Reflections

Foo's Book! Steampunk, goth, Victoriana, tea, wit and humor.

coreycatt — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:17:20 GMT

Go get Foo's Book! For those of you who do Dickens, Faire or FNW you probably know her. She is publishing under the name and persona of Gail Carriager. Foo is all kinds of awesome and I fully expect her book to be. It's already got a starred Publisher's Weekly review. For those of you who are sticklers for historical accuracy, let it be known that (as an archeologist and person who likes things just so) Foo is too. And bring the witty banter. Soulless is due on the shelves in 6 days, Amazon ships in 4 (there is a kindle edition), and a few brick & mortars around the world have already pipped the post! It helps her rankings muchly the more people pre-order on Amazon or who buy the book on the first day- so if you're thinking about it, don't wait! So far it's got a starred review in Publishers weekly and a smattering of many other positive reviews. website (http://www.gailcarriger.com/). Online paper doll (http://www.orbitbooks.net/soulless/) blurb: Alexia Tarabotti is laboring under a great many social tribulations. First, she has no soul. Second, she's a spinster whose father is both Italian and dead. Third, she is being rudely attacked by a vampire to whom she has not been properly introduced! Where to go from there? From bad to worse apparently, for Alexia accidentally kills the vampire, and the appalling Lord Maccon (loud, messy, gorgeous, and werewolf) is sent by Queen Victoria to investigate. With unexpected vampires appearing and expected vampires disappearing, everyone seems to believe Alexia responsible. Can she figure out what is actually happening to London's high society? Will her soulless ability to negate supernatural powers prove useful or just plain embarrassing? Who is the real enemy, and do they have treacle tart?

New Baby!

coreycatt — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 03:45:21 GMT

Elise Rowan March was born at 5:47PM October 23rd. 7 lbs, 10 ounces 20" long Pictures are here (http://www.flickr.com/photos/coreymonster/sets/72157608364368215/). She got the highest possible health score 9, 9. The hospital does not give out 10s. She absolutely shocked all the nurses and doctors by immediately holding up her head- something they aren't supposed to be able to do for at least 2 months. She's been holding up her head with with much control since. She was also smiling in reaction to people the third day- not something they usually until 3 weeks at least. She's also tracking and at one week she's supporting most of her weight pushing against the floor while held. She's super strong and active, very loud when she wants to be and has already figured out breast feeding (she fed for a hour straight already- more shocks for the doctors. It took 12 hours for her to finally succumb to sleep. Energy? Noooooo?

