What is the correct holiday greeting?

Is it "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holiday" ...?

Freedom of religion is one of our better constitutional rights, written by the very founding fathers that were trying to create what was essentially a Protestant nation separating itself from the tyranny and corruption of the Catholic states of Europe.

Our Christian founding fathers granted constitutional freedoms knowing full well that citizens could use it to individually choose another religion altogether. So the most influential and persuasive witness to their faith did not include mockery or prohibition of other faiths, but rather acknowledgement and leadership by example. I would say in early American government this was manifest. (Not so much nowadays, eh?)

Their inspiration was divine. God's greatest gifts and sacrifices to His creation is free will, since in his wisdom and omniscience at the moment He created man, He knew that we would use free will to reject Him on the cross. Yet he gave the gift anyway. Our way back to Him offered was by embracing His living son, a paragon of leadership, faith and sacrifice. That was God's choice in the face of our "free will".

That could be our choice too, but instead our nation has lost its ability to live with more than one religion. Where there cannot be more than one, there is only tyranny. So instead our public face chooses none, rather than return to the religious oppression of the Europe that we left.

So there is a challenge before us to regain dignity and unity as a nation that reflects the spirit of the wisdom of our Father and our founding fathers.

65536 Questions

QUESTIONS I GET ASKED ON EHARMONY:
======================

What are your body-type preferences for your mate?
I am overweight, and not comfortable with it--I'm working it off at the gym now. I would like to stay strong and capable, regardless of how I look. I would hope for the same across the table.

Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?
Sure, I love to hold hands, hug and give casual kisses. I think that contact, even simply brushing past each other slowly in a hall way, is a way to stay connected. Affection says "You're special."

Would you rather date someone who is busy or available all the time?
Slightly busy, but flexibly available most nights. But that doesn't mean I am an attention hog. Both need down time, and there should be spontaneous options for that time to be together. --Busy is ok but some spontaneity would be good and an undercurrent feeling that I am needed and wanted is nice to have.

What quirks would bother you most about your partner?
Helium voice, funny smells, antennae *and* bad grammar :o)

How important is chemistry to you?
-I appreciate chemistry because it helps propel us early in a courtship, until deeper appreciations are discovered. Then I would say that the chemistry matures.
-I am visual yes and sensitive to chemistry, but my best romances have emerged from long-time just-friends that took a turn. The trust there is.

Your idea of a romantic time would be:
I think that romance matures. Early dates, maybe candle-lit dinner out is just the thing. Later, she may prefer the intimacy of cooking together. Romance blankets a couple but doesn't bind.

If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me?
I would ask you what you want, then I would try to provide. Probably talks are most helpful, if I had to guess. Then take you out and distract you~!

If you decided to stay at home for the evening what would you tend to do?
Alone I would probably tend to projects or some down time (DVD or write)... with someone else I would see what's up ...

Your idea of adventure is:
Eating my son's cooking. Seriously, Hiking and exploring is more adventure for me.

What style of dress do you prefer?
My work clothes are black jeans and an oxford. Weekends are for tees. I have dockers and use those to bump it up a little. Shower, shave and a haircut go a long way to clean me up.

Which of the following things would you rather have lots of?
Respect is more important than fame, fortune, females. I couldn't live a meaningful life if I had ONLY the other three. Those guys are dime a dozen...

How often do you find yourself laughing?
-Work, play, errands--there is always something that gives rise to humor or at least a wry smile. I am highly associative so making humorous connections is hard to miss.
-I crack myself up... Almost. Humor is everywhere and even where levity is called for my writer's eye can't help but wander to the inconsistencies. But I am considerate and know when to button up. :o)

Are you a passionate person?
Passion is subjective. While I have strong opinions about some things, I am cautious not to hold them over people through diatribe. We are all pretty smart and can make out own choices.

Scenarios that make you nervous?
Listening to my daughter say, "we should talk."

