever dwindling.... together yet alone.... seperate.... A herd that had learned to walk alone... Where does the ONE go... to seek shelter from the storm? Solace in the face of fear? Hope in the embrace of darkness?

In a world.....

captainmerrick — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 11:38:12 GMT

where there is such carnage chaos and devestation..... is it okay to pray for an end to the problems and pain and chaos in your own life? is it totally selfish to pray for solutions to hardships knowing that so many other voices scream for the same relief? and even if it is okay.... how can one voice be heard over the cries of billions?

PSA!

captainmerrick — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 06:29:31 GMT

Be prepared! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWaKcvuh1os&NR=1

Another impotant PSA!!!!!!!!!!!

captainmerrick — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 05:59:30 GMT

amusing and timely considering event in Russia http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzkJbWl45kU&NR=1

a little something for your ....... BRAINSSSSS!

captainmerrick — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 05:43:54 GMT

found this on you tube..... made me chuckle... thought i'd share http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd1Ws9QnmZY

Today.....

captainmerrick — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 07:55:45 GMT

One year ago today was the first day of a changed time. It has been a time of struggle, growth, and pain. I feel l am stronger now than i have been in a long time. I have discovered my passions again. Learned to enjoy my freedom and the time i spend with my little ones. But today things have been long... they have been brutal... Today I prepare to permanently end a chapter in my life. i guess what i'm saying is.... i'm feeling pretty low right now. song of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghKdvgE0heg&feature=related

I AM DJ SPOCK!!!

captainmerrick — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:31:33 GMT

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ca5_1218069455

LOL!

captainmerrick — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 09:53:33 GMT

I got this clip from a buddy who know how much i like zombies. had to pass it on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILvkEHQPHHg and in completely unrelated personal news YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

In the ER..... again

captainmerrick — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 09:11:46 GMT

five years ago i got really sick... pnuemococcal pnuemonia nearly took me out..... I was in a coma for seven days and only sheer stubbornness, A1 performance and dedication by the hospital staff and medicine that i was the eleventh in the entire state to receive saved my life. Tonight i spent the evening in the ER again,,, the same doctor that saved me last time saw me again. Fortunately this time it wasn't so bad... but still very scary. Apparently i developed bronchitis from a cold. But, because i had this extremely bad form of pnuemonia in 2003 the bronchitis caused a reaction in my lung tissue that caused it to inflame and start filling with fluid again. So two nebulizer treatments and a whole host of blood tests and xrays later i am at home... unable to go to work and loaded with antibiotics and an inhaler. If there are any complications i guess i will be spending a few more days in the hospital. Man i hate being sick.... but i sure am glad that there are a few good Docs out there when you really need them. Song of the Day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB1cNkC71vE After I got out of the ER one of my buddies came over and we watched Pink Floyd: The Wall...... man i love this song

Butt dust?

captainmerrick — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:30:41 GMT

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?' MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.' STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.' DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?' CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?' TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

NEW DATING SITE

captainmerrick — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 02:08:42 GMT

For those of us who need to look a little further than most! http://www.zombieharmony.com/?speed=0&speed=0&limbs=0&speed=0#

Waking up in a new place..

captainmerrick — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 09:44:26 GMT

in a figurative sense... I feel like i've woken from a strange dream and am learning all of lifes intricacies anew... It seems like just as one thing settles down another rises to take it's place.... still.. here i stand. Why don't you come stand here awhile with me... and share this moment of lucidity. song of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogN5gdbJwkA&feature=related

My parents are here now....

captainmerrick — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 05:08:28 GMT

Not looking forward to telling them that i am getting a divorce... i can't bear to see the look of disapointment in their eyes.. especially my dad.... who is now reaching the end of a very tough life.... i feel like i have never been the great first born son he wished for... and knowing that i am the first of my family to ever have gone through a divorce....... lets just say to disappoint him or my mom for that matter is something i strive to avoid....... song of the day: obvious choice.... http://youtube.com/watch?v=hNS5fQlJn9o

Kinda angry today......

captainmerrick — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 02:04:09 GMT

I think too many pressures pulling me from so many directions...... really feeling the rage building within........ think i'm gonna go fishing. song of the day http://youtube.com/watch?v=81aJmjUK08s Turn up the volume all the way!

