Chad sucks.

Man I don't think I should write a testimonial cause everyone else has already said stuff about this guy. I don't know why, he's kind of an asshole, but I think he needs friends. Also, I think he owes me five bucks. Don't you HATE when people borrow five bucks and never remember?

Yeah well Chad, yeah! Well, I dig him. He is wickedly funny. He kicks ass at Mortal Combat and I say he kicks ass because my usual strategy of hitting all the buttons feverishly until I win is lost on him and normally that works like a charm, so he must be good. Of course I only ever beat Rey so that's not saying much. He knows a lot about wine which has little to do with me except I like wine. Chad is fun to drink with, especially going to gay bars. They really like him there. I wonder why?

In all seriousness, Chad is a great guy with a good conscience and a super sharp mind. He wields the pen with such skill and grace and he takes compliments horribly. He is a bit of an enigma, quiet one minute, then obnoxious the next so he can be slighly unpredictable, but you always know he means no malice. Unfortunately, my brain lacks the skill to give a really great testimonial so I will steal from Ambrose Bierce by saying "Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."

I like them "Mad".

That what I think about Chadders.

Okay. *tap tap tap* Is this thing working?

Okay, Chad is a super-spectacular, five-star kinda guy.

He's mysterious - not in a Charles Manson stare-down kinda way, but the other...think about it. Ya know, it's...those eyes.

When he laughs hard, he inhales kinda fast...unlike most other people. I can't even describe the sound, but it makes me laugh too 'cuz I know he's havin' a good time especially when he's describing something funny and his arms and hands are all over the place.

Speaking of all over the place, his hair is crazy and goes every which way, but it's SO COOL! I like his hair. He dances in mosh pits if there are any, is a *great* writer, and gets his car stolen a lot but somehow always gets it back.

I love being in Single Entendre with him 'cuz he cracks me up *all* the fuckin' time. I mean, come on! Did you see him in those little red jamjams in our last show? Seriously.

I'm SO glad I met him through Chris. It's no wonder they've been friends for 12 years. He has a great heart. I don't mean his heart muscle because I don't know the condition of *that* exactly, but he's got a good heart, if ya know what I mean, and I dig him lots 'n lots. That's Chad to me. Thank you and g'night ever'body.

Okay, maybe there's more to say about Chad.

Yeah, yeah, there is.

Sure, I wrote a cute little testimonial awhile back that tried to encapsulate my feelings about this guy without getting silly or sappy or goofy or gay, but, I mean, come on. It's Chad. How can you do him any sort of justice without those things? So, this time I'll really do it right. This time I'll express what Chad truly has become in these 43 years we've been friends. I'll lay it out so clearly, so plainly, that a brain-dead monkey would understand what I'm trying to say. Then, dear friend, you can rest easy, relieved and satisfied in knowing that there is, out there, in the real, brutal, harsh, unforgiving world, one man who can genuinely be precisely what you would come to expect him to be. Something greater than the sum of his parts. Something more than just "Chad".

Um... Chad... yeah... helluva guy... GO CHAD!... woo... yup... not someone I think... about throwing rocks at... but, you know... if he really needed me to, I would. He means that much to me. And more...

chad is simpatico.

and his name rhymes with lots of things.

except that.