My Blog

time to live again

ModottiManifesto — Sat, 19 May 2007 01:44:13 GMT

This has been The worst depression spell I've endured for a long, long time...and was one of the worst. Well, its not entirely over but I am at now at least, seeing the sun and the trees. Winter has always been hard for me, depression wise, but this year it just kicked my ass. The blizzards didn't help etther, or the mid-life 'reflection' of just how much my life sucks. LOL I know once I get out of this marraige [I so bad want out, but three kids, finances, and his control over ever damn thing, make it sort of impossible for me to just leave--long story] I'll be in a far better frame of mind. until then, its just resistance, resistance that saves me, keeps me from jumping over that edge. So now I'm going to sit outside, I need the air...but I am escaping to the back, as 'he' is always out front, always ready to start in, his usual nasty ass bitching about everything, his Zionist crap... over the years he's just gotten worse, from bossy to just outright cruel and hateful, and then he bursts in this crazy laughter...its like he gets off on his sadism. [verbal, not physical, I'd kill him if he ever hit me...but the verbal is bad enough] peace, later, Modotti

I'm O.K.

ModottiManifesto — Tue, 15 May 2007 04:32:13 GMT

Long lapse haven't been around, feel bad and like I let so many down [esp on the womyn's rights tribes] but after dealing with so much misogyny in the socialist party and the constant triggers, I just broke. Broke inside, into million pieces.... it didnt help either in that for two years, I was constantly being scoffed at, deliberately ignored, sexually harassed [by a couple of the men], targeted for being outspoken, and I find that two years later, one man was literally lying to me in the party, taking my writings, and using them to prey on womyn and not only that, after all the shit he told me [he was commie, socialist, liberal, christian, now Muslim] and all that time, he was like telling me what to do, how to do this local and [political stuff] and that I should write this and that, and how he cared, and I find out, he treats his wife like crap, has run womyn out of the party in his state, is sexist, misogynist, etc etc then, I get kicked off a forum, for asking them to reconsider their platforms, esp on prostitution [they want to legalize it, I say no, say criminalize the industry/johns, but not the prostitutes, like Sweden used to do] becuase of all the trafficking of children and womyn, and then I find, they have 15 pages of porn sites, with children....on their member list...sure they are spam but they have had them there for while, and when I confronted them [being that they are supposed to be this goddamn 'feminist' party, instead of cleaning the shit up, they booted me. God forbid if they have to change their goddamn sexism and exploitation of womyn.... and children that did it for me, like forget it. I am so sick to death of politics and the lies and the internalized patriarchy and the pulling out of human rights only as an agenda to use against one or another, but when its human right abuses that they commit, its like, well, oh, uh uh uh screw it. so I'm back to writing poetry and studying up on goddesses and ancient beliefs. Reading ancient myths, etc. was studying the langauges but have put that aside for now....and working on art...sort of theraputic. OK well, how is everyone here, some good pictures, seems everyone is happy and doing well..... I do think of you and I will get stronger, and soon, a bit happier in heart and mind. Love, Modotti

They say Time Heals All Wounds

ModottiManifesto — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 02:52:01 GMT

but does it really? Or do we, in a society whose philosophy is based on strength and self sufficiency, simply shove our wounds in the deep recess of memory until the mind only remembers in fragments or blacks out all together? And when we do eventually face the skeletons should we be so bold as to expose them to the light for all to see? I have doubts, serious doubts and I am wondering if maybe, skeletons are better kept in the dark.

Mother to Daughter Sex Abuse

ModottiManifesto — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 08:45:58 GMT

I am coming out of the closet, on an issue that I have personally known. For 43 years I have kept this secret, but due to this past years work on womyn's issues and children's issues, and the increasing in trafficking today, I have decided that I can and will no longer stay silent. I wasn't at fault...my mother was. I also, have kept it secret because my brother too, was abused and he is in so much pain, an alcoholic, literally hates women, and is depressed and suicidal at times. I worry about him. I am coming out of the closet because there is this increase in belief that mother, feminine, should be wiped out and all of us made either masculine or no gender, as if that would cure all of social ills. I am here to tell you, it would not. I am still a feminist, still struggle against patriarchy. But it is a MYTH that women don't abuse women, or that mothers don't abuse children sexually. Today, more women are going on sex tours to pay to rape children, it isn't just a 'man' thing. We have millions of women, children, and yes, men [Russia, latest on Russian soldiers being forced to prostitute] who are brutally enslaved, brutally raped, tortured, mutilated for snuff films, and when released if they are ever, often times shot by their own governments. We have 'nationalists' world over, who accuse this country of abusing their womyn but truth is, All countries are abusing women and children in the sex industry, and what is worse, we have a few 'feminists' who condone and tolerate child pedaphilia under the lie of 'deflowering'. Look, if you take advantage of a child and take ownership of the child's sexuality, ITS RAPE. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU ARE BUTCH, FEMME, HETEROSEXUAL, BISEXUAL, MALE OR FEMALE, IT IS RAPE. AND THAT IS WHY, I AM SPEAKING UP. tribes » Other » End The Pandemic » topics » Mother to daughter Sex Abuse topic posted Wed, April 4, 2007 - 10:46 PM by ModottiManif... delete entire topic Hi, I am in my forties and just now am dealing with my past, in regards to the sex abuse inflicted by my mother, my brother was also a victim. There is not a lot of education about this type of abuse and it occurs more frequently than people want to believe. The myth that mothers don't or can't harm their children which is steeped in 'sexism' is one that not only prevents those who have suffered at the hands of women in getting help, because there is very little help out there. There is an organization based in the US and a support group, private and its called woman to woman abuse, including violence in lesbian relationships, mother to daughter abuse, and woman to child [such as trafficking/paying to rape children and its increasing btw all over the world]. In fact, there is a branch of NAMBLIA called Butterfly Kisses, that is women who abuse sexually, children and give information to other 'women' pedaphiles in how to go about seeking victims [its online] and sadly there are some feminists and particularly those in the far left that not only tolerate pedaphilia but condone and justify the sex abuse of children under the lie of 'children's sexual rights'. This is how I came to finally face the nightmare I've lived in all my life, I worked in a left 'socialist' party and was horrified to learn that there is a strong movement out there, in the left, that based on the 'distortions' of Marx/Engels, and on the theories of Kate Millet and Firestone, which basically is that there should be no mothers [because of patriarchy] and that there should be no class of age difference when it comes to sex, in fact, Firestone, in her book Dialectic of Sex' goes as far as saying children should have all the genitalia they can handle. It outrages me because people have no idea the damage sex abuse does to children, into their adult hood and when its mother to daughter abuse [and there was violent abuse/verbal and neglect as well] its hell. I have not in my life ever, truly been able to love, act out sexually, yes, love, no, as far as adult to adult relationships goes. I do love my children and no I don't abuse them nor want too, and the facing up to so much of the abuse which I had excused as her mental illness or blaming myself [something was wrong with me mothers don't abuse their children internalization] came in bits and pieces as my children were growing up. Now there are billions of children being trafficked, sold into sex slavery, tortured, mutilated, because 'legalized prostitution' has created the demand and tolerance for AIDs free virgins, and its increasing daily. Once the children get AIDS or are so messed up on the inside, they are often dumped back out on the streets, in the Philliphines they have death squads that shoot these street children. I was abused by men in my life, but the horror is, my mother set up the patterns of abuse in my life...I have struggled with a hate of men, no trust, and definately no trust of women, so for survivors such as myself [and survive is a myth too, you don't survive, physically yes, mentally and emotionally, no, and being on drugs is just being a walking drugged up corpse, rather than just a hurt walking corpse. With the increase in the attitudes towards ending gender, ending femininity, turning us all into either men or sex machines, and with the pushing of teen sexuality, there is also, an increasing and scary belief that sex with small children isn't that bad. Well, I'm here to say it is, I'm here to say I'm so full of rage and depression and suicide, all the time, every day I battle, every day. I suffer from emotional detachment, self-harm [eating disorders], sexually acting out in the past, not able to connect or love during sex [ever], always having to 'act' through it, though physically can enjoy sex but its always 'angry sex' and the things I think about during, is always violent [including towards my husband who is verbally abusive as hell], on the inside I'm a wreck and I've learned to hide it well over the years, but not doing so well now. No longer can I hide it, when I read feminists justifying child abuse [those few] I want to kill them, and I think of it all the time. I don't hate men as much as I do women abusers...though I've been a woman's rights activist against patriarchy for years. I'm coming out and talking about it because I just can't stay silent any longer, I want to say, that mother to daughter abuse is just as violent, they aren't 'gentle', its not sweet or loving, its violating, its just them taking our sexuality against our will, our choice, and distorting it for their warped sense of POWER and VIOLENCE and SELFISH GRATIFICATION. My mother died two years ago, both my brother and I cut ties with her years prior, though she apologized half ass for her verbal and physical abuse, she never took ownership of the emotional sexual incest [which was severe, my name was whore and slut since infant and I heard it on nearly a daily basis] and she never took ownership of the sexual molestation either. Her death was the major trigger, and I feel nothing but hate rage and numbness towards her. My brother hates her guts, literally. When I left home at 16 to flee her abuse [already had almost been raped at the age of 14 by a man of 20, his aunt saved me, I was lucky, he had my pants down and was just about to when she knocked on the front door], anyway I left home and moved in with a complete stranger, had no where to go [small rural town] where he sexually was harsh and beat me for a year...I left him and for my life, thats how it was, one abusive relationship after another, three kids out of wedlock [different fathers], and even after I became a radical feminist and leftist, I was still getting into abuse, no matter how strong or empowered I was. I always blamed 'patriarchy' but so much of it I know now, was my mother violating my boundaries as a very small child and until my teens [though the sexual molestation ended at age 8--the damage was done]. I'm bisexual but never have been able to be with a woman because all I see is her face, I could never go through with it...I do believe the bisexuality came about after years of abuse by men...because I wasn't bi-curious until my late thirties. Thats how messed up I am...and in closing, I just want to say, I was shocked, at how many women have endured the same and worse particularly in ritual abuse. The support group I am in, the membership is increasing in numbers... I'm here, to say, this is a taboo, that needs to come out of the closet, and the dangers that future generations of children face because of not just male pedaphiles but woman pedaphiles and rapists [esp in trafficking/paying to rape and torture children selling of organs too horrid] is going up and will go up in numbers, if we don't rise up against it now and with any means necessary if that's what it takes. And thats what I plan to do, I am a feminist, I am anti-capitalist, but I damn sure will fight, tooth and nail, against any who want to set up a political system that sanctions child abuse or child sex abuse even if it means my death. because with every breath I have in me, if I have anything to do about it, my girls will Never endure what I did. Peace, Modott

The CATS have just Begun to Fight!

