keeping a schedule is next to impossible. people disappear. things corrode. work fails. promises turn into cellophane dust. a movie resists decryption. i'm keeping warm. i have enough to eat. i'll be here through xmas, looks like. scary-looking robots have taken over my living room.

Did you get your disconnection notice?
Mine came in the mail today
They seem to think I'm disconnected
Don't think I know what to read or write or say
Glossaries injected daily
Words and numbers spell out the price to pay
It simply states "you're disconnected baby"
See how easily it all slips away

This is no direction
Prepare for the city
Angels turn on heaven's light

Hurry up, the stage awaits you
Don't forget to memorize your lines
Can you hear them congratulate you?
Out of step just can't find the time
Will we pass thru undetected?
Everything's right here inside our file
You're not so free to be so unprotected
A secret Mona Lisa hides behind her smile

This is no direction
Prepare for the city
Angels turn on heaven's light

Did you get your disconnection notice?
Mine came in the mail today
They seem to think I'm disconnected
Don't think I know what to read or write or say
Glossaries injected daily
Words and numbers spell out the price to pay
It simply states "you're disconnected baby"
See how easily it all slips away



- Sonic Youth











Allison.

and some of you
would rather forget
you ever did

well then,
adieu.


rest assured
that you have sincerely
hurt my feelings

now nothing's there:
you win

kinder, gentler liars are coming
a thousand points of darkness
prepare yourselves; they will not scream
nor beat their breasts
as did their predecessors...
no, they will smile
and shake hands with you
and seem prefectly calm
and reasonable
as they burrow into your mind
and drink your blood
and fuck your wife, daughter, mother
while you daydream

they won't point fingers
they won't try to win the south again
and they may even concede to the truth of global warming
but they will climb into your bowels
with promises
of faith and love and honor
and you will grow soft
all over again
because you are afraid
of what must be done
and you cannot be shaken
from your terrible slumber
nor your guilt
nor your cross
nor your simplicity

what you see
what i see
what you see
what i see

a countdown:
MON Archive - finish Scribe frames, do inventory, report
TUE replace Mutagen rear seats, pick up SA XD, Mutagen to mech for tuneup/smog & Cinnabar spare tire, final Archive work
WED clean up, tune up, move into Cinnabar, begin packing
THU move stuff into storage
FRI continue move, clean 40' container, pay rent, cancel Netflix
SAT go shooting at Chabot
SUN drive 1st vehicle to East Jesus

i find it strange that some people i haven't seen in years suddenly want to see me before i go. i like warm hellos but generally eschew goodbyes. my inclinations, for the most part, strike a bizarre dissonance with contemporary American culture (if there can be said to be such.)

Imitate the life of Christ:

1) Go out into the desert
2) Be kind to prostitutes
3) Bring down the temple

Hello Charlie..... i found your note with the movies this morning. thanks!!!......i came around the corner as you were driving away. i was pushing a baby carage,with a outdated half full propane tank in it. that and a beer. i saw that the window of my van had no price writen on it. nadia, slim's daughter showed up at the same time but didn't talk to me. i walked downtown with my bomb making supplies ,drinking and thinking bad ideas about everyone and everything. i sold the tank to a hotdog vendor for two bucks. i think he just wanted to get it away from me......i slept it off and found your note about 3 in the morning..........................man, i am glad that is overwith..........i am sorry if this was too much of a downer.......thank you for being my friend.....bob

...drove early Friday from Oakland to Reno in order to avoid looming storms over the Sierras -- Rockette Bob's "Reno Cacophony Work Truck," impounded months ago by the police, went up for auction this morning. No one made the opening reserve bid of $200. Everyone came to get a close look at it. Most sneered, calling it a monstrosity. Not surprising; just a little while ago, some vandals tipped his decorated pedicab into the Truckee river.

The night before, we drank wine at the Wonder Lodge and talked about the future. We couldn't come to any consensus about whether or not anything is really worth it. East Jesus is a week or two away now. Whenever I think about it, there's an empty feeling inside me. Flies, trash, feces, thieves and deadly summers. But also freedom in many flavors, quiet and sunshine. All I look forward to is picking up my Springfield Armory XD .45 ACP 4" on Tuesday. And then moving.

I left the auction, feeling struck in the stomach with a soft, invisible club. I played $4/$8 at the Peppermill, drank a pint of Anchor Steam, won $20. It rained all the way home. Black skies tunring gray turning black again. Snow high in the Sierras. And rain. Lots and lots of rain.

dream....i had seen better dentist's offices in Sarajevo...the students are drinking tea and reading magazines in preparation for my surgery...hours pass....darkness falls....i am still not ready, and neither are they.

we all sit here
on this bus
each alone
talking on our phones
to persons elsewhere
no one
in our immediate vicinity
is worth our attention
you don't talk to strangers
or you get raped,
robbed,
murdered
or worse -
you might expose yourself
for the human being you are
to a total stranger
who will feel invaded or put off
by your humanity

Re: your blog

you got a nice crack motel with a view of east forth street. a 24 hr.liquor store is in the yard......i awoke with a night terror last night. the tanks in slab city (your car is parked in front of them in your tribe blog) was the site of MY execution by you..............guns, drugs and redemption..........bobby

twisting, falling
spiraling down:
spare the monkey
and spoil the clown

THE WHORES WANT YOUR CREDIT CARDS !!!!!! small amounts spent on cocktails while the girls hangs upside down from a brass pole..x-rated photo books.the smell of stale beer and coke-a-cola..........................are these the things i need to repent from??? glue guns, automobiles and shiney objects?????? the van is gonna go up for auction on the 9th and i do not think i will be bidding.................happy sunday holiday from the great state of nevada

proposal for video installation:

a crucifix constructed from film-loop projections or displays:
horizontal element is The Passion of the Christ in widescreen (symbol H);
vertical element consists of three letterbox loops: scat porn, cheap splatter, and extreme fellatio (symbols V1-3):

V1
H
V2
V3

audio: a mix of all four audio streams with stylized signal processing, some radically asynchronous, low volume, perhaps with subliminal extras: description and testimonials from Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, etc.

...her body is lavender, face painted in myriad shades of purple...i complement her on her appearance and we embrace, exchanging surges of unadulterated platonic affection for the first time...when she is gone i notice she's left a plastic red dildo behind, still slick from use...in a touching gesture i retire to wash the instrument, finding privacy in a lavatory...as i am carefully removing viscous stains with paper towel, a man barges into the space demanding that i go drinking with him...he is pathetically lonesome and has no friends except me...feeling invaded i ask him to leave...he grabs my wrists and renews his implorations...i break free, scream at him to get away from me, and reach for my pistol...the others arrive...he comes to his senses and humbly asks for spare change...

this is my dirt,
my pain,
my quicksand.

get out.

i remember what it felt like to take a deep breath
then exhale
then forget what i had just done
i was never here
i'll imitate everything around me, perfectly

(M.Gira)

if you're not here to
faithfully lick
my wounds
you should probably find
something else
to do for a while;

at least until this
amputation
is finished and the
pus has been
washed
away