At least the chaos has subsided into a kind of calm. Eerie, but more tolerable. There's a sense of softness surrounding me. Maybe all the images of the angels flocking to us in the moments of bleakness and blindness are more than hopeful imagery. Poems Jesus carrying us through our challenges through the sands of our lives, or holding out his hand to us as we sink in the water, half way out in the water, only able to have gone that far with faith, but suddenly sinking all the same. Maybe we do attract more universal attention when it seems we can feel it the least.

Even now I can be thankful for the softness, washing away the intensity of the sting, only leaving more sorrow. It is easier to be angry, and hide in the bitterness of injustice, than to embrace with awareness the "why's" To accept that everyone is really doing the best they can with the awareness they have.

Here I am again healing in darkness illuminated only by the smoldered flame of my soul that at times flooded brightness into planes revealing my position and purpose even when I wanted to resist or rest.

Of course everything must flow it's course. I just desire to rest. To be in peace.
Perhaps exhaustion will be my path to finally reach surrender. All my life beating my spirit against the perceivable ceiling, floor of the soul plane. Now I'll find solstice in my ascent.