On rape/molestation and education for children

coreycatt — Fri, 02 May 2008 22:23:45 GMT

So someone posted this blog post (http://collegecallgirl.blogspot.com/2007/10/number-is-eight.html)- a woman writing about her rape/violation experiences. It was a really brave post, very important thoughts. Mostly about the- it's not just the bogeyman jumping out of the bushes" thing. About trying to make what it can be more public so it's less likely to happen. It makes me realize all the more that I want to talk to my kid (be it a boy or a girl) about this aspect of sex early and thoroughly. I took it for granted that I would talk with them early about the other stuff- pregnancy, disease, the emotional impact, even the way it can manipulate one's emotions. By early I mean teaching them the basic biology along with "see spot run" (around 2), and add to info about the other stuff as they approach 11. Many parents don't think that it's appropriate to talk about sex until at least 15. The prevalence of 13 year old mothers and children under 8 who are raped should make it clear that talking early is important- not to wait until after it's already happened). My parents (an Anthropologist in Public Health and a Sociologist) did and I think it really helped me have a healthy and informed attitude about sex. Also, I think that talking about it for the first time when they are a pre-teen is tricky because that's when they are the most self-conscious and potentially distant from their parents. Because my parents talked with me about everything really early as a normal part of life, I felt comfortable asking them questions and talking about things when I was older and it was more immediately pressing, and would have been more embarrassing. As a martial artist I knew I would talk about self defense and responses to predators of all kinds- teach my kid some basic martial arts stuff super early, about running, calling for help, thinking ahead. I would also talk to them about how how not to get into bad situations- hazards of being drunk, no emergency ride home, dark alleys, putting oneself in the power of questionable strangers, etc.. I have helped teach workshops for women (rape awareness week in college) for both. What I didn't think about was outlining the gray areas- talking about things like pressure, daring (the co-mon, don't tell me you're afraid/too childish, etc. dare-approach), pushing, coercion... the people who seem friendly or who are known, the line between kink and violation and how to judge it, that it's not just intercourse, but even unwanted touching... All really important. More, I think it's really important to talk about that stuff with boys as well as girls- and to talk to both of them not just as a way of preventing them from being victims, but making sure they don't become perpetrators. I know of boys who have been sexually victimized, not just by men, but by girls. I think many rapists/molesters convince themselves it's wanted, that it's okay, that it's a game, etc. Making the differences clear early is incredibly important. I think it's important to talk about both sides of it to both boys and girls. I think there should be equal emphasis on teaching people not to be violators as much as there is on teaching people how not to be victims. That said, it's never the victims fault. These things should not happen. But there are ways to make it less likely, to take some control over the situation, even after the fact. I think that because our society keeps sex in the closet, so to speak, it's so much easier for these things to happen. If you've never talked about it with mature, healthy adults in a good way, how do you frame a healthy attitude? Where does your knowledge of sex come from? Movies? Porn? Other kids? If you get into kink, but have no guidelines going in, how do you distinguish the difference between a game and violating someone? I think a lot of people miss it. I think adults in our culture are terrified of talking with their kids about sex- any more than "here's how to use a condom", here's the biological mechanics" or "don't get pregnant" at best. The emotional impact, the details, the gray areas, and the social stuff that goes into it are all so important, and usually overlooked- with just this sort of disasterous result. When people end up in a situation they've never even dreamed of, it's no surprise they freak out and panic and don't what what to do. That absolutely makes sense. Or that they just get the deer-in-headlights thing and try to pretend it's not happening. Or the thinking that if you fight (even after saying no), maybe you're admitting that you are being violated, that you don't have the control, and that's scary enough to freeze you at the moment, to make you convince yourself to let it "be okay" even when it's not. If saying no doesn't work, physical fighting can be scary in itself- how do you feel if you did everything and nothing worked? Even if you fight your way away, the fact that you had to fight can be super scary. I think that if you aren't mentally prepared (and how can you ever be really?- but there are degrees) freezing up or just going limp makes a lot of sense. It's not a simple "why didn't you fight back" sort of thing. Let's be VERY clear- I don't think that Rape or molestation is EVER the victim's fault. It shouldn't happen. But I do think that you have a better chance of it not happening, or dealing with it better when it does if you've thought/talked the stuff through early and often, and have an eye out on how to avoid potentially dangerous situations. I'm all about education. I mean for my child to have that.

Art Victory!

coreycatt — Fri, 02 May 2008 02:28:48 GMT

Not only did the Installation of "Identity Tapestry" at Alchemy go awesomely, but my online international collaborative project just got accepted to an international show! The ("Here, There and Everywhere: Anticipating the Future of Art") show is based out of Boston (The Transcultural Exchange Center: http://www.transculturalexchange.org/index2.html), will be next April as part of the international opportunities in the arts conference, and will actually produce a proper printed color catalog. Very excited! See my website www.marymarch.com for details, links to the project website when it's up, and pictures of the Identity Tapestry. (Give it until the weekend before I get them up there).

Ode to Tea- for the Dickens Folks

coreycatt — Thu, 01 May 2008 06:17:56 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eELH0ivexKA&eurl=http://lj-toys.com/?journalid=4371199&moduleid=11&auth_token=sessionless:1209621600:embedcontent:4371199%2

Installation at False Profit show and Open Studios

coreycatt — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 05:20:53 GMT

Heya- for those of you who don't know this, I'm an artist (see www.marymarch.com). I've got an installation piece (http://www.marymarch.com/Identity_Tapestry.html) going into the Alchemy Show at Cellspace on the 26th. http://www.false-profit.com/2008/04/26/alchemy/ The studios I'm part of will also be having Open Studios the same weekend. Friday April 25th 7-11PM (I will be there) Saturday April 26th 11AM-6PM (I should be there for the morning, but not the afternoon because I've got to set up the Installation piece at Cellspace) Sunday April 27th 11AM-6PM I plan on being there all day (info at http://www.theartexplosion.com//Events/Events.php)

Why yes, I'm Pregnant!

