about me
Looking for that special someone who will totally ignore me in favor of a mime. There is no way I should be considered more important than the entertainment. I'd really love to find someone who needs a porter to handle her baggage. Someone who is on heavy-duty meds or meth or both, and is on a restraining order with her ex. If she has three or four exes, all the better, experience counts. Chances are, she'll have no "little troublemakers" around to bother us. If she has appeared on Cops, I just love notoriety. We'll tape the episode if I get the VCR out of hock on time.
I am a full time artist, so you should expect a great deal of complaining and indolence from me, all the while I will whine, "Why doesn't anyone want to buy my crap?" My standards are too high to make any money at what I do when I feel like it. So you had better be able to afford cable AND the rent (Mom wants me out by the end of the month), and remember, the remote belongs to ME. I need my thinktime.
I play kick-the-dog music about PAR-TAY situations, and have a penchant for petty larceny, it's a real thrillride. I did get rid of my rotweiler, Satan, because he just didn't play well with the neighbors. They shouldn't have taunted him, walking by with their "attitudes". Why can't they just mind their own business? I have bruises on my wrists from these constant visits and I need to get my sleep. My head hurts when they wake me up like that, no wonder I get a little cranky.
I can't handle my anger because I fear nothing and I have absolutely no sense of propriety in public. Some would say that's a problem, but I get my way. I will call you any name at any time, especially at 1 AM at your trailer at the top of my lung. I am up at 1 AM because I drank a whole suitcase by 11 AM and passed out 'til 10 PM. Nice guys finish last. I come first, you'd better remember that.
I have only got ten percent of my flesh that is not covered in tatoos. Two hundred more bucks oughta fix that. Maybe for our first date, you could take me to a parlor. I may need a short-term loan, though...disability only covers so much.
My favorite truck is on display on cinder blocks in YOUR driveway. My ex-landlord has threatened to have it towed, so I took the wheels off. All it needs is tires, a new seat and a tranny, I will get around to disassembling the one sitting there when I make my next sale. Just watch out, it leaks. Don't waste that cat litter. Just throw the lumps away.
My friends are totally obnoxious louts who smoke too much of everything. What's not to love? I still have a lung.
What the heck is balance? Means I haven't got drunk and stoned enough. Awareness? Ha! I know when he is making his rounds. I can see the streetlights glinting off of the lightbar all the way from the end of my cul-de-sac. There's holes in the aluminum foil where I can look out.
AA has not been a good place to meet women, they just have too many issues. I figured out these women are actually trying to FIX things! So I thought the internet might be a good place to meet someone I have more in common with.
