Ahoy, mates,
I'm trying ter decide where ter take me scurrilous crew (those of yer not in liquor-induced comas or jail, that is) toward the latter weeks of May.
Baron Wars and Aethelmearc War Practice are both within range of our ten pounders, but it's hard ter decide which one ter sack, as they're both so heavy with loot.
So, what I'm askin' is: who's goin' ter what?
If there's a fat lot of yez pirates goin' ter one or the other, I'll join yez there.
Mister Pagan? Kate? Sea Witch crew? Opinions or preferences?
--Krunch

Dear Cap’n Krunch:

We have already begun raising pigs here in Xaimaca and Bravo has embraced his new life. He will have nothing to do with you or your sort. So don't expect to see him at any of your scurrilous pirate rallies or raids, even if we weren't so far away.

If you should happen to see him when we come to market in August to visit my homeland and meet with our buyers, please do not try to tempt him with that pirate's gold.

Since the authorities are so corrupt and uncooperative, especially in light of Bravo's past, and you already know where we are and how weak he is for rum, I cannot threaten you or lie to you. I have no choice but to make an honest appeal to you as a lady to a gentleman. (Don't you people have some sort of code or something?) Except for the minor incident of the missing rum, Bravo served you well, in his time. It's now my time with him. (Don't you people believe in retirement?) Provided we survive the journey and all goes well at market, I will be in a position to replace the rum, even though it's disappearance was not entirely Bravo's doing. How does two extra barrels sound for your trouble?

Appropriate pirate closing with conciliatory tone,
Zeina al Qamar
Daughter of Don Forse Arrivederci, Second Cousin to Don Gulliermo Bardicci
Pig Heaven, Xaimaca - The Only Organic, Humane Pork Farm in the Caribbean

Ah, Zeina, me fair lass.
One (or two) tiny raid(s) could do no harm ter Bravo's reputation, such as it is, and ye could buy a fine lot o' pig fodder with his share. You yerself might consider a wee expedition on the Witch-- If ye aren't too picky, I could set th' two of you up together in the port side fo'c'sle--a private room fer two, if'n ye don't mind the bilge-smell too much on the occasions it backs up. There's even room up there fer some o' yer pigs, if ye miss 'em.
It's terrible hard ter find good crewmen, that live fer long, and a strong taste fer rum is not necessarily what we'd call a drawback. Bravo's a fine sailor, wiv a knack fer feelin' the rhythm o' the waves. He'll always be a part o' The Sea Witch to me, so long as I'm Captain, despite that time when one o' his dreadlocks got caught in th' anchor chain, and in spite of The Rum Incident. Or th' Tortuga Pier Incident. Or that one time with th' whore from Barbados. (Does he still have th' scar?)
We certainly don't believe in retirement, unless it's in Fiddler's Green; once the sea's in someone's blood, it's in there fer good. As I seen ye eyein' the riggin', yer welcome ter join us, an' I'm sure we can make a sailor of yerself as well. That way, ye wouldn't be separated on even a short leg. As far as a code goes, I'll be sure ter have Mister Pagan show ye a copy o' the Ship's Articles. That's kinder like a code.
I've done fine by yer man, lass, an' left him out of the whaling game or any northerly raids which might take him far away from yer pretty Xaimaca, but it's time ter be in the southern seas, and as we're closin' in on the neighborhood, I can't resist lookin' up me old mates. It's not like we're goin' round th' horn.
Two barrels'll never replace a good man, despite what me bos'n says.

Cordially,
Krunch

!Then what is your price sir?
Zeina al Qamar

Sorry, me lass. Can't be bought. (Cheaply, anyway.)
Ye might call it a personal code. Ye might if ye were being humorous, that is.
Might consider th' offer of replacement crewman, but only if he were of th' salt and mettle of Bravo's like. What does Bravo say in this? (I thought he could read some.)
S'only a little raid...
--Krunch

They're more guidelines than actual codes.
But for 3 barrels.....
Pagan

Dear Cap'n Krunch:

Bravo still doesn’t know, I cannot risk asking his opinion at this juncture. I just know I personally could never join the crew of the Sea Witch. But I should inform you that I have gotten wind that some of your crew might be more than happy to negotiate. Since he always took more than his share of the ladies, they would probably just as soon not have Bravo around anyway, which brings the price down. Furthermore, if you don’t negotiate you could risk a mutiny.

Now, I am willing to go higher, but cannot in rum, since we have to purchase that, albeit at local prices. Since we are pig farmers, I am prepared to make the following generous and final offer:

One pig for every man in the crew of the Sea Witch, with an annual pig for you for the lifetime of yourself or the farm, whichever is shorter, since you are the only one that really places any value on our man (the others don’t have to know about our arrangement). You agree not to try to tempt him to return to a life of piracy, nor shall you offer him a drop of rum if he should want to be around you when your paths cross. If he still stays around, you will not engage in any scurrilous activities in his presence. Indeed, you will swear to him that you yourself have seen the wickedness of your collective past ways and wish to remain an honest man(?) in the future.

Before you wish I were still offering rum, allow me to tell you about the unique raising of our pigs. Piglets are delivered personally by Bravo in the low stress environment of a soothing barrel of warm, lavender scented water, while he sings to the sow some of the local music which he has learned so quickly. Fattened up on all organic alligator pears ground provisions, our pigs enjoy a leisurely life, each with its own private mud puddle to cool off and relax in under our palm trees (our mud is said to have healing powers). Two weeks prior to slaughter, every pig is put on a special diet, being engorged with plenty of rum, fruits, nuts and spices. The day of the slaughter, they enjoy a burning chalice of sensimila, again accompanied by Bravo’s beautiful Xaimacan music, so they barely notice their own untimely passing.

You will take delivery of your pigs on our island, your choice if alive or already cured for your voyage. Regardless, each man will be provided with a hot meal of tempting, succulent pork prepared in 15 different ways, in the manner of the duck served at the Tour D’Argent in Paris.

You can’t afford not to take this deal! Since I’m throwing in the dinner, perhaps you could throw in a good word for our product at market.

Appropriate pirate closing with firm yet conciliatory tone,
Zeina al Qamar
Daughter of Don Forse Arrivederci, Second Cousin to Don Gulliermo Bardicci
Pig Heaven, Xaimaca - The Only Organic, Humane Pork Farm in the Caribbean

Cap’n!

A’ last me fin’ mi Cap’n! Tis a ruff sea mi ship went adrift on, aaargh. No doubt you heard de story at market. Unfortunately, me reach Xaimaca. But te sail again be mi pleasure. Me promise ter take care of de rum dis time. Jes know it all been consumed in yer name, all de better fi yer business.

Now me haffa train a pidgeon te take a message to you. Me look forward te de day to know mi Cap’n’s carrier coordinates?

It nah be necessary to inform mi lady of this meeting. Not dat me nah love her, me do. Me been playing guitar for de pigs long enough, de time soon come te be playing fi de Sultans again. So dis haffa be twixt jes me an yez fellers. Besides, de next litter nah be due till ‘bout de same time as yer northerly raids resume. Dem haffa make it wid’out me till den.

Most cordial greet’ins te all de crew of de Sea Witch and we raidin’ mateys. (Me jes preten’ me nah know dem would put a price on me.)

Bravo

P.S. Mi bird carrier coordinates be (718) 638-3402. Yeez can hear a bit ‘o mi music by seekin’ myspace.com/censorcityband