In remembrance

captainmerrick — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 06:19:31 GMT

My grandfather died on Thursday.... I had called my own father (it had been over a month since i checked on him) when i was told that he had passed. in his 80's my grandfather Charles had lived a long and occasionally extraordinary life. one of which i am sad to say I had only a brief part in. I have not seen him since i was a small boy. so for the last few days i have sat pondering my grandfather. A little depressed that i hadn't seen him in the last 25 or more years. Then i started thinking about the time i did have with him. I had my first beer with him. I can distinctly remeber having (red man) chewing tobacco one sharp summer morning at the tender age of seven when we were going to see his brother. I think he thought i would become ill. However when I didn't become sick i think he took pride in that as well. I can remember him giving me my first b-b gun. actually my fathers passed on to me. He spent the whole afternoon teaching me to shoot the rifle...always encouraging and menacingly stern at the same time. At the end of it i remember he tossled my hair and looked me in the eye..... "keep it up... soon you'll be as good as your father.." my first airplane ride at the age of 5.... and not a gentle ride into the air but a ride filled with sudden drops, loops and curly q's. He terrified and thrilled me all at the same time.. he laughed as i screamed... it seems cruel to see it typed... but somehow it was comforting... i remember him telling me that fear was all in how you handled it...... i can remember when he moved... and as a small child... i remmber the quiet emptiness that followed.... i missed him... and miss him to this day. He was a hard man. trapped in the value of hard work and the ideals that embodied the best and ocassionally the worst in men. As a young man he served in WWII in the pacific theatre. He would never speak of this time but grandma did.... He had horrific nightmares of what he endured there.. even to the end of his days.... The ship he was on was struck by a kamikazee pilot and he and a number of his friends were dumped into the pacific where they treaded water for days... His best friend was chewed in half by a shark while he floated helpless. He was a cowboy on the colorado slopes (rabbit ears pass) before the big tourist boom absorbed so much of the area (steam boat springs colorado.) He was an avid hunter (feeding his family with Elk and Mule deer) and he was a hard worker instilling this belief in his own children. He built houses for the local community. And even though i will miss him immensely i know that his suffering has finally ended... ( his health deteriorated over the last years of his life). I pray that his spirit wanders safe into the heavens and find the comfort and joy that in this life was so often absent.. and should he travel back this way...... safe journey... may love find you and hold you close. RIP Charles E. 6/12/2008 Song of the day: http://youtube.com/watch?v=VST2KKIYn50 For my grandfather....

Something to think on for the day....

captainmerrick — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 09:40:00 GMT

no real explanation needed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIy5Cv0un9U&feature=bz303

Mending Fences

captainmerrick — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:08:40 GMT

I realize t has been a coupleof days snce i updated this. MY sleep study went as expected. Firste i ha trouble sleeping so they gave me drugs to sedate me. then i went into a low stage dream sleep where i thrashed and managed to tear out some of the sensors... got tangled up pretty badly once...... and then towards the end of the evening.. i got my wish... the night terrors came.... just the very edge of them.. but they got recorded... the technition said there was some definitely odd readings... and i have severesleep apnea... today i sceduledmy appointment to be fitted withy new darth vader mask. or at least it sure sounds like one.... heh. Everythingelse has been a time of purposeful movment. cleaning and gardening and as the blog implies mending fences..... over te last two days i have been repairing m picket fence and repainting it between storms... today was gorgeous and the sun alternated with wind and clouds... many neighbors were out and i spoke with many of them... re-establishing bonds... getting to now some new ones.... a beautiful day... still, a sense of melancholy has ben lingering for the last few days... just underneath the surface hence the son of the day..... which is painful and beautiful at the same time.... much like the sensations i have been experiencing..... hope everyone has a great day... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhZ5-L9znt8&feature=related

Sleep study tonight

captainmerrick — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:25:31 GMT

Going into my sleep study tonight. Although you would not ordinarily say this... i hope i have one of my night terror episodes... I hope they catch it on the monitors maybe something can be done about them. I have been huanted by these terrible visions for more than ten years now... and although they have finally begun to abate When i get them.... Watch Out! also there is the plain old insomnia the sleep apnea and the general inability to get restful sleep..... so with any luck.. when this night is over i will have a few answers and maybe a few new tools to combat the dreaded sleep demons. rest well...... Music pick of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeWNzTlUQDU for obvious reasons..........