ModottiManifesto — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 20:14:30 GMT

Week two, and the tree is taking its toll, LOL, the cats have been determined, more than ever, to take claim to this thing we put up in the house. This thing, we call a Christmas tree. This year, I made a special water bottle to generously douse these poor contempous creatures we know as "CATS", but its been, sadly, to no avail. No matter how often I spray these monstrous hairy beasts, they are not discouraged, no, not in the least. Happily they scurry back under the tree the minute I leave the room to concern myself with other things. Ten minutes later I can hear my parrot screaming, cleverly warning me, although I must add, there has been a few times where Snuggleboots, our gray cat, has in revenge, knocked Bobbles, our parrot, cage over to the ground. Therefore, its not just been the war with the CATS and the tree, alas, no, its been a war between the CATS and the Parrot, and in addition, our Border Collie, Tia, who has decided to join in this little war of conquest this year. So far, the tree remains standing, but repairs are in order. The top middle branches of this 7 foot ornament of forest delight lay bent, from the many attempts by the CATS to perch themselves upon them, as they chase imaginary squirrels. Or at least thats what I Think they are doing. I've never witnessed a cat before, perching on an evergreen branch, or pine, or aspen for that matter. Yet, there is something alluring about the Christmas tree, that CATS will go to any mile to climb and perch upon the branches as if they were birds. The dog, has now joined in by chasing the cats while they are under the tree. I have somewhat cured that little problem, but cleverly placing wrapped empty boxes and putthing them under the tree, oh, but oh dear, the CATS decided, that the boxes, was even more of a delightful challenge, so in a time frame of four days, they managed, quite well I might add, to unwrapped each and every one of the wrapped boxes and leaving the remnants and discards of bows, ribbons and paper as evidence. So, after that, I placed a couple of my young son's boxes of toys under the tree, therefore, ending the dog chase. The CATS, however, that is another matter altogether, you see, we have learned, in this household, that Christmas is not so much a kid's holiday, no, its a CATS holiday. And there is clear evidence revealing such...gold beads that hung in harmony around the tree now have this unique abstract angle to them. The red bows, whats left of them, are scattered throughout the tree barely hanging in many places. Daily I am putting back ornaments, most of them, thank God, are wood. I learned long, long time ago, with CATS, you NEVER put glass, Anywhere. We've also learned, by observation, that CATS are genius at the art of pole vaulting. How else would a huge cat scatter up a tree, and then attempt to perch on branches mean only for lights and bulbs? Pole Vaulting seems to be in order this year, maybe they've taken up the idea of sporting, who knows. I do know, they haven't been as obsessed this year with knocking each and every bulb/ornament off the lower branches... but then, I left the most very bottom branches, somewhat empty. We didn't bother with shatterproof bulbs this year, you know those really pretty red, green, blue glistening bulbs that the package swears that are shatterproof and safe for cats and children. HA! HA! Safe alright, until kitty knocks the bulb off the tree, and plays ping-pong with it all over the house until kitty gets bored, and then daddy or mommy walk through and step on the thing. Then, that non-breakable bulb, shatters and spints and can create some of the most obscene language in the English dictionary... sending CATS scattering about for their lives, and usually, right up into the branches of an already warped Christmas tree. LOL....stay tuned for more...lets see if the tree can remain standing, at least, until Christmas. They usually succeed in knocking it down at least by the third week. If the tree isn't enough, ole Snuggleboots and Sadie had one of their wrestling/chase matches this morning, and Snuggleboots hopped up onto the turn table [record player] and begun to turn the record, guess that was her hint for me to play some Nutcracker tunes. Bobbles prefers the modern Christmas music, especially the rap kind...I've never seen a parrot bob in tune in precise rythym as well as Bobbles can. LOL

A bit swamped with life

ModottiManifesto — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 05:26:09 GMT

I may not be posting on here as much, until I get some errands and jobs caught up...this time of year is so busy for me. And ironically, though I don't know any one on tribe personally per se, I can't help but feel a bit guilty for neglecting my tribe posts, lol, geesh listen to me, like I'm That important or something, lol. No but you know, I mean sometimes you just don't have nada to do, and you are out browsing and want to see what this person or that has been saying and they have this, I'm busy and won't be around for a while, then you know like it just drives you sort of nutty because you find yourself checking every now and then to see if they have come back online alive. LOL, and its not that you know this person or anything, no, its that soap opera type of hanging, like, o.k. is that it? I mean come on now, I've taken the time to read your dribble the Least you could do is keep it up... and well, lets see, Oh, my pet peeve right now. WHERE ARE THE COOL CHRISTMAS GAMES PEOPLE? Two years ago there was this really awesome break the christmas bulb game, like a type of bejewled and the bulbs would make this smash/crack explode sound when you would match the colors of the bulbs and it was on Netscape and I haven't seen it in two years.... AAARRRRGGGGG., I am So mad at Netscape, Come on, put that Game back on...it was SO RELIEVING TO SMASH THEM BULBS, lol, SO THERAPUTIC after a day of shopping or a day of decorating or cooking or dealing with family. I would sit there for hours and play that game. Didn't take a whole hell of a lot of skill, but to hear them bulbs smash, and the shinters of glass just go in every direction. Then, there was the ELF BOWLING, and haven't seen that one, the Santa chasing the presents, all I can find right now is sliders for little kids, a few majhong which are o.k. if you like being blinded by little blocks, and thats it. Even the christmas fun sites, are waning, whats going on, is there some censurship now against christmas or something? Come on America, get with the program, there are still a few of us shallow little kids in grown up bodies that love bowling elves and chasing santas and smashing bulbs. Speaking of Christmas cut-backs, used to be, one could walk down the downtown streets of Denver and see all these beautiful window displays of Christmas villages and merry go rounds and snow scenes...they stopped doing that too. AAAAARRRRGGGGG. And Then, to top that off, Target has this ad this past Sunday, of a tree, with lime green, purple, and neon butterflies and peacock feathers on this tree, now sure, if this was the Bahamas maybe, but in Denver?!!!! What ever happened to the cheesy traditional Christmas everyone? You know, the little Santa's on the sleigh thrown on a roof top, the different colored bulbs and toy trinkets and tinsel, and oh, the icecycles [spell?], you know those long dangly things that cats love to chew on and you know the Vet is just waiting for you and Garfield to come a running when he has that piece of silver lodged in his throat!!! [no, don't go get the stuff, they still sell it at Walgreens and Don't use it if you have cats, it was Only meant as comical...you'd understand if you KNEW my cats, its a daily WAR over the tree with them, and I just Had to put ours up early this year...loe and behold, I have learned, to have a water bottle on hand at all times...you haven't seen a war zone until you see me going after the cats and trying to keep the 7 to 8 foot tree from being knocked down on its side, completely, and they are so adapt at doing that. :) ] Ah but anyway, I still have the cheesy tree, nothing matches, lol, ha ha, and I don't ever plan on changing...there is just something so dreadfully boring about two color or monotone trees. And ours is unique, because though we may not have the silver tinsel hanging down [at least not until Christmas Eve], by the time Christmas Day gets here, the tree has visited the floor on occasion, majority of the ornaments have been put back on so many times that it looks lopsided and like its been through a circus trampled by elephants, needless to say, we wake up Christmas morning with four happy cats smiling, sitting under the tree with that shit eating grin on their face, and that uh huh, 'we Do win after all' demeanor. And every year, I do it all over again! I sort of go crazy at Christmas though, its my favorite time of year and though I'm not a religious fanatic, I have both a nativity scene and santa and reindeer and Christmas music playing daily, from the old to the modern. OH, OH, we celebrate Hannukah too so we have a special set up for our Menorah, and I do a whole window with snowflakes [the canned snow, great going on, need professional help to get it off, lol], and ice crystals and angels handing down, with blues and golds and white tinsel. We throw a Hannukah party for the neighborhood kids and its to share diversity and a great excuse to have food and that ole, special beverage, lol.... last year, my younger kids [he was six and she was 10] danced with their friends and we danced to Jewish music and to Rock n Roll, to oldies and so forth. The kids had a blast, thought we were nuts but they had a blast. Most of the children that hang out over here are either from other countries or are Latino, so like Hannukah is really a new experience for most of them. It was for me too, until seven years ago. Its so neat to have the experience to celebrate several holidays and to appreciate the diversity and different beliefs, and its not ever been an issue with me, celebrating Christian and Jewish beliefs/holidays. In fact, for me, personally, embracing the different beliefs has made my faith stronger, more richer... but anyway, not to get off topic but in this day and age, there is soooo much 'sensitivity' about showing nativity scenes and so forth, separation of church and state, etc., and I'm a supporter of ACLU, but like, I really dont' see what the big deal is, if there is a manger scene on a park lawn, like so what. There is the Taj Majal in India too, do we ban that because of the Islam and Hindu background????? I would hate to see a world where its just one way, one belief, one set of holidays, good grief as Charlie Brown would say, could you just imagine how dreadfully boring those parades would be? Oh wait, in fascist countries, they Do have those boring parades and wear all the same colors and always have the same blah blah blah speakers/political speak on their t.v. You know, there is something to be said about pluralism and diversity, it makes life interesting, colorful and most definately, alive. Sort of like the Christmas tree, monotone is so out, so yuck, so, dull. Give me the cheesy colorful non-matching anyday. Because no matter what angle I may be looking at, there is always something new and interesting, or old and delightful, to enjoy. To close, I want to say, when putting up the tree this year, well, let me backtrack, you see, I started a tradition years and years ago, with putting up one bulb/ornament each year that had special meaning for that year. My Nana would do traditions like with christmas cards which I still do, but this one, actually was in rememberance of her, because she had alot of influence on my loving this holiday. Anyhow, back during Desert Storm, I purchased one of those silver stars and the next year, I made an ornament on a little red stocking out of it, or no, it was the year of Desert Storm. That was in 91, I put a small piece of paper and pinned it to the stocking, its one of those little tiny ones, with the star attached. Then, there was 9-11, I marked it that year, and then the war with Iraq...so I put it up again this year, three years ago, I wrote on the stocking, in black marker, Bring Our Troops Home Now. You know, now that piece of paper, says, Desert Storm 91 9-11 Afghanistan 2003-Iraq 2004-Iraq 2005-Iraq 2006-Iraq There are now two silver starts on the front, one I purchased after 9-11, donations sent to Red Cross...but it saddens me, every Christmas, to put that stocking on the tree, it goes right on the very front, near the top, for all the men, womyn fighting and all the civilians in Iraq who have to live with the hell of war. I hope, I hope next year, I can put, NO WAR on that piece of paper. Let us hope, and continue to fight, to end war. Just so, to any one out there, who might read this, if you are over in Iraq, I am praying for you to come home, safe, sound, and never have to return to war again... for those of you, living in Iraq, Iran, Africa, Afghanistan, I pray for you, that you can live in peace, without terror, without those puppet regimes or fanatics that would rule over you with iron fist, including those gov that only care about profit, war profitteering and expoitation, that you would be free from all of them, and truly know peace, and autonomy. And I suppose, that IS why I do love Christmas, because its the one time of year, that there is that glimmer of hope, that maybe, one day, people will truly grasp, what it means, 'to have PEACE AND GOODWILL ON EARTH AND TO ALL HUMANKIND'. Blessings, this season, to all, Modotti