On Saturday night, where would you rather go?
Somewhere where we can relax and talk with 6 or 8 friends, or by ourselves. Movies are fun, but should not to be mistaken for social events.

Where do you see yourself living in 15 years?
A house in the country, but modest and pretty. I still like to be nearby the city for easy access.

If you could take a dream getaway, where would you most likely choose to spend a week?
A cottage by the sea, since the warm ocean seems to be among my favorite places. I do favor a cool, dense forest for walks though.

How would you assess your verbal intimacy skills?
I am comfortable talking about my innermost needs and desires. I realize that there are some things that you might not want to share and I would have patience for that. I try to be very accomodating.

What's your philosophy on travel?
I would like to take a few big trips each year, but I have not been with someone who would go. Meanwhile I save. If you want to go then I would want to go too. :o)

When in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally find you need?
A little personal space each day helps level out stress. It can fluctuate but it's something that I can trade off, too, depending.

If you decided to stay at home for the evening what would you tend towards?
I would be torn between TV and reading, depending what's available on the DVR and what's on the bookshelf that night. Above all, I think I enjoy writing the most.

What best describes your attitude toward work?
I don't *love* my job, but for now, it balances the budget. I like doing well at it, but I have *soooo* many other interests that it's hard to get wrapped up in more than 40 hours of it.

If you went out to eat with a friend, which of the following would you prefer?
Hole in the wall with great food. Growing up visiting my ex-hippie mom's favorite haunts, I enjoyed the "eat, socialize, play chess, read poetry" mood. Upscale's ok but I recall my humble roots...

QUESTIONS I ASK ON EHARMONY:
======================

My teenagers and their friends come to visit me often, but call first. Thoughts?

I am unto myself a combination of Oscar and Felix re: personal space. I might break your rules. In a clash of "space"-styles a dose of compromise and turn-taking can help. Does your easy-going manner endure these trials?

Would you tell me when you feel the most creative outside of work? Another way to ask perhaps would be, what will the generations remember of you?

They say life is about simple pleasures, what is your simplest pleasure, and how does it make you feel?

How does one obtain true peace?

What is the greatest quality humans possess?

Why does the Mona Lisa have no eyebrows?

How big is your extended family? What are the holidays like for you and your family?

I love language and its sound. If you have even the slightest accent, where do you think (or know) it's from?

Would you share a little about your favorite childhood places?

Your photo reflects a great lingering look, evoking the most common of questions, "what occupies her mind in this moment?" Do you recall?

I am open to anything you would like to ask or say, and I love stories. Perhaps you could tell me about the most interesting person you've met travelling. Old professor on a bus in Bangladesh? :o)

Often I seem to end up awaiting forever for answers to my homemade questions. As a new approach, I say, "don't fret, answer the question that *you* think should be asked of you." No pressure.

Devotion

So many people focus around "love". For ourselves, for others, even God. Mostly they speak of "feeling" not "action." Even those who speak of action often don't see another concept--possibly even a higher one: devotion. It's my belief that devotion is the foundation of the act of loving. And this loving devotion is to a person *and* their role.

We are all devoted to something, regardless of who we are--nice or not. For many it's simply ourselves or for what we do. For others who have flourished with partners, then the strength of those devotions make for loving relationships.

But the roles we play are critical, too.

For example, if you ask a parent to chose life for their child or for the other parent, then they will chose the child every time. It is because parents are devoted to their child beyond what they feel or what they can even do.

For a mother, her devotion focuses just as much on "her child" as the person that he is, for in him she sees not only what he has been but what he will become.

For a wife, her person and her role fuse as a focus of her husband's devotion, for he sees the spectrum of his life with her now and when she's too old to stand.

And for a Secret Service agent who was asked by a teen about his willingness to "take a bullet" for his president, she prodded, "... even if he is a democrat?" Of course, his devotion is to the office as much as the man and so he will not hesitate.

When it comes to the topic of finding a partner, ultimately we can do nothing about the character or the choices of those around us. Only by being genuine about our own devotions can we reveal to another person what we are capable of and what we desire.

