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Carmen

joined on 09/29/03
last updated 04/18/09
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Freaks Like Me

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...i know you are but what am i...

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living in eventful times

(a rambling discourse)

I once accepted a lift to Burning Man with a guy named Jake. Jake had rented a gigantic RV and was looking for people to offset the cost of the trip. I and three other women came aboard for the ride.

We rumbled off toward Black Rock City in good spirits, but Jake soon proved to be challenging. He tried to charge me more than our pre-agreed cost for the trip. He was demanding and domineering and abusive. He insisted on stopping in every town to stock up on sex to... read more
Sun, November 15, 2009 - 8:12 PM permalink - 2 comments
 
I am interested in starting a regular discussion circle and resource-sharing group for women like me, who are unlikely to ever become biological mothers - whether by choice or by circumstance or any combination of reasons.

This is NOT "pro" or "anti" kid, it's not ideological...it's just about accepting and embracing the present reality of our lives. Please do not feel that you need to explain or justify your past or present decisions either way; that's really not the point.

I see this ... read more
Sun, November 8, 2009 - 11:20 PM permalink - 4 comments
 
Enjoying my final Cortes Cafe of the season, veg chili with cornbread and maple-pecan butter...so good. Wary of pre-emptive nostalgia, but oh, being in this place has nourished my body and soul.

Leaving Friday from Cortes, to a weekend retreat with Lama Geshe YongDong focused on Sherab Chamma, the mother of all Buddhas, to learn more techniques to deal with fear. Then home to my East NirVana nest Sunday night.

savouring every sweet'n'sour moment.
Wed, October 28, 2009 - 1:23 PM permalink - 2 comments
 
this is what i have to show, for these past five months which passed like water. during this time i have not watched a movie or read a novel, a newspaper or a magazine. have not surfed the Internet, have not listened to music, written many words or painted many pictures. have made very little money and spent very little money. have not started any new projects, or created any tangible legacy.

no words, no pictures, no artifacts.

just five deep months worth of BEING, not one moment waste... read more
Fri, October 23, 2009 - 2:41 PM permalink - 1 comment
 
i give thanks for the light that shines through and within me. the light that gave me courage, to declare my intention and to stay. the light i always knew was there but never quite trusted, until the moment six months past when i walked under those prayer flags and through that door, and i said, i am here.

i give thanks for five full months of meditation and presence and prayer, of cloud-watching and bird-listening. i give thanks for this opportunity to be of service, in so many small way... read more
Mon, October 12, 2009 - 3:08 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
This fully enlightened being turned up at the Dharma Centre yesterday, and has made herself very much at home. There are no neighbours nearby, and she is clearly not a being who would ever run away or be abandoned. She is healthy and sparky and serene, and savvy about running along the road on the right side of my bike. It is a mystery, and I am searching for anyone who may know of her previous incarnation.
Sat, September 12, 2009 - 3:13 PM permalink - 1 comment
 
This is the goal now: unconditional happiness.

Without money or goods, or property or progeny; without lovers or partners or family or friends. Without accomplishments or monuments or trophies or tributes. Without health or mobility or comfort or rest.

Any or all may arrive and be welcomed.

But I will be happy, regardless.
Fri, September 11, 2009 - 3:40 PM permalink - 6 comments
 
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