i won't tell anyone which red-light district of the city of books we ran into each other the other day. I wouldn't want to sully your non-woo-woo name. It was lovely to see you, regardless of the insults you felt like you had to fling at me to protect your own self image. I love you anyway.

I found a baby picture of you... i39.photobucket.com/albums/e...ncess.jpg

I wish I could find flaw in you..

but apparently I can't..

whatever

xx00
m*

A Recipe For Linah Cocaine

Ingredients:

1x Lipstick. Mac Red works great because it’s classic.

1x Amanda Lepore CD, for good tranny magic

1x 12” fashion doll. The 1977 Farrah Fawcett Majors from the Charlie’s Angels line works great, as the hair is spot-on. Make sure to avoid the earlier Mego Farrah dolls however, as they are ugly and Linah is not.

All the cocaine you can get your hands on. Seriously, the more the merrier, and make sure the shit is good.

2x Bottles champagne. Be sure to remember you get what you pay for.

2x Champagne glasses

1x The Tin Woodsman’s heart. Linah secretly has a big one, and there is a necessary irony in including such an obvious and faggy reference.

1x Louis Vuitton Purse. Duh.

1x The latest issue of Vogue. Again, Duh

1x Syringe full of Buffalo Bill’s assfat. This is the most important component, permanently sealing the spell.


Directions:

Start by putting on the Amanda Lepore CD. Spend the entirety of the CD looking in a mirror and applying lipstick to yourself. When the CD ends, start it over from the beginning. Next open one of the bottles of champagne, and drink it by the glass until it’s empty. Follow by doing as many lines of coke as you can possibly stand. The idea here is to get crunk. Using the lipstick, draw on the floor a circle with the Chanel double C symbol in the center 4-5 feet in diameter. Remove head from fashion doll, and fill with coke. Place doll in center of Chanel double C. In the four corners of the C, place the Louis Vuitton purse, the Tin Woodsman’s Heart, the latest issue of Vogue and the lipstick stained champagne glass. Now, focus your intention into your inebriation. The proper incantation should come to you at this point, which you should crunkenly recite. After the spell is cast, the circle should begin demonstrating a lot of really tacky light effects from 80’s movies. If everything worked, a fiercely dressed Linah Cocaine should appear shivering in a fetal position in the center of the circle. Quickly administer remaining drugs and alcohol. Once her composure is regained she should say something smart and cutting about your physical appearance, which is your cue to give her the syringe filled with Buffalo Bill’s assfat. She will inject this into her lips, adding fullness and sealing the spell, leaving you with your very own Linah Cocaine.

Yesterday at work, I was walking out of the bathroom and there was a really hot, bearish guy in a hard hat and tight jeans standing by the water fountain chugging a cup of water. He was bulky, as in muscle and had tattoos all over his arms. My immediate thought was, "Well, hello Daddy!".

As soon as I thought that, you came into my head and I heard your sweet voice...