Fevered Rantings

I woke up at 4:00AM the other morning with a headache, stomach cramps and chills. (Even my armpits had goose bumps.) I knew what this was, this was Sick. Sick is no fun. For the rest of the night I couldn’t fall back to sleep, but I wasn’t exactly awake either. My brain wouldn’t rest, thinking the same thoughts over and over again, until I had them figured out. It had the urgency of an important message I needed to convey to the world.

Here’s what I kept thinking:

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

If Superman ever did exist he would be considered a god on Earth. He can do things no other human can do and he protects us from danger and delivers us from evil. (He rescues us from floods and defeats the terrorists.) Even if he denied he was a god (which I’m sure Superman would do, he’s a good guy) there would still be scattered groups of people who would worship him.

How could he not feel an obligation to them? They have placed their safety in his hands. And how could he deny the temptation to use a little bit of his god clout to get these people to stop being violent, to treat each other right? First he might say something like “Treat others as you would treat yourself.” I have no problem with that. Then he might say “No more guns. I forbid it.” I’m kind of on the same side of the issue as Superman here, but this makes me uncomfortable. Gods and Superheroes should not get involved in politics. Before long Superman is saying “No funding to artists that offend me.” Superman is absolutely out of line there. But how can we deny him? He rescues us from floods, defeats the terrorists. Is it too much to ask that we do whatever we can to make him happy? Also, if he gets mad there’s not enough kryptonite in the world that’ll save us.

Before long Superman’s sitting on some thrown, demanding concession after concession. We’re slaves to his every whim. We’ve lost our freedom. He’s lost his integrity. It’s a lose/lose situation. Sure it would be nice to have someone rescue us from floods and defeat the terrorists, but this is too high a price to pay. It’s better that Superman doesn’t really exist. We just have to rely on ourselves to save the day.

I just had the most painful cab ride of my life and I was in a car accident two weeks ago

Tonight I got a ride from the oldest living cab driver. I kid you not, big liver spots on the side of his face and he sat about two inches away from the steering wheel.

Now, I know it's not right to make fun of stereotypes, but this guy must have been studying the elderly driver stereotype. He did it perfectly.

We approached the wreckless speed of 20 mph once or twice, but most of the time we cruised along at 10, except when we went through intersections. Then we slowed down to 5.

Turning corners was an adventure. We never knew if the car was going to stall from lack of gas.

He was very sweet, but he shouldn't have been driving.

If you've ever been to center city Philadelphia then you know it's not that hard to navigate. Numbered streets go north/south and tree streets go east/west. He picked me up and 3rd & Chestnut. I wanted to go to 20th & Spruce. Not that hard to figure out. We needed to go south and east.

I had to give him directions every step of the way.

Him: "We're at 18th Street. What should I do?"

Me: "Go straight two blocks until we get to 20th, then turn right."

"We're at 19th. What should I do?"

"Go straight one block until we get to 20th, then turn right."

"We're at 20th. What should I do?"

"Turn right. TURN RIGHT"

"Which direction?"

And watching him make change for my $20 was so exciting.

Me: "Can I have $11 back."

Him: "You want what?"

"$11. I gave you a 20."

"Yeah, that's a 20."

"Yeah."

"You want how much back?"

"$11."

"Okay, here's a 10."

"U-huh."

"And... what else do you need?"

"A one."

But, I made it home safely, without having to fill out a police report. That's more than I can say for the cab ride I took two weeks ago. I can't decide if this was better.

Today We Started

Every September Philadelphia has a Fringe Festival. It's a big event for the Theatre community and we always do a show. Last year we remounted some of out favorite sketches. (I hate using the term “Best Of.”)

This year we're doing something different. The first half of the show will be regular sketch (mostly classic sketches, but a few new ones). The second half of the show is us backstage during the first half. Kind of a "Noises Off" kind of thing.

So, tonight we met to start writing the show. We made a list of the sketches we'd like to do and people pitched new ideas for sketches. Then we talked about what we want to have happen in the second half.

Once we have the skeleton I have the utmost confidence in the troupe that we’ll put together a great show. We just don’t have the skeleton yet, so I’m feeling a little uneasy. This is a departure for us and I want it to be great. Sometimes I feel we move too slowly, but we had a hectic year and we needed a vacation. Sometimes it’s hard to come back from vacation.

We did our last show in early June, so it’s been a while since we’ve been together to create. It was nice to be in that mode again. We were cracking each other up tonight. We were also drinking. That’s usually a no-no during rehearsal, but this wasn’t a rehearsal, it was a writing session.

Boy, the people in my troupe like to drink.

A bunch of us went out on Tuesday after a play reading and my friend Lindsay took a photo of John and Kurt doing their best Prison Sex Face. Wonderful, creative Lindsay turned it into a Christmas Card. We all love it. I’m just happy I’m not in the photo.