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~Ian~

offline	325 friends

819 photos in album

joined on 11/21/03
last updated 07/20/11

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Liber OZ - words to live by

“OZ: the law of
the strong:
this is our law
and the joy
of the world.”
—AL. II. 21.

“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.”
—AL. I. 40.

“thou hast no right but to do thy will. Do that, and no
other shall say nay.” —AL. I. 42–3.

“Every man and every woman is a star.” —AL. I. 3.

There is no god but man.

1. Man has the right to live by his own law—
to live in the way that he wills to do:
to work as he will:
to play as he will:
to rest as he will:
to die when and how he will.

2. Man has the right to eat what he will:
to drink what he will:
to dwell where he will:
to move as he will on the face of the earth.

3. Man has the right to think what he will:
to speak what he will:
to write what he will:
to draw, paint, carve, etch, mould, build as he will:
to dress as he will.

4. Man has the right to love as he will:—
“take your fill and will of love as ye will,
when, where, and with whom ye will.” —AL. I. 51.

5. Man has the right to kill those who would thwart
these rights.

“the slaves shall serve.” —AL. II. 58.

“Love is the law, love under will.” —AL. I. 57

lib.oto-usa.org/libri/liber0077.html

My Recent Activity

Tribes:

Nanakoyobi Yaoki

"Never give up"

Quotables:

"Oh go through the walls; if you must, walk on the ledges of roofs, of oceans; cover yourself with light; Use menace, use prayer...My sleepers will flee toward another America!" - Jean Genet
"I believe in nothing, everything is sacred. I believe in everything, nothing is sacred."
- Tom Robbins
"'Tis an Ill Wind that Blows no Minds!" - Malaclypse the Younger
"Nothing is True, Everything is Permissible." - Hasan bin Sabbah

Features and reflections...

Gender

Unknown

Location

Portland

about me

Metaprogrammer and dreamer; Discordian, Thelemite, nurse, witch, magickian, Thunderdome Medic, occasional crossdresser, tantrika, scooter pilot, motorcycle racer & insatiable reader. Big time anime fan. Cat lover and gardener, lapsed mountaineer, semi-retired professional warrior, aspiring bodhisattva.

Though I've long walked the path of Shadow I seek to view the world from a standpoint of compassion and loving kindness...I strive for balance in an unbalanced world.

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The light of the sun, moon, and stars...

Like the light of the sun, moon, and stars, may love, compassion, and wisdom shine forth. May they strike every single living being and dispel the darkness of ignorance, attachment, and hatred that has lurked for ages in their being. When any living being meets with another, may it be like the reunion of a mother and child who have long been separated. In a harmonious world such as this, may I see everyone sleep peacefully to the music of nonviolence. This is my dream.
--- From by 17th Karmapa Ogyen Trinley Dorje

Mirror, reversed

SOAK tickets FS!

I can't go after all - please buy my three third tier SOAK tickets!
Message me here or email carcosa23@yahoo.com, thanks!

Fri, June 10, 2011 - 9:55 AM permalink - 0 comments

R.I.P. Sleazy

A great loss to the musical and alternative community...goodbye Sleazy.

ology.com/music/rip-pet...christopherson

unklesleazy.tv/

Fri, November 26, 2010 - 10:20 AM permalink - 0 comments

A statement about honesty and fear and the consequences of ones actions and actually seeing it.

A lot of time has passed this year, or not so long really but there are things that it has taken me this long to realize that I haven't been acknowledging and not resolving and not doing that has left a big gap between what's real and the story that I presented as real but was really only the filtered part that in my own ego and self absorption I showed to the world.

I loved someone but manipulated and used them to where they really became fed up with the way I was handling things yet held them emotional hostage to what I mistakenly thought were my needs and when I was losing control of my self set things up so that they took the fall instead of me being able to cop to what was real and deal with it directly. Afterwards I presented myself as some sort of victim when the truth of it was that in my moment of panic and loss of control I really abused a system that is there to protect real victims, and vampirized and victimized someone that had bent over backwards to support me, then pushed to the breaking point in a way that my response was so truly an unjust punishment for trying to cope with the situation that I had created and we both found ourself in. My anxiety was not a real reason to hose someone so badly.