And our own clarity within will help us recognize when the other person is capable of such great devotion.

Find this and you find someone who could love you to the end of days.

eh.

I have to tell you I am a little shy meeting people since I've picked up some stress weight over the last year and I am getting to be fairly self-conscious over it. I would like to lose about 30 pounds, sooner than later.

I used to bicycle and keep it off, but it's just not happening this past year. I am not into the technicalities of riding necessarily but I love riding, I buy the right equipment and have it maintained, dress casual and go for distance. If in the long run someone is accepting of some of my differences then I will almost always want to go riding, if they ask me to go. I try to meet people at least part way. :o)

The worst is the fact that I've lost my wind. I have started to go to the gym twice a week at least and put several miles on the treadmill at a time (not sure why that's my favorite). Probably because brisk walking is one of the most fundamental low-impact aerobic exercise a body does any way. I don't see lions doing push ups and stretching before going out for "fast" food.

Here are more pictures of me, www.leofun.com/compcard/ Some were taken a few years ago when I was married so that's why you see a ring. I think I am about 240 in all these pictures and I am at 260 right now. I think I will always be pretty stocky no matter what I do simply because of my body type. Ideally I think my body weight should be about 210, which is where it was around 12 years ago when I was working a warehouse job, working my butt off every day.

So the question is, as long as there is some common ground in the physical activities, can I find an attractive woman who is attracted to someone with my body type? In the long run I would rather whoever I meet to be a happy friend, rather than a quietly disappointed girlfriend.

What the hell is Yellow Fever?

Ethnicity is interesting to me. I ran into a dating profile online which described a Chinese woman who read comic books. Rare combination to admit. I wondered if the comics were Manga or Chinese? Or something more from the US publishers like Dark Horse? I prefer stories that are unusual, insightful or reflect nature, tradition and heroic standards. Lone Wolf & Cub and Kamui and the work of Hiyao Miyazaki come to mind. Miyazaki-san has spent much of his career exploring and honoring the feminine hero.

The profile mentioned an aversion to "yellow fever." I had not heard this phrase but I suspect that it refers to a common affinity in men described as "having a thing for asians." I am not such a man, but merely have an interest in deeper skin tone. Plump, pale women my height remind me of my mom and it's uncomfortable for anyone to think of a parent while dating.

Asian, hispanic, middle-eastern or whatever the case may be, whether you are fifth generation New Yorker or an ESL with a green card, I think someone does not look west european probably has something to say about their heritage. That is something to be explored and respected but it's lost on most white-bread fools.

Fake Profiles

A 22 year old from Jackson Hole, WY looking for men 25-44 winked at me today. I laughed derisively, read her profile and wrote her back a piece of my mind.

When she marks "no way" along with "daily" on her beau's smoking preference, she sets nearly everything else to so generic that all 3 billion guys from 8 to 80 are a match, and she leaves her list of activities, interests and background barren like the sound of crickets and the broad expanse of starlit night sky, then I begin to wonder why a pretty young blonde half my age a thousand miles away would be interested in a lonely old salt & pepper bear like me.

After all I do deserve to have my hand held by a sparkling young woman, walking through Pioneer Square in crisp dusk air, our feet crunching through a few leaves with the mist of our breath trailing away like steam from the Flying Scotsman winding through ancient mountain railways.

But will that be us? Oh how I wish just once I was wrong but I have no doubt she'll respond with a snappy username on Yahoo like Hot4UrBizzle and her URL where I'll have to pay money for the answer.

The Ultimate FAQ about Christopher

Are you a geek?

Yes. And I am a nightowl, always up till midnight working on whatever project and then I crash, alarm goes off at 7:30 for a 9-6 job.

But as part of the grand experiment to mix it up a little in my life over the last few months I have made changes. I have to admit technology is central to my life, partly because it's my job, rotating through test cell phones and researching mobile web technology. But it does not rule.

