I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by my life right now.

First things first, school is crazy. Several large projects in the works all at once, plus the day to day struggles of learning the material, applying it on the telemetry unit two days each week, then recalling it well enough to discuss it in regards to our case studies in seminar and pass the tests. Preparing for NCLEX is daunting, I'm so afraid that I'm going to botch it up and be denied my liscense. My confidence waxes and wanes when it comes to my skills and competence as a nurse... graduation is so close, and then what? Where the hell am I going to work? The jobs simply aren't out there, and I fear that I am not the most competitive applicant for the ones that do exist. What happens if I graduate and can't get a job? Or I do get a job, and find out that I don't have what it takes to cut it as a "real" nurse? I really don't think that I'll be able to handle getting sent back to square one. I've invested so much time and energy and love into this path... failure is not an option!!! Ahh, the stress of it is sickening, and all I can do is try not to think about it too much and take this semester a day at a time.

Secondly, living at home is driving me fucking nuts. I love my family, but it's just too much. We finally found a nice young lady to rent the spare room out to... which is great, because that rent money is essential to our being able to continue living in this house. But it also means the loss of a significant amount of storage space, as well as the loss of my private bathroom (which is now her private bathroom). Petty and stupid as it may seem... it was just really nice to not have to share a bathroom with my sweet, but deaf and flatulant handicapped uncle. I'm 22 years old, I have a full life... and I now have to find a way to fit that entire adult life into my small, childhood bedroom. I've packed away all my homebrew supplies, and in the attic they'll remain until I move out... my schoolbooks tower over me on top of my cluttered computer desk which is crammed in next to my bed under which is stored a box of candles that I don't have the flat surfaces on which to burn and the few pairs of shoes I'm hanging on to after having to weed out my closet for items to donate in order to fit my scrubs, camping supplies and ongoing art projects. And really, I don't have very much stuff! I'm not a "stuff" kinda person, I don't hoard and I wear my clothes until they are literally worn through because I hate shopping THAT MUCH. It's just too small a space. I'm going out of my mind.

Keeping up with the hoop stuff has been tricky. I don't have much time for my own personal hoop practice, and sometimes I really hesitate to sacrifice my weekend mornings to teaching. But I do have some really exciting opportunities coming up, and I'm excited to have the chance to bring the hoop into the lives of new people.

My social life is essentially dead. I made it out to PDF, and had a fabulous time. It felt wonderful to spend a weekend dancing and drinking wine and hooping all night long. We went to Patrick and Mel's wedding celebration in the Pines, and though I spent quite a bit of it asleep in the car (it had been a long day!), we had fun and drove to LBI to watch the sun rise. It was beautiful. But, on a weekly basis, I am a homebody. I have to get up early all the time for school, or work... and by the time the stuff that I have to do is done, and dinner has been cooked... it's too late to go out. I'm okay with this for now... I'm not terribly upset that I spend my evenings at home with tea and books and cats and my boyfriend. It's comfortable, I'm content, and rest is more important to my health and success now than it has ever been. But there are friends of mine who I haven't seen in months, who I hope understand what's going on with me!!

The chickens are growing up too fast! There is quite a bit of pressure to get their permanent fenced run and second chicken house built... the photo is of that work in progress... it's starting to get crowded with the four of them in the one house! They have eaten almost ALL 50 LBS of their chick feed that I bought what, 6 weeks ago?

Jeremiah has been wonderful. He is so supportive and understanding. I couldn't ask for a better partner, and I don't know how I'd be keeping it together if it weren't for him. Sometimes he just knows exactly what I need... whether it's a cup of tea or a backrub or someone to help me study for NCLEX or just an early bedtime.

That's pretty much the sum of it right now!