In the time since we've created a sort of peace, but for me to not acknowledge that I am so seriously culpable in what went down and that I've perpetuated it long after by playing the victim and demonizing the other would be wrong, and continue to perpetuate the myth that I wasn't some sort of freaking-out over-manipulating tool that caused a lot of unnecessary drama and harm instead of facing up to what was going on and dealing with it honestly and directly. I want to be clear that I manipulated a lot of people into giving me sympathy when what I really needed was a cold splash of water in the face and told to wake up and be honest with myself and everybody about where I really stood.
I'm writing this because without copping to that I would continue to present a false image of myself and all that and want to stop.

Sometimes the story isn't about truth but a complicated set of things to hide behind so to not have to admit loss of control or the consequences of f*ing someone over and I just want to say I totally did just that but want to somehow admit and learn and grow from it, and this is the first step in that.

Sun, November 21, 2010 - 4:53 PM permalink - 2 comments

It was already on fire when I got here

Some flames burn so hot that they consume all the oxygen around them before self-extinguishing.
Some burn slowly and tenderly, warming those around them. Some are wild parties, some are solemn reflections.
Some, like this candle, are quiet sentinels of hope and love in spite of adversity and obstacles that in time will truly resolve, meow.

Tue, September 14, 2010 - 10:28 AM permalink - 0 comments

Notes from the Playa.

Post-Playa update - what follows is the daily journal I posted from BRC - until mid-week there was sporadic WiFi I could access from my camp so I took the time to make an ongoing journal.
After Wednesday the WiFi pretty much dropped away. At the same time my experience became intensely personal and I won't be blogging about that part at all except to say here that my goal of redeeming the Burn manifested more strongly and in ways that I would have never imagined. I am strongly at Peace with a lot of things now and take that forward into my life. The universe shifted on its axis once again and I am still absorbing that as I try to adjust to re-entry. Once I am more grounded I may finish journalling somewhat about this Burn, in the meantime there are photos at my Flickr site:
www.flickr.com/photos/767...4913026688/

Here then are my "Notes from the Playa":

==============================================================
Greetings from the Black Rock Desert! (Saturday, noon)

I wanted to keep a journal this time, but until now I’ve found it hard to put anything into words. However, as we’re in the midst of a pretty strong cold front passing through and I’m sheltering in the RV perhaps I’ll try to catch up a bit.

Wednesday morning dawned early and I hit the road with JSun after squidging on the kitties, meow, I miss them! The RV ran fine and we made good time, up and over Willamette Pass with no problems this time. I felt that with every milestone I was over-writing the events of the last trip, replacing those memories with fresh ones, not a bad thing.

We pulled into Klamath Falls for a refuel stop, but when we tried to leave the motor coughed, died and wouldn’t restart. It was 98 degrees out so I figured it was vapor lock, but after 45 minutes of waiting I decided to call AAA in case it were something worse. So we got towed to a shop, where by then the motor had cooled enough and started right up! So, no foul, and glad it was just that. We carried on to Alturas, arriving just at dusk, and it did it again! But knowing what it was this time it was no stress, I took a nice half-hour walk through town and when I came back it started right up. The Mobile Groove Bomb passed by as we were waiting, fun to see more Portlanders on the road!

Up over Cedar Pass and into Nevada, the darkest and longest part of the drive. We caught up with the MGB in the middle of nowhere and stopped and chatted a bit before moving on. Suicidal jackrabbits kept trying to run in front of us but no cows this time!! Finally pulled into Gerlach around midnight, gassed everything up and headed out to the Playa, coming up on Diva Marisa from Thunderdome on the approach and the gate, playa synchronicity at its best!

Back in Black Rock City once again...the full Moon was bright overhead, the air calm and cool. We found our camp and after hearty welcomes parked it and settled in for the night. I took the moped out for a moonlight cruise, checked in with the Thunderdome crew then came back and called it a night around 3am.The Moon shone through the window as I lay awake for quite a while, finally dozing off as the sky was starting to lighten. The playa is so empty and quiet this early, it was quite magical.

Thursday morning was cool and calm, and we hustled to set up the carport for shade. By late morning the playa treated us to a 7-hour wind/dust storm so we got little accomplished but I was glad we had the shelter up as many took refuge in it. It was still hot, 95 degrees or so. The wind was crazy, 30-40mph with higher gusts and we had to really lash the carport down to keep it from blowing away! Late that afternoon the wind finally abated and we put up a few more structures as camp members trickled in. I went out and toured the growing city and touched base with more of the Thunderdome camp - Bruce made some amazing vinyl door stickers that I can't wait to put on the Alfa! and getting the lay of the land...The MGB is just a block away so I visited a while, took another cruise and called it good. The playa surface is very crunchy, people will be sticking to the roads a lot again. I crashed around midnight and slept hard.

