Are you a geek?

Yes. And I am a nightowl, always up till midnight working on whatever project and then I crash, alarm goes off at 7:30 for a 9-6 job.

But as part of the grand experiment to mix it up a little in my life over the last few months I have made changes. I have to admit technology is central to my life, partly because it's my job, rotating through test cell phones and researching mobile web technology. But it does not rule.

I've gone the last ten years without cable and my last roommate moved out but he left it installed. I've moved it to the common area and now I am learning to balance it with the rest of my living space and habits, using a DVR to tape the shows that I have been buying on DVD, etc. I gave up my last computer and only have a laptop which is integrated into the television as well, so that I can get out of the back office.

And now the back office stands unused for a week at a time. And the home business of internet toy sales (Lego) has been 95% laid to rest. And the overtime at work is gone.

More walks, more activities, more time with friends and family. And no more roommates either. Slobs. Gah. :o) Now I have a cleaning lady, too. Fancy!

What the hell is an Audio Book? What, are you lazy?

This sounds completely dorky but the coolest addition has been audio books to fill the unavoidable driving time (twice a month to Eastern Wash to pick up my son). Usually about 1 book a week, I've found that a whole new part of the brain has been stimulated by listening to books while I drive. Knocked out a bunch of unabridged audio books: Dragonrider, Water for Elephants, The Hot Kid, The Hobbit & LOTR, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Mermaid Chair.

You got kids?

My 13 year old is my first child and he came from my first marriage. He lives in Wenatchee with his mom and I support him extensively. He may come to live with me soon and I will want to put him through college. Out of all of them he looks to be the one that has the interest to go all the way. That's what my second mortgage will be for!

The next three kids-all older-were already there when I entered a second marriage. I adopted the oldest two of the three. One had a different dad than the other two and I could not adopt him. None of the three are involved with their original dads at all, so they are, in effect, legal or not, all my children. I even paid support. None have solid college plans yet but they probably won't ask me for money anyway. I'll be here for them either way.

Hey Mister! Ya want more kids?

My previous LTR lasted for two years and I lived with her and her son, who had his fifth and sixth birthdays while living with me. It was somewhat uncomfortable for me and we never did quite work out the expectations of how much I would be involved with or try to bond with her son, whose father was thousands of miles away. She wanted more involvement from me and I needed to keep a certain distance. This was an undercurrent tension but manageable. In the end it was not the "deal breaker" in the relationship--that was much more complicated (when isn't it? oy)...

My requiring a sense of distance was a need to not lose myself again in parenting, to the point where I draw a sense of identity from how it was going. Kids pull away and I made it far too hard by being inflexible with my two oldest. It ended my marriage. I admit I struggle with balance in certain endeavors. As a result I have learned to be slow to react - slow to warm, slow to anger, slow to decide. As a result I have come full circle with the kids - the 3 oldest especially. And they all visit me often.

I think the prospect of living with a young child again (even some day) is not my first choice--I've helped raise a lot of kids--three teenage boys already (13,17,18 now) and a daughter, 21. In theory I would look forward to focusing on an LTR where it's just the adults. The flip side to "first choices" and "theories" is you have little choice over whom you love and what comes in that package. When you're in the middle of it all, you wouldn't trade family for anything, no matter the circumstance. But we are not there... my fictitious date and I. We're in the beginning of it, learning middle names and whether it's coffee or tea....and it seems it's something that should come up--probably sooner than later.

How are you when it comes to finances?

I am fairly guarded here since I really started to pull my head out of my ass after my second divorce in 2001. So while I don't manage my wealth, I manage my debt and one child-support payment and this can be a delicate balance. This means that I work for raises, I improve loan distribution, re-do the mortgage to improve rates, carefully plan car upgrades, knock out small loans, forcast, plan, contribute to 401K, etc, etc, etc. And all items that impact the credit score are jealously guarded.

So as you might guess I am not into princesses or walking messes or their sense of entitlement that often goes with both. When it comes to the material aspects of life I've worked hard and I expect the same commitment to your own future across the table. Either create a way to provide for yourself first or go to school to be able to provide for yourself first. Only then can fair turn-taking in a LTR become possible.

So if one takes a year off to write a novel and the other works a little harder, that's fine. But I will not outright support someone who has no reality-check.

Why don't you drink?

