A silly question on a bulletin started some thoughts tumbling through my head. Not that this is anything new. Thoughts tumble constantly. But these thoughts had to do with personal honesty. Not honesty directed at anyone else, but just simple honesty with myself. I am a people pleaser a great deal of the time (for those of you who have not been pleased with me, this might come as a big surprise). In order to get along I often bite my tongue or pretend acquiescence with things I truly find offensive or disagreeable. If there is anything I wish to fix or implement this year, it is to rectify some small ways I have been untrue to myself and therefore to others. This necessarily will impact some people who are laboring under some illusions. There are those small things, like foods I intend to stop or start eating or beverages I intend to stop or start drinking. I don't like to cook, I'm not very good at it, and I am releasing myself from caring. I do not like talking on the phone, so I might not answer it. There are days that I do not feel like talking to anyone. There is nothing wrong with me, or with any one of you; I just enjoy my solitude at times. There are large things, like political agendas I intend to stop agonizing about. There are some documentaries that I will never watch and some books I will never read, because quite frankly they seem boring. And then there is religion. I do not care for most organized religion and especially Christianity as it is so often practiced in this country. I enjoy studying the sociological effects of religion. This does not mean I support or promote any religion. I care about nature. I believe in magick and miracles. I believe in global climate change. I do not believe that by giving up our carnivorous ways we can change the planet. I do not believe in armageddon. I believe that people are fully capable of destroying themselves and the planet with no divine help at all. I do not believe that Christ was divine, nor is he my lord and savior. No amount of people telling me he is or was will affect my true feelings on that subject. I believe he had important things to tell mankind; unfortunately nobody seems to be really listening. I believe in humanity. I believe we are capable of saving ourselves. We are the divine. There are certain things I love that are quite frankly white trash, tacky and non-politically correct. I love shopping. I love sparkly things. I love being a girly girl sometimes. I don't like uncomfortable jeans. I love bright colors. No more of this "no-color" home decor bullshit (sorry mom). Go ahead and judge me, but just don't be offended when I don't care what you think. I do not generally like kitschy little home-made stuff with flowers and feathers and little hearts. But for some odd reason I do enjoy watching Martha Stewart. I know there are certain political reasons why I should care about or despise certain celebrities, but honestly I don't have time to worry about that stuff.
I'm trying to figure out these things for myself. It has been so long since I even bothered to ask myself what it was that I truly care about. My life is a crazy circus and if nothing else comes of the adventure, it would be nice to be able to honestly say that I do or do not care for something. So please don't labor under any false assumptions...take no offense...and if you try to fit me into your mold, don't be crabby when this old triangle won't fit in that round hole.

Here I am, my material life packed in some boxes and bags. My brain is unhinged, floating between what exists in this realm and what is coming in the next. In 36 hours, life will be altered. A new path will begin to unfold.