Friday morning was cool and calm again and many more campmates started arriving, things started taking shape. I am acclimating slowly this time so I spent the heat of the day sitting around nekkid under shade, hydrating and just settling in. That afternoon I went out & about, out to the Megatropolis site in deep playa past the Temple looking for Otto but finding Kamikaze Kelly, who was looking very happy and not stressed, great to see as he's had a tough year. The crane came early (!) and the Thunderdome went up in the afternoon, and was finished by about 10pm! I Found Boychaos at the Black Rock Local 447 camp, and hung with the ESD Black Ops team, who will be helping medic the T-dome this year. It cooled down fast so I headed back to camp and was asleep early, before midnight again.

Today (Saturday) started out gray and chilly, perfect for construction though, and our camp is really taking shape. Only a couple minor injuries which I am glad to be around to help with, Safety Third! Just a couple hours ago a cold front blew through with more high winds and whiteout, so I decided to come in and write this while waiting it out. This Internet connection will probably go away when the event opens but I'll check in if/when I can. It's weird to be posting from the Playa...

I feel ok, there are a lot of mixed feelings going through me but overall I'm really glad to be back, this *is* a weird sense of "home", just like the Greeters say. It's an ordeal but one done out of love. A huge social experiment, for sure.The storm has passed so I'm packing this machine away and going back out, helping co-create Black Rock Metropolis.

(later - 3pm)

The city continues to grow as more people arrive...
It's an overcast chilly 65 degrees with blowing winds and light rain (!).

(6pm)

Our first camp meeting went well, I got my 5kw generator running again for the kitchen until the big diesel comes on line, cleaned up around camp and now I'm going out again. Weather still cool with occasional squalls and whiteouts, whee!

(9:30)

I went out again, cruised up the Esplanade to Center Camp then over to Bob's Rainforest at 7:30 & Baghdad and hung out with the Bobs...I'm finally feeling right, and being with the Bobs, drinking some beer and harassing the passers-by really made everything click. A cold wind was blowing and as dusk fell I retreated back to camp to get warmer clothes, and it started to drizzle! It's been sprinkling for over an hour now, crazy playa weather! I can hear flame cannons in the distance, music and partying going on in this last full night before the city opens to the public tomorrow at midnight...I'll go out again soon, rain notwithstanding. I actually turned the heat on in the RV, crazy!

(midnight)

Took a long walk...out to the Man, wandered in the dark spaces in the crisp night air. It's still sprinkling, but so lightly that you barely notice it and don't get wet. A solitary art car was cruising around playing the inescapable dubstep as builders continue to set up their installations. The bones of the city are in place now, waiting to be fleshed out by its returning citizens.

(Sunday afternoon)

Today has been an awesome day so far. I surprised myself and woke up around 10am, thinking it was more like 8:30. It's been partly cloudy and mild, fantastic conditions, and I've been out in the city all day. First I went over to DGTD and saw Mollie,Jaz, Bren, Kim, Matt and others, drank some Serbian moonshine and got my crew hoodie, which was especially rad as I was it was still in the '60's and I was chilly, yay! Then I hung out with Max in BIMC Camp and fortuitously was there when the Placers came by to authenticate our camp and complain about the red "Danger" tape Max'd put up. Happily we were able to convince them thet the tape was part of our decor and woulld be permitted, great to see Shadow, our placer again again,all was good. To be continued...

(next morning)

After a couple of beers with Max as we discussed the Secret Chiefs hidden agenda I headed out on a tour-de-city, swinging by NW Mist and some of the back streets before ending up at Local 447 where I had more beers and some Jameson's from the Saturday nite party at Jub Jubs with Diter and Razor. From there to Ludo O'Dillo's Irish Pub, past Camp Suckeye Fuckeye where Jaime was working on her art car, Ogribbar (For the Horde!) and hung out with Muse and Nurse Davor for a bit and finally worked my way back to camp.