New personal hero

captainmerrick — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 08:44:19 GMT

Grandfather builds Web browser for autistic boy By BRIAN BERGSTEIN, AP Technology Writer Tue Jun 3, 1:54 PM ET John LeSieur is in the software business, so he took particular interest when computers seemed mostly useless to his 6-year-old grandson, Zackary. The boy has autism, and the whirlwind of options presented by PCs so confounded him that he threw the mouse in frustration. ADVERTISEMENT LeSieur tried to find online tools that could guide autistic children around the Web, but he couldn't find anything satisfactory. So he had one built, named it the Zac Browser For Autistic Children in honor of his grandson, and is making it available to anyone for free. LeSieur's quest is a reminder that while the Web has created important communication and educational opportunities for some people with cognitive impairments, computers can also introduce new headaches for families trying to navigate the contours of disability. The Zac Browser greatly simplifies the experience of using a computer. It seals off most Web sites from view, to block violent, sexual or otherwise adult-themed material. Instead it presents a hand-picked slate of choices from free, public Web sites, with an emphasis on educational games, music, videos and visually entertaining images, like a virtual aquarium. Other programs for children already offer that "walled garden" approach to the Web. But LeSieur's browser aims to go further: It essentially takes over the computer and reduces the controls available for children like Zackary, who finds too many choices overwhelming. For example, the Zac Browser disables extraneous keyboard buttons like "Print Screen" and turns off the right button on the mouse. That eliminates commands most children don't need anyway, and it reduces the chance an autistic child will lose confidence after making a counterproductive click. Children using the Zac Browser select activities by clicking on bigger-than-normal icons, like a soccer ball for games and a stack of books for "stories." The Zac Browser also configures the view so no advertisements or other flashing distractions appear. "We're trying to avoid aggressive or very dark or complicated Web sites, because it's all about self-esteem," LeSieur said from Las Vegas, where he lives. "If they're not under control, they will get easily frustrated." Autism generally affects a person's ability to communicate, and Zackary doesn't speak much. But his mother, Emmanuelle Villeneuve, reports that the boy can start the Zac Browser himself. He enjoys listening to music through the program and trying puzzles — things he always liked before but hadn't been able to explore online, she said from her family's home in suburban Montreal. Perhaps most tellingly, while he still acts out aggressively against the TV, she said, he doesn't try to harm the computer. LeSieur didn't create the browser by consulting with people who are considered experts in disorders on the autism spectrum. The small software company he runs, People CD Inc., essentially designed the Zac Browser to meet Zackary's needs, and figured that the approach would likely help other autistic children. Early reviews have been positive, though LeSieur plans to tweak the program so parents can suggest new content to add. Several autism experts were pleased to hear of LeSieur's work, and not surprised that he had not previously found anything suitable for Zackary. After all, the autism spectrum is so wide that a particular pattern of abilities or impairments experienced by one autistic person might be reversed in another. In other words, creating software that would work for huge swaths of autistic children is a tall order. Indeed, the Zac Browser might do nothing for another autistic child. That said, however, LeSieur's approach of limiting distractions and using the software as a confidence-boosting tool "is a very good idea," said Dianne Zager, director of the Center for Teaching and Research in Autism at Pace University. She said many autistic students tend to do best with educational materials that make unnecessary stimuli fade from view. "Some parts of the Web have so much extraneous material that it can be distracting, and for the nonverbal child, there might not be an ability to negotiate that information," added Stephen Sheinkopf, an autism researcher at Brown University. This is not to say the Web is necessarily barren for autistic children. James Ball, an autism-education consultant in New Jersey, said many children he works with enjoy Webkinz, where kids care for virtual pets. Others find chat rooms and instant-messaging a lower-anxiety way of socializing than talking to someone in person, he said. But the Zac Browser might turn out to be the rare tool that can be configured to strike a chord with a wide range of autistic students, said Chris Vacek, chief innovation officer at Heartspring, a special-education center in Wichita, Kan. Vacek is considering using the Zac Browser at Heartspring. One huge advantage is that the browser is free, while many assistive technologies cost upward of $5,000 and work only on specialized devices. But Vacek, himself a parent of an autistic child, said the Zac Browser's best credential is that it appears to pass what he calls Heartspring's "acid test": It has a high chance of increasing a child's ability to do things independently. "Let's hear it for grassroots innovation," Vacek said. ___ On the Net: The Zac Browser can be downloaded or run directly from http://www.zacbrowser.com oh yeah and here is my new song for the day! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNzFFvW20G0

Been a few days

captainmerrick — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:47:47 GMT

since i have been on tribe or posted. It has been a busy week.... school has ended finally. Got my first fishing license in two years (hopefully i'll find time to use it) and my garden is beginning to take shape... tomatoes, peppers, corn and sunflowers begin to wake and respond to the energizing rays of the summer sun. Hard work is like a balm to the troubled soul. Almost like focusing on tasks at hand give meaning and direction to greater quandries that quite often are beyond anyones control. Still feeling really melancholy. Still reeling from the impending divorce. Still hard work and getting back into my art and writing seem to be helping. Hope everyone has a great week! My pick for song of the day. :P http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k99h5aikc4g