I've gone the last ten years without cable and my last roommate moved out but he left it installed. I've moved it to the common area and now I am learning to balance it with the rest of my living space and habits, using a DVR to tape the shows that I have been buying on DVD, etc. I gave up my last computer and only have a laptop which is integrated into the television as well, so that I can get out of the back office.

And now the back office stands unused for a week at a time. And the home business of internet toy sales (Lego) has been 95% laid to rest. And the overtime at work is gone.

More walks, more activities, more time with friends and family. And no more roommates either. Slobs. Gah. :o) Now I have a cleaning lady, too. Fancy!

What the hell is an Audio Book? What, are you lazy?

This sounds completely dorky but the coolest addition has been audio books to fill the unavoidable driving time (twice a month to Eastern Wash to pick up my son). Usually about 1 book a week, I've found that a whole new part of the brain has been stimulated by listening to books while I drive. Knocked out a bunch of unabridged audio books: Dragonrider, Water for Elephants, The Hot Kid, The Hobbit & LOTR, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Mermaid Chair.

You got kids?

My 13 year old is my first child and he came from my first marriage. He lives in Wenatchee with his mom and I support him extensively. He may come to live with me soon and I will want to put him through college. Out of all of them he looks to be the one that has the interest to go all the way. That's what my second mortgage will be for!

The next three kids-all older-were already there when I entered a second marriage. I adopted the oldest two of the three. One had a different dad than the other two and I could not adopt him. None of the three are involved with their original dads at all, so they are, in effect, legal or not, all my children. I even paid support. None have solid college plans yet but they probably won't ask me for money anyway. I'll be here for them either way.

Hey Mister! Ya want more kids?

My previous LTR lasted for two years and I lived with her and her son, who had his fifth and sixth birthdays while living with me. It was somewhat uncomfortable for me and we never did quite work out the expectations of how much I would be involved with or try to bond with her son, whose father was thousands of miles away. She wanted more involvement from me and I needed to keep a certain distance. This was an undercurrent tension but manageable. In the end it was not the "deal breaker" in the relationship--that was much more complicated (when isn't it? oy)...

My requiring a sense of distance was a need to not lose myself again in parenting, to the point where I draw a sense of identity from how it was going. Kids pull away and I made it far too hard by being inflexible with my two oldest. It ended my marriage. I admit I struggle with balance in certain endeavors. As a result I have learned to be slow to react - slow to warm, slow to anger, slow to decide. As a result I have come full circle with the kids - the 3 oldest especially. And they all visit me often.

I think the prospect of living with a young child again (even some day) is not my first choice--I've helped raise a lot of kids--three teenage boys already (13,17,18 now) and a daughter, 21. In theory I would look forward to focusing on an LTR where it's just the adults. The flip side to "first choices" and "theories" is you have little choice over whom you love and what comes in that package. When you're in the middle of it all, you wouldn't trade family for anything, no matter the circumstance. But we are not there... my fictitious date and I. We're in the beginning of it, learning middle names and whether it's coffee or tea....and it seems it's something that should come up--probably sooner than later.

How are you when it comes to finances?

I am fairly guarded here since I really started to pull my head out of my ass after my second divorce in 2001. So while I don't manage my wealth, I manage my debt and one child-support payment and this can be a delicate balance. This means that I work for raises, I improve loan distribution, re-do the mortgage to improve rates, carefully plan car upgrades, knock out small loans, forcast, plan, contribute to 401K, etc, etc, etc. And all items that impact the credit score are jealously guarded.

So as you might guess I am not into princesses or walking messes or their sense of entitlement that often goes with both. When it comes to the material aspects of life I've worked hard and I expect the same commitment to your own future across the table. Either create a way to provide for yourself first or go to school to be able to provide for yourself first. Only then can fair turn-taking in a LTR become possible.

So if one takes a year off to write a novel and the other works a little harder, that's fine. But I will not outright support someone who has no reality-check.

Why don't you drink?