Max came by as I was journalling so I dropped that and we headed over to Bob's Rainforest for a while where we drank more beer and Jamesons, hee! The sun had set by then and it got really chilly fast so we retreated back to camp for more clother. There I helped rewire the back of camp and the sound stage (good thing I brought so many extra electric cables(!), warmed up at our frontage burn barrel then went out to the Gate at midnight for the festival opening Greeters party - the line of waiting vehicle lights stretched to the far distance, and after a while they started coming in, Welcome to Burning Man! The high energy of the new arrivals was palpable as the quiet streets of the city slowly became populated by the new influx.

After a while I headed back to warm up, and ended up drifting off to sleep as the first sunrise music set got underway at our soundstage.I woke mid-morning and greeted a sunny yet cool, slightly breezy day and am nw, after coffee, going to step *away* from this machine and go out to see what changes have evolved since last nite!

(Monday)After a casual morning in camp I went out and explored the neighborhood, visiting the Pirate Ship crew, over to see the Bobs, then I found Astral Vortex and Mallard, more fabulous Portland peoples, yay!The city has really filled in overnight and is infused with excitement.After a while it got breezy and dusty so I came back to camp for a nap while the wind blew...as I was resting it got dark and I heard the telltale pitter patter of rain on the roof! For the next couple of hours it got wetter and wetter, with a genuine downpour at times, turning the playa into a morass of mud, one couldn't take two steps without building up mud into playa-platform shoes, so I just stayed in till it ended, spectacularly with a bright double-rainbow!Things dried out enought to ride across playa to Thunderdome for the evening meeting (which didn't happen) so I hung out with Max at BIMC Camp until after dark. It got cold *fast* so I came back to camp to add layers, then did some night-exploring, attracted like the proverbial moth to big flamey things, then finally called it an early night as I got chilled. Chilled but happy!

(Tuesday)I woke after sunrise to the sounds of our morning music-set at the front stage. Before I got up Drew came knocking as there was a party-casualty passed out in the dome up front. I checked him out and (EnrgNSee deja-vu) he was *very* unresponsive but had stable (for the moment) vital signs, with no friends with him and no clue what he was on, so I had REMSA come and they hauled him away by ambulance as the music played on...It was a beautiful clear cool morning - I had a little coffee then put on my gold belt and parasol and took a nice stroll through Center Camp and environs, visiting Bobzilla at BMIR Radio and Ranger Widget at Ranger HQ...it is a fine happy feeling to be able to walk naked through the city without anyone batting an eye, and I came back to camp refreshed and ready to take on the next adventure!

Morning shifted into afternoon so I put on a sundress and took my pink bike on a long ride down the length of the Esplanade, out to the Man, the Temple, and Megatropolis. On the way back to camp I ran into Jaz and Bren who couldn't believe I didn't *own* a tutu for Tutu Tuesday, what can I say, never one to run with the crowd! I brought my offerings out to the Temple and I felt something of a weight lifted once that was done as I'd been thinking about it at least once during each day so far. When the Temple burns I'll cry, and move forward. Love and loss have gone hand in hand in my life but I want to honor the memories of each in a positive way here.

Back in camp I had just settled into one of the hammocks in the front dome-lounge when I saw the Pirate Ship setting sail toward the Mant Farm so I grabbed my boots and ran out to it...I sailed on the Pirate Ship, I sailed on the Pirate Ship! *grin*

Before long dusk fell and I rode over to Thunderdome for the pre-Opening meeting...the final preparations were laid on and we were ready to host the fights! Opening Night was Friends & Family, reserved for the DPW, Build, Gate and all the hard workers who together create the city for us all to play in...Diva Marisa opened with her special aria then the fights were on! Interestingly the DPW must have gotten a lot of rest or something as the expected aggro wasn't there this time and they actually had to be exorted to fight! Things went well until a drunk girl that we'd twice already told to get off the dome fell from about 20ft onto someone, whose back was hurt. I essentially flung people aside in my rush to get to him and because of the time it took to protect his spine and evac him we called a close to the nights entertainment. I want to give extra kudos to the three women from ESD Black Ops who were assigned to the fights, they were completely on-target and professional, it is a pleasure to have them support us!

Fights over, I went back to BIMC Camp and hung out with Max, watched some Dethklok projected from his machine, then eventually left to go over to the Bobs where I was too late for Jason's birthday party, wah. Met a nice Bob there who'd just gotten in (Kaitlin) and went on a good playa cruise together, out to the Man and some firey installations before finally returning home to crash just before 4am, altogether an excellent, full day.