Language

ModottiManifesto — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 07:15:30 GMT

Ok so today, I was reading and thought, its time, I've put it off long enough. I picked up my giant dictionary and started looking at words, starting with the Z's. Of course, I have to admit, by the time I got to the V's, I started to hesitate, became feaful even. I mean after all, this dictionary is HUGE and just how much time is this going to take me, and do I have this much time left on this planet? LOL Anyway, I wanted to see what word tribes there were and found one, and was browsing through several topics and it wasn't what I thought it would be, though yes, it is very educational and education that I direly need.... but I had to respond on the topic of correcting grammar, adn thought I'd post the response here. And btw, I think, after today, if I ever decide to seriously take up painting, I'm never going to study art techniques. Not seriously that is...I couldn't think of anything more tragic, than having technique kill, the spirit and joy, of expressing oneself through color. For me, its the same way with language and writing...so I just had to share this. post to forum: Hi, new here. I joined this forum because well, bad grammer and all, I am studying the dictionary and thesaurus, to build my vocabulary and work on my writing, grammer, etcetera. I do not go that extra length in displaying my knowledge or lack of, when posting on tribes or blogs for various reasons. One reason is frankly, I don't have the "LUXURY" or the "TIME", between work, work at home, three kids, and all the other obligations that demand their time rent. Another reason and probably the main one is that for the years I was in college, I was constantly trying to erase my class, my background, my status and my reality. The reality of being poor, low income, single parent... while many students were in high school working on composition, I was working in the fields, or sleeping in the park to avoid that beating from an alcoholic live in boyfriend [having no place to go]. So I can relate a little to the reasons why people choose to speak in ebonics or in ways that are contrary to the structure of the English language, that grammatical correctness. A co-worker once told me that I should avoid speaking 'street' and use a more appropriate grammer, and that if I was to do this, I, a woman and feminist, would be taken more seriously. [LOL, Right, how many feminist scholars are there and how little has changed for womyn globally? Do the math!] And I thought about this a lot/alot, [purpose yes], and I came to this conclusion. Why should I strive to adapt to the language of those very ones who oppress us? Well anyhow, as for correcting grammar, I guess I would ask, why do you feel the need to? And in regards to people feeling offended, is that maybe because its not so much an attack on the personal, as it is an attack on class? race? gender? You see believe it or not, I am a writer and a poet. I will tell you that for any works that are public, I have to spend hours upon hours, editing, looking through my various dictionaries and heavy reliance upon my thesaurus. It is not a task that comes habitual for me, no, it is one however, that I find is similar to hunting for treasure, that perfect word, that medium to describe and paint with language...not to show off my feathers of grammatical perfection. No, I do it so I can take the reader, the best that I know how, into my skin, and show him/her the view from where I sit. So maybe its not an issue so much as correcting grammar or this elitist school of know how, that divide between knowledge and ignorance... maybe its more, that tearing down the divide, and using language to give color and texture and feeling to those who may not have the words or know how to properly put them in their place. Maybe what is more important, is that we touch people with our words, our sentences, and that those words, leave an imprint that will be one day, passed down to another. You see that is what language is to me, and with all sincerity, I have to say that in all the classics that I have read, those works of art, written with prose and that polished grammatical style, it isn't the periods and commas that I'm paying attention to. It isn't the use of verb phrases or the correct usage of sentence that stirs my heart and sparks that inner vision. Its the message, the intent and the love that the author has of the written word and how she/he relays that to me, the reader. To close, and please bear with me with the commas and poor sentence structure and I'm quite sure, the misspellings... I came here to learn, and learn I have, I now know what a 'bad euphemism' is and such, although, the use of 'ethnic cleansing' mentioned on one post, wasn't meant as an euphenism, it was meant to discern between genocide in part and genocide in whole and YES, there is a difference. That use of 'euphanism' that may not have been intended to BE an euphenism, but rather, a medium in relaying complex situations [e.g., war in Yugoslavia with the cultural and political development being what it is/was] to the common masses, who may not have the time or luxury to sit for hours and study world history 101. As for another, the use of 'vulva', rather than 'vagina', you now its interesting, because while studying the dictionary [I started with the Z's, thought it be more interesting that way] I was surprised to see how close the word "vulva" was to the word "vulgar' [seriously, look it up, its Vulcan...vulgar...vulgarly...vulnerable...Vulture...then, Vulva. [for those of you who may actually read gender studies and the formation of language in the patriarchial sense, you will understand from whence I speak] Well, anyway, I came to this forum because I am and have been for years, literally bankrupt when it came to 'words' and I have been promising myself for years, that one day, I would learn the art of words. I'll worry about the grammar later, its the words that I'm hungry for now. But I will say, that I am a tad perplexed, at some of the views of language here... there obviously is a lot of intelligence here and much to gain by simply reading, but I am not seeing that love of language, have we in some way lost it, in this culture of asthetics and stream-lined perfectionism, that 'elitist hacking off at the bit'? I may not have the perfect grammar, and most definately not that English pedigree, but I'll take a peasant in the fields who speaks of dung and dirt and sweat, with the poor use of sentence structure, Any day, over the cold, hard, dry use of strict and rigid language, that touches not heart nor stone. Besides, when its all said and done, we all turn back to dirt and the maggots eat away, and I don't think they really give a damn, what language we use, or if we finalize, with a period. Peace, Modotti reply to this post

When I Find Myself Living Vicariously...

ModottiManifesto — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 01:10:38 GMT