Of course, I am open to trying any number of small delights in a glass. It's just that alcohol in excess makes me sick before it ever makes me drunk. Beer has never been an acquired taste but it does not keep me from trying any number of ambers and ales when I go to Ballard with friends. Here's the thing...I'm not a typical guy and I can joke about that. For example, I am not an "experienced" drinker... Apparently when I go out I keep accidentally ordering "chick drinks" and I get corrected by the posse at work (mostly chicks as it happens). I've settled on Long Island ice tea. Yum. I usually only stick to one though.

Are You Normal? Why would you say something like that?

Yes, i call myself normal but I know it's subjective. Some people are offended by normal. For me I think it's a bid to say "Not a lot of issues here, except the typical schitzo guy things like big tv, not asking for directions, etc" all of which can be tempered with gentle feedback from loved ones... :o)

Really I call myself normal because I drift to the center of where both sexes can communicate. Make sense?

Are you gay?

Ha! No. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I was just asked this on a date and I think it was a playfully serious question. I took it in stride. I think I come across chick-like sometimes. What can I say... if I don't find a way to express myself, I'll pop like a tick. I like shopping, I like Sex & the City, I like Frasier, I like girly drinks because they tend to have more fruit in them. Shoot me.

To tell the truth there are many guy things that I simply don't miss--freakish sports fans, badmouthing the ex, one night stands, emotional stunting, beer, etc.

Why do you date? What are you looking for?

I've quit doing overtime and I find myself pretty short on the list of people who'd like to get together--barbeque, hang out, whatever. Having people to share activities with would be great.

If and when it comes down to a woman where the chemistry is starting to happen... I am particular... I like girlish charm! Be funny & caring, thoughtful & associative, patient & wise, centered & balanced, spiritual & creative--not a substance-user or abuser and no "hating" exes. :o)

I've gotten out of an LTR 4 months ago. Let's face it, I have spring fever. Except it's fall. That's why I'd like a date soon with someone who makes my heart race, with a killer smile and beautiful eyes. The right complement to my personal life would just knock me out.

I do take a long time before getting physical and for me that only comes when a LTR seems possible. So, yes, I'd like to date, but I would like to get to know more people too. I'd like to make more *friends*!

Why did you join a dating website?

Dating at work is not an option and I just don't run into that many people. I tried Match.com several years ago and had lots of nightmare first dates and one good one (turned into a nice 6 month relationship, but we were headed in different directions) and after that I got busy with work and went back and finished my Math degree in 2003. Then I got mixed up with an old friend who moved out here to start a new life. Long story but she's on her own now since June. Back now for "dating strangers" part deux.

Match is ok, it's not freakish and I can practice making women laugh from the comfort of my own easy chair. Ok, maybe it is freakish, but at least I try to make friends. And I am getting a lot of writing done. Bah!

Is your girl's age important to you?

No, but attitude is. Sometimes I "wink" at people who are older than me and that is ok by me. When I was 35 I dated a woman for many months who was 48. She was very sweet but waited a long time to tell me she smoked and waited even longer to tell me that she was Jehovah's Witness. I was wondering what was next! I think bottom line that the attitude really makes a difference.

I would date someone considerably younger as well, if the relationship seemed to make sense.

Here's the thing...With thousands of profiles, the search engine filters on some parameters but the eye filters on images. (Yes, I am somewhat visual--shoot me) What is *really* the question is this: What is it that makes me write someone, since I only write a few people? If there is an apparent match on the basics and then an unending supply of things in the profile that sound like ...."good fit"..."good energy" then I will usually smile and wave or make a joke.

What are some turn-offs?

If I talk to someone and I hear the words, "mullet" or "racoon" I start to worry. Exes, separation, custody battles, multiple fathers, roommate are all red flags.

Oddly enough cursing is not a turn on. It does not help me relax and just denegrates both of us. Don't get me wrong, I sprinkle it on sometimes when I have to, but I don't have it with every meal.

What are deal-breakers for you?

Smoking is non-negotiable. All my family members I knew personally who died, died from smoking. If you can't give this up for yourself, or even the ones who love you, then you're on your own. Sorry Dad, if you're reading this, but at least I don't have to kiss you.

Fighting - even non-abusively - purely as a means of expression or release is intolerable to me. If you can't identify and deal with your tensions in a productive fashion then you will find yourself alone in the room. The last woman in my life is now my ex because of this very point. I will not allow that in my life again, not after I screwed up my first marriage because of it. And you can debate me all you want on this one--yes there are inevitable arguments and disagreements--no one gets along perfectly. My point would be, Is it being done healthily and safely? Are you aware at all times what the boundaries are? Do you respect them no matter how mad you get? Do you realize that when you "lose your temper" you are still making choices? The book Violent No More is in my personal library. Everyone should read it.