Of course, I am open to trying any number of small delights in a glass. It's just that alcohol in excess makes me sick before it ever makes me drunk. Beer has never been an acquired taste but it does not keep me from trying any number of ambers and ales when I go to Ballard with friends. Here's the thing...I'm not a typical guy and I can joke about that. For example, I am not an "experienced" drinker... Apparently when I go out I keep accidentally ordering "chick drinks" and I get corrected by the posse at work (mostly chicks as it happens). I've settled on Long Island ice tea. Yum. I usually only stick to one though.

Are You Normal? Why would you say something like that?

Yes, i call myself normal but I know it's subjective. Some people are offended by normal. For me I think it's a bid to say "Not a lot of issues here, except the typical schitzo guy things like big tv, not asking for directions, etc" all of which can be tempered with gentle feedback from loved ones... :o)

Really I call myself normal because I drift to the center of where both sexes can communicate. Make sense?

Are you gay?

Ha! No. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I was just asked this on a date and I think it was a playfully serious question. I took it in stride. I think I come across chick-like sometimes. What can I say... if I don't find a way to express myself, I'll pop like a tick. I like shopping, I like Sex & the City, I like Frasier, I like girly drinks because they tend to have more fruit in them. Shoot me.

To tell the truth there are many guy things that I simply don't miss--freakish sports fans, badmouthing the ex, one night stands, emotional stunting, beer, etc.

Why do you date? What are you looking for?

I've quit doing overtime and I find myself pretty short on the list of people who'd like to get together--barbeque, hang out, whatever. Having people to share activities with would be great.

If and when it comes down to a woman where the chemistry is starting to happen... I am particular... I like girlish charm! Be funny & caring, thoughtful & associative, patient & wise, centered & balanced, spiritual & creative--not a substance-user or abuser and no "hating" exes. :o)

I've gotten out of an LTR 4 months ago. Let's face it, I have spring fever. Except it's fall. That's why I'd like a date soon with someone who makes my heart race, with a killer smile and beautiful eyes. The right complement to my personal life would just knock me out.

I do take a long time before getting physical and for me that only comes when a LTR seems possible. So, yes, I'd like to date, but I would like to get to know more people too. I'd like to make more *friends*!

Why did you join a dating website?

Dating at work is not an option and I just don't run into that many people. I tried Match.com several years ago and had lots of nightmare first dates and one good one (turned into a nice 6 month relationship, but we were headed in different directions) and after that I got busy with work and went back and finished my Math degree in 2003. Then I got mixed up with an old friend who moved out here to start a new life. Long story but she's on her own now since June. Back now for "dating strangers" part deux.

Match is ok, it's not freakish and I can practice making women laugh from the comfort of my own easy chair. Ok, maybe it is freakish, but at least I try to make friends. And I am getting a lot of writing done. Bah!

Is your girl's age important to you?

No, but attitude is. Sometimes I "wink" at people who are older than me and that is ok by me. When I was 35 I dated a woman for many months who was 48. She was very sweet but waited a long time to tell me she smoked and waited even longer to tell me that she was Jehovah's Witness. I was wondering what was next! I think bottom line that the attitude really makes a difference.

I would date someone considerably younger as well, if the relationship seemed to make sense.

Here's the thing...With thousands of profiles, the search engine filters on some parameters but the eye filters on images. (Yes, I am somewhat visual--shoot me) What is *really* the question is this: What is it that makes me write someone, since I only write a few people? If there is an apparent match on the basics and then an unending supply of things in the profile that sound like ...."good fit"..."good energy" then I will usually smile and wave or make a joke.

What are some turn-offs?

If I talk to someone and I hear the words, "mullet" or "racoon" I start to worry. Exes, separation, custody battles, multiple fathers, roommate are all red flags.

Oddly enough cursing is not a turn on. It does not help me relax and just denegrates both of us. Don't get me wrong, I sprinkle it on sometimes when I have to, but I don't have it with every meal.

What are deal-breakers for you?

