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Carmen

joined on 09/29/03
last updated 04/18/09
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Freaks Like Me

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...i know you are but what am i...

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living in eventful times

Enjoying my final Cortes Cafe of the season, veg chili with cornbread and maple-pecan butter...so good. Wary of pre-emptive nostalgia, but oh, being in this place has nourished my body and soul.

Leaving Friday from Cortes, to a weekend retreat with Lama Geshe YongDong focused on Sherab Chamma, the mother of all Buddhas, to learn more techniques to deal with fear. Then home to my East NirVana nest Sunday night.

savouring every sweet'n'sour moment.
Wed, October 28, 2009 - 1:23 PM permalink - 2 comments
 
this is what i have to show, for these past five months which passed like water. during this time i have not watched a movie or read a novel, a newspaper or a magazine. have not surfed the Internet, have not listened to music, written many words or painted many pictures. have made very little money and spent very little money. have not started any new projects, or created any tangible legacy.

no words, no pictures, no artifacts.

just five deep months worth of BEING, not one moment waste... read more
Fri, October 23, 2009 - 2:41 PM permalink - 1 comment
 
i give thanks for the light that shines through and within me. the light that gave me courage, to declare my intention and to stay. the light i always knew was there but never quite trusted, until the moment six months past when i walked under those prayer flags and through that door, and i said, i am here.

i give thanks for five full months of meditation and presence and prayer, of cloud-watching and bird-listening. i give thanks for this opportunity to be of service, in so many small way... read more
Mon, October 12, 2009 - 3:08 PM permalink - 0 comments
 
This fully enlightened being turned up at the Dharma Centre yesterday, and has made herself very much at home. There are no neighbours nearby, and she is clearly not a being who would ever run away or be abandoned. She is healthy and sparky and serene, and savvy about running along the road on the right side of my bike. It is a mystery, and I am searching for anyone who may know of her previous incarnation.
Sat, September 12, 2009 - 3:13 PM permalink - 1 comment
 
This is the goal now: unconditional happiness.

Without money or goods, or property or progeny; without lovers or partners or family or friends. Without accomplishments or monuments or trophies or tributes. Without health or mobility or comfort or rest.

Any or all may arrive and be welcomed.

But I will be happy, regardless.
Fri, September 11, 2009 - 3:40 PM permalink - 6 comments
 
The Babbling Buddha draws a stream of wondrous and wondering women. They wander up the path one by one, every fourth or fifth in tears (like me, when i drifted under those prayer flags for the first time). Blinking, slightly shell-shocked. And fuck-it-all, free.

I came home to meet Elena and Apple sitting at the kitchen table, finishing their blackberry-chocolate-chip pancake dinner. They had pitched their big yellow tent on one of the platforms and were almost ready for bed.

The three... read more
Fri, August 28, 2009 - 4:43 PM permalink - 2 comments
 
The well has run dry and so i walk like a village woman down the hill, from the kitchen to the rainwater reservoir.

The reservoir is beside the pump house, in the overgrown orchard. There are three apples trees each a different kind, so I sample one of each just to savour the difference. And there are blackberry bushes of course, and the berries are fat and abundant and tart and sweet and stain my hands and my tongue and my clothes.

There was a tiny frog beside the reservoir yesterday.... read more
Mon, August 24, 2009 - 3:28 PM permalink - 5 comments
 
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