Drugs - Do I even have to explain this one? You already use, you lose me. You start using, you lose me.

Where do you live? Would you move?

I live in Renton, right by Liberty High School, eight miles south-east of my Factoria work. I like not hitting the interstate in order to go places. If you live far away I will probably get discouraged trying to make the trip to see you.

One relationship I was in was great, but she was 20 miles away in the wrong direction from work and in the end she expected me to move in with her, not the other way around. I have to be up front: for the next few years until my 13 year graduates high school, I am not moving. I hate to admit that my awesome parents are aging. I don't want to be any farther away from them than I already am (30 minute drive).

Having said all that... For the right girl, anything is possible. But I have to consider the entire situation in balance.

How do you pay the mortgage? What kind of learnin' ya done?

<P>I develop technology for wireless internet content. I have a job that bores most everyone I describe it to. I do enjoy my work, but it's not what I'd do if I won the lottery. It stemmed from work getting my Bachelor's of Science in Math Science, Computer Science minor at the University of Washington. It took 18 years to get. Long story, but you'd be impressed. I expanded on English and comparitive history of ideas.

What's your spiritual life like?

I'm protestant, but I haven't attended church in years. I rather wish to get back to it, but I won't make a relationship depend on it one way or the other. We are responsible for our own spirituality.

What are your passions?

Studying film: watch, discuss, criticize (published) and script. If you can not do this with me even a little bit, we're going to have a hard time connecting.

Are you outdoorsy? Take good care of yourself?

Yes, summers more so. Working on that. Hike long and far and up until there's no signal. Then I camp. Yes, I have two ATVs and two bicycles for century rides and cross-country and I take those out often (though more in the summer). I'm a big guy and I'd rather be built like a football player than a football. I am tall, yes, 6'1", but I think this one area of my life where I really feel I have stopped growing. :o)

Do you travel?

Done it, like it, but not doing so much right now. I will do it more when I finish supporting the teenager. Then he can come too and PAY for stuff. Oh dreams. I'd like to arrange to be able to spend a month or two in Costa Rica each year but that's probably a few years off. Costa Rica is hot and beautiful and the remote parts don't have cell coverage!

Do you like Music?

Yes, folk, mostly. I can't carry a tune, BUT I can't carry my CD collection either (too big). My playlist? RadioParadise.com on the web (so folksy quiet alternative--is really my favorite, like Jack Johnson)

Do you like to dance?

Clubbing-No... "full body dry heave set to music" comes to mind. Ask me to hold you and sway to the music.

What are your favorite things?

I've always liked beautiful eyes, dark skin and big smiles. I love Comedy, friends, my kids, Jocko, Superman, hot weather, trees, ... I miss my Grandfather--he would have liked my son.

What do you do to socialize or recharge?

I love live theater (student or pro), going to movies, wandering the markets and street fairs in Seattle, going out for drinks after work with the posse, going to work buddy barbecues, go to the parents lakehouse to swim/hottub/kibbitz, go to comedy clubs, watch DVDs, and catch up on a few favorite TV shows. Weather permitting, I also ATV, bicycle, hike, fish or frisbee.

If my friend set me up with you, what would she warn me about you?

Number One: I have a giant comic book collection (150 boxes). And a giant Lego collection (400 lbs). This doesn't really affect anything--it's just left over online businesses that have gone dormant. They do take up space in the garage and in the office. Unaffected are: the kitchen, living, dining and common areas, the master bedroom, the spare bedroom.

Number Two: I can talk about Movies a lot. I don't have to and I can change the subject, but storytelling is something that I have to express and study. Consequently I have a 62" widescreen TV, HD cable and a shitload of DVDs. The good news is that I can watch any chick flick you throw at me.

Number Three: Most of the women in my life have told me I can talk too much and over-analyze. I have learned to monitor this and I willingly accept feedback, pushback, redirection, whatever, to get onto another subject.

Runner-up annoyances: I snore. Loud.

How come I can't add you as a friend?

80% of my Match and mySpace emails are webcam spammers looking for rubes-DON'T WASTE MY TIME. Be a real person! Write me first and if I know you from somewhere I will definitely add you as a friend.

Random words?

animals, biking, book, chocolate, companionship, cycling, dark brown hair, family, films, fun, funny, healthy, hiking, honest, humor, independent, integrity, intellectual, intelligent, jeans, loving, loyal, outdoors, passionate, rain, reading, Sagittarius, Seattle, silly, tall, theater, thoughtful, travel, walks, writing