Smoking is non-negotiable. All my family members I knew personally who died, died from smoking. If you can't give this up for yourself, or even the ones who love you, then you're on your own. Sorry Dad, if you're reading this, but at least I don't have to kiss you.

Fighting - even non-abusively - purely as a means of expression or release is intolerable to me. If you can't identify and deal with your tensions in a productive fashion then you will find yourself alone in the room. The last woman in my life is now my ex because of this very point. I will not allow that in my life again, not after I screwed up my first marriage because of it. And you can debate me all you want on this one--yes there are inevitable arguments and disagreements--no one gets along perfectly. My point would be, Is it being done healthily and safely? Are you aware at all times what the boundaries are? Do you respect them no matter how mad you get? Do you realize that when you "lose your temper" you are still making choices? The book Violent No More is in my personal library. Everyone should read it.

Drugs - Do I even have to explain this one? You already use, you lose me. You start using, you lose me.

Where do you live? Would you move?

I live in Renton, right by Liberty High School, eight miles south-east of my Factoria work. I like not hitting the interstate in order to go places. If you live far away I will probably get discouraged trying to make the trip to see you.

One relationship I was in was great, but she was 20 miles away in the wrong direction from work and in the end she expected me to move in with her, not the other way around. I have to be up front: for the next few years until my 13 year graduates high school, I am not moving. I hate to admit that my awesome parents are aging. I don't want to be any farther away from them than I already am (30 minute drive).

Having said all that... For the right girl, anything is possible. But I have to consider the entire situation in balance.

How do you pay the mortgage? What kind of learnin' ya done?

<P>I develop technology for wireless internet content. I have a job that bores most everyone I describe it to. I do enjoy my work, but it's not what I'd do if I won the lottery. It stemmed from work getting my Bachelor's of Science in Math Science, Computer Science minor at the University of Washington. It took 18 years to get. Long story, but you'd be impressed. I expanded on English and comparitive history of ideas.

What's your spiritual life like?

I'm protestant, but I haven't attended church in years. I rather wish to get back to it, but I won't make a relationship depend on it one way or the other. We are responsible for our own spirituality.

What are your passions?

Studying film: watch, discuss, criticize (published) and script. If you can not do this with me even a little bit, we're going to have a hard time connecting.

Are you outdoorsy? Take good care of yourself?

Yes, summers more so. Working on that. Hike long and far and up until there's no signal. Then I camp. Yes, I have two ATVs and two bicycles for century rides and cross-country and I take those out often (though more in the summer). I'm a big guy and I'd rather be built like a football player than a football. I am tall, yes, 6'1", but I think this one area of my life where I really feel I have stopped growing. :o)

Do you travel?

Done it, like it, but not doing so much right now. I will do it more when I finish supporting the teenager. Then he can come too and PAY for stuff. Oh dreams. I'd like to arrange to be able to spend a month or two in Costa Rica each year but that's probably a few years off. Costa Rica is hot and beautiful and the remote parts don't have cell coverage!

Do you like Music?

Yes, folk, mostly. I can't carry a tune, BUT I can't carry my CD collection either (too big). My playlist? RadioParadise.com on the web (so folksy quiet alternative--is really my favorite, like Jack Johnson)

Do you like to dance?

Clubbing-No... "full body dry heave set to music" comes to mind. Ask me to hold you and sway to the music.

What are your favorite things?

I've always liked beautiful eyes, dark skin and big smiles. I love Comedy, friends, my kids, Jocko, Superman, hot weather, trees, ... I miss my Grandfather--he would have liked my son.

What do you do to socialize or recharge?

I love live theater (student or pro), going to movies, wandering the markets and street fairs in Seattle, going out for drinks after work with the posse, going to work buddy barbecues, go to the parents lakehouse to swim/hottub/kibbitz, go to comedy clubs, watch DVDs, and catch up on a few favorite TV shows. Weather permitting, I also ATV, bicycle, hike, fish or frisbee.

