the light sometimes comes and taps on the shoulder, like a vistor
i know now that there will be a swollen eyelid filled with transformational liquids, and formless images that lead me to become friendly with the spirit world, my teachers sometimes glistening accross the moist skin, dragonfly wings disolve into colors, and shadow, a paint brush calls to my hand, and i wait, until they tell me again
the emotions seem to decide like a security alarm system in a high rise, some heaven like city, where will i go?
they guide, protect and direct, and i watch in complete amazement. it is not the same as televison, but when the channel is open, there is no control, just surrender, whatever I had planned will not be the way I had imagined.
It is much like a map, that I am not always sure I can read.sometimes it seems like these things distance me from others, and the way they are living. I have had to choose which way I want to be, and some seem like they are trapped, and they cannot hear me.
In some ways I have stopped talking.I feel like I have been listening more of late. clocks that sound like roosters, and people that dont seem to breathe.friends are different, but then so am I= I sundanced at the tree this year, and since then I have been in outer space. I have to conform sometimes to physical reality- and it is strange having to remind myself that I know the way, even if sometimes I feel kind of lost- how many people do you know have to decide what to do with the buffalo? or if i should plant lavender, now or when it starts raining?
Not one, but three buffalo are my friends, and I have known them since they were small babies. A man I met thru a medicine woman , is going to take them, and im considering giving up my farm so I can commit more fully to helping others in this world, yet i believe that this world is going to change, so why, am i doing this? I wish that there were clearer answers to all my questions, and that love and lust seemed to make more sense, the balance of life seems precarious sometimes