coreycatt — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:25:30 GMT

I've always wanted a kidlet, and now that I found the perfect man for me, and I've gotten enough ya-yas out for a good while, it seemed the right time. Potential medical concerns pushed for speed as well, but no complaints here. The tough part has been getting used to the extreme tiredness+nausea of the first trimester, but that is finally starting to fade a bit. Either way, I'm now 12 weeks pregnant! Topher and I are extremely pleased with this. The little creature (sex unknown so far) could be seen rocketing around bouncing off the uterus walls in yesterday's ultrasound. So far everything looks as healthy as possible. I'm due October 17th, so by Dickens Faire I should have a small sprog! Kate (my Scum character) will no doubt attempt to get money out of many gentleman for the little one's maintenance. :)

Steampunk Christmas Tree

coreycatt — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 08:46:26 GMT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/coreymonster/sets/72157603422448804/ I made the wedding cake stand into a christmas/Yule tree. See ze pics!

Multitouch Screen

coreycatt — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:14:18 GMT

My man is amazing. In 9 hours he built a functional multi-touch table for Hack Day at Yahoo (including code bits- though much of the code was open and some was done by a coworker). Pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/coesurf/tags/touchd/

Wedding

coreycatt — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:11:13 GMT

Basically it was completely fabulous. Perfect weather, amazing friends and family, everything was beautiful and we had a Steampunk wedding cake. see the pics here: www.marymarch.com/wedding.html I am a happy duck. Photos of honeymoon are coming eventually.

Photos from Vegas

coreycatt — Mon, 14 May 2007 20:07:01 GMT

I don't want to link/upload them twice. They're on my lj here, complete with s&M yahoo ad, stilter, tribbles, borg and me matching a carpet. http://threadwalker.livejournal.com/478579.html?mode=reply

about that creed thing...

coreycatt — Mon, 14 May 2007 20:05:10 GMT

I finally came up with a simple articulation of what bothers me about these things: People using a creed as a substitute for thought, or an excuse for thoughtless, selfish or damaging behavior. especially when the creed is something that in a good form is meant to be mindful and considered (or considerate generally). People do this with nationalism, religion, science, philosophies, movements, veganism, vegetarianism, environmentalism, even anti-racism- so many things that are potentially such a good thing. And they get warped by this. Sometimes so much so that they directly conflict with the stated goals/philosophies of the creed. I remember being told that I could not (and should not try) to understand a person's predicament because "all white people are racist". This in the name of anti-racism. Topher asks me whether I think religion is supposed to be mindful. I think it should be and that most theologians will say it should be, but that religions are linked to institutions and that doesn't cater to thought- you tend to get the lowest common denominator. I think that a personal spiritual path (whatever it is) has a better chance. Anyways- it's not against the movements, ideals, etc. themselves. It's frustration with thoughtlessness. Using those things in place of thought, as an excuse for not thinking, as an excuse for all kinds of rotten behavior. ...and it gives all those things bad names.

Wedding Approacheth

coreycatt — Tue, 08 May 2007 17:23:49 GMT

And all goes well. Trumpets, costumes, glowy things, lanterns, ?a steampunk cake??? and much silliness. We're making a weekend of it. I am more than sad that I can't invite everyone. I have bad dreams about it. It's the single worst source of stress for the thing. But I keep reminding myself that that is what the other parties are for. Excited. The only part Topher seems to be worried about is people bringing swords to the wedding- especially when they keep joking about absconding with the bride. As long as no one gets skewered, that's all I ask. It's funny. People who don't know me as well seem to think that marriage for me (and everyone) is always a matter of going through the checklist 1. finish school 2. get job 3. find boy/girl 4. get married 5. have children 6. die. Oh dear. Hard to explain that when I was 13 I had independently arrived at the idea that monogamy didn't make sense and that if I was ever to get married (which I thought unlikely) that I would have a very different sort of marriage, and only if I decided that that was who I wanted kids with (because I have always wanted kids). From that age I flat out told any boy I dated that I would not date just them, and that if they didn't like it they didn't have to date me. Total honesty and communication, but not monogamy. I since (two boyfriends ago) got tired of juggling people and have come to appreciate focusing on one person. Now that I've found someone so perfect for me, who I think would be a great father and partner to have children with... it seems incredibly simple. I cannot imagine ever leaving him or finding someone better for me. If somehow a superboy were generated, they would not have the love an history I share with Topher, so I could really just let that be. I appreciate the depth one gets riding through life with someone. It's also a great excuse to get all our friends together from the far corners of the earth for a big party. :) I am looking forward to everything.