(Wednesday)

I slept late and got up before noon. I spent most of the day in camp, resting and trying to keep cool. Several friends came by to visit and I pretty much just chilled, though at one point in the afternoon I basically rewired the camp after too many people played fast and loose rearranging our makeshift power grid. My green 5Kw generator from home powers the kitchen and whole back camp when the big deisel is offline, it's the genny I run my house in Portland with and is getting a workout here...

Around 6pm I rode the moped over to Paddy Mirage at 6:00 & Athens for Maid Marion's Black Rock Riders meetup...a huge bummer occurred when Max's bicycle was stolen during the few minutes we were inside, damn!
At the end of the meeting I was surprised by the appearance of my friend Agent 23 who I ended up spending the rest of the evening with catching up and creating a new connection. Walking across the playa late full of art cars and sound and flame, the city in full nighttime swing was excellent, I love the night-city the best!

Thu, September 9, 2010 - 4:34 PM permalink - 0 comments

That Thing in the Desert

Well, in about 32 hours I'll be on the road to Black Rock City again. I feel weird, lots of "stuff" coming up.
I'm not going to try to wax philosophical...I hope this trip redeems the experience for me somehow, and for someone else especially. I'm glad they're going, with a good friend this time. * le sigh*
It's a big magickal act with love the underlying foundation, for me anyway. If it were a matter of "going through the motions" I wouldn't bother. Just sayin'...
If I see you in the desert I will try to smile, and honor the memory of the parts that mattered.

Mon, August 23, 2010 - 10:18 PM permalink - 1 comment

view all 334

Cassilda's Song

Along the shore the cloud waves break,
The twin suns sink behind the lake,
The shadows lengthen

In Carcosa

Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies
But stranger still is

Lost Carcosa

Songs that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flap the tatters of the King,
Must die unheard in

Dim Carcosa

Song of my soul, my voice is dead,
Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed
Shall dry and die in

Lost Carcosa

-Cassilda's Song in 'The King in Yellow'
Act I. Scene 2.

My Thunderdome bout - Deathguild,BM '06!

The Thunderdome tale

People say the funniest things

Unsu...

February 3, 2008

Ian is real. Every since I met him I have had an extra skip in my step and heart.

January 21, 2008

sometimes Ian is my cult hero. sometimes Ian is just a big ole pain in my ass.
Overall one of *the* most classic freaks of the lovely persuasion.

Kami...

2221

November 5, 2007

I made Ian snort milk out of his nose with my writings.
I win!!!
Love Ya, Brother.
KK

Sophia

143

March 13, 2007

The precious things in life can be found in the heart that brings orchids back from the brink of death and in the chaotic beauty of a rat bike. Ian is incredibly special to me and if only he lived closer, I am sure I could make him tired of my presence around his spiritual and moto oasis in Portland.

amazon

133

May 30, 2005

.......sigh........ummm....20 years I think I've known the man, and things only get better! Great friend, great weirdo, great biker. I can't wait for my next visit "home" to the PNW!

mz.skip

November 24, 2004

Absolutely fabulous with no hesitation to claim that I've yet met anyone who makes me giggle gleefully with pleasure every time I ponder of his wonder...He's the star I would wish upon!

Unsu...

November 12, 2004

Too smart to fit inside of one person. I love and appreciate all the aspects of Ian. I keep turning around corners and meeting him again. I'll see you around the next bend, my brother, my sister.

Ash

328

July 24, 2004

Ally, friend, teacher, test-case. Tough as nails where it matters most, and Kindly Nurse Havoc where it matters more. I'm _grateful_ for his friendship.

Captain

432

June 26, 2004

Ian's a great person, I am honored to call Ian a friend (or was that fiend?).
Oh yeah, great parties too!! People can't seem to keep their clothes on (or at least while they're spinning fire).

Sienna

263

December 26, 2003

One of the most amazing, intelligent, surprising, fun, weird individuals I've ever met. I'm very much the richer for making your acquaintance. A Toast!

December 3, 2003

Ian is the incarnation of Pluto energy. And at the same time, e's goofy! E's a planet, populated with entire populations, some alien but most entirely familiar. And when I visit em, e lets me play with his trepanation drill!

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Inner Universe

Inner Universe lyrics

My favorite Lord of the Rings scene ever


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