through films, books and daydreams, I see my life flashing before me with this sense of urgency, that I'm leaving so much undone. And today was one of those days, melancholy, those can't shake off feelings of sadness that no matter what my mental tugging tells me in that nag, nag, nag voice, 'go outside it will do you some good' or 'snap out of it' , that relentless nagging voice. And then that monster of feeling rises up in the closet of all closets, that secret place I've become so adapted at hiding and it comes to surface Again, and all the nagging subsides, and there, I sit. Or lay, usually just sit. Immobile. Like a praying mantis offering homage to the invisible god, yet no god answers. Just an occasional brush of wind shaking the branch beneath. So I go through periods like these, more now than usual, and over time I've developed some interesting rituals to cope, maybe, or to deny, that misery is once more that image I see in the morning when I stare at this blank expression, that expression that is not even recognizable and I wonder, where Am I? Therefore I go through this rituals you see, first I dig through piles and shelves of books like I'm looking for this odd cure for a disease that I have no name for. I'll go through and dust my book shelves and begin browsing through cover backs and story lines to find those spoken words that I just know were spoken to me. At that time, that place, books that I may have picked up at a yard sale or a thrift store, long ago and the mood never struck me to read them, to do so before the appropriate time would be, sacrilege. I pick a few books, maybe three, four, ten, and I always make sure there are a couple of novellas, collections of sorts so I can sneak in a minute or two here and there and read these short bits of travel in imagery. After all, it's in those short time bytes that I can escape, LEAVE, forget my world and surroundings and noises, all the time noises, day in and day out, irritating noises and they aren't even - loud. There just 'there'. After a week or two of escaping in books, I begin to feel a tiny better, but not much, and I start to journal once more, but that doesn't last long as when I read the entries I become suicidal in thoughts, so that can't be good, besides, misery loves misery, the last thing I need is to let my own misery attract my misery. My life is depressing enough thank you, so won't be taking visitor’s today ms. misery I say, and it is then, that I turn on the cable and a miracle, a film, and before I know it I'm in a world of hues and textures and characters, plots and music. Ever notice music in film, that crescendo that always happens at climatic or tense moments, long drawn out notes for those revealing moments of human enlightenment, ah but anyway, so I get lost in the movie, and I don't want to leave it, ever. I find that once I get into that world of surreal reality that one movie isn't enough, I need more, and so I watch another, and another, and another. And the funny thing is that its like the angels know just which ones, which films, will reach and pull me in and caress whatever it is, that is aching in me, at that time, that moment, that hour. And then, melancholy turns it’s back on me and begins to walk through the door taking misery with her. The movie becomes a dream, dreams that I used to have but let go, let go because life always dealt me, finality. Or did I just choose finality because it was easier to be pessimistic, than to believe? Believe in what you may ask? Believe that life, my life could have been something more. Is it the movie, that film, you may ask? Yes, it is, it always is, its always those films that either inspire me to believe and to not give up, or to shake off the finality and give it one more try. Do I ever give it one more try, you ask? I don't know, no, yes, I really don't know, and today was the first time I asked myself that. Have I ever, ever, really given it, one more try? to be continued, have to get dinner on table...btw, don't know what I'm working out really but come back and read, because the ending is much better, than the beginning. :) Modotti (continued, days later...) Ah, dinner has been served, and I'm days late in completing this blog post, but alas, I am here, so, where was I? Oh, yes, the "have I given it, life, one more try"? Well, no, I haven't, but I have come to this place you see that life does not end in the middle, so why do we, or "I", die before the coffin is even prepared? Since I wrote this post I've been once again, struggling with this god awful dark damn depression, this cloud which I suppose could be the realization that life was not what I wanted it to be, these externals that are obviously out of my control to some degree. Externals that no matter what I do would not necessarily change, in fact, no, they wouldn't change, they are what they are, there is nothing I can do about it. I'm referring to the externals such as family obligations, duties, responsibilities and the realities that come with those, these I cannot easily shake off. Oh, sure, I could, I could run away from them, temporarily, but law says that several of these duties I cannot escape, therefore I must make the best of them. Not all of them are bound to be horrid, in fact, some of them bring joy, but they also, are tedious at times. You see as far as my duties are concerned, it’s just me that has to carry the burden, well there is another but he has this entitlement belief that because of his make-up, he somehow escapes the same responsibilities. Yet there is more individuals to consider here and because it isn't just about me, I am not free to do as I please, no matter how tempting, and really, I wouldn't want to. The effects of my decisions impact them greatly, and I would never be so careless, however, this does not mean, that change is not in the near future. So that is that so what do I do? Do I remain in this stagnate place in time, or do I create or find means in which to bring change, not only in my reactions to this life of mine but to my choices, choices that would possibly, result in positive change? And how does one go about this? See this is what is interesting about living vicariously through books and movies, its because though they may be fictional, they are often based upon real life events, hardships, and characters that like us, we do face at one time or the other, and most of all, characters, that we relate to on a personal level. The lure of fiction for me is the choice that the characters make in changing or addressing conflict, and they aren't necessarily these life moving choices that one day they live in misery and the next, they are living in Monaco sailing on a yacht. One movie that I recall there is this girl, who is dying of leukemia and she says, that "maybe there is a little bit of loser in all of us, and that its not the big things but the little things that we connect together, that make the bad things, puts them into perspective and helps us to get through them", not exact wording here but close [movie--Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, character Bailey]. Though this isn't one of the most empowering movies* that I have seen, it is one that had a few of those inner voice affirmations for me, anyway, that no matter how dull or tedious or useless life may seem, or in no way possible for change, at least not in the hear and now, there are those little things, little things that I could be doing, that if I strung them together, they would in themselves, open the door to positive change. So there is that one lesson, and then, another movie which really was inspirational for me and its funny because it was one of those movies that I saw a couple of times in the video store and thought, 'nah, cheesy flick, one of those unrealistic sappy love stories' so I passed it by. And then it was cable a last week and for some crazy reason I started watching it. I was in the middle of doing something or other can't remember, but the movie caught my attention, and it wasn't even five minutes and I was hooked into it. Not only that, but it was not what I presumed it to be nor was did the movie end like I thought it was going to end... and its a bit ironic how that one movie, had a lot of influence on this blog entry. I can't remember now the name of the movie, let me check, it seems a bit silly to not name the title here. "Just Like Heaven", that’s it, the one with Reese Witherspoon, this movie spoke to me, in such a way, and what's even More ironic, [fate laughs in background], is that later that evening, I watched another movie, that had somewhat of a similar theme, an older movie, starring Robert Downing Jr., that movie was "Heart and Souls". Both movies dealt with the confrontation we all come to sooner or later, about life, death, and regret. Most know the phenomenon [sic] termed 'mid-life crisis' though I have to question whether it’s a crisis, or a period of enlightenment, a revelation of sorts. For me, these past couple of years it’s been an evolutionary revelation that is the beginning of the next cycle of my life. So, anyway, the movies, yes, well the theme of these movies centered around living our lives with fear, yes, fear, whether it be fear of intimacy or failure or risk, and how if we live our lives in this room of fear, never stepping out of that door, we really do die, long before the physical death comes. And when that time comes, we look back and its too late then, its not like we can go back and undo all the would haves, could haves, maybe should haves, wish I didn't haves, and so forth. Once it’s over, it’s over. So why then, do we, at that time of revelation and for many it may come much sooner than mid-life, why then do we either move forward or stay stuck, in this rut? Well I think, externals, those externals I mentioned before has a lot to do with us staying in that place of paralysis and inner doubts [our development, etc, social conditioning] and our society or people around us even. After all, aren't we supposed to have it 'all figured out by a certain age' and 'do these certain duties and steps to success and not deviate from those social mandates, those mandates that demand conformity and obedience to some norm'? Whose life Is it anyway I ask? It is us, after all, at one time will face this, alone, no one will face it for us. In both of these movies there is this second chance, to do what was undone, but how many of us, go on not ever doing, what we in our heart of hearts, know what we should do? I'm not just referring here to only obligations not met but those dreams and goals, those inner desires that we put off because of fear. So I watch these movies, this experience of living vicariously to shake off these feelings of melancholy and the answer is staring me right in the face, I mean three movies, what MORE could there be, how much more writing on the wall does there need to be before I not just see but read, and read with the inner ear. [fate does work in strange ways] And yes, life doesn't change over night and there are those things that due to past choices can't be undone, so living in the past and with regrets, what good comes of it really? Hell even living in the now in this mindset that its just no use and there is no out or no doors to take, etc., and in some cases that may be very well true, I mean if you are in some prison somewhere and there is no way out because you are considered an enemy of the state or system, there isn't much you can do about that, as far as physically, but, you can always resist, inward, in your mind, thoughts, reactions, there is always that choice to resist, to fight, to dream, always to dream, and to hope. Hope I think is the hardest emotion and vision to hang onto, life does have that tendency to knock all hope out of us, to render us incapable of believing in anything other than nihilism. I know that pessimism all to well, and it’s been I must say, partially beneficial, because in my life experiences, optimism would have killed me, literally. Too much optimism can be just as unhealthy and deadly, as too much pessimism. O.K., so, what is to be done, I ask myself, and it dawns on me, it’s 'those little things that connect together', and ding, ding, that bell goes off. So maybe I can't undo all of life's misfortunes or injustices, but I can sure take what time I have left, and take all these little things, and begin to connect them, and add them up to something. Like this blog for instance, I started this blog to have a space to actually, for the first time, share myself, but I found that as soon as I began, I threw on that cyber-public mask and hid behind some things, one because I'm not good at writing from a first person. Its not my specialty, put it that way. And like, its sort of silly really, when you think about it, because like who in the hell cares anyway, really, I mean its not like I'm some notorious famous public figure or anything, and why all the pretense, what purpose does it serve? I spend all this time writing on womyn's rights and oppression and yet, I don't ever reveal myself really, and how in the hell, do you reach people, really touch people, if you do it through this glass house that is so thick, that all the screaming in the world falls on deaf ears, people pass you by and though a few may notice you, they only see your mouth moving, but don't really hear what you say. Of course, maybe that’s why we hide in this cyber world, after all, its safe isn't it, no one can see us, as we truly are, we can be anyone we want in this world, to some extent, we can expose what we want to expose, exaggerate what we want, hide what we want, but in the end, we really are just alone, sitting behind these computer screens, wrapped in our cocoons all snug and warm, these cyber coffins, where we don't have to face, our fear. Meanwhile, the clock ticks, the reaper waits, and life is passing us by, every minute, hour, day...and we lose that ability to connect, to really connect, Connect to ourselves, to others, to life. And one day, we will face, death, and look back, and either we will look back and see all that we could have done, but didn't, or we can see, all the things, those little things, that we did, that may not be enormous or that outrageous, but they did, give our life, meaning. And like Bailey, the character in the movie says, "maybe that’s all we hope for, maybe that’s all it’s really about, and she also says, to Bridget, before she dies, Do me a favor, finish the movie, because you CAN." Therefore, there are things, that I'm going to do, complete, even if they are the most mundane and simplest of things, simply because, I am here, it is now, and because, I still can. And that my dear readers, is all we can ask for, and it is enough. Peace, from the long diatribes of life lessons of my crazy ass life and self, ** note: looking back I have to say that yes, that movie was inspiring, the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", obviously, lol, it was Bailey's words that I remember, that stick out the most. Oh, I finally did see V for Vendetta, I must say, it was somewhat of a dissapointment, ah, but I'll leave that to the next blog entry. Not that it wasn't a good movie, it was o.k., but there was one thing, that disturbed me somewhat, I'll explain later.

Modotti's back on the tribe with molten skin!

ModottiManifesto — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 04:49:39 GMT