things I've learned

coreycatt — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 20:40:34 GMT

Some of these I thought otherwise about, some I just learned. Some are incredibly simple, but not. Some may sound cliche, but they aren't- they come from my experiences, and besides cliches happen because they are so widespread- seeing the truth in them is sometimes like seeing the two faces instead of the glass in an trick picture. You can be an artist, dedicated to you art, and still have love and good relationships. You can be in a romantic relationship where neither person has to compromise who they are. Even strangers care. Not all of them, but there are plenty who do. If people don't like you for being the person that you yourself feel good about being, they are not people that you need to care about the personal opinions of, and certainly not people you want as "friends". Never change for them. When you are the self that you are happy to be, people you really want to know are drawn to it. In travel (hopefully) you look at places fresh, expecting to learn and see different things, and meet new and interesting people. When you do this, travel can make you expand and grow. You can do this when you walk down your own street, and usually learn as much- it's just a shift in perspective, and a willingness to explore your own backyard. People's emotional and physical pain are often twined around each other. Taking care of your body helps you take care of your soul, and vice versa. Exercising your body helps wake up your mind, dislodges pain, and helps you breathe more freely. Sometimes the things one is most desperately clinging to are the things we most need to let go of. If an action is desperate, it may come out of fear, and fear is not what should be driving your life. If you can let it go and sit with it and understand it (be it a person, idea, job, whatever) and think past it being in your life, you can make a more genuine relationship with it, not based in fear. If you find that fear (not common caution or self preservation) is a motivation for any action, stop in your tracks and examine it. Don't let it drive your actions- it doesn't help. "Pain is your teacher" (Sensei). It's your warning signal, it's there to stop you setting your hands on fire. Listen to it, learn from it, but don't fear it. You can always decide to use hot mitts rather than run from stoves. "You don't fight fire with fire, you fight fire with water" (Sensei). Conflict breeds more conflict. There is usually a trick way that avoids conflict. It doesn't have to be utterly passive, but there are better ways to deal with conflict than to meet it in kind. Use your mind and every other ability you've got. Look for a criminal in a person, you find it, look for the child their mother held, and you will find that. Everyone was someone's baby. There is value and potential in everyone. What you see and interact with encourages that part of them. To be asked for help or comfort is a gift of trust. To live a life where the big event of the day is the first flower of spring showing is a testimony to fully appreciating life, not living in a boring place. Never forget to value what you have in your life. If you can, go find a situation where you can be without a lot of what you have. See what you really value and appreciate. I learned just how much I valued good conversation with a sweet, intelligent friend on a lovely day through living through a winter without people. It blew my mind. Most people never look up. Smiling at people and treating them like human beings can make all the difference to them in the world. I didn't know how much until I worked in a bagel shop for a summer and was treated like a machine all day. The one customer who came in and smiled and said "good morning" kept me going. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a janitor for life. When you feel a disproportionate dislike for a person (or sometimes even an idea), it is very often some unresolved issue you have with yourself that you see in them. Maybe they display a fault that you see in yourself and have not eradicated and you can't bear to see it- or maybe they display a trait you wish you had, but do not feel you do. When you feel a disproportionate dislike (especially for someone you hardly know), that person is your mirror. Let it teach you where to work on yourself rather than taking out your self-anger on them. So much of what you experience comes from what part of the world in front of you you choose to see (and it can be a choice). When you see the people around you as shallow, and dismiss them, your interactions with them (if any) will tend to be shallow. If you determine a place is boring, you will not seek to have fun there. When you look for the good bits, you can find them. When you look for opportunities, you are in a place to pounce on them. On the flip side, be careful of desperation. If you are desperate to see something, you might make it up. Keep your feet. There is nothing to stop you from playing like a child. Old age does not have to mean inactivity. If you keep moving, and keep following a purpose, age goes lightly (witness, my grandfather- 89 and still downhill skiing and traveling the world pursuing his life work). Do not hesitate to show appreciation. There's no reason not to, and it breeds. Do not hesitate to do the things you dream of. The opportunity may not be there the next day. If you don't see the way to get to your goals, build one. This is my little morning stream-of-consciousness. Lot's more no doubt, but it's time for me to eat something. :) Tags: reflections, thoughts