If my friend set me up with you, what would she warn me about you?

Number One: I have a giant comic book collection (150 boxes). And a giant Lego collection (400 lbs). This doesn't really affect anything--it's just left over online businesses that have gone dormant. They do take up space in the garage and in the office. Unaffected are: the kitchen, living, dining and common areas, the master bedroom, the spare bedroom.

Number Two: I can talk about Movies a lot. I don't have to and I can change the subject, but storytelling is something that I have to express and study. Consequently I have a 62" widescreen TV, HD cable and a shitload of DVDs. The good news is that I can watch any chick flick you throw at me.

Number Three: Most of the women in my life have told me I can talk too much and over-analyze. I have learned to monitor this and I willingly accept feedback, pushback, redirection, whatever, to get onto another subject.

Runner-up annoyances: I snore. Loud.

How come I can't add you as a friend?

80% of my Match and mySpace emails are webcam spammers looking for rubes-DON'T WASTE MY TIME. Be a real person! Write me first and if I know you from somewhere I will definitely add you as a friend.

Random words?

animals, biking, book, chocolate, companionship, cycling, dark brown hair, family, films, fun, funny, healthy, hiking, honest, humor, independent, integrity, intellectual, intelligent, jeans, loving, loyal, outdoors, passionate, rain, reading, Sagittarius, Seattle, silly, tall, theater, thoughtful, travel, walks, writing

Eww

Speaking of the Carpenters, if I date you and you make me yours, will birds suddenly appear when you're near? Because I'll probably need tarps for the car.

That's *my* joke. I made that up talking to a friend today. You can have it cuz I am generous.

Ppppttt

Twinkle twinkle

I was just thinking about dating again. A woman with a twinkle caught my eye. But...

I think all our ex-es drive us crazy--even the ones we get along with. In the end, whether you're pushed away or you're pushing away, both sides have their disappointments. If we have managed to begin getting along with them post-relationship-wise, it's ONLY because we've let go of the set of unmet expectations that was driving us crazy.

So when faced with the probable success of any given date situation, it's daunting to realize that any given pair of two happy people has dozens and dozens of crazy ex-es amongst them. So purely on a statistical basis, it's probably that you shouldn't date because, odds are, you just would just drive each other crazy...eventually. Like with over-analytical diatribes like this one, for example. :o)

But they do have an attractive twinkle don't they? Dang.

What I really want...

I use match.com. It's really frustrating because so many profiles have too many qualifiers, too much sales pitch and too many windy walks and sunsets. It's hard to dig through the rap sheets and find *people* who can talk to each other without applying for the job of "soulmate".

Today I was wandering through Issaquah following an impulse to see if I could find a place to buy a DVD on my wish list. I stopped at a second hand store I'd never heard of and ended up chatting with the shopgirl for nearly 20 minutes on favorite shows, movies, things she recommended, etc. A bit too young for me and a bit too married, she is not someone who might have caught my eye in a photograph, but in fact she emerged as an animated, funny and genuine young woman. Turns out we had the same sensibilities in the few topics we covered. She was kind and we laughed at each other's jokes and she impressed me on more than one level. I liked her and I grew attracted to her as we talked. And I was surprised.

I think that the surprise came from the unexpected connection. It was a small connection of course, but that was what made it great. It didn't mean that we'd grow old together, it just meant we had something to talk about. And it was more than just the questions that people ask each other as they ride the interview that a first date can turn into. Better yet, we weren't on a date, and we had no intentions--her ring made that clear. I think we just had fun talking.

I am an introverted work-in-progress and a bit of a workaholic--I don't meet a lot of people--so forgive me that eye contact over a counter can impress me. I knew she started out working a customer to establish a rapport, but I enjoyed it as it was going swimmingly. I enjoyed that 20 minutes more than I enjoy most dating experiences. Because it wasn't an interview and by a personal connection I knew that this is someone I could talk to as a friend.

And that after all is what I would really like more than anything else.