LOL ok so you are probably wondering what in the hell does That mean, molten skin. Well, lets just say that I've been in a constant struggle over the past two years over some issues, mostly on where I stand exactly without the external pressures. And you know you Think you are just down pat on something and convinced, then somethings happen to you and everything changes, not only that, but one day you wake up and find, that you have changed. Or have you? So lately I've been questioning whether I have changed or whether some of these core values of struggle have always been there, but due to circumstances, hurts, resentments, fear, that maybe I stuffed them, denied them, and convinced myself that they were no longer mine. I haven't been posting on tribe, or some of my other forums for a few reasons, one being the increase in rage that was welling up in me over things that I really have no control over and not only that, but honestly, just how many of those things, or issues rather, were areas that touched deeply upon my own life and experiences and were cutting me like a deeply embedded sword. The internet has taken the place of my journals over the past two years and in many ways, has taken the place of real relationships. This wasn't planned however, yet it was a result of realities in my life and the forced necessity in having to deal with those realities the best that I could. Although I have never revealed too much about myself, over the internet and have reserved that priviledge strictly for my journals, I have often on a few boards [political] or forums shared experiences to bring to light that these realities exist for thousands of womyn. Oddly enough however, I didn't find empowerment in doing this, no, but loads of retaliation by men mostly [on political forums], silence by womyn [again, political forums] and insistent [sic] need for arguing, which became quite tiresome. And I realized that reliance on the internet as a means of venting, though it can bring a sense of relief, also brings with it a dark clowd that hovers over until one day it completely envelopes your every thought. Most of all, its futile, it doesn't do anything to bring about change, especially in one's own life/heart and though it may bring some solace ot the reader I'm not sure if its the best means in utilizing energy. Dear God listen to me, sounds like I've given up doesn't it? You know, I think in alot of ways, I have. And I suppose I should clarify a bit as to what in the hell I"m talking about here. Well, much of it has to do with my work in politics, which has become an absolute pain in the ass, and has been simply, an extreme negative in my life. Its taken what was once beautiful in me and crushed it all to hell, and I'm referring to the belief that I had in social change. I no longer have any hope that social change can occur, not within the context that I was working in. All I found rather was extreme rigid narrow minded dogma, an extreme chauvinist and misogynist culture though cleverly masked with silence and lip speak. I found a culture of death rather than a culture of life, and even sadder, I found that culture of death sucking up inch by inch the faith that I had in justice, human rights, and peace. So I found myself more and more lashing out, and turning inward, knowing that the very ones that I was to rely on and trust, in working together, would be the very ones that would turn and rend me and others to pieces on day, because that was the nature, is the nature of the beast that takes claim to the ideology in which I was so adamantly fearful of challenging, even seeing truth when it was before my very eyes, lest it cause me to question- myself. But question myself it did, eventually, and I realized, that exposure to the very things we fear, those fallacies that we refuse to let go of, because they are our security blanket we so desperately need to justify our need for revenge, hate, and unforgiveness. But I think most of all, those beliefs that can be misguided, are like a wall we build to not only keep truth out, that ugly truth that if we were to face it, we would have to take stock of everything we've personally said and done, and make a decision to change or not to change. I'm referring here to beliefs that are rigid, obstinate, unwavering to the extent that they are unreasonable, and it doesn't matter if they are right or left, it matters that they act like blinders if we let them, and they sap us of every joy, inner peace and that wisdom that comes with being able to wait, wait and ponder and not react. But hurts in our lives cause us to react don't they, I mean, our hurts have more of an impact on our belief systems long after the bite has gone. Also, what I found, is that hanging on, that stubborn refusal to let go when you KNOW that what you are hanging onto is destroying you, has alot to do with hanging on to those beliefs that only see through shaded lenses. The belief I was hanging onto was the fallacy that one could work in a philosophy that is totalitarian and extreme in the hopes that one day, there would be balance. But thats just it, in totalitarianistic type of thinking, there is Never balance, nor can there be. All it brings is slow, painful betrayal. Betrayal of every struggle one holds dear, and once one realizes it, often it is too late. I thought that I was fortunate in seeing this, but hindsight, I think I always knew it, but refused to really see it, because at that time, it seemed like the only path. The only way. And maybe that is why totalitarian philosophy be it politics or religion or what have you, is so attractive to so many, because it does line up a straight path to a supposed victory doesn't it? Question one should ask however, is victory for whom? Like I said, I am not in the habit of revealing too much of myself, but this time, for your sake, the reader, I will....believe me when I say to you, that being loyal and unquestioning of an idea that is so totalitarian and narrow and demanding of 'purity' is an assured means to an end, and end to everything you are, everything you feel, and everything you think. You will find yourself enslaved to something that is near to impossible to get out of. Any 'ideology' that claims that violence towards those that don't 'fit' is justified, in creating a world that is along the visions of a few thinkers, is an ideology that creates its own hell. I barely escaped it, but not without its scars. Yet these scars, reveal to me that we are not omnipotent, nor are we 'gods', and any ideology or philosophy that sets us up as 'gods' to rule over others, no matter how 'well intended' it may sound, is an ideology that is based on hate, fear, and finally, lack of hope. And it kills, if allowed to reign, love, trust, and hope. I'm a living witness of that... but I'm lucky, there is time I can heal and be restored. Currently reading, "Reading Lolita in Tehran" by Jhumpa Lahiri I strongly recommend this book to every American, and especially to every woman who reads this blog. It confirmed so many of my suspicions, and allow me to close with this. Womyn/Women, be very careful of who you pledge allegiance to, politically speaking...for the sake of liberation. Do your research carefully and do it across the spectrum of beliefs, not just within the narrow confines of your circle. And most importantly, listen to those who have lived under totalitarian rule and listen to how they too, once believed in the same promises that were made to them. Listen with your heart, and when you challenge that autocracy, be it left or right, and they tell you, that your fears are unfounded or they reason them away with blanket answers, or silence--with that patronizing way of shutting you up, pay close attention. What we work for today, and who we work for, in the means to that end, may be our hell on earth tomorrow. Think about it. I know I did....took me two years, but see it I did. My instinct told me all along, but I did not listen...I was encouraged not to, told that my questioning was invalid or corrupted by those they were against. "I silenced my instinct when absurdity was screaming all around me, I silenced it until I could no longer hear my own voice. Silenced it until I was no longer my own, but theirs to mold into their creation, to serve them dutifully without any hesitation or thought to the costs I was incurring. For they did not care, I was, like so many others, just chattel and fodder...and when death began to overtake me the wind whispered into my ear, words I had long buried. Words that didn't bring me comfort, only regret." T Billicie Peace.... Modotti

Immigration -- Important

ModottiManifesto — Sun, 16 Apr 2006 06:00:40 GMT

I posted this on the Womyn's Liberation Front tribe I started and its too important to just post on a tribe, so am posting it here.... I will be posting more on this issue in the blogs, so if you read check back, and I'll be adding links to some of the sides of this issue... Update: working with several others in getting a round table discussion on the immigration and worker issues here where I live... and wanted to say that I'm thoroughly disgusted with the blatant racism on Both sides of this issue....and it is concerning me, alot. From the American side well, I mean its just blatant racism (the anti-immigrants, well anti-Mexicans, because thats what they are), and then there is the Mexican side, well the Mexica movement I find to be right on about alot of things, some of the others though, well, its just gangsta type of mentality in some, and not too different from some of the nationalist ethnic hate you see in parts of Europe (e.g., like during Bosnian-Serbian-Croat war). Thats scary, in fact there is one movement that has the slogan 'rape white womyn' in it, and as far as I'm concerned, its inexcusable. I do concur with the fact that yes, the native peoples do have the rights to this land, etc., that our ancestors were the 'invaders', etc...on that I concur, however, I also take in light that the Spaniards also colonized Mexico and parts of Latin America (don't know so much about the Latin America and Spain, will have to look up--do know slaves were brought over, etc), so the push by 'some' of the Mexican nationalists to do ethnic cleansing of Europeans, Asians and African Americans is I think, absurd. (and yes there are some asserting this, and the numbers are growing thanks to the racist and hate filled KKK type of mentality of alot of Anglo Americans). But debate aside, etc (I do think however that there has been much damage done and we haven't seen the full impact yet, but I'm seeing it in the state I'm in, and I know in CA its bad, we really need to stand up against the racism--and I hate to say this but CO is more racist I think than TX, and I'm really ashamed of being American right now, when I hear things like "go back to your home spic, or terms like beaner, or flag wars, or things like gringo shit, etc...its disgusting, and what really angers me is now I hear/read things from African Americans or to African Americans, etc....and Asian Americans, its like people heated in this debate have forgotten they even exist, sad, pathetic and sad.), but debate aside, I'm already seeing and hearing womyn being targeted in the flame wars, we aren't even human beings, we are 'property', when you hear these men talk. And all that I have read from womyn's ngos or institutes, universities, etc. from nations that have suffered ethnic conflict, the 'talk' is the same....its starting, here in our own yard. Some can say, oh thats just a few, well, no, when you look at the numbers of protestors on both sides, its not just a few, and its not an issue that one can hope will go away. Mexicans are angry and rightly so, they've had to endure US economic policy effect their homeland (and corruption fed by, US colonization via economics and yes, military assistance, do some research on US assistance in the oppression of the Chiapas, thats just one example), and then they come here, most work hard, are good citizens and are treated like dirt or are treated as if invisible, etc. However, in all fairness, (I look at all sides) I can also undertand the anger of many American citizens (sure realizing the history of our immigration, etc) on issues such as assimilation (other immigrants have had to accept a certain way of life, language, etc.) and those arguments are valid, unfortunately, racists (those who just don't like any one of another ethnicity living here other than European Anglo) twist these valid points and use them to their advantage and in racist attacks. Ironically though, America has gotten herself into a mess, really and its been long time coming. Put it this way, lets say those segments of the immigrant population (nationalists and racist against whites, they do exist) were to have their way, and ethnic cleansing of all Anglos occurred, where would Anglos go? I was talking about this with a friend this morning and hell, most of us are a combination of ethnicity, so what, send parts of us to one country of origin and another part of us to another (like if you are German-Irish then do you have your legs sent to Germany and your other parts to Ireland???) don't laugh, seriously, think about it, and think about this....do you really think the nations would Want Americans living there? Thats, that what gets you to really think about where Americans stand in the world, and we aren't doing so hot. Know what I mean. BTW in case you aren't up on the segments pushing for getting illegals (meaning Anglo or Europeans) from America, well, its not just America, its Canada too. The belief is (and really, there is alot of truth if you think about it) that its really Their continent and that Europeans are the invaders, etc etc etc. And yes, there is a strong sentiment of this whether its spoken or not. And honestly, I can understand their rage, I don't concur with the racism (reverse racism) but I can understand, alot of it IS justifiable. I also understand pragmatically and realistically, that what is hoped for and what can be done are two different things... but, but I do think, that there could be a very strong possibility of a civil war over this, because you have idiot racists that refuse to even consider that yes, these people were on this continent before Europeans came over, etc. And then you have the economic opportunists that are only after making a cheap buck, via exploited labor on this side and exploited labor on the other side of the border, via NAFTA and CAFTA.... every American should be asking themselves this: if NAFTA was so good for Mexico's economy, then why are there so many poor coming here? And its not just Mexicans, its people from Central America (who have it far, far worse trying to get here than Mexicans do, they get slammed from both, attacked in Mexico, killed, womyn raped, etc, with nothing and I do mean nothing to go back too....then they get confronted with far worse exploitation here in the states and racism, etc). This is an issue on a global scale too, due to globalization, and its only getting worse, and I will add, there is the refugee populations too, they are Enormous, the world is in a mess, and alot of it is due to economics, and when I say alot I mean, majority of. So what are we to do? I think one thing we should do, is get to work on dialogue, especially among womyn, and thats what I'm doing here where I live.... there is a good article on Gender and Migration, I will post it here...and I'm going to just open up another topic on it.... this is an issue that womyn can work on, should work on because it effects all of us, and the tensions, could turn violent and you know, its the womyn on sides of this issue that will bear the brunt, it always is. Modotti

Some just say it so eloquently!