Announcement: I'm Engaged

coreycatt — Mon, 22 May 2006 19:05:33 GMT

As of Saturday, May 13th. Not a surprise to those of you who have been hearing much from me lately. Still, to make why as clear as I can... I have never felt so sure of anyone I've ever been with. There is nothing about who he is that I feel I would want to change before I would be okay spending the rest of my life with him. I made a list in October, which I posted in November, just as I was getting to know him. It was the things that were important to me in a relationship. I made it for myself before I started getting involved with anyone because I knew how easy it is to get distracted by little exciting things and convince oneself that the thing that really matter can get sorted out. I did not want to go there again. Right before I met him I had decided that I'd rather go on with my own dreams and plans single (perminantly if nessecary), in the good company of my friends, rather than compromise the things that were important to me to another relationship (ie., one without the things on that list, which I didn't really expect to find in a person). I think the only thing he doesn't do on it is climb (...yet, who knows?). And beyond all that, he's also him and wonderful, and so much I wouldn't have thought of. I assumed I would need over a year to figure out whether or not I really could work with someone well enough to commit to sharing a life together. In my past experience, that would seem skimpy even. But I suppose I was assuming things that needed working out, or "we would work really well together if x thing were different somehow" and such. I never imagined I'd meet someone I didn't need to adjust to, or need to adjust to me for things to work as well as they would need to for that kind of commitment. We communicate wonderfully. We play, we're silly, and I've never been so open. I love that we can play with legos and toy sea otters, talk quantum physics, hike, drive like maniacs, design things, read, dance, discuss a huge variety of things... all together, all just incredibly good. I feel more free being with him, not less. It's wonderful. In a way, this seems unnecessary. The idea of not being together, or of somehow leaving was not only painful very soon into things, it was also ridiculous. Every other relationship I've been in or imagined, I could see the way out from day one, and didn't stop seeing it. Not here. The idea of marriage seems like icing. A public recognition of it, tax breaks, a good party... I have to admit, I like the ritual of it (it is nice to take a moment to crystallize those thoughts, and to wear symbols of it as reminders), but all said, I don't think we need it. It won't change the way we feel. It wouldn't change our plans either (except to include planning for a wedding). But it does give the general public a better idea of where we stand with each other. I guess there's no way for people to understand that anyway, but at least they'll have a clue. No, he's not just the guy I brought to the party, he's the man I will spend my life with. We knew pretty early on. Before I'd even stayed up late talking with him I already knew how important he was to me- I just couldn't account for it. I had to cancel a casual not-quite-date because it just felt wrong, before I'd ever even made solo plans with Topher. It just felt wrong- dishonest. By December, when he came to LA and met my friends and dad I knew I wanted to spend my life with him. They all approved and thought he was the best guy yet. Later that month he met my mother and that entire side of the family, and they loved him as well (despite the 8-page test). I just kept rechecking my impression with everything we shared, with the observations of my friends and family... everything was stupidly perfect. Every week that went by just confirmed it and continued to get better. The first couple months I just kept thinking "is this allowed? Can it actually be this good?" My "brother" Chris said he hadn't seen me so happy and alive since high school- that I was more into all the things I love and am interested in. Some of that I was already starting when I met Topher (which I'm glad of), but he added to it so much! My dad noticed the same thing. His parents (when we visited last month) said they hadn't seen him so happy since he was 10. They could even tell over email. :) We challenge each other in so many good ways, get each other's ideas going, but neither of us feel pushed. We do talk about difficult things too. But the listening is so good, both ways. Things that might be hard to bring up just aren't. I thought I couldn't have both intense/passionate/stimulating and comfortable and stable, but here it is. So comfortable and right, but I can't see the faintest hint of stagnation. I feel like I'm starting another adventure. I'm sure we'll have plenty of challenges ahead, but I trust us to handle them together. I love making him happy, and he makes me incredibly happy. Even in my dreams, I didn't think all this was possible.

Reflections

coreycatt — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 16:56:14 GMT

I'm moving some of my entries from my other blog over here- more the general reflections on life than the personal things, hence the out-of place dates.

