blah blah blahbidy blah

Women can be EVIL

Sabine — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:57:33 GMT

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender... "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

five best things you can say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

Sabine — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:26:06 GMT

5 .”They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen." 4. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to." 3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time." 2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?" And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk... 1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, Amen."

Weighing In

Sabine — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:24:12 GMT

The biggest worry I had in quitting smoking was weight gain. And three weeks after quitting? I've already gained 6 pounds, which is a lot on my bird boned frame (I'm up two sizes). I'm by no means overweight, but I am feeling very sensitive about it. Especially about the way my clothes fit. Clothes I just bought. :( There it is. I'm a big ole' girly girl, caught up in society's crap like all of the other women I convince myself I am nothing like. HAAA! How's that for self-honesty? I see myself as this mostly natural, tough, confident woman who likes herself and is comfortable in her own skin. And most days? Yeah. BUT, there is that little monster that we blame society for creating, the one who sits on your shoulder when you look in the mirror and points out every tiny little flaw. Who tells you that, hey fat ass, you better not eat any more cookies. I hate admitting that my mind ever goes there, I KNOW logically that I am NOT fat and that there isn't anything wrong with having curves. I have friends that are many sizes larger than me and I think they are gorgeous. It is not RATIONAL! And yet... here I am, obsessing over it. I used to be almost twenty pounds heavier, until I got sick and lost the wieght a little over a year ago. The funny thing is, I was much more comfortable then. I didn't mind the extra weight. BUT, once I LOST it, and everyone started raving over how beautiful I looked, how skinny I was... a monster was born. And I liked the way I looked too, I'll admit, except for losing my large boobs... I hate admitting this outside of my own head, I really do. But I feel like I need to give it a voice in order to deal with it. I find myself thinking about it so much that it concerns me. I am embarassed that I spent a good twenty minutes reading reviews on diet pills this morning. If you now me very well, you know that's NOT ME. I'm not that woman, I am fighting all urges to be her. To be running on my trampoline not because it is fun and I am getting strong, but because I am punishing myself, because I am trying to carve myself down. There, I've kicked the monster out of the closet and it's squirming under the light. Now maybe I can stop thinking about it so much.

clearly I need an intervention

Sabine — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:47:02 GMT

Twenty ways to tell a man his fly is open. 20) The cucumber has left the salad. 19) I can see the gun of Navarone. 18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out. 17) You've got Windows in your laptop. 16) Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave. 15) Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell. 13) Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson... 12) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 9) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir! 7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 6) Dr. Kimble has escaped! 5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary." 4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction... 3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it? AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED... 1) I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

Day 13 sans nicotine

Sabine — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:25:37 GMT

I have this cool little counter on my computer that keeps track of the quit information, and today it tells me that I have avoided 274 cigarettes (whoa!) and saved $41.13. You know every cent that I don't spend on cigarettes is going on bellydance costuming... I already spent more than that on the new sword (which I totally justified because I had quit smoking). It's amazing that I haven't had a puff in nearly two weeks, have cut down on coffee, and no one has had their head chopped off with my new sword in that time... Actually, I am not as moody as I thought I'd be. No more cantankerous than usual, anyway. :)

some wisdoms, some funnies, some really raw truths

Sabine — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:37:51 GMT

I'm really into lists right now. Can you tell? (This is a list I butchered to my liking) - Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often. - Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. - If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. - My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. - Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. - A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. - For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. (gigglesnort) - A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. - A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. - Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. - Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed. - Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. - Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. - By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. - Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. - If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." - There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." (All bellydancers and costuming addicts just nodded with me) - People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. (AMEN) - You should not confuse your career with your life. - Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. - Never lick a steak knife. - The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. - You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. - You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. - The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. (but I really am)

giggle, you know you want to...

Sabine — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 13:28:36 GMT

How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack . (HAAAR!!, my favorite) How are an Oklahoma Tornado and a Texas Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

amazingly simple home remedies

Sabine — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 19:43:16 GMT

via my friend Sara _______ 1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough. 7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem

pulling weeds

Sabine — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 21:57:33 GMT

I quit smoking last night. I've quit before, even for up to a year... It's been a long time since I've been able to summon the will to even try (since I started to smoking again at my granddaddy's funeral).. I'm fed up with the NicoDemon. Mainly with feeling chained to something... with the anxiety over whether or not I have enough cigarettes and an available lighter. Screw that, I am not letting a little paper wrapped tube dictate who I am and how much time I have left on this Earth. It's been 20 hours since I had a cigarette, not that I am obsessing or anything. :)

christmas card to my friends

Sabine — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 02:30:12 GMT

I didn't even know I could move like that. It's no wonder the boys can't resist my hawtness. http://www.scroogeyourself.com/?id=1292538442

have some funny

Sabine — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 21:55:40 GMT

"Bush given an "Indian" name by group of chiefs" . Invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation in Arizona, President Bush spoke for almost an hour of his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. Though vague on the details of his plan, he appeared enthusiastic about his ideas for helping his "red brothers." At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name -- 'Walking Eagle'. As the President departed waving to the crowd in his motorcade, a news reporter asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name given to the President. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly. --- post lifted from the naughtyindians tribe

hitch in my giddyup

Sabine — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:50:15 GMT

Well, I like to think that I am pretty good at dealing with negative or dramatic people, that they can fling their shit in my direction and that I am a strong enough and confident enough person to simply not own it and move on. But you know what? Sometimes it does get to me. A rather hot-headed young man got in my face last night and implied that everything I have or have ever accomplished has to do with my appearance, and showed some sour grapes at those of us who are more financially comfortable. The little monster that I thought I meditated out of my head is apparently alive and well and is still roaring and thrashing about. I need to get it out of me via my fingertips, and in a place that few friends ever visit. So please allow me to rant a bit. I was born into a family with money, yes. But my parents deliberately taught us the value of money and that hard work is neccessary to achieve one's goals. By the time I was fourteen I was very busy with babysitting and cleaning all the horse stalls in the neighborhood, because if I wanted something I had to earn it. (I'm grateful to have been raised like that). Similarly, when I decided to go to college I worked very hard at multiple jobs cleaning hotel rooms and washing people's laundry in order to get through. It took me six years to graduate because I had to work summers to have enough money for the fall. I applied and won scholarships because I had excellent grades. I made my own way, only several times needing help with money for books because I fell short. I've worked very hard in my career as well to get where I am, and being an attractive female has only been a hinderance. It has never gotten me ahead, it has only forced me to work harder to get respect. I've taken enormous amounts of crap from men in my industry because of my appearance. I've never taken a ride on anyone else's ticket. Everything I have I worked hard for. To that young man I would say: That is how it works, no one hands you anything in this world. After being my own for fifteen years, that is something I know all to well. You want it? Work for it. It's your personal responsibility to create the life you aspire to. Don't expect anyone (inlcuding me with my tax dollars) to pay for it. Be a Man, do it yourself. You will value it more.