ModottiManifesto — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 07:32:52 GMT

and this woman is one of those, oh how many times I have wanted to clarify 100% of what she says but just couldn't get the right words to do so... so I'll post the link here: http://www.thefword.org.uk/features/2005/08/left_behind its in regards to sexism within the revolutionary left, and I so love what she says about the top to the bottom, oh, and it just So depicts the struggle I've had yet just couldn't put a finger on what it was that troubled me. I love it when I find writers who just nail it on the head, their words not only enlighten but they kind of smooth over that restlessness one gets when you see something isn't just quite right but you just don't know exactly what it is you're not seeing, and you try to piece it together but you have that missing piece.. and then you can read something and boom, it just fits. well anyway, one of the best analysis on feminism and the revolutionary left I've read this year. Peace

When Lack of Time is the Endless Tunnel

ModottiManifesto — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 04:20:50 GMT

it then seems that nothing can get done. Or at least, thats how its been feeling for me of late. I'm not just behind, I'm buried. So, my posting and writing has taken a back seat to other priorities and though those priorities are of importance I can't help feeling a tinge of nagging guilt. I had planned on beginning a couple of tribes here but finding that I may have been presumptious in doing so. You see I postponed other duties over past two years due to work in activism and now it is to the point where I can no longer postpone or delay these other tasks. But, I would be omitting a truth if I did not admit that this may be a blessing in disguise. In postponing or delaying those other tasks, I have cleverly disguised several issues that personally must be or should have been confronted and dealt with. I wonder how often those of us in activism commit this means of forsaking those personal demons to confront demons that realistically we often cannot change. I believe its called avoidance, avoidance of the day to day realisms that are unpleasant or tedious. We avoid to not have to tread through the monotony of those events that drag us down or delete who we truly are. You see in the midst of some political conflict I had with a few fellow party members I started a journey that would lead me on a road to seeking wisdoms that I longed to unfold and find those answers to many questions and uncertainties that had plagued me for some time. But that journey became, lets say, uncomfortable, roads and paths that I had not taken before and I convinced myself that to continue would be self-indulgent and that the work at hand or so I thought was far more important. I am realizing however that no accomplishment can come from any endeavor if one is not true to one's inner voice and intuition. In other words, I was fighting the good fight but not with my weapons or armor, but with those that were dictated or taught to me by instruction and persuasion, and many times I succumbed (sic) with reservation. I'm finding that in doing so one pays a high price, though it may not be apparent at the time. So, I am back working at my artwork and research, and back on that road or journey, and in doing so am realizing that it is important to weed out those little nagging voices that lure us into branching out into too many directions which only saps our energy and to be blunt deems our work somewhat useless, definately powerless and only serves to drain us. Worse though, is that it drains us of our first passion, that passion and desire within us all that lead us to the activism or work in the first place. I type this and think that these words probably won't make a damn bit of sense to any who read but I know what they stand for and therefore it aids me in jotting this down. Therefore I am only going to keep one tribe going, and will incorporate the other into or...maybe I'll just add the items here and later if it feels right I'll go back to working on the tribe. I had been managing a forum for two years but the readership has slowed down to such a point where it became a chore to keep it going. I have been questioning alot lately that maybe the arguing or putting out statements and information is just so I don't know, how to term it, but maybe its become so damn redundant. I mean its not like its (political, issues, etc) not all over the place on the internet, the news, etc. The neocons seem to have taking up residence in the pysops experiments and I've noticed that even indymedia has been slowing down. You know after a while it just gets weary debating the same points over and over again. Maybe thats what finally did me in in the party platform, the whole damn arena of having to be 'allowed' to speak or the message or idea to be 'allowed' to be even taken into consideration, I mean what a waste of time. And time is the last thing that is a luxury in my life, or I'm positive, in your lives as well. Maybe thats why I was drawn back to the world of art, poetry, dance and song, maybe its the one or one of a few forms of expression that is somewhat free, unless of course, one gets tied down into the whole have to be accepted by the prestigious 'elitist awards'. I come from a sort of peasant-farming/laborer background, simple folk, is what they are termed in this nation. For so many years I had shame, from being from that low class or better known as underclass segment of society. I no longer feel that though, you see in that journey I was finding that rather than shame, I should have been honored. Sure, my experience and wisdom gained by maybe not be that of Harvard parchment or the types gained by years of being pruned into a model citizen. No, my knowledge was gained by digging my hands in the dirt in fields of maze, or by sharing lunches with friends from the 'barrio' side of town, which is what those communities were called in the somewhat economically and racially though silent segregated south. My knowledge came through years of watching my Nana work graveyards at a truckstop cooking the meals for truckers who drove weeks on coffee and the use of synthetic boosters, and my mother working as a waitress in that same truckstop, though I didn't see her as often. Nana raised my sibling and me, my mother was not much on the 'mother thing', I guess you could say. She had fallen prey to the somewhat anti-mother and anti-feminine bitter movement that many feel prey to in the 60s/70s. I dare say however that my sibling and I paid a hard and harsh price for her 'choice' in being hardened. So Nana, she was in many ways our saving grace. Though not perfect, by no means, she was an alcoholic. You see my Nana worked at the age of 12 to I don't know how old, maybe early 20s, (?) in this nation as a cotton farmer, a immigrant slave. Yea, thats right, many immigrants worked in the cotton fields in the South. Many people think that cotton farming was only worked by African American slaves or tenant farmers but that isn't true, many immigrants and especially poor womyn worked in cotton fields as well as mills. Nana caught a very common disease, called Black Lung Disease. This is why she drank, or so we were told by the doctors when she passed on. The treatment during the days was to scrape the lung, hers was scraped once. I don't know much about the disease but I can assume it must have been worse when it came back because she was in alot of pain, which is why she drank. My Nano well, he worked hard, Italian man who worked at a gas station (her second husband, I know nothing about her first, but do believe he was Italian too) and was an independent jeweler, and, a part time bookie. (did I spell that right?) Now I don't know alot about the bookie business or all that, and all I have been told by a doting uncle is that, well, in that business there is only one way to go out, the horizontal way. You see thats what they told my sibling and me to quench our curiousity about all those stories Nana would tell us. Lets just say, we soon learned to drop it, to not ask and well, Nana was going to make sure we were raised quite strict, or at least, with a strong work ethic, mind our manners, respect elders, mind our own business, etc etc etc. But there were other things, Nana taught us (Nano had passed on when I was small, but we would learn much about him and what he would have expected) other things, things I didn't realize the importance of or how much they would be a huge influence on me today. Those little insignificant things that I then, during childhood just thought, were plain weird, strange, even embarrassing. Now I know, I know it was a culture that I know little of, really, but not just culture but values and beliefs that have been passed down for generations, from my Great Nana to Nana to my mother (who rejected them, until her later years though not completely) and now to me. My mother deliberately cut us off from our family on Nana's side, she already had accomplished doing this with our father's side (never saw him since six years of age, and would never hear from him again until his will with letter to us, after his death--long story but will share that it would change my life forever). I have one family member that I know of still alive, she is 90 something years old. I know there are cousins but have no idea who they are, etc. Last time we saw them we were like, six and four years old. anyway why am I writing all this...well, hell, who knows. But I guess its safe to say that its just gotten to a point, where those differences, though I wasn't aware of them so much in the day, are really surfacing now, in my viewpoints and mannerisms and it feels like, well like I'm cut off from my roots or something. I chalked this up a couple of years ago to just some sort of mid life self indulgent bullshit trip, or something, tossed it aside as nonsense... now I'm not so sure. Geesh maybe I'm going to die soon, seriously I have to wonder, I mean why else would I think on these really outlandish and strange things, or maybe, maybe I've just watched too many damn psycho analysis type of Indie films or something, lol. No, joking (well joking about the dying thing, but well, I do have to say I started thinking about mortality a hell of a lot more after I hit forty, think it does that too you though, but its really a good thing, because you start seeing what is bullshit and pretense and what isn't important and what is. And well, roots are important. Not just family roots, but roots in the center of who you are. Who you truly are and coming to that point of making peace with that. Like, like its a puzzle and the pieces of your life, they start to fit, the good and the bad, the good choices and the not so good, because both, both are necessary to tie up the loose ends and to create something unique. Ok, no, that choice of sentence terrible...but well, I'll think of a better way of writing it later... its late, I'm going back to work on my drawings and cutwork/embroidery because I need to get these scarves completed before May. [they are for May Day and proceeds (all items I sell, I donate percentage to NGOs working on womyn's and children's human rights--in labor, meaning anti-sweatshop and solidarity movements, human right issues, etc) are going to an NGO working to assist in the fight against the femicides and to end them, in Juarez. There is more to the work but I've taken up enough time rambling on here. I guess, to sum this all up, what I have realized, is that we can accomplish more and actually help more, to bring about real political change, by following what our hearts tell us, by taking paths that maybe unorthodox to the traditional platform polemic viewpoints and revolutionary guidelines, and yes, sometimes it does mean to break away, to take a path that maybe hasn't been taken before, and yes, it can be lonely and even frightful... but like, when those ideals, events, tactics, etcetera-- are thrown back and forth like a vehicle tire/s stuck in the mud and the stubborn driver heaves the car back and forth and all that comes as a result is tires spinning, its those people, who come out from nowhere, who from any walk of life or any gender or ethnicity, religion, even economic class, begin to collectively and without dictation push the vehicle and the wheels start to move rather than just spinning and flinging dirt in every direction under the sun. Maybe, just maybe, daring to be different, daring to be true to one's roots and values, isn't such a bad idea after all... and maybe, just maybe, it does make a difference. I guess, in time, I shall see. Solidarity, ModottiManifesto

First posts to go out on WLF...