Freedom and Independence

coreycatt — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 16:54:14 GMT

(1/25/06) more thoughts... a telling excerpt from a Terry Pratchett novel (Going Postal): "There is always a choice." "You mean...I could choose certain death?" "A choice nevertheless," said Vetinari. "Or, perhaps an alternative. You see, I believe in freedom, Mr. Lipwig. Not many people do, although they will, of course, protest otherwise. And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based." Gotta love Vetinari (a self-declared tyrant), and of course Terry Pratchett. I agree entirely. They are not always nice choices, but there's always a choice. We are never independent of the consequences of our actions. The effects we have on the world return to us one way or another. We do not take away another person's freedom to act by responding to their action negatively (such as refusing to interact with a person for behaving a certain way). We are simply demonstrating to them the effects of the actions they are free to take. Warning them of our probable responses is not a threat- it's just more information about their choices. We are never truly independent. I'm re-reading Walden again for the 5th(?) time. This time he strikes me as much more a of a self righteous twit than he ever did (though I still heartily agree with much of what he has to say). He berates people for living pointless lives, chained to their work and to their possessions, and yet he is dependent on those very people to do his laundry (yes, he sent out) and to lend him a hammer and tools (made in the factories that he despised). The freedom of a simple life was his because he was depending on other people and on systems he rejected. And as to a mindful life, he actually accidentally burned down 300 acres of Concord forest before the Walden experiment because he was careless about clearing brush around his campfire- something he never apologized for. I guess anyone can make mistakes. Either way, he certainly did a lot of good with his writing. But he was not independent. A true naturalist survivor (say Tom Brown) knows full well their dependence on nature and the creatures and landscape around them for their own survival, and has a healthy respect for their impact on the world. The interdependence of all things is an integral part of the teachings of people who live off the land directly (aboriginal people around the world will corroborate on that). And yet one could say that they live more freely than anyone else ever has or does. ...or you could say that we, who use the internet, and have the benefits of a high-tech society do, but you cannot for a moment live in the illusion that you are not dependant on countless people and institutions to bring you those resources. Freedom is not independence (which I don't believe exists in a pure form). For me it is awareness of one's choices and the impact of those choices. We are always free. Let me refer once again to Emily Dickenson: No rack can torture me- My soul at Liberty- Behind this mortal Bone There knits a bolder One- You cannot prick with Saw- nor pierce with Scimitar Two Bodies- therefore be- Bind One- the Other fly- The Eagle of his Nest No easier divest- and gain the Sky Than mayest Thou- Except Thyself may be Thine Enemy- Capitivity is Consciousness- So's Liberty. It's really the last two lines I'm after there. There is always, always a choice, if only about how you think. Every second offers choices. Every choice has consequences. But you can always choose. Knowing that, and living within it, that is freedom. The more choices we become aware of, the more freedom. Reasons why education and multiple perspectives on things are so important to me. *later note: the freedom we have is over choosing our own actions- I'm not suggesting that we can do what whatever we like, or that we won't have to choose between evils at times. Yes, we can effect others, but the real thing is with oneself. You may not be able to choose to have someone date you, for example, but you can choose to ask them, or to be sweet to them. And it may not work- their choice, but you have the freedom of yours. You may not be able to choose your parents or what they do to you, but you can make choices about you.

Response- doing what's "Right"

coreycatt — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 16:53:06 GMT

(1/25/2005) Okay, I'm responding to someone's post. And to another person's response to that post. It's about living "right"- how one lives, but also how one approaches others about living "right", or changes their opinions about how to live. Let me preface with a story: My grandfather is the leading nutritionist in the world. According to the Nutrition journal, if he has equals, they still follow his lead. He helps countries (like China) with malnutrition and disease. If anyone can claim to be "right" in his field, it's him. And he tells us how to eat. And he has no respect for people who are overweight. None. Total prejudice (where with race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, etc. He has none that I have ever observed, even looking for it). He thinks overweight people are stupid because if they know better, how could they live this way? 3 of his 5 children had (or have) overeating eating problems and/or body issues. Any relationship there, possibly? He knows what's right, and if people don't do it, especially for their own health, it's just stupidity. A friend of mine was a brilliant counter example. She leads as low impact a life as she can while living in a city. She is vegan, uses recycled everything, recycles everything, always brings a backpack to the grocery store to not use bags, researches places she buys things to make sure they aren't made with sweatshop goods or in sweatshops, from companies that are environmentally sound, etc. That she does this is apparent to anyone who spends any time with her. but you will never hear about it from her unless you ask. She has never once said or implied that what she does or how she lives is better or that anyone else should do so. She will explain why she does things, if you ask. And I cannot help thinking that much of what she does is a better way to live, and consequently, I've taken on a lot of it, and come up with a number of my own She leads by example. Had she forced her views on me, I would have had less respect for her, and consequently (even irrationally) for her viewpoint and lifestyle. There is something in not allowing people the freedom to make mistakes. That said, making mistakes that just effect you is different from damaging those around you, or the world. My response is that it's never just you (if you die of heart diease, who do you leave behind?), but also that to live anywhere in out society (have a computer, ride the bus, any of it, you are damaging the enviornment. Everyone on the grid, and even those off of it are contributing to suffering and also to enviornment damages. It's just a matter of where you choose to stop within that spectrum, of picking your posion. I feel pretty sensitive to injustice, and the ick we all perpetuate in general. That said, I am not living in a way that makes me blameless. At all. Nor would I be if I were vegan. I would pretty much have to live in a house with natural power, growing my own food and weaving my own cloth, making my own clothes, firing my own tableware, etc. And I've considered it. A lot. I've worked bits of it out over 5 years of research. But I haven't done it yet,(though I may well do some version of it). Even then I would still be polluting (you've got to fire that kiln), killing things, etc. We cannot step on the ground without killing. We can't breath without causing damage. Vegtables have lives as much as we do to. For me it is a matter of respecting and living in balance with it, and even then, living in a city, I am very far from. I think that when people take the holier-than-thou approach, they will always find, if they look that there is someone "holier" than them, and that even those people aren't blameless. And also, that the approch itself is a blinding thing. I respect people who choose to live mindful lives, who do their best, in whatever way they can to make the world a better place. I suppose I respect it even more when I agree with them as to what "better" is (but there's my bias- I'm sure pro-life people also belief they are making the world a better place). But I respect people very little when they push it in that way, or assume that they are right, or even that because they are right that everyone should live like them. Different people have different talents and drives for making the world better. I work on mine. And I mess up. It's part of the human thing, but mindfulness, big and small is where it is at for me. Influencing other people to try and be more mindful and to make the world a better place is a powerful and important thing (why teaching is so important to me), but just like teaching, example and letting them come to it on their own (and in their own way) is often a deeper, more lasting lesson.

Men's Choice

coreycatt — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 16:49:04 GMT

(1/13/06) So I've had a loose, ongoing discussion with my dad about the other sides of a lot of issues. Today a friend reminded me of an interesting one: Men's rights to have or not have, support or not support a child. I am all in favor of women having the choice to have an abortion. The thing my dad brought up to me was what about the guy? What if he wants the child? How does that work? What if there is an accident and the guy doesn't want the child? Was if the "accident" was delibret? I've certainly heard of that happening in circles of people I know, and we know it's been done for centuries- women allowing themselves to get pregnant so they can get supported. But say it is an accident. And the woman decides she really wants the baby, and the guy does not feel ready or able to participate in that, and has said so from day one. What then? There isn't any mechanism for the father to call for an abortion, but he will be legally responsible for supporting a child he did not choose to have. A woman can simply decide that the time isn't right, that she can't afford to do this right now, etc. and end it (if not legally in some areas unfortunatly, there are still ways). She can choose the shape of her life in regards to parenthood or not. The guy can't. Is that fair? Does the guy get a choice? What if the woman wants an abortion and the guy wants a child? It will never change the fact that the woman still has to bear the burden of actually having the kid in her body and giving birth. How can a person force another to do that, regardless of the actual child? But should there be a right to the kid? To test-tube it, were that possible? Is it possible to have equality with this? So I sent my dad some new thoughts on this, and he sent me back an article from the LA Times (Dec. 10, 2005 Meghan Daum "Shouldn't Men Have a Choice Too?" abstract. Interesting stuff. She brings up a whole bunch of other ideas as well. She also says that she knew of a case where the woman wanted to let the man religuish his responsibility for the child and the courts wouldn't let him and demanded he pay half child support, etc. Eeee. One idea she put forth was that maybe a guy should have the right at least to relinguish responsibility in the first trimester (just as a woman could choose not to have a kid in the first trimester). That brought up thorny questions about underage boys and whether they should be allowed to make that choice. It's a messy, tricky issue, but an interesting one. I feel like on issues like pregnancy and sextual harrasment/rape (another debate entirely-lets not go there today) the impulse (unless you're a pro-life, in which case I feel like it's less about the woman and more about religion and ethical debates) is to just throw in with the woman automatically. I like to look at the other side of things.

Begining

coreycatt — Thu, 18 Aug 2005 20:01:47 GMT

I have another blog. I think I'll use this one to put more general reflections on life in (some of them from the other blog).