ModottiManifesto — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 08:42:40 GMT

Just posted intro posts on the WomYn's Liberation front, first topic on Trafficking of womyn and children...will post several topics/issues on these forums before sending invites out, so that readers get an idea of where tribe or what tribe is geared towards, etc. For those of you who read this blog, and after I get a couple of these threads started, if you want to send invites or messages to those you may think would be interested in joining the community please do so, I think I have to have five friends on my profile thing before groups or tribes are advertised, so this should give me some time to get some threads started. There seems to be alot of activists on the tribe web so if I can get several topics with the NGOs listed then that should open up some doors to discourse and ideas for activism and also networking. On the trafficking I want to include the trafficking of boys too, its a myth that its only womyn, there are just as many boys trafficked into both sex and labor slavery, so I will be getting some NGOs working on that issue as well. Did you know that statistically, men are gang raped more than womyn, and thats Outside of prison setting, this is no joke, these are FBI stats. Its just not talked about or taken seriously, I got into an argument with one college professor over this and she infuriated me, she said that 'it wasn't the same' etc etc, I replied, "excuse me,it is the same, and that fear, that horror is just as traumatic for a boy/man as it is to a woman", I'll never forget that, as long as I live. Which is why I will be including the trafficking of boys because you know, yes I'm a radical feminist, I'm also a radical humanist and boys are human beings, as are men. We will never end patriarchy and power abuses with reverse sexism or gender biases. This is also what gets me into lots of trouble, but oh well... thinking out side the box always does. ;) In solidarity, Modotti Manifesto

New Tribe Groups and Additions

ModottiManifesto — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 06:36:02 GMT

Greetings fellow tribespeople, So I had a few minutes today to browse through some groups and joined a couple of artistic/textile groups for sharing and reading other's experiences and so forth. Then I browsed for tribes for womyn in literature, art, film, and was somewhat surprised that there really wasn't many. There were a few topics in general groups and a couple of feminist groups, and, oh, one group that actually, I think could have been expanded upon and would have been an excellent avenue to further critique and study and that was the S.C.U.M. Manifesto tribe. Maybe someday when I have some time and am not exhausted I shall have to reply to each statement in the Manifesto, add some other philosophies by Simone de Beauvoir, Alexia Kollanti, S. Firestone (whom I strongly disagree however for any who are working in womyn's rights international and particularly today with the issue of the gender question, one should read and Know Firestone's theory because it is extremely relevant today (someday will go into this in depth, its one of the issues I write about), and etc in regards to other womyn feminist and philisophical authors, including Marxist, Socialist and Post-feminist, etc. Anyway it would have been a good idea to expand on the tribe and to especially include the international authors and multi-cultural authors/thinkers, etc (womyn that is). So, I decided why not just transfer some of the forum topics on a forum I manage to here, and see what happens. You see I manage a couple of forums, which are international women's forums, one agricultural solidarity forum and one network which is quite militant in regards to women's issues, militant in meaning confronting state violence issues, war/refugees and the status of women, nationalism/ultra-nationalism and effects on women, the forced genderdeless societies and the problems that resulted from such as in China and former Soviet Union (based on expertise analysis written by womyn in those countries, not by American 'opinions'), and so forth. So, I'm going to open up some new tribe groups (think I've said this, sorry for the redundancy) and I hope to create some interest in 'furthering reading and thinking, critical thinking' and not just opinion and debate, etc. I feel and this I know will come across as intellectual snobbery, but believe me when I say I am in no way that way, or hope I am not, but I feel that there is still, some very narrow lens in this nation. It isn't that I think Americans are dumb or ignorant, well, ok, some are, but speaking about alternative thinkers and somewhat more liberal thinkers, etc...but what I am saying is that we don't have the access to so much of the knowledge that lets say, they do in Europe or the East. I mean its there, but hell, unless one has the time to dig through archives and research, or has the time to spend hours and hours of study (or even knows what to look for, because even in academia I have found that they have this sort of 'refrained radicalism' meaning, they give you a bit but not to the point where you might become very radical in searching for radical and/or revolutionary thinkers/etc.--beyond the norm such as Lenin, Mao, Fanon, etc...I mean there are numerous others that we don't even hear of, OR they'll list one book, and many never think to look at other writings of the same authors, Fanon for instance, and when that occurs, often times the evolution of the writers work is not even known, therefore leaving a sort of stagnant or limited analysis/view/perception.) I know, I learned about majority of authors on my own, through years of looking especially at indexes and then looking for those authors, etc. [and still doing, no where NEAR to reading all that I want, and working on comparitive and cultural/political analysis, still want to read Plekanov then go back and do cross comparison between him and Lenin (and the factions), reread Trostsky, and then read Eastern Europe theoriests, and not just excerpt opinions etc, which are bias anyhow. Like, why read Marx and not read Adam Smith, seems somewhat limited in scope I think, how in the world can one really fathom the entire text and just focus on the one aspect and not the antagonist (depending on where you stand), etc. Why I hate American education/history especially, compared to Europe and even Russia, we are like, sooo backwards, no offense but its very true. And those that do somewhat expand beyond American intellectualism, tend to 'specialize' in just their ideology or field of study, and again, this has more to do with time and access than anything. This is even moreso with womyn authors, artists, political theorists,and so forth,and much of that is of course,the FACT that archives (including Marxist and yes I've spoken to them about it) have not including many women and some of that is due to the fact that over history women just have not been included. And that goes, for those women who did brilliant and masterful works, in literature, film, writing, critique. And unless one looks for them in that particular field OR country, one would never know of them. So two years ago I started a forum just in politics (far left) on this issue, and when starting research was just floored at the numbers of womyn I had never heard of in politics, communist and socialist parties, etc. I am still working on this research, still finding more and you know its pretty sad when you can mention a woman who is well known in a country to those who do nothing but collect information on well known writers/thinkers, etc., and they've not even heard of these womyn. Many of these womyn DIED fighting right beside revolutionaries and/or working for major left parties. For example, numerous leftists know who Lenin is, but few know who Inessa Armand is, and not just that she was Lenin's mistress either, but that, her work, was extremely important to Lenin's success. Stalin of course shelved much about these facts after his takeover, for reasons I won't go into here, but anyhow... What I did working in the research was I would just study country by country, looking up archives within museums, collections of writings, film, literature, poetry, you name it I would just start digging (and am still working on this project) and I'm not even a third completed yet, and I've found numerous womyn who were just astounding and well, in many ways were far more revolutionary, than many of those womyn who are well known. (one theory is that those well known were the ones the 'men' accepted as they were somewhat uh, how to say this, not 'too' radical or their lifestyle was not to contrary to, etc, this is one theory, something to consider...sure there are other variables to consider). So, ok. yes I am long winded, I know, why I love Russian lit, lol, but I'm going to add a women in literature/poetry, and the WomYn's Liberation Front (part of forum/work I do and it will only be on issues and ngos working on issues international level, some critique), and women in art. This will take some time because I'm going to transfer from the other forum and my archives (and there are tons) to get some topics started, and with books listed for those who may want to explore on their own, links to websites too. My hope is to explore the lives and messages of these womyn, not to get into gender debates (there is enough of those already) and so forth. I tend to be somewhat against 'gender assimiliation' via social stratifications whether systematic or social influence, tyranny of majority/group think phenomenom/aethestics, eugenics, etc, similar to racial and cultural assimilation...an extension of patriarchial conditioning but thats a theory of mine and won't go into it here, its somewhat lengthy and academic, so won't bother here. Its also critiques Marxist and other forms of feminist thought (I am feminist but I am to the point I detest labels and confining of beings into some mold of human creation according to theories, no matter how well intended--besides still researching and being that I am a theorist, check back with me in about twenty years, thirty, forty, if I live that long, as I know the couple of theories I am working on will have gone through major metamorphisis. Also working on a dual-dialectic theory and a theory on the dialectic of war, just to throw that out there and to warn you, yes, I'm very weird, nerdy, lol...so unless you are open to questioning theories and expanding upon and studying theories even contrary to what you believe in, well, I'd probably come across as either crazy or unstable, its a mental habit of mine, I have to ponder and then put things in 'other frames' and then like math, start adding variables and so forth...if you are a theorist then you know exactly what I'm referring to here. :) Always looking outside the box, always. Anyway...have I bored you to fucking death yet, LOL. Well, I shall add some excerpts from the forum this week, and some of the artworks that I've been studying, or artists rather....such as Kathie Kollwitz, for example, Toybee (may be incorrect spelling, anarchist woman artists, genius and I do mean genius...stumbled upon her by accident actually, and oh, Lenore Fini (think Frida was radical, so was this woman, another genius and especially for her time and just recently learned about her and hoping to soon get some books/bios, anything, am thoroughly disgusted with the numbers of art theory and archive books I have here at home and few mention any of the womyn artists that I've learned about over this past year)... and literature, where to even begin. I am also doing this because with the business I haven't been updating the forums (others I manage) as I should be and need to, so this will help. I can update and transfer at the same time. Real desire however, is that the WomYn's Liberation Front will put some spark into womyn to get INVOLVED, and to see that what goes on on the other side of the globe does have impact on us here, and vice versa. And too often, I find that the womyn in other nations, have a tad more wisdom that we could benefit from here in the states, especially in theory. They've lived it after all, its extremely cultural imperialistic and paternalistic to assume that American philosophy, even left, is the only enlightened view. Most of the brilliant genius in works I have stumbled upon, are from underdeveloped and developing nations. Something about people who see suffering-oppression like we couldn't even imagine here, they see through the pretense, engineering, myths and take it down to the most primitive of human levels. And too, seeing through their lens, of how they see us, if one is open, one can gain some understanding not just of the world, but of themselves. In solidarity, ModottiManifesto

Looking to the Past is Seeing the Future...

ModottiManifesto — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 05:35:57 GMT

Greetings on this brisk but sunny winter day fellow blogspeople, lol. Not usually one to go see a movie in a theatre because well, gee its quite expensive and the idea of paying $3.00 + for popcorn and another $2.00 for a soda delays any anticipation for the must see now. So I'll wait until I can get the movie previewed months later and homemade popcorn saves me enough dollars to add loads of candy and cotton candy. :) But thats about to change, I just saw the trailor to V for Vengeance. WOW. Ok, thats the depth of emphasis on visual impact there. See http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/movies.php?id=2305 then come back and finish reading my comments. O.k. so the written preview is reminiscent of movies such as "The Crow" and "Batman" type films/genres, but the trailor depicts a much different story. I could almost see subtle hints of the things to come in America, modern day police state with a technical flair. And the V sign reminded me of an Anarchist 'A' but without the slash, hmmmm, so anyhow, this is just one movie that I will most definately have to see on a wide screen and forgo the buyers remorse over $$$ refreshments. I promise not to spoil the end when writing a review on my little bit of me blog here for those of you who may not see it before me. So today I worked on research on ideas for the business and being that it was one of those lazy Saturdays of course got sidetracked and found myself hours later browsing through vintage sewing-pattern sites. I found this tribe net browsing for 1920s hair wave instructions and I must have looked for hours with no success, minus one site but really wanted to find an easier means to create waves other than sitting for hours upon hours creating tedious waves and most likely needing another's assistance in the process. These were hours weeding through tons of vintage clothing sites and though there were some that were fun to look through after a while they all begin to look familiar and redundant. After all, how many flapper dresses and shirt-dresses can one look at. So anyway, another nice surprise when it would become apparent to me that the sewing pattern sites actually had far more in depth information not only on the cuts of the clothes and the history (artistic, political and cultural behind fashion evolution), they also included vast amounts of music information including dance instructions, hair images, even make up how tos for the 20s, 30s, and 40s. Now yes I realize this may seem silly and quite bourgoisie but trust me there is far more to the history of fashion than just clothes. Just the 'Bob' hairstyle alone was revolutionary. Of course now I can't recall her name, the woman who started the Bob cut (too tired to look it up on favs as I have tons of them archived) but the revolutionary aspect was this: womyn flocked to the barber shops to get this short hair and barber shops were male frequented spaces and not places where womyn frequented. Therefore it wasn't just the fact that womyn were moving towards more of an androgenous look in hair styles but that they were slowly encroaching on the male public space. Barber shops were The public stage where many a man spent hours discussing politics, news and events and economics, and then to have all of a sudden tens of womyn walking in and sharing that space! That had to be somewhat of a shock in that era. Another thing I found interesting too while browsing was the thirties and the shaving of the eyebrows and then penciling them in. I thought of Frida Kahlo and how she had kept her thick eyebrows and the brow bow. Now looking at that in our day and age we may find that radical but I don't think we truly grasp just how rebellious that simple statement of fashion was. It wasn't just about rejecting the Hollywood norm and mores of capitalist induced marketing to womyn via the movie icon days but it was a radical revolt against the white dominated beauty mainstream. This of course is combined with the rejection of the onslaught of American culture-capitalist invasion on the culture of Mexico post-revolution. (read up on Frida Kahlo and Diago Riveria, there are tons of sites and both are two of my many favorite artists and culture/political revolutionaries) The one site that had alot of the fashion and lifestyle mores in the thirties was German and in German. We tend to derive fashion influence from the influence of France but there was also influence from Germany and well, lets just say that browsing throught the site, fun as it was, left lots to think on, particularly the images of this surreal 'white' world that of course, did not exist in reality. And the infiltration of that surreal idealism within the Hollywood culture definately cannot be overlooked during the early thirties and late twenties. We talk about the influence on the minds of Americans and the world today under globalization mass consumerism and the marketing influences through media channels. This is not a new phenomenom however and when one really explores the depth of the indoctrination though subtle and clever means throughout history it is not surprising then to understand the conflicts that surface in regions that are struggling to maintain their own cultural history, etcetera. That traditionalism verses modernization and so forth. For example, not too long ago I received an email from a comrade in Japan and he shared with me recent job advertisements that state that the age requirements must be under 30 years old. It was blatant ageism to say the least, but what was even more shocking was that this ageism is in a country that used to pride itself on the respect of ancestors and elders and the honor that was given to them. I recall years ago reading an article about the resistance of the art world in Japan against modern pop-culture and McDonaldization (my term) of her landscape. I wonder to what extent Japan has assimilated now into American pop culture and how that has in the process destroyed the national culture that for years has been in existence? I'm not a nationalist by no means, thought I'd add that clarification but I do have some strong reservations about a worldwide homogenous culture and especially one that is dominated by the constructs of the minority transnational-corporate elite influences. There is no denying that what we are seeing come about is forms of cultural genocide which interestingly Bakunin himself warned about in his prophesies of the scientific and technical elites. So, to close this long diatribe here lol, one on of the sites I was browsing there was a quote that reflected upon our desire to look at the historical imagary of lifestyles because one day we would be the ones looked at. And then later I see this movie trailor about this futurist fascist Britain and it tied neatly together in this type of time machine mental labrynth I'm swirling in. LOL ok now I read like I'm on some major Alex Huxley drug experiment, lol, which I'm not, ROFLMAO, maybe I should be, I obviously spend way way too much time thinking on this shit. :) You know that is what sucks about the internet, because I'm somewhat laid back and laugh alot, especially at myself and my superflous bullshit but what the hell, you know, have to write something. [though seriously I do think about this stuff, stuff, why the word stuff but anyhow...I really do need to lay off the coffee!] :) :) :) :) more on Modotti's ponderings to come so you might want to stock up on the popcorn next time before reading. ;)

BTW, when it comes to my spelling,

ModottiManifesto — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 07:52:40 GMT

I'm terrible, yea hilarious too being that I'm a writer. Well, you see I have to have a dictionary by my side and a thesaurus, if I don't, I will mispell every other word and my vocabulary usage is bankrupt to say the least. Writing was a skill I had to teach myself. So when I write for publications I of course am strict about grammer usage and spelling and so forth, and edit and re-edit and the dictionary and thesaurus are open always. However on emails and blogs and chat rooms, I'm lazy, ok. I just don't bother, unless of course I am writing something that is of relative importance and want to get the message across. But in casual writing, I just prefer to type and not bother with infinate details. I know, the grammar police just hate that, but oh well. I never was much for pretentiousness anyhow, and I doubt I spelled that right, lol. But I'm not going to look it up, and I don't see spell check on here. I have short term memory loss too, or at least at certain times of the day...maybe its due to all those morning hours watching yoga rather than doing and drinking all that coffee. My brain has become freeze-dried. :)

Joining My Tribe

ModottiManifesto — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 07:43:20 GMT

Greetings, somewhere on the net I have a blog, but due to time constraints I haven't posted on it and lost my info, sure its around here somewhere. So lets see if I can keep up with this one. Hi, I am ModottiManifesto, a name I use to honor Tina Modotti, Italian photographer and revolutionary. Her manifesto was simplistically put, that while art was her passion, the work at hand was far more important. My paraphrase, later will put the actual quote. Its late at the moment and I do so need to get back to some other work before I retire for the evening. I do not have any current photos of myself and I take horrid pictures. I've never been a fan of having my photo taken, but I do take photos of things I find interesting, so maybe I'll post those. I prefer looking at art and photography posted by others anyhow, and besides, personal photos are so overated anyway and overused in the cyber world. I'm not looking for a relationship per se so its not really of any relevance so to speak. But lets see, I suppose it would be more personable if I did at least give a brief description of myself, so here goes, I'm in my early forties, dark brown hair (wavy bob, really thick), 5'6", think about 130 lbs (size 10) lets put it that way, not thin, not fat, could firm up a tad, lol, one of those I"m going to do things but never get around too, nice to watch yoga on early morning t.v. though while drinking coffee, ROFL. Am married, though we prefer to say partnered, detest patriarchial marriage (both of us) . We are both leftists though I'm probably moreso than he. Not that it matters really. We met in college (both non-traditional single parent students) and became friends, then best friends, and still are best friends. So anyway, blah blah blah, lol, and we have children, prior to and one child together, youngest is 6 and oldest is 23. Anyway was browsing this site (or a vintage/retro site) and thought why not, what the hell. I actually like reading other's blogs more than writing, especially if the authors of blogs travel or if they are artists and what have you. Keeps life interesting and its beneficial to learn from others. I started a business which is a combination of art/textiles and activism, meaning that 10% of every sale goes to a Woman's NGO working on women's human rights, most recently working to raise proceeds for Mexico Solidarity in combatting femicides in Juarez. Hope to have the first batch of items for sale by summer, the copywright process for the artwork has been tedious to say the least. (meaning applying and securing copywrights for my work) Could have gone with creative commons but didn't want the artwork to be used by corporate designer (they often do that, take from small designers or ideals from working class or poor) and then used and then produced in sweatshops. So I protected that part of it, because I am a member of the anti-sweatshop coalition and that is a factor in the work that I do, combatting sweatshop labor. Its screwed up that to keep labor fair that one has to go through all the hoops, but thats how it is, and its worth it, the business won't make me rich, which is fine, wasn't the goal to begin with. If I can make a small income and make a difference, then that will be well worth the rewards. Ok, so, anyhow, blah blah blah, oh, my partner found me a nice Canon camera, manual (I wanted manual, not digital) for the work that I do. I wanted to take photos of workers while working, so I could practice drawing them so for Valentines Day he surprised me with this camera, that he got for free! Can you believe that, a camera for free. It seems that everyone is going digital now days, and though we have a digital I'm not too crazy with how the pictures pixilate when enlarged. Though it is great for getting detail for embroidery to be transfered from the images, it doesn't do alot for me in the area of drawing the lines that I need, or the forms rather. With a manual I can play around with the lighting and shadows and there is just so much more I think, that I can experiment with. So next week if weather is nice I'm going to take a trip downtown and photograph construction workers. I need to get angles in body positions that are unique to working. I have a book on drawing people at work but its rather limited in scope. I'd really like to get some photos of womyn working in restaurants and hotels, etc (some of my artwork is depicting womyn and labor and unions, etc) but not sure how to go about. If I ask, and they know I'm photographing them then they might not be as natural in movement, and I want to avoid rigid movements, stiffness, etc. I'm not drawing their faces, like in detail since in embroidery I can be somewhat free and abstract in facial detail, and also, to protect privacy, which I think is great...but I don't want these people to think I'm some sort of perv either photographing them lol. Maybe I should get a zoom lens that is like really powerful, lol, oh I can see it now, woman arrested for voyuer photography or some shit like that. My kids would just roar at that one, I would never live that down. Worse yet, if I don't ask, and lets say a person sees me photographing them, I could be risking an ass kicking, so, yea, maybe I should ask and then just tell them to relax and go about working as if I'm not there, lol, yea right. LOL art I can do a little, embroidery yes, photographing people, a totally new field for me. Hmmm, maybe I should call up a few